.::DIA MIRZA::.

Why did I title this blog post as Dia Mirza.

Because, this post "revolves" around Dia Mirza and an angil(Read:Uncle)

Ps:In this post you will come across a lot of Mallu defined terms, "Angil "should be understood as Uncle through out this post.

..
..
Let us name the Hero of this story as Arun. A typical amchi local mallu guy(Keralite), His angil(Don't ask me who his uncle is, everyone who is elder in any family, other than own parent , is uncle/angil for a mallu.The males are called angil/ungil/unkil and the females are called aunty/aundy/aanty.)

Please..don't roll your beautiful eyes, I know truth hurts, but that's the way we mallu's are in simblifying things.

A typical conversation you could hear, if you are in Kerala

Guy 1: Who is that?
Guy 2: That's my angil.
Guy 1: And the other one.
Guy 2: That too is my other angil.

Not only this, when small kids don't eat their food, their n00b mom (n00b mom is when she has recently gave birth to her first child and is like a woman who has got a new microwave oven with lots of buttons, and not sure which buttons to press; I mean, learning to operate the kid and all)

Typical n00b mom will carry kid in her a arms and come out of her home, show the kid ,birds and flowers and trick the unsuspecting kid to eat more than it can chew.(It's actually a training for the kids for his later stage of his life to chew on entrance classes for Engineering/medical+guitar classes+Math tution+etc.etc)

Now, when the kid refuses to eat food and shakes his head, you can hear the n00b mom point to any stranger walking by and say to the kid "Eat it or I will give food to that angil". On hearing this, a typical mallu kid, aspiring to become an N.R.I and settle in Gelf(read:Gulf)after his studies, gobbles up the food. Call it mallu instinct.

Let us take another example of a girl talking to her mom, on how some angils helped her reach home when she lost her way.

"This angil saw me crying, in the bus stand, then came towards me with the other angil.They both asked me where my home was.I told them that my home is near a bearded angil's home. Then they asked my dad's name.On hearing my dad's name they said
"Oh! you are dotter(read :Daughter) of Satheesh Angil?"
I said yes. Then these angils, helped me reach my home. "Nice angils.Thank you angils."

What I meant to say it, you will hear the ungil word, when you are in kerala.
and about auntys.
Most of you guys will know Shakeela aunty. (The brand ambassador of soft porn from Kerala). Just do a simple 'image' search in GOOGLE. Type in Mallu and guess who pops up!!

..
..
My awesome blog post also has an angil. A highly suspecting angil believes in the teachings of Carl Marx and Lenin; and calls me a shameless bureaucrat, because I don't wear red undies.

Well, he is not related to my family anyway, but if he is angil of Arun, he is our angil in general.(that means all of kerala on a macro level)

Why do I call him suspecting angil? Because he suspects us of anything;Thank God that he didn't blame Tsunami and Gelf war on us. When I say us, it means me and a few others, who always strive hard to make our world a better place.

Arun, was given a mobail (Read:Mobile) phone, when one of his angil came from Gelf. I asked him who this generous angil was. I was curious because, this angil from Gelf, gave us all lots of chocolates(HE GAVE US GUYS!!!! CHOCOLATES) which I suspect is given free by the airlines.

The kids gathered around the briefcase which he has brought from Gelf. He opened it and lots of soaps, more chocolates, spray(read:Deodorant) fell out of his briefcase. For a moment, I thought exactly the way you would think when you are in such a situation.

Arun was happy to get his mobail phone. He had written many emails to his angil in Gelf to bring him a mobail phone. He was like a 15 year old who got a love letter from his 13 year old girl friend when he got his phone.

Later that evening, we didn't see him, as he was doing his research on which telecom operator should he use for his mobail phone. Poor thing doesn't know that, which ever mobile operator you choose, you will never get a descent signal when you really want one.
With in a day, he had got new mobail connection. Next thing he did was upload as many wall paper as he can and ring tones into his mobile phone.

..
..

