Monday, January 4, 2010

.:: PICK UP LINES ::.


Everyone, comes across such "situation" in errr..situations, where you really want to go and talk to a pretty girl, whom you are seeing for the first time in a mall or a pub or a swimming pool,but you really don't know where to begin. (Not, not that "where" to begin thingy!). I have come across individuals, well!! including me, highly intelligent (Har har har,*snort), ,who had done quiet well, in their studies,(that would be excluding me, I had better things to do, like saving the world etc etc, rather than sit with a book, of which 90% of knowledge I acquire, I will never use in my life time and the rest 10% is... *sigh), but don't know how to ....ya know, get that initial 'thingy' to talk to a girl.

Imagine this situation, like you are sitting in a pub, sipping on 'slippery nipples'.[ Okay! That, my friend is name of a cocktail.Alright! Don't let your imagination wander and rape a mail box],with your friend, who is having a 'monkey gland' and you see, a pretty girl in the pub, your heart begins to race, and you get that prehistoric gut feeling that she is the peanut butter, you have been waiting for to make your sandwich of love.

The moment you see that girl, you see pink pigeons flying around your head, your eyes watch every movement she makes in ultra slow motion.Your mouth goes dry, something goes soft, something goes hard, your hands begin to sweat, and you start talking aloud to your friend who is sitting 9 inches(internet standards= 6 inches) away from you, about your oncoming trip to Canary Islands on your private jet, to get her attention. But Nada, zilch, nothing happens.
..
..

She knows that she is attractive and sits on a high stool, with her 'Fuzzy Navel'. She is listening to the guy, loud and clear,5/5.She begins to think that. "Whatta maroon! Whatta ignoranimus!". That boy's got a mouth like a cannon, always shootin' off. WIth every sip she takes of her cocktail, she thinks that " *sigh, that guy with the private jet is gonna come and talk to me".
but , zilch, nada, shoonyu, nothing happens.

..
..

Yeah!! according to my awesome statistics, 99.67% of people talk like porky pig, when talking to a girl for first time.They go something like ..the-the-the-th-is.


[ Porky Pig]


"M-m-m-m-m-mee-men from Mars!!!"
"P-p-p-p-p-p-et-t-tunia, w-w-w-will you m-m-m-m-m-m-marry m-m-m-me?"
..
..

That's why man invented 'Pick up lines'. According to unclassified history documents, prehistoric men used 'pick up lines' to lure prehistoric woman. Its believed that man invented pick up lines long before the invention of fire. Now we have GOOGLE, the God of All things. Finding a pickup line is easy, but..implementation..that's the difficult task.
..
..
Let us see, how we can survive that part.

If you are a very spiritual guy, who believes in this coincidence that God and Google start with letter 'G'.
Say your prayers, promise some candles or coconuts depending up on what your religious practice is. Well In case you believe me, I accept Paypal and credit cards. [Since cheque leaf is made out of rubber trees, they have a habit of bouncing, so I don't accept cheques].
Be confident, approach the girl and say the following prayers...errr..lines
I am giving you options.

1)
"I had this vision and.. then..God told me to come and talk to you."
I am sure..she will go..OMG!!

2)
"Hey!! you just got your divine appointment.[ Don't forget to wink]

3)
"Can I have my rib back?" [ NOTE: To be said to a lady]

4)
This one is kinda tricky.
Follow this format

You: Whats 1+1?
Girl: 2!! Duh!!
You: "He who gives a right answer kisses the lips."(Proverbs 24:26)
Don't just walk back, after you said this, keep the conversation going.

5)
Say this standing a few feet away from her, sideways(to save the delicate thingies)
"You think "ask, and it shall be given you" is to be taken literally?

..

..

Now the lines for the endangered Species(IT Professionals)

1)
Does your name end in .jpg? Cuz, I think I have seen cute faces ending in .jpg's over the internet.
Hope she doesn't say..I ended up as MMS or .3gp. In such case, ask her for the file host.(and email me the link)

2)
This one is more of action than words. See!! Action speaks louder than words!!

Throw a peanut at her and Wait for a "ping" response.
If she decides to 'flood' you with 'pings'. Log off from the pub

3)
This one is really a naughty one.
"Can I mount my server on your rack?"

4)
"You had me at "Hello world"; [ Remember the movie "Jerry Maguire (1996)"]

5)
This one is also a naughty one,
You turned on my Caps lock!! Hope you got my drift.

6)
"Hmm..Can you handle my exceptions?"

7)
This one is so simple.
"Your home page or mine?"

8)
This one is human equivalent to "will you marry me?"
"Will you be my extension pack for life"

..
..

I am not leaving out the common people, who wants a a pick up line. When you try pickup lines, the situation has to match your 'situation'.

