.:: FINAL TAG 2009 ::.

Do you know what else comes from China other than plastic toys and mobile phones?
The Answer is TAGS!!!
Yeah! This tag is made China in, This side up. That side down.

This tag is known as "The lucky Chinese tag". Thank you Chocolate Lover for tagging me.
This would be the last tag for this year.

There's a rumor that this tag breengs goood lauck!

8 TV shows I like to watch:

1. BBC Click online.
2. Future Weapons
3. Frontier Alaska Game
4. Storm Chasers
5. Looney Tunes show
6. Video Zonkers
7. Extreme Engineering
8. Survivorman

8 favorite place to eat and drink:
1. Cafe Coffee day
2. Random outlet in Transit Mall.
3. McDonald
4. K.Eff.C
5. On a beach, eat and drink,watching ze chicks playing beach volleyball.
6. Any random Mallu restaurant.
7. Subway
8. Yo China!!

My Motto on food is " Foosa hungry. Foosa eat: Foosa ooh! Foosa aah! "

8 things I look forward to:
1. Bug more and more unsuspecting victims
2. Improve my whistling skills.I'd become a professional whistler. I'm pretty fantastic right now, but I would do it professionally like King Julian.
3. Climb ze walls without the help of vodka and ladder
4. Improve my Russian Skeels and Spaneesh skills, other than just Senorita and Gracias.
5. Swat flies with left hand make a successful kill.
6. Blog almost everyday, well!! try and carry on the momentum
7. learn to go invisible
8. Take over the world and , push my own ideology on them, even if the world didn't want it.

8 Things that happened yesterday:
1. Took some nice snaps of..*ooohh..laa..laaa
2. Went to temple after a looong break.
3. Updated the blog.har har har *snort
4. Gave threats to cousin. Poor kid!! It was soo fun, anyway.
5. Saw awesome fireworks.
6. Killed mosquitoes, that too in the dark.Aweshome!!!
7. Learned that, there are no much 'awesome' books in the Public Library.[ My Home town]
8. Watched T.V till 3 in the morning i.e. Today.

8 Things I love about winter:
1. Fog Lights
2. Gives the impression that everyone is smoking cigarette.
3. Coffee..Hot Coffee.
4. Dew Drops on leaves.
5. Chilled wind.
6. Flu
7. Sneezing
8. Cold...brrr...shower.

8 things on my wishlist:
1. World Peace
2. A red Ferrari, with a house around it, with pool and chicks in bikinis in It.
3. Acres and Acres of land on moon. I will trade oil for moon minerals with the Americans.
4. Oil wells in Brunei.
5. Vodka wells in Kerala.[ This year, Kerala Govt, made a billion plus in US Dollars on beverages sale]
6. Acres and Acres of potato chips
7. A yatch
8. A telecom company. *sigh

8 things 'am passionate about:
1. Blogging
2. Bugging
3. Music
4. Driving
5. Trekking
6. Games
7. Fish and chicken
8. *yawn

8 words/phrase I often use:
1. Fcuk
2. Aye Aye!!
3. Roger!
4. Buaaha
5. Maha Biatch [ eg: The remote control is behaving like a Maha Biatch.]
6. Shameless
7. Comrade
8. aha!!

8 things I learnt fom the past:
1. Banging ball on the wall will make it dirty
2. Its survival of the dumbest, not the fittest!! Reverse Darwinism in progress.
3. Internet has come of age, over the internet 6 inches is 9 inches.
4. If you don't have a cat, you can pet your hairy leg.
5. "Screaming Orgasm" is name of a cocktail.
6. In Indian erotica(Stories), the neighbor lady is always hot and horny, her husband always old and weak, and is always away on vacation. [Har har har *snort]
7. A sensitive mind won't stand being picked on.[Buaahahaa]
8. When life gives you a lemon, its time to get the vodka out!!

8 places I would love to go/visit/see:
1. Russia
2.Venice 3.Antartica
4.Amazon jungles.[ Humba bumba bumba le]
5.Rio de Genero
6.Gelf [read gulf] to see camels
7. U.S.A
8. Paris

8 things I currently want/need:
1. Band aid.[ When the caution say: "Sharp Edges"; They mean it]
2. Carbonated drink [ to suffocate rioters in ze stomach; the rebels are winning :( ]
3. A graphics card
4. Enlightenment
5. A duct tape, to adorn on a certain someone who is singing aloud.
6. Hot cup of coffee.
7. A good sound track of Bent-Match Box 20.
8. 2 more people, not for threesome, for playing Caroms.

8 people I want to tag:
1. Sanjog
2. DD
3. Angel
4. Samm
5. Susie
6. Vampy
7. Far
8. Jaycee
____________________

We had this awesome festival , at a temple near my home. I didn't know that mom was actually standing behind me in the crowd.

Mom:Hmm.. The girl in blue skirt?

Me [Startled]: aha! Actually, I was not looking at "blue skirt".

