.::FARTONOMICS::.

Err..Yeah.I have been bitten by this Schweizerheimweh bug.
[Schweizerheimweh is a word which has something to do with Homesickness, or nostalgia. According to me, it sounds vaguely like Schwarzenegger , who said "I will be back"..just like Old memories. Yesh!! I know..you noticed the similarity, just like me.Right?]

Schweizerheimweh bug is a bug found in the wild; if bitten, you would be thinking about all those golden olden moments, when you are taking your shower and the water is too cold!

This incident happened during my school days. (Again?..Again..)

I think, most of you would have a correct understanding about, how I would be during my school days. Very brilliant, for all wrong reasons. I swear, I was an "outstanding student", literally; so was Enistein and Edison and many other geniuses.

Me and my wing-man, used to sit at the 5th row that is according to the "theory of relativity " first row from the last. (See, how effortlessly, I proved that I am a genius)Yes, because we were err..quiet tall and we don't want to come in between the pygmies and the blackboard.(Which was actually green board.) No matter where we sit, we always have our undivided attention on all the girls in our class.

Most of the time, the heavy subjects were always taught after the lunch break. The scientific explanation would be that, heavy subjects would require more brain power, that means, body would need more calories.So...that's the reason, why we had chemistry, physics classes just after the lunch break.

This incident happened during one such physics class. We were studying about waves. Every wavy figure gets my complete undivided attention. Our physics teacher had drawn a wave figure on the board and I was filling the missing details of those wavy figures in my awesome mind.

Me and my wing-man was at the back seat, solving awesome "tic-tac-toe" problems. You would ask me,
"WHY?SORCY!! Why are you not looking at the chicks?"
Well!! I would tell you why ? because, looking at chicks with physics lecture as background music is pretty depressing, its like watching porn with some Bollywood marriage song as the background music. We get super pissed off...Totally, a HUH! situation.

So we decided to spend time more in a productive way by solving tic-tac-toe. You know, that great minds get bored soo f[beep]ing easy doing the same thing over and over again like a stripper trying to climb on a greased pole..Right? It was not because I lost tic-tac-toe, 5 times in a row with him. My strategy of making him overconfident and then win the game was not working any more.
..
..

WOW!!! We looked at the board and there our physics teacher had drawn one wave on top of another!!
"Situation....partner.We got a situation"




It was like the 69 of waves.
..
..

Didn't I tell you, my wing-man is a quick learner.

My wing-man, who was sitting silently like a possum playing dead, was now behaving like a dog ticked by tics. He was becoming more and more restless. I gave him a look, which he acknowledged by a constipated grimace.

He began moving his table and dragging it; there by making sound waves in the class. His facial expression says "F[beep], There's something wrong with the legs of the table.It's not quiet right".
The whole class was looking at the last row, which means us.

According to our physics teacher, he was making noise in the class.
According to me, he was upto something sinister.
According to him, he was farting, trying to nullify the sound of fart with that of the sound of table moved on the floor.
According to me... I had no where to run. It was not at all environmental friendly. TOXIC!!

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To be successful in life you need to implement what we learned in our classroom, in real life.



We know that sound waves of same frequency can be nullified, but if your fart frequency is on C minor, cover it up with sneezing at a high pitch or laughing out loud.
If still, your frequency supersedes the environmental frequency, act as if "Did you hear that...?","I bet I heard a Tyrannosaurus Rex. or was it Godzilla?"

Now imagine, you are the elevator with a cute chick, and you really..really wanted to sing with the rear end. How will you do it

1)If you have songs on your mobile phone, put a song on speaker mode and try to time your biological song (Song in analog mode)with the digital one.Shake your rear from one side to another for Dolby surround sound effect. I think the girl would be so impressed, when the high pitch reverberate around the walls of the elevator.
She would even say "I loved your ass shaking dance like Sreesanth during cricket match.But the smell was horrible."
Now, if she gives you that look, for that pungent smell and turns blue!!
you can tell her:"WOW!! girl, Did you notice that chemistry between us?"

2) If you are going up the elevator.

• You can press the button to go to the top floor
• FART
• Say "Houston...... We have a lift off..." as the elevator moves up.
  

and the girl who is with you in the elevator will think.."wow!!! I am going to the moon with this awesome astronaut in an elevator booth".
I am sure that, the damsel will be distressed and faint and you'd be there to grab her in your arms

and you'd say " Don't worry, everything will be ok, now you are safe?"

C'mon...don't be shy when she asks you for an autograph...Later!

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"When you are a skunk, you learn 'ow to 'old your breath for a long time."-Pepe Le Pew

STORY OF AIRGUN MURUGAN

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