Saturday, January 16, 2010

.::FOR DUMMIES 4::.

Yes!! Another myth buster chapter (buster and chapter rhymes, Mister!!), from Sorcerer. It's alright, I know you are gonna say "Oh My Gwad!!Thank you Sorcerer!!". As always; You are welcome. I have enough space for thank yous and I keep em safe in an empty Horlicks bottle inside my beeg heart.



For those who are wondering, about the horlicks bottle; It's an Indian tradition to keep things dry and away from ants; by keeping things in empty bottles.
____________________

"Sorcy's Fables- Simplified for dummies" - 4th naked universal truth.[ No strings attached, not even g-strings]
____________________

Let me take you to the bedroom of this
cute hot chick.[ Guys!! No!! you don't have to close the door and windows. You know that I will disappoint you in the end; as always!!.]. You can see all her dresses piled up on the bed.[ooohh....]. She is standing in front of the mirror, after her shower .Nope!! She is not mm......meditating or saying some hymn..She is actually, swearing at this moment, in a lower frequency.

Let us see, what she is doing in her bedroom.
Ooh!!! she is dressing up for her date on a beautiful Saturday evening. She is confused, still. She has been confused from the moment her boy friend said to her "Let's go for a movie on Saturday.".

She was confused,she is confused, she will be confused about "What to wear?".

"All this won't have happened, if the apple was not eaten. And top of it there's mobiles with cams! huh!! I have to wear something." She thinks, innocently.

Yes!! that's the reason why you are seeing all her dress piled up on the bed.

Now she is matching everything!! The top with the skirt. She looks at her footwear in the corner!
"hmmm.... "
Yes!! you guessed it wrong!! Is she experiencing the infinite loop?
NO!!!!! She is not.

In reality, her brain cells are working like the FBI Mainframe computers that compares fingerprint image with those in the database.
Her brain is comparing
all the possible combination of colors that could go with her top and her skirt and her footwear and her eyelashes and her lip color and her nail polish and her wrist band and her watch strap and her makeup base and her fancy belt and her tan.
(Yes!! I have left some few parameters,I don't want to get caught in infinite loop of parameters. har har har!!)

The end result is something that's personal and customized for her. For easiness let's call such an end result a "Style configuration". This configuration is expected to drain the color out of other her's and fill those hers with permanent green color, from head to toe.

I think in reality, if such a decision has to be made by a computer, that computer would restart 250 times(Actually!! beating Sanjog's computer's daily record). I think we would need to bridge half a dozen weather forecasting machines to achieve the said result of a "HER" brain.

shhhhh!!! She is dressing up.

She is taming her hair. It looks kinda good now. She says a prayer to the Wind God; just in case!!
She wears the ear ring, which was presented to her by her boy friend Saju on her birthday.

It seems like she has done with her, dressing up thingy.

She confirms it by turning in front of the
mirror a dozen times. She does that till her rotations nullifies with that of the rotation of earth.
She takes the bottles. Now she is preparing the pheromone configuration to smell different. A cocktail of perfumes. Her boy friend is suppose
d to lock on to that smell like a puppy locked on to the smell of an electric pole.

She is "good to go."
..
..

Let me take you to the bedroom of her boy
friend, Saju.
WHAT!!!! He is still sleeping?
Yes! He knows that her girl friend, will take at least the time eq
uivalent of Rahul Dravid scoring a century in test cricket. That means many good hours of sleep.

His phone rings.

Her:Where are you?

Him:Are you ready? I will come and pick you up i
n 20 minutes.
[Counter Strike]

He keeps the phone.
20 minutes is more than he needed to get up, get dressed, have a cup of coffee and then get on his bike and reach at her home.


When a guy says, 10 minutes to dress up, we don't save time
by cutting down on bare necessities; meaning, though we believe in the freedom of movement, we don't cut down our dressing up time by not wearing underwear.

He smells his t shirt. Not smelling funny!! wears it

Jeans are supposed to have that "Awesome Musk Smell".So no issues.

Hair... Comb it with the hands. Jump up and down once.This jumping up and down is to let the gravity do its work- Done.

