Friday, January 22, 2010

.::DIA MIRZA::.


Why did I title this blog post as Dia Mirza.

Because, this post "revolves" around Dia Mirza and an angil(Read:Uncle)

Ps:In this post you will come across a lot of Mallu defined terms, "Angil "should be understood as Uncle through out this post.


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Let us name the Hero of this story as Arun. A typical amchi local mallu guy(Keralite), His angil(Don't ask me who his uncle is, everyone who is elder in any family, other than own parent , is uncle/angil for a mallu.The males are called angil/ungil/unkil and the females are called aunty/aundy/aanty.)

Please..don't roll your beautiful eyes, I know truth hurts, but that's the way we mallu's are in simblifying things.

A typical conversation you could hear, if you are in Kerala

Guy 1: Who is that?
Guy 2: That's my angil.
Guy 1: And the other one.
Guy 2: That too is my other angil.

Not only this, when small kids don't eat their food, their n00b mom (n00b mom is when she has recently gave birth to her first child and is like a woman who has got a new microwave oven with lots of buttons, and not sure which buttons to press; I mean, learning to operate the kid and all)

Typical n00b mom will carry kid in her a arms and come out of her home, show the kid ,birds and flowers and trick the unsuspecting kid to eat more than it can chew.(It's actually a training for the kids for his later stage of his life to chew on entrance classes for Engineering/medical+guitar classes+Math tution+etc.etc)

Now, when the kid refuses to eat food and shakes his head, you can hear the n00b mom point to any stranger walking by and say to the kid "Eat it or I will give food to that angil". On hearing this, a typical mallu kid, aspiring to become an N.R.I and settle in Gelf(read:Gulf)after his studies, gobbles up the food. Call it mallu instinct.

Let us take another example of a girl talking to her mom, on how some angils helped her reach home when she lost her way.

"This angil saw me crying, in the bus stand, then came towards me with the other angil.They both asked me where my home was.I told them that my home is near a bearded angil's home. Then they asked my dad's name.On hearing my dad's name they said
"Oh! you are dotter(read :Daughter) of Satheesh Angil?"
I said yes. Then these angils, helped me reach my home. "Nice angils.Thank you angils."

What I meant to say it, you will hear the ungil word, when you are in kerala.
and about auntys.
Most of you guys will know Shakeela aunty. (The brand ambassador of soft porn from Kerala). Just do a simple 'image' search in GOOGLE. Type in Mallu and guess who pops up!!

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My awesome blog post also has an angil. A highly suspecting angil believes in the teachings of Carl Marx and Lenin; and calls me a shameless bureaucrat, because I don't wear red undies.

Well, he is not related to my family anyway, but if he is angil of Arun, he is our angil in general.(that means all of kerala on a macro level)

Why do I call him suspecting angil? Because he suspects us of anything;Thank God that he didn't blame Tsunami and Gelf war on us. When I say us, it means me and a few others, who always strive hard to make our world a better place.

Arun, was given a mobail (Read:Mobile) phone, when one of his angil came from Gelf. I asked him who this generous angil was. I was curious because, this angil from Gelf, gave us all lots of chocolates(HE GAVE US GUYS!!!! CHOCOLATES) which I suspect is given free by the airlines.

The kids gathered around the briefcase which he has brought from Gelf. He opened it and lots of soaps, more chocolates, spray(read:Deodorant) fell out of his briefcase. For a moment, I thought exactly the way you would think when you are in such a situation.

Arun was happy to get his mobail phone. He had written many emails to his angil in Gelf to bring him a mobail phone. He was like a 15 year old who got a love letter from his 13 year old girl friend when he got his phone.

