Wednesday, January 27, 2010

.::BACHELOR LIFE::.


Bachelor, It's God's way of showing, how it would be living in the Garden of Eden. Yes, a bachelor, in his natural habitat, will live life naked, truly innocent and very down to earth [Some even touch earth when living that way, I think its a disease] and close to the nature. He makes use of the natural resources to the maximum.


Google, which I consider the virtual version of real God defines a bachelor as " A person who believes in life, liberty, and the happiness of pursuit."

Most of the time, a bachelor is wrongly classified as "LOOSER".
[Yes!That's what EGO does to Married and suffering people! ]
Remember, bachelor hood is the only time, when you can celebrate Naked Sundays exposing your beer belly and eating potato chips while watching FTV models on the ramp.
VIVA LA BACHELORS!!

Natural Habitat

I told you before that most bachelors live their life, very open, because they are so innocent and has nothing to hide.Their life is like an open book like all great persons. They walk around (mostly inside, as not to scare the neighbor's cat) the home without clothes or minimum clothes because, it is to cut down on washing costs and detergent. I call this living so sensibly. The cloth one bachelor must wear inside his home according to Sorcerer's Code Book is A fluffy soft bathroom Towel, which can be wrapped around the waist.(If you don't have a towel that's big enough; like in the case of this blogger.try and wrap what you can and secure it using safety pins.). The exposed body parts will absorb enough sunlight which contains Vitamin D.

The Walls:

The walls of bedroom should be covered with pictures of Goddesses in Bikini and bra that resembles a band-aid. Something should be covered and left for imagination to avoid disappointment. No?.
Wall should show all your creativity thingies. Your score on Mosquito kills. Wall drawings like foot print of your Puma shoes.[ One day your foot print will become famous like the Neil Amstrong's]
Fractal paintings with ink adds to the beauty of your living space.
A picture of girl in TUTU is a must.

The bed sheet (optional) doubles up as, blanket, towel, cloth spread while ironing clothes. Your bed can be used as chair, dining table, coffee table, book shelf and as kitchen table for having sex.
There should be many movie CD's near your bed. Everything you need should be within hands reach from your bed.
Your pillow should have the name of your latest crush. Though your crush may not be dirty, your pillow sure is. A Naked pillow(Pillow without pillow cover) will match your naked Sunday celebration.

Most of the bachelors prefer to wear jeans or denim as it's scientifically proven that dust and dirt adds glamor to jeans. They are more fashionable and ooh la la..when torn. [ You are extremely lucky if it tears exposing your hairy bum-bum] . or your awesome skinny knees.Wearing matching sock is for people who are scared to take risk.[Har har har to them]

Bachelor clothes has more features than married male's clothes. A bachelors cloth are always clean.(that's just a start what you smell is the horny fragrance of a bachelor)
.

These findings are based on the only test available and affordable for bachelors to test the cloth: "Smell Test"
  • The cloth of a bachelor will become, clean and wearable when left alone for a week.
  • Best way to remove stain is 'licking it'. Comes easy when you scratch it when its dry.
  • The cloth of a bachelor will become, odor less and clean and wearable when there is nothing else to wear.
  • There is no expiry date on jeans. It comes under the range of "Wear it -Forget it" range of clothing.
  • Stains add glamor to t-shirt. There is nothing sexy than ketchup stain on t-shirt.
  • Any stain can be treated with matching sketch pen color to make it blend into the background. If you are creative, make an art out of stain on your cloth drawing legs and eyes on it with marker pens.
  • Deodorant is like your right hand in life.
Now, if you are forced to wash your clothes, by someone whose threat "you can't refuse". Wash it.
It's a simple process if you have a working washing machine.[Add shampoo to washing machines to make lots of bubbles.Apart from fragrance it gives to clothes, its funny to look at when it foams up] .If you don't have a washing machine.Follow these steps
  1. Take water in a bucket
  2. Add sufficient detergent. [Sufficient means, enough detergent to get that fragrant smell].
  3. Put your clothes in the bucket.
  4. Use a long stick to stir the contents of the bucket emulating the washing machine.
  5. Stir for 5 minutes and your cloth is as good as new.
Else if you just want to wash one set of clothes.It's an even simple method.
  • Wear your dirty cloth and take bath in them.This way you can save precious water and also wash the cloth. [Oh!!You are welcome,]
Drying:

A bachelor is smart enough to make use of minimum space required to dry clothes
  • A chair can be used to put your clothes for drying
  • Tube light can be used to dry sock and underwear.
  • Iron bars on the window can be used to put towels, socks, underwear etc.
  • If you want to dry it quick, use microwave oven or iron it.
  • No electricity? Heat the underside of your electric iron using stove.Make sure its just right temperature for cloth and press your awesome cloths.
My awesome blog reader, Sulagna's husband has demonstrated a wonderful way to use space to maximum use.Publishing that pic with permission.