Socks.. He digs his hand into the pile of clothes and come up with matching colored socks!! Then its his lucky day!! It's gonna be a cool date. He thinks that, that's how the universe is speaking to him, through omens. If it's different colored socks!! Whu-caressss!!!

Shoes: Wow!! Rwaking!Rough and Tough look with mud and all!! It's a statement to the rest of the guys that "Mess with me and you bite mud."

AXE deo spray., tho
ugh the advertisement is seriously misleading. A dab of cool smelling aftershave all over the t-shirt and neck and face, in the belief that musk smell will get her unbutton her shirt, which actually is a urban myth .

He is "Good to go"
..
..


Now as the guy and the girl meets a
nother guy and a girl on the road.

[ The picture depicts, what happen when two guys meet]
When two guys meet, we guys do a normal 'normal' check routine. The end result being."Hi, How are you?"
[ The picture depicts, what happen when two girls meet]
When two girls meet, the girls do an extended check routine, which checks for a minimum of x parameters on the other girl.

Hair: Check

Pendant: Check

Watch:Check

I conclude by saying etc.etc.

____________________

Now!! the time for the naked truth No 4:A girl dresses up for another girl; not for a guy, in contrary to the popular belief, that is.
____________________

EDIT: 5:53 PM 16- January-2009
We got a confession from Shail:(Not actually a confession..But I made it that way! Feeling good. no. Guys?)
She says "Girls dress for other girls and girls notice how other girls are dressed. Truth. Period. :)
Now seriously if you were to ask me what my husband or anu f his friends wore to the last party I'd be nonplussed. Ask me about my girl friends, I just might know."

Hence Proved!!!
[All I need was one 'approval'. *strikes a winning pose]

____________________

One of the knowledgeble friend of mine who could count till infinity in descending order once remarked "Is wannabe a halloween costume"- Dewdrops
I quote this in homage to "Those Girls" as stated by in comments.

__________________________+

44 comments:

Neethu said...

lol...funny pic...n funny post;)
but i really don't quite agree with ur last statement.

Sorcerer said...

@neethu

thats my next post!!
"girls don't really agree with the last statements"

Rishi said...

damn... Naked truth is so naked..

Quirky said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Quirky said...

'Lol'ed at so many places, so not gonna list! Spl mention for the pics! - Ur Bgf

(C this is what happens when you make 'cannot be refused' offers to people. They take it seriously and before you know it, will embarrass you in public..he ha ha ha ha. Now your turn to faint and maybe come running and cancel the agreement..;) )

shail said...

Girls dress for other girls and girls notice how other girls are dressed. Truth. Period. :)
Now seriously if you were to ask me what my husband or anu f his friends wore to the last party I'd be nonplussed. Ask me about my girl friends, I just might know.

BTW, I don't agree with the boys taking 20 minutes to get ready! Stuff and nonsense. They pirouette in front of the mirror more than any girl does. They have to peep into every car/bike mirror and adjust their hair by running their hands through it trying their best to make it unobtrusive! Haha!! Those who have eyes can see of course! :P Even a bald man does that! ;)

Sorcerer said...

@Quirky

ggaa.ggaaa...goo goo..
*gulp
*grabs a glass of water ,swallows it.
Okay!!
*takes a few deep deep breathes

Okay!!Okay!!

Hi Bgf
Its alright about the embarassment. I mean..I am soo used to it.
cancel the agreement..No way!!

ps: You forgot the "with love "part before the "Ur Bgf part"
___

@comment deleted
thank you for the comment

@Rishi
hmm.yeah!! right!! true

Sorcerer said...

@shail
* when I speak..I speak for the man kind( yeah ..I just made it up)

We plead not guilty.
yes!! Maggi is 2 minutes..for us men to dress up its 20 minutes.
We look into car mirror/bike mirror, to make us look "presentable" with you people.
You dont want us to look bad when we are with you..
See.>how much we cares for you people.
very charming situation. no?

Saurabh Panshikar said...

haha! Lol at the pic of the topless gals checking each other out... (does no one else realise that they are topless?)

hmmmmmmmm bgf / bbf!!!!