You should know that, these so called angils in many mallu homes are like CIA agents. Appears when you least expect them to appear. I think if there is an award for 'being in the wrong place at the wrong time/right time' He should be our proud winner.
Whenever we are at the shopping mall, we can see him pop up at the same shopping floor just like the windows pop up messages which you get while watching porn on media player,telling that "You have performed an illegal operation."

Also these angils are given privileges to shamelessly put their head into any family issues and create more mess. These angils are very old artifacts, most of them would require a sticker saying "Angil..handle with care..", or "This side up..yours".
You would ask me, why do you allow them to give their suggestions? Well!! It's believed that their intelligence level gets better as they grow old., which is actually a myth. In reality most of them can't even get either of their heads up in situations..

There are these really old angils who could only speak..shh....shh....yeah kinda like the old bicycle pump. They too get to say their decisions in family issues.
In kerala, we have a saying "too many angils spoiled the brewery."

I said all these to understand that, Angils are actually, kinda powerful figures, diplomatically in a Mallu family.
..
..

Arun's angil, used to say that "mobail phones" will make the kids bad. He always says that old way of using pigeon is best way to get message across. He believes in power to the people. Government can provide every one with a pigeon and people won't even have to pay for postage stamp.I know you will ask about them pooping.Right? Every pigeon is state property, so pigeon can poop any where in any state(pun intended).

When Arun got his mobail phone, he could communicate with any of us anytime. He used to rechrge his mobile for 50 INR and then call us all and ask us whether we had dinner and what do we think about the weather etc. He even tells us the cricket scores, though we are watching the same match on T.V.

Arun's angil suspected that, he is calling some GIRL every night. In reality, we know that he don't have anyone to call and if he ever feel like speaking to a girl, he would dial the customer care and ask the girl "how can I send text messages." and ask all sorts of technical questions to the girl. It is evident from his dialed list that he only calls to a few of us, who cares to pick his call and most of the calls would be made to the customer care.(Poor Thing. No?)

One day, we were having lunch at his home. His mom had made payasam, which is actually, why I didn't turn down the offer for a free lunch.(yay!! slurp..slurp) . His angil walks into the dining room. He sees that Arun has kept his phone on the dining table.

Angil picks up the phone, sees the picture of DIA MIRZA (A famous Bollywood Actress) , as it was the wall paper on his phone. Angil goes into that Kathi vesham in Kathakali.

Angil:So!! This is the girl who you are talking to every night?

DIA MIRZA? We really wanted to laugh out loud, but since we are taught not to laugh at elderly and dumb or both. Also, Arun's mom was more payasam for us; we didn't want to make her feel bad, laughing at her elder relative.

Arun:No Angil!

His answer was discarded as angil was under the impression that 'These Guys will never say the truth."
Angil gave him back the mobile phone.Angil still was not satisfied with the answer. He was giving us all the questioning look.
His next question will get another Dumbass award!!

Angil: Nair girl?

I really, couldn't control my laughter anymore.I grabbed my dish containing payasam and ran outside.I was followed by the rest of the team.

Angil thought that, we ran outside cuz; he had "FOUND OUT" about it

Angil:How long you know this girl?

Arun:Everyone knows her.

Angil:OHO!! "Everyone " knows her.Then how come I don't know her.
[Me too wondering angil]

Arun:Angil its Dia Mirz.

Angil:Dia Amirsha?What? You mean she is NOT NAIR?

Arun:Ayyoo..Angil,She is into acting.

Angil:An Acting Girl?

Arun:She is not my lover and I am not loving her.


Angil:See!! Don't try to fool me.I can see with both my eyes.I hear you talking to her every night, in English.I always has an eye on you.
[yeah!!Angil, we can also see, only.]

Arun:That is, when I call customer care.

Angil:Oh! She has a customer care?Which bank does she work with?

Arun:MOM!!! Tell him mom!
[Poor guy!! Asking for the help of his mom to help him from this situation]

Angil:Oho!! So your mom knows too?
..
..

Arun:Mom!!! you could have helped me before the argument.

Arun's mom: I was really enjoying the way your uncle questioned you.
..
..

Later, Arun comes out to join us after, having his 'lunch'.

We could read from his face "I have never met such a dumb angil before."

__________________________+