[ A fine example of how Genius Bachelors use Space.]

BACHELORS!! Did you see sheer unadulterated brilliance? Learn from it.

Bathroom Essential:

When nature comes calling, this is the times when some bachelors keep their Ipod down. Bathroom is where most bachelors get their awesome ideas. A bathroom should have SHAMPOO.
Shampoo is a must thing. Toothpaste is okay. Soap should be left open and in a pool of water.This is bachelors way of making liquid soap. Shampoo is your good friend. Shampoo can double up as toothpaste and soap and even as detergent to wash your clothes.[ When you use shampoo as toothpaste.your mouth will taste funny till you have your first coffee.] A bachelor can use his bathroom for as many hours as he wants.Does your toilet have a seat cover? I know you would not have known that it has a seat cover.Don't worry this is one thing that you are supposed to notice only after getting married.

Cooking:

Any bachelor is a born cook. Since a bachelor when married hates to sleep on a couch, he pretends that his wife is a better cook.
Noodles and eggs is a bachelors best friend other than his right hand. Beer is the best staple diet of a bachelor.Beer contains important vitamins and minerals and has H2O
. A bachelor should never refuse a free meal.

General Knowledge:

A bachelor should read news paper and should know which film is running at which theater or multiplex, so that he can avoid that places when with his girl friend. A bachelor should know all the strategic vantage points on his terrace. He should be good friends with the lil cousin and lil brothers of good looking chicks in his locality.
A bachelor should know the phone number of pizza hut and other food outlets which offers home delivery and should be able to say the number even while asleep. You should be able to bullshit about any topic under the sun for hours.
Always start the sentence with "According to me" and end with "Apparently" or "As such".
You should read as many as playboy magazine to understand about global warming in your pants.

Pet:

A bachelor should learn to pet his own hairy leg. Exotic habit of petting pet snake is also appreciated by the bachelor clan.


Drink:

The universal currency of a bachelor is beer. If any bachelor who could say "F[beep] you" on your face, and show the middle finger at you, after getting drunk is fit to drive.
..
..


The advantages of being bachelor are endless. Nobody is gonna ask you "where were you last night"; cuz you "crashed" at your friends place.
You have the right to point at married people and laugh and also roll eyes at their kids.
You can watch gland finales of sports match, undisturbed.
A bachelor should shamelessly flirt...as much as possible so that he won't regret it after the "I do's". coz "I do's" and " I spend" is what he will do the rest of his life.
____________________

According to my awesomeness , a bachelor is like a fire extinguisher filled with gasoline.

but...if you live your life to the full in the Garden of Eden..you will be able to dedicate the rest of your life for some one you love without any regrets...so all the dudes and dudettes go out and make the most of it... marriage is not sacrifice.[Cuz it does not begin with S] .it's the time of your life where you really want to make some one happy shamelessly and selflessly.

__________________________+

42 comments:

санжог said...

ha ha ha ha
HA HA HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

AWEEEESSSHHOOOMEEE

Don't drink and drive...get drunk and then drive...

Nice man....

Sorcerer said...

@sanju
thanks you buddy!
I am soo *sniff *Sniff
this is my Nobel article for my fllow bachelors

Saadi said...

Tht's an awesome definition of Google, man!!! Extremely worthy of quoting! :D

Even better than the band aid bikinis...mosquito killing spree record!!!

Global warming in ur pants...lol, I'm still laughing!!! Damnnnn......Sorcy kills it!!!

Gland finales?! :o

Marriage is not sacrifice cuz it does not begin with S...man, freak'in genius!!! Wotta logic!!

supriya said...

lmao....global warming in ur pants....i'll die laughing with this today....ha ha ha ha...!!! excellent...where does all this come in your mind dude?

NoFaIrYtAlE said...

ROFLMAO!!!!
So so funny!!! :D
Btw, y r guys so obsessed wid girls in tutu?
Still laughing at global warming in pants part!!!!

sulagna said...

sorcy i am sending across a gift with love , since i care about you and your well being..kindly send me your address so the bottle of Dettol reaches you before you rot in your sweat,saliva and everything that begins with S ;)

And about the definition of bachelors..i also came across one..

"a man who lives and practices ,self help is the best help"

Sorcerer said...

@saadi
Thank you thank you my comrade
thankyou for the quoting my awesome geniusnessess

@supriya
hmm..where does it come from.
6th corner of 5th vertebrae

@nofairytale
ha ha..err..you know.. Girls in tutu is the finest thing since man invented fire!

Sorcerer said...

@sulagna
Err..yeah Sex begins with S too
Dettol? whts it for? is it rich in alcohol content?
nice definition.world needs more geniuses like you

NoFaIrYtAlE said...

so u wld rather have a girl in tutu than in bikini?

subu.ps said...