All for a bike ride? (without the braking???)
*faints imagining the boredom!

Quirkyz gotta change her name to QuirkFaint!

*Shreya* said...

true to quite an extent :P
okay, true to all extents :P

but, you are like stereotyping girls :( like, i don't ever dare match all colours !!!! and believe me girls stick to fashion/whats in more than age old belief of girls-need-to-match-colours theory :)

girls of THOSE types can get annoying, very :)
conventional and annoying :)


LOVED the picture...:)

shail said...

Wowie! You quote me!! :P I hope no one throws rotten tomatoes at me!! ;))

...and typos to boot! :P

Sorcerer said...

@sau
aaaha!!! expert eyes..you are now watching.."Stick" figure porno. (if you got my drift..say har har har and snort twice)

yeah thats a new post opening at quirky's blog.I got placed.
errr..bike ride without breaking..
see..theres this naturally tendency to sit closer when you are "not doing braking and going at 100+"

Physics man..sheer unaltered physics..physics or psychology..err..what ever.

Yeah!! and I agree on the last thing.
QuirkFaint.

Bgf ya Bqf?
let me toss a coin

Sorcerer said...

@shreya
yeah!! one of my knowledgeble friend once said..
"is wanna be a halloween costume?

I agree with your statement for "Those types"

Sorcerer said...

@shail
dont worry!! this place is a veg free zone.so no rotten tomato and veg eggs.

Quirky said...

@SP: Wow what a 'checker-out' of stick figures you are SP. ;)
And QuirkFaint..ahem *Looks for something to hit him with*

@Sorcy: *Searches for a clause in the agreement that says - Thou shall not make fun of thy bgf on thy blog/blog comments! Doesn't find. Shrugs. Walks away* ;)

Saurabh Panshikar said...

@Sorcy
har har har snort snort!
Only wicked humor penetrates my mind... the goody goody clean type just float thru!
I hope its a 'bike' ride! Coz a scooty pep won't do 100+ even if going downhill! lol

*imagines the two on a scooty pep and falls down laughing!
*gets up, looks around and shouts "I'm OKAY!"

@QuirkFaint
You can hit me with a 'stick' just make sure you use the right side!
then maybe I'l #faint!

Chocolate Lover said...

LOL!

Jaunty anima said...

U eat, drink and breathe sarcasm, don't u?

санжог said...

@sp

Man, why would you want to go 100+ if a pretty girl is with you. What do you want to do...drop her home quickly??



I think sorcy has already got the pink bicycle in his mind!!

Saurabh Panshikar said...

@Sanjog
No Sir... I'd rather the bike got punctured... I'd prefer to walk her home!

Its Sorcy's idea to go 100+ so that his bgf may cling to him like rust to steel!

@Sorcy
Did you learn that Sarcasm has a new emoticon now?

http://mashable.com/2010/01/15/sarcmark/

Saurabh Panshikar said...

@Sanjog
Ahem Ahem! Is someone hinting that someone else is pretty?

Meenakshi said...

girls do notice other girls. there's so much to see and observe..the accessories, the attire, the way they carry themselves, the way they keep their hair, the body language and so on n on.. wats thr to see in a guy??

Sakshi said...

ALRIGHT!!!
WHO THE HELL SAYS THAT BOYS TAKE 20 MINs to get dressed... no they take an hour too. That is the reason that there are specially for men saloons also.
Yeah, so, girls have no choice but to dress for girls, because boyfriends often oh no, they NEVER notice the effort that the girls put in to get dressed. Someone has to do the noticing you see.

And, and anyways men don like girls with their clothes on.

So this argument is pretty blaise.

paramveer said...

ohhh my gowwdD!!.....who is the mad enough to write such theories!!...ahha...
i just copies pasted last conclusion part and sent it to all my friends in the form of alphanumaric characters of mximum size=160...;)....n i know the another naked truth that mostly girl will get in egony and respond back me back!...hahahha....."boys ko apni bajwaney m itna maja ni ata" ;)

became ur fan..pehli nazar mein...:P :D

Oxymoron said...

lol....the pics are just too much....indeed girls do dress for other girls...it's like some sort of a competition....but you make everything sound so ridiculos.....you are truly the master of sarcasm..