Later that evening, we didn't see him, as he was doing his research on which telecom operator should he use for his mobail phone. Poor thing doesn't know that, which ever mobile operator you choose, you will never get a descent signal when you really want one.
With in a day, he had got new mobail connection. Next thing he did was upload as many wall paper as he can and ring tones into his mobile phone.
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You should know that, these so called angils in many mallu homes are like CIA agents. Appears when you least expect them to appear. I think if there is an award for 'being in the wrong place at the wrong time/right time' He should be our proud winner.
Whenever we are at the shopping mall, we can see him pop up at the same shopping floor just like the windows pop up messages which you get while watching porn on media player,telling that "You have performed an illegal operation."

Also these angils are given privileges to shamelessly put their head into any family issues and create more mess. These angils are very old artifacts, most of them would require a sticker saying "Angil..handle with care..", or "This side up..yours".
You would ask me, why do you allow them to give their suggestions? Well!! It's believed that their intelligence level gets better as they grow old., which is actually a myth. In reality most of them can't even get either of their heads up in situations..

There are these really old angils who could only speak..shh....shh....yeah kinda like the old bicycle pump. They too get to say their decisions in family issues.
In kerala, we have a saying "too many angils spoiled the brewery."

I said all these to understand that, Angils are actually, kinda powerful figures, diplomatically in a Mallu family.
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Arun's angil, used to say that "mobail phones" will make the kids bad. He always says that old way of using pigeon is best way to get message across. He believes in power to the people. Government can provide every one with a pigeon and people won't even have to pay for postage stamp.I know you will ask about them pooping.Right? Every pigeon is state property, so pigeon can poop any where in any state(pun intended).

When Arun got his mobail phone, he could communicate with any of us anytime. He used to rechrge his mobile for 50 INR and then call us all and ask us whether we had dinner and what do we think about the weather etc. He even tells us the cricket scores, though we are watching the same match on T.V.

Arun's angil suspected that, he is calling some GIRL every night. In reality, we know that he don't have anyone to call and if he ever feel like speaking to a girl, he would dial the customer care and ask the girl "how can I send text messages." and ask all sorts of technical questions to the girl. It is evident from his dialed list that he only calls to a few of us, who cares to pick his call and most of the calls would be made to the customer care.(Poor Thing. No?)

One day, we were having lunch at his home. His mom had made payasam, which is actually, why I didn't turn down the offer for a free lunch.(yay!! slurp..slurp) . His angil walks into the dining room. He sees that Arun has kept his phone on the dining table.

Angil picks up the phone, sees the picture of DIA MIRZA (A famous Bollywood Actress) , as it was the wall paper on his phone. Angil goes into that Kathi vesham in Kathakali.

Angil:So!! This is the girl who you are talking to every night?

DIA MIRZA? We really wanted to laugh out loud, but since we are taught not to laugh at elderly and dumb or both. Also, Arun's mom was more payasam for us; we didn't want to make her feel bad, laughing at her elder relative.

Arun:No Angil!

His answer was discarded as angil was under the impression that 'These Guys will never say the truth."
Angil gave him back the mobile phone.Angil still was not satisfied with the answer. He was giving us all the questioning look.
His next question will get another Dumbass award!!

Angil: Nair girl?

I really, couldn't control my laughter anymore.I grabbed my dish containing payasam and ran outside.I was followed by the rest of the team.

Angil thought that, we ran outside cuz; he had "FOUND OUT" about it

Angil:How long you know this girl?

Arun:Everyone knows her.

Angil:OHO!! "Everyone " knows her.Then how come I don't know her.
[Me too wondering angil]


Arun:Angil its Dia Mirz
.

Angil:Dia Amirsha?What? You mean she is NOT NAIR?


Arun:Ayyoo..Angil,She is into acting.

Angil:An Acting Girl?

Arun:She is not my lover and I am not loving her.


Angil:See!! Don't try to fool me.I can see with both my eyes.I hear you talking to her every night, in English.I always has an eye on you.
[yeah!!Angil, we can also see, only.]

Arun:That is, when I call customer care.

Angil:Oh! She has a customer care?Which bank does she work with?