Mom: I know, you were looking at her "high" heels.

Me: Err..Yeah! [*phew]

Mom:Hmm..Haha..Shes not wearing any.
[ Giving me one of "those smiles"]
____________________

Now, I want you to meet , the show stealer, the *Ooh La la..I took the snaps of


:::

He is Mangalamkunnu Ramachandran(The Elephant). He is Cool. no?

__________________________+

< NEW YEAR BROADCAST >

Today, I comes into my blog and what do I see.....

My followers thingy have covered a milestone. Yes 100 plus, it is.

When I was the 100^th follower, of a famous US Blogger, I got a special edification.(Read about it here) from Allie.

According to the theory named "Butterfly effect", I have to edify my 100^th follower. It's one way to a perfect round figure. (100 has 2 round figures i.e "0" ].

Ladies and gentlemen
[Drum Roll]
[Camera Flashes]
[moojik]

Me is the 100^th follower of my blog. Well!! not me, but Me. [Strange language English is]

____________________

New year is round the corner, hardly a corner anymore. This is time when we look back[ A break from looking at the "back"], at all the sins and good things we did the previous year and say "Andale! Andale! Arriba! Arriba! Yii-hah!". Then we make resolutions which we never intent to follow.

My wingman, maha rishi maha bloggi sri sri Sanjog broadcast a message to all of us(ECF Comrades), which I am sharing with you all.

Dear Idiots,

This is my major broadcast to all you dim-wits, and some of whom I know wear their t-shirts inside out. I just want to say that you all are lunatic, and belong to mental asylum. May be there isn't one where you all would be accepted any way.

I cannot write it in words, but I know you dim-wits are reading between the lines. I LOVE YOU ALL, and miss you a lot too. In 2009 we did some crazy ass shit, and It was one of the best times of my life.

Without you misfits, I wouldn't be able to categorize myself among being a successful person. But I tell you what, I am a proud SON OF A BITCH, and I am proud of the friendship that we all share.

Without you idiots i wouldn't have had all that I have.Nothing can tear us apart except a pretty girl in a tutu.
Have a freaky new year, and don't drink and drive.
First get drunk and then drive.

Regards,

Fellow Insane,
TeaCeeyeSh mental asylum inmate.

____________________

This, awesome letter prompted me to write a letter to my inmates and also my blog readers, who come to my blog to watch me running into walls. [ I am so touched ].
So here I go..

'Ello, baby. [ What do ya expect from me, other than lurrrve]

For those who don't know from whom this message is coming from, permit me to introduce myself, My name is ze Sorcerer, commander of the Armies of the ECF, General of the TeaCeeyeSh, loyal servant to the true emperor, Holy Juggie. fadah to a commune, husband to a Compaq laptop. And I will have my graphics card, in this year or the next.

2009, is zipping past us like Ferrari in the Monte Carlo Formula 1 Circuit. Fellow mates, we have done crazy shit, but since we are all skunks, we've learned 'ow to 'old our breath for a long time.Good no, in shit? There, was misunderstandings and how we hoped the miss was actually above standing wearing a micro mini.Dashing, no?
Like the old saying, bird of the same feather wait for ze car to poop together on it, we have 'ffectively used our teamwork skill to create more shit. Strong will, are we not?

In ze coming year, we should have more ECF meets in ze Transit Mall. Let us see, how much longer we can sit there,with just one coca cola, without bein royally thrown out. Yeah!! Team, lets break our own record of 3 hours and 45 Minutes. Juggie, in the year 2010, I want to put all my autographed coca cola cups on ebay. It's for charity. I am hungry, you see.

My Comrades, you people are the reason why, the world is tilted on its axis. It's God's way to, protect our delicate heads from the extreme rays of ze sun. Without you, I would be constantly in touch with the reality, thus getting my rightful place in some mucky mental asylum, with nurses, past their expiry date. Thank you for pointing that gun on to my head (Oh the funny theengs those fellows do to me!)and making me take the red pill. Now I see, pink elephants with Rakhi Savant, wearing fluorescent yellow polka bikini. Romantic, no?With out you all, I would feel like a peace without pigeons.

2009 has been the year where my blogging actually, picked up its pace. I thank all my fellow bloggers and my blog followers to continue their support in the coming year. Your comments actually helped me a lot, in perfecting my blogging thingy.

May ze coming years, breeng more prosperity into our lives. May us be blessed by ze 'eaven!. Ay Caramba!.For all you pink pigeons in love, May Zee cabbage of your love NOT run away from you zee corn-beef. May you all find everything, you are searching for even withoud ze lights.

Vive la republique of Tea Cee yeSh.
Vive la republique of blogosphere.

Let us all stay together here like sandwich with peanut butter.

Regards,
Sorcerer

Signed


I R geniass.

Ps:* TeaCeeyeSh is not in anyway related to T.C.S

__________________________+

< A MALLU GIRL >

There are three characters in this incident.