If its a rainy day and the sky is all cloudy, you can go to the girl, you been 'eye balling' and say "wow, you got beautiful eyes. No wonder the sky is gray, cuz you have all the blueness of the sky in your eyes."
Make sure that she don't run off before finishing this sentence. So better "corner" her, before you start saying this line.

If its a HOT summer, you can approach a girl and say "Is your name summer, cuz its soo hot".
"Is your name spring, cuz your hair looks springy springy" won't work with a girl having curly hair.

This one is extreme, which goes with extreme weather condition like tornado. If your city is under tornado threat, and if you happen to meet insane girl who still didn't evacuate the town ; this may work;
"Let's make love like a windscreen in tornado, all night."

..
..

Now, if she runs off say this like Pepe Le Pew: "Come back darling, golden violet! I will unshy you! You are just insecure. All you need is a little occupational therapy, like making love!"


__________________________+


43 comments:

Neethu said...

Ahem..err..interesting
btw cocktail can have such crazy names? and here's me thinking that screwdriver was wierd enough:O

Sorcerer said...

@neethu
they have really weird names.

these were some of em

*Shreya* said...

i agree on that cocktail thingy! yup!

BTW its such a coincidence!!! me was in college today...and this guy with probably ZERO knowledge in 'pick up lines' walks upto me like THREE TIMES (in the same day) and goes like "Hey! i think i know you...don't i?" :|

AND...the third time, with me almost wanting to cry mindfuckingmurder, he goes like "Hey! why don't you try lenses...cause you got beautiful eyes..." and runs away :|

I WANTED TO SCREAM and throw a tree at him.

You should get this post published in a newspaper...for everybody to read :)

Sorcerer said...

@shreya

He could be the 'guinea' pig of some 'love adviser'.

muahahahaha!!
NJoy!! such moments

and blog about it

COMMUNI said...

cool post !!

Pesto Sauce said...

Thats weird pik-up lines

I too get currents upon seeing generators nearby but never tried to pick up anyone

Chocolate Lover said...

Haha!
as usual sorcy
awesome! :))

Uncommon Sense said...

i liked the "i had a vision wala line"

funny as always

Quirky said...

Lol..Sorcy you gonna get clobbered by the ladies for unleashing those pickup lines onto the world!!!

Yemiledu said...

funny...

санжог said...

That was buttery nipples, not slippery ROFLMAO, but i think it might just get you a girl or may be not.

Here are few I picked up along the way although they are available on the internet too.

Learn these well boys:
---------------------------------------
Guy at the bar to a girl: Do you know how to dance?

Girl: yeah, sure

Guy: then why don't you go and dance, I want to talk to your friend.

NUTS:
------------------------------------

Did you just fart, coz you just blew me away.
-------------------------------------
Are your parents ammunition experts, coz you are a bomb.
------------------------------------
God was just showing off when he made you.
-----------------------------------
important: "Save me, I am drowning in your eyes."
------------------------------------
Some one call 911 your ass is on fire
-------------------------------------
Shut up and kiss me
-------------------------------------
stop dancing, my heart is skipping beats
________________________________________
I am an accountant and your figure adds up
________________________________________

BEST ONE
Your eyes remind me of my grandma....and your face is just like my future daughter!!
--------------------------------------

Bullshee said...

Ha ha ha!! I might just use some of those...been needing some for ma gamE!!

tristarfivestar said...

im soo soryy i dont want to insult you but never use pick up lines!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! never.............just go over and talk to the person say hi and say can i join you .. then talk...... i should know cuz i have 2 sisters grew up with them ,, spent 95% of my life with them..... and heard all the girly talks every since i was born.... from what i know.. dont use pick up lines!!!!!!!!! crack a joke.. but no pick up lines.

Rishi said...

hate to disappoint your post but for me.. "Hey / Hi" always worked well...

few honest compliments here and there and the conversation started well..

Sid said...

Dude...ur posts continue to amaze, u cross whacky each time :)

Loved this 1 2

KrystalKitty. said...

Lol *"Can I mount my server on your rack?".What a question!

I liked it yesteday when this dude when leaving with a friend backtracked asked me and a lady I was talking to to minister to him.That to me was an exciting man,doing this at the spur of the moment like that,he did the unexpected,he's different from other men and so he got my attention.I can just see him racing to go out and then quite suddenly taking 3 steps back looking in my direction and saying the words I longed to hear.

SindhuBhairavi said...

valare valare nannayirikkunnu!! :) !!!!!

The Idiot Blogs said...

Dear Gorcerer,

How can I thank you enough. What would you like as an offering of blogging God of pheeka(p) lines...

Delightful post mate... Your blog is FUN...

And on another note... I recommend you issue a warning to those who take you advise and go on to compliment women on beautiful eyes... I have heard men go up to women and say

"Your eyes are so beautiful... so beautiful... they even attract each other"

Now this has proven to be fatal and women have been known to kill those who think that they have a squint...