Arun:MOM!!! Tell him mom!
[Poor guy!! Asking for the help of his mom to help him from this situation]

Angil:Oho!! So your mom knows too?
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Arun:Mom!!! you could have helped me before the argument.

Arun's mom: I was really enjoying the way your uncle questioned you.

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Later, Arun comes out to join us after, having his 'lunch'.

We could read from his face "I have never met such a dumb angil before."

__________________________+


47 comments:

anishthomas said...

poor guy...can imagine the torture he is gonna face in near future by U guys :)
Loved the one liner of his mom
Between sorci , what u(and your friends) were doing there...u guys could have spiced up the entire stuff more

Sorcerer said...

@anishthomas
yeah!! we could have..but this guy his angil was having a choleric temper..veruthe ayalude muscle pidippichu vallathum sambhavichal ...avarem thookki pidichu Hospital lilekku odendi varum.

NoFaIrYtAlE said...

wow...who hit u on ur head nw? ;)
awesome post..luved it! :)

Sorcerer said...

@nofairytale
haha..noone..these angils..you see!

NoFaIrYtAlE said...

hw nyc 2 put it all on ur angils...i guess they'll b proud of u :p

Sorcerer said...

@nofairytale
*gulp
By the way..they have classified me as a rebel!!
*sigh!!

NoFaIrYtAlE said...

u cnt call 'em dumd aftr dt classification...dey r ryt.. :D

NoFaIrYtAlE said...

*Dumb...

SindhuBhairavi said...

:)new microwave with buttons!! ..

angils and mobail.. :)ellam nannayirikkunnu.. very well described! Loved reading it!

Quirky said...

I was going rotfl over that kathi vesham pic!

Funny idioto very funny :)

Vamsi said...

@ sorcy,

dia mirza ? she is very beautiful !

cheers !

Chocolate Lover said...

hahahaha!
poor guy :P
LOL

Vamsi said...

@ chocolate lover,

from your profile i understand, that your biggerst fear is loosing your closed ones.

let there by fear in your life.

oops ! ... sorry !

cheers !

Sakshi said...

This WAS dumb. Totally!!! How can you read the news paper and not know about who Diya Mirza is?
I thought Mallu's read a lot of newspaper...!!!

Quirky said...

@ Sakshi: Lol..Sakshi, it happens sometimes. Our ungles do read the newspapers but stick to reading about 'Comrades'!

Vamsi said...

wow !

cheers !

Wicked Witch of the West said...

Hahaha. And yes, along lines of what Sakshi said, aren't you guys supposed to be the smartest...the teachers everywhere? Hmm?

Very good. I am taking this all as research for when I 'hit' Kerala in October :D

Swetha Guptha said...

ha ha very funny!! The angils seem to be very understanding ;)

Meenakshi said...

gelf obsessed sorcy again. :)

and hey i hv been in kerala for the past 5-6 years, y isn't life easy for me? I mean why can't i call everyone uncle (angil) or aunty?? i always found it harder on mallu terms with kochachhan, chittapan, valyachan, muthachan, appachi, ammavan, ammayi, maema, maami, maman..and what not??

and there always are a handful to remember whos who..

poor Arun..

Vamsi said...

@ meenakshi,

i would advise, all those who are getting "troubled" by me, to pay a visit to the Guruvayur Temple in Kerala ... so that the "troubles" that i give them, will be washed away.

Jai Shri Krishna.

Cheers !

supriya said...

oh sorcerer....!!! what writing dude..!!! I am still my laughing my ass offff....!!
:D
PS-had to follow your blog... :)

Sid said...

Dia Mirza and Shakeela in a blog post... how i wish they switched roles for just 1 movie :)

Four Dinners said...

I need to return when I am sober...like tomorrow morning....

too much voddy...no idea...back in't morning...

Uncommon Sense said...

awesomely hilarious... simbly super post, awesomely entertaining stupid ungil..

Renu said...

Lol:) at gelf,angles and aundys. they are like that everywhere.

Queenmatrai said...