Uncommon Sense said...

girls dressing for girls, yeh i knew tht before

- Sugar Cube - said...

Lol! Funny post!
And that pic is like omg! :D How true :P

Not that girls dress for other girls..but there's no way a girl wldn't check out what the other girl is wearing :P Its kind of our default habit :D

Sorcerer said...

@quirky
hmm..Seasoned H.R you are..Always looking for rules and clauses.

Chalo us phool ke peeche chalthey hey aur clauses discuss karthey hey!!

(Mallu Hindi!! Please excuse)

@sp
har har har *snort *snort
oye!!
clinging like rust on iron.
i loved that metaphor
hahahaha

@chocolate lover
hey!!thanks for the comment

@jaunty anima
yeah!! I am the Brand ambassafdor of sarcasm.and My EX Gf didnt know that..poor thing.you see.

@sanjog
shhh.... pink bicycle..my foot!

@sau
sarcasm emoticon?
I want to patent it.

@meenakshi
whats there in a guy to see, you ask?

har har har

6 pack abs
8 pack abs
biceps
triceps
beard

@sakshi
hmm...I think I need to copy paste that comment to Shayon.
Effort a irl put in getting dressed?
Har Har Har...Snort Snort
Are the egyptian mummies, actually girls who ... suffocated themeslves, without knowing how to wear a saree..
nice effort though.

and about men liking, girls without clothes on.. its..becuase..we like things natural.. we are soo..eco friendly people.

@paramveer
thank you my friend..
you will be my election campaigner..for my cynical ways to take over the world
:) cheers

@oxymoron
thank you soo much for the comment and appreciating my art..
:)
yeah I am the da vinci of sarcasm.

@uncommonsense
you knew that.!! yeah!! i read your blog..i know you understand a lot about girls.
i take a cue or 2 from your blog..actually

@sugarcube
that would be another way of saying it.

Quirky said...

@Sorcy: &$&*! Pink bicycle?! Koi discussion nahi hoga (Same rotten mallu Hindi ;) ). You are fired.. pink slip instead of pink bicycle!

Sorcerer said...

@quirky
Are!! i didnt tell about pink bicyle.its that shameless guy Sanjog.

Fired?
*Dodges it like in Matrix.

Queenmatrai said...

She has a bf called Saju???
WTF?

Sorcerer said...

@queen
yeah!! I can kill him if I want..See..an author has all the right to murder characters in his blog post!

theschmuck said...

I do agree with your last statement.There,now you have something to think about and some research what percent of girls agree with the last statement and how much don't:P
Laughed all the way!

Sorcerer said...

@theschmuck

thanks for the comment
thats a research material? wow!! I think I opened up a new arena.

funkyrave said...

Haha!! Lol! awesome.. great analogies :-) and damn true!! Universally true! I can truly vouch for the guy's story.and no one needs to vouch for girls!:-)

Sorcerer said...

@funkyrave
thank you buddy for the comment
yeah.thanks for supporting my cause

farh said...

:o
wow

Yemiledu said...

Did not knew a gal has to check so many parameters... :~\
your post reflects how hard a gals life is :~(

buzzzzzzzzz... said...

LMAO >>>>so true!!
where did al dat gyaan cum frm???

$$ said...

Hilarious read and also the cartoon strips at the end! :)

Cheers! :)

Sorcerer said...

@far
Thank you Fiona

@yemiledu
see..we understand..
:)

@buzzzz

Observation...Sheer unaltered observation of female species

@$$
thank you :)

Me said...

sorcy.. sad sad.. u didn exaggerate a wee bit this time.. :D :D

Sorcerer said...

@me
hahaha!!! Sarcasmmmmmmmmm....dreeeepping..Dreeeeppping like the leak in the mullapperiyar dam

smitzy said...

sorcy, the more I read your theories, the more I realise, there IS a higher power in this universe who has sent you among our midst to enlighten us at every step of the way :D :P

May you your streak of awesomeness never end!