HAPPY NEW YEAR

sm said...

cool post

Karthik said...

Fantastic, Sorcy, yet again!
Loved it to the core.

Chhaya said...

hahahaha

:D

loved reading this. and that number 3 was fab (can i have my rib back)... :D imagine the girl not understanding the Adam/Eve/Bible reference and replying - _Bt i am a vegetarian_

hahahaha

:D

PS: thank u for the comment @ my blog :)
imfollowing u now

garima82 said...

you forgot to add a warning/disclaimer thingie to the post... like 'try at your own risk' or 'all these 'stunts' have been performed by professionals so you better be cautious' and all...

koi maar kha k aaya toh tumhe dhoondega :P

Oxymoron said...

funny as usual....the caps lock one was really whacky...your consistency really amazes me.....and thanx for dropping by...

mantiz said...

I've been having visions of Rack-mounted Servers all day after reading this.. think I'll have to run autoexec.bat again...

damn you sorcy, there goes my new year resolution down the drain! :@

Ode Writer said...

Wonderfully hilarious !

Hopefully no one will actually take ur advice and try these gems out... if they do, well God Bless them!!... hehehhe

so, Mr. God of One-Liners, did any one of these actually work on u?

p.s: u ppl do drink wierd named stuff :P

Sakshi said...

Finally found you...!!! :)
Thanks for dropping by on my blog. And, you are one crazy crazy fellow. I have not read this kinda crazy post in a loooong time (There was a time when my bf used to write crazy things, like this before he turned a tech geek writer)
Awesome...!!! Btw- how many have you tried yourself? and what does your experiment say?

Sorcerer said...

@communi
thank you for the comment

@pesto sauce
thank you :)

@chocolate lover
thanks for the visit every day and the comments

@uncommonsense
hm...I know you are 'spiritual'.

:)

@quirky
hmm..see thats the problem with saying the truth..you see..

@yemiledu
:)
thanks for the comment

@sanjog
hmm..yeah!buttery nipple slippery nipple. all ppl need is the drink!
*muaahahahaha

@bullshee
no worries mate..try em and send me an email.
make sure that you try it standing quiet a few feets away!!

@tristarfivestar
well, I believe in this theory of Hi, hello!! personally, but this pickuplines was for a blog post. but its fun you see..

@rishi
yeah, that works well. hi is a n excellent pickup line

@sid
thank you for the comment. I will try to cross the whacky limit everytime :)

@krystalkitty
thanks:)
yeah!! but it takes a lil while to understand what a rack is and server is..

@sindhuBhairavi
thank you for the comment.
nanni, nalla namaskaram.

@theidiorblogs
thank you for the comment and the upGrade

@sm
thank you for the comment

@karthik
hey! dude..thanks for visiting the blog and posting the comment

@chhaya
thank you for the comment and yeah..for following me :)

@garima
yeah..warning.
these are quiet harmless.
aint they?

@oxymoron
hey!! really, when I wrote it I was wondering how many will get the drift.
:)
thanks for understanding that line
and the comment

@mantiz
lol!!!
Roflmao
man!! thanks for that awesome comment

@odewriter
nope..I really dont try anything on myself.
i believe in democracy..
Pickuplines to the people..
:)
see,,how unselfish I am

@sakshi
thank you for finding me.
I was kinda lost. you see..
Personally, I havent tried anything. But I try it with some of my friends and they give me this really weird look.(not the extreme ones, I gotta restecpa them. no?)

My experiment succeeded when I get the weird look. or a whacky laugh complete with *snort *snort

Megha said...

LOL....funny as always :) really liked this ine...even the comments are funny...

theschmuck said...

those are coctails?!LOL are cocktails called COCKTAILS for a reason?lolEnjoyed it.Bring'em on!

Sorcerer said...

@megha
thank you for the comment

@theschmuck
thanks for the comment

Me said...

C.O.O.L
and my alltime favourite is

" be different.say yes"

well thats after getting down on one's knee.

divyaiyer said...

"Is your name spring, cuz your hair looks springy springy"

Seriously????! OMG, if someone ever falls for this one, that would be a cue to escape! Actually, it can be used as a screening line, instead of a pick-up line!

Hilarious post! And Happy new year to you! :)

Sorcerer said...

@divyaier
thank you for visiting my blog and commenting :)

@Me
thanks for the comment
:)

Pratik Gupta said...

"prehistoric gut feeling that she is the peanut butter, you have been waiting for to make your sandwich of love" - My fav!!

Sorcerer said...

@pratik
thank you for dropping by and commeting

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raghav said...

sheer awesomenes.........i just happened to hit ur blog and ended up spending more than an hour here.......u rock

Barbie Jones said...

You get my attention with the first pick up line,but you better not be lying.

Anonymous said...

I can speak much on this theme.

pick up lines for girls said...

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