1. You need to narate this out loud and put it on youtube.
2. Then send me the link

This line did it for me :
Arun:She is not my lover and I am not loving her.

susie said...

Angil:Dia Amirsha?What? You mean she is NOT NAIR?

hehahahhaha.. :P

Shimmer said...

Haaahaha!! that was one dumb ungil :P


poor guy!! haahaha!. i was wndering why this article was named dia mirza and no mention of her even as i read half way past.

a good read ! :D

санжог said...

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

Saucer ungil, my teacher's yel yum yel(LML) wond stard.

MAN this...was nice

I am not her lover, she does not love me!!
that line seems like a song.

buzzzzzzzzz... said...

OMG!! ..angil...lolz lolz lolz... i cnt stop lolllin.........

Sorcerer said...

@buzz
buzzz..with the Buzzzz.... nice to see you here...thanks for the visit and the comment..

@sanjog
thank you comrade!!

@shimmer
yeah.it was named so to keep the interest and suspense..

@susie
ungils..you see

@queenmatrai
errr...narrate loud..n Tube?

hmm..lemme try..

@renu
yeah..you said it..

@uncommon sense
haha..hope you had your share of incidents with Angils in kerala

@four dinners
yes , sir!! thank you for the comment

@sid
*Sigh
me too

@supriya
thanks for the ocmment and following my blog

@meenakshi
gelf obseed?
haha...nooooway..iam obsessed with de world gelf


@swetha guptha
angils.aare always "under"standing

@WWW
Yeah!! we are smartest..but most of the time..these old people never care to update themselves with whats happening in BOLLYWOOD.they would be busy reading..politics and all things else except.. Chicks and films..

@quirky
thank you for the comment

@sakshi
actually, you ask them antying about politics or policies they can debate on you with that..
the..thing with them is that..they don't have much info on films and filmstars..other than a few Mallu actors
so... hope you got my drift

@chocolate lover
thank you for the comment

@vamsi
yeah she is cute

@SindhuBhairavi
thank you for the comment

@nofairytale.
they say..they are always right..but we differ!

theschmuck said...

That is one scary angil!

Sorcerer said...

@the schmuck
muahaha!
most of them are harmless!
wont bite

Megha said...

haha...hilarious :)

Sorcerer said...

@megha
thanks for the comment!

Meenakshi said...

@sorcy : world gelf??

@Vamsi : troubled by you?? how?? anyways I wouldn't need troubles to go visit Guruvayoor..

Jai Shree Krishna to you too :)

Rishi said...

wadda post

Ashley said...

ROFL!!!! :D :D
I loved this to bits...
You see..I have heard this "Angle" Or "Angil" before...Oh! How I hate hearing the English language being brutally murdered...Thank you ..Oh! Thank you! for this post...You have for sure made my day! :)

PS: Which angils are worrying you Sorcy? Whatever brought about this post? :)

Sorcerer said...

@ashley
hey!!long time..no seee
haha..english is not murdered...errr...tortured would be the correct word

No angils worrying me. haha.. the classified me rebel.so no worries at all on that line.

@rishi
thank you for the comment

@meenakshi
world gelf?
gelf world?
errr

shail said...

....and I have never laughed so much inmy life!!! Hahahahahaha!! That was too good. Kerala abounds in Angils and Aantys!! ;)

I have used the word Mallu in a couple of posts of mine and you should see some of the searches that land at my page! rotflol.

shail said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
shail said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
shail said...

ooops pls delete the extra comments Sorcerer!

Sorcerer said...

@shail
thank you for the visit and following my blog

Yes!! as requested..repeated comments are deleted.
:)

Farila said...

LOL.. totally enjoyed your blog. It is amazing how you actually write in the Mallu English. Grew up with lot of them as neighbours and you really made me crack up with your writing.
I have to come back to check out few more of your blogs...

Sorcerer said...

@farila
thank you for the visit and the comment

Neethu said...

hehe..funny..
btw..u too r an 'ungil' remember?:P