Man u r making me miss my bachelor life. truly awesome post!! LOLL

Sorcerer said...

@nofairytale
both chalega..i gotta keep the options open .no?

@subu.ps
haha.
Houston...we got a bachleor on negative orbit..
haha

NoFaIrYtAlE said...

lol..rite :)

NoFaIrYtAlE said...

lol..rite :)

Sorcerer said...

@nofairytale
:)

Uncommon Sense said...

marriaqge is not sacrifice because it doesnt beging with S.. thts genuius dear..

yeh laughing at married people is fun

DiDo said...

lollll soczz... i;m gonna show this to my frds...i'm sure they'l enjoyy it ...awesomee post

Jon said...

this is great! Ha!

I especially like the attention paid to personal hygiene and washing clothes... information of use to all bachelors for sure

Quirky said...

rofl @ global warming in pants!!!!!!!!

Hilarious!

N did I read the last para right?! Frm Sorcy?!! *Faints*

- QuirkFaint

Neethu said...

Ah!the 'infinite' commands for 'bachelorhood'!

Barbie Jones said...

Are you sure you are not talking about the way of living of a bachelorette here,Sore See Rare?

Dame Folle said...

Umm...about the pic. If he's married, how can he be called a bachelor?

Maybe I didn't get it right....

(Sorry about not being more regular Sorcy!)

SindhuBhairavi said...

You are crazy!! but i enjoyed reading it!! :) who taught u to wash clothes.. ? bayangara ideas thanne!!

The Bald Guy said...

ROFL! I'm still laughing dude!

Has to be your best post ever!

:P

Megha said...

all thats definitly a fireestinguisher with gasoline...

haha...and shampoo as toothpaste ?..
God...I can't imagine how the space looks like....

Queenmatrai said...

Whats with the sudden fascination for tutus on blogosphere :)

And it might be a good idea to RINSE after the stiring of clothes :)

Sorcerer said...

@queenmatrai
haha...TUTU..its nice thing to talk about..its good to talk about nice things

@megha
haha..thank you
yeah shampoo as toothpaste..try it

@thebaldguy
thank you..I hope you are enjoying your limited edition bachelorhood these days.

@sindhubhairavi
"necessity is the mother of all screwups"
appo athookke angine padichu

@dame
but before marriage he was a bachelor. no?
he is using his bachelor skills

@barbie
long time no see..where you been?
haha..so its the same with single woman too..wow!! vry happy to know

@neethu
yay!! long live bachelors

@quirky
Yeah!! yooooo..hearrrrd it riggghhttt

@jon
yeah..we bachelors are very concerned about personal hygeine

@dido
thank you for that awesome service you are gonna do to bachelor friends

@uncommonsense
yeah!! we rwak..we bachelors rwak
thank you for appreciating my awesome geniuness

Pratik Gupta said...

Noodles and eggs is a bachelors best friend other than his right hand.....NICE!!!! :D

Sorcerer said...

@pratik
long time..no see
thanks for the comment

Four Dinners said...

eh? Can't be right! I'm married and I live like that!

Pratik Gupta said...

yeah man...just roaming around in life and stuck with some shit....BTW i can see ur 1 post a day mission is still on track...great work man!!

Sorcerer said...

@four dinners
Wow!! Please enlighten us about how to do that.
awesome!

@pratik Gupta
thank you dude.. thanks for the comment and visiting here often.

Sorcerer said...

@four dinners
Wow!! Please enlighten us about how to do that.
awesome!

@pratik Gupta
thank you dude.. thanks for the comment and visiting here often.

Insignia said...

Hahahahaha...It was really really entertaining Sorcerer. And thanks for that wonderful insight :-P

Barbie Jones said...

*"Where have you been?"What an original a pick up line!How'd know I have been waiting to hear it "all my adult life?"You hit the right spot every time dude,lol.

Sorcerer said...

@insignia
thank you for the comment

Farila said...

After reading your post I am horrified of death thinking my son will be living like that as a bachelor.. eeeeekkkkkksssss

Sorcerer said...

@farilla
haha... awesome.no?
haha..
thanks for the visit and the comment

Me said...

oh oh! the last line brought tears to my eyes...

Sorcerer said...

@me
*hands her a tissue paper

Meenakshi said...

yikes!! so that proves it -bachelors are worse than spinsters.

Sorcy, so thankful for the last few lines. It pulled me back into my emotional fairy tale (I was thinking of reconsidering marriage - would have looked of an option where I need not have to marry a bachelor. How about marrying a married man..hmm..)But yeah, the last line were awesome, and soooo unexpected from the evil grin master - sorcerer :)

Sorcerer said...

@meenakshi
thank you
*hands her tissue paper

Anonymous said...

Ha ha ha pretty funny your article, let me tell you that bachelor's life is as fabulous as look on Viagra Online