1)Me
2)My Conscious
3)A Mallu Chick

*sigh

That day I was returning home. The Volvo, in which I was traveling, moved at an incredible speed of 9 inches an hour, standard speed in Bangalore traffic. Time moved, slooooooooooooooooowly. very sloooooooooooooooowly. I was coming after a so called "brain storming" session and my mind was completely nada, zilch, nothing, void. That means, nothing to introspect and retrospect. I had slept through most of the so called "Brain Storming" session and even sleep avoided me like, what people do to a sim card without validity.
The only entertainment was to look at chicks, through the glass paneled window, then imagine that, its a safari through the Miami Beach. Observation, that is.
..
..

The bus made an unscheduled stop, that means a "90% probability" of a girl boarding the bus.
[ Yeah! I was bad at math, but then I did a 360 on it.]
My calculation was based on this 'scientifically proven observation':

If it was a guy, who had waved at the bus, I would have reached the next traffic signal in t-30 seconds. The driver would actually, put all his skill in evasive maneuver, like a skilled pilot, negotiating the traffic, to avoid the guy from boarding the bus.

Yes, I was right. A hot chick boarded the bus. Femme Fatale..Ayyyy...Caramba.
..
..

She was standing near me. Gave me one of "those looks."

My Conscious:"Hey!! Are you kinda checkin me out?" [Dhoom Movie Ishtyle]

I gave her a smile.

She: Can ..you..

Yeah!! I can, I moved my bag from the seat next to me, freeing that seat for her.
See..I can read minds, you see

Me [Thinking]: Darn!! What was I thinking!!

Time moved slowly, like a Volvo in Bangalore traffic.

..
..

She: Excuse me, Could you tell me when we reach near the Forum Mall.

My Conscious: Don't faint now. She is talking to you.

Me: Yeah! err..I will.

[Silence]

She: I am kinda new to this place.

My Conscious: You are not gonna say to her, you know all movie theaters. Are you?

Me:Okay! No problem. I am getting down at the same place.

My Conscious: And...Don't give her a guided tour of the place. Tour De Bangalore..Like..That thing you see..is the blue bus.We have three errr..5..err..6 kinds of buses in Bangalore..

[Silence]

My Conscious: You aint gonna talk to her?Ask her name, sun sign, fave color, things and go "Wow!!Me too"?

Me:We usually have heavy traffic, in these parts, especially errr..almost at all times.

She:Hmm... Are you an IT professional?

My Conscious:See, you opened your mouth and she knows, what you are.

Me:Yeah! I am.

She: I came to Bangalore for a job and today I had an interview, never knew it could take this long.

Me:Hmm.. How was the interview?

She: Awww..It was terrible.

My Conscious: There goes your chance to say "CONGRATS!! " and shake hands.

Me:oh! Sorry to hear that.

My Conscious:Wanna hold her hands and comfort her?

[Silence]

She:I don't know, It's my first time.

My Conscious:Sorcy!!Give her a wink and say "There is always a first time. !!"

Me:Aha! So you are a fresher.

She:Yeah! I did my studies in Saudi Arabia..

My Conscious: GELF(Read: Gulf)!! Mallu?SHE COULD BE A MALLU SORC!!! They have more Mallus in Gelf than Camels. Haven't you read the McKinsey?

Me: That's nice. So you are basically from..

She: Kerala, but then again, I have never been in India for long, except for vacations. Most of my days were in Saudi.

My Conscious: Thats the way!! uh uha! uh uha!! I laiiiiik it..uh uh!! uh uha!!.
My Conscious: Tell her that "Wow!! Me too!!"

Me: Where in Kerala are you from?

She:Cochin!

My Conscious: Where in Cochin are you from? Girl: Cochin Junction.

She: And you are from..

Me:Well, I am from O********.

My Conscious:See, She is not even surprised, when you said you are a Mallu. Its written all over your face.Muaahahahahahaha.C'mon doc, EVOLVE ME!

She:Oh! the place where they shoot all films.

Me: Yeah!

She:I love that place.Amazing it is.

My Conscious: *sigh!!

[Silence]

Me: Yeah. Which company's interview did you attend today?

She: A[CENSORED]

Me: oh! cool!

She:The server failed to record some thing, I did retake it. Still it conked.

Me: That must be the final rounds, there's chance they could get back to you, if the other rounds were fine.

My Conscious:Zandu balm Zandu balm pida-hari balm.. Sardi Sardard Peeda ko pal me duur kare....Zandu Balm...Zandu Balm.

She: I don't know, the questions were quiet, good.

Me:aha!!

She: like..They asked me about laws in India and how do I feel about it.

Me:and...

She:I said, rules should be more stricter like in Saudi. Ya know like cutting off hands of people, who steal etc.

Me:You said that..

She:Yeah!

My Conscious:Did you hear that?She believes in VIVA LE CHOP CHOP, ABORT MISSION!!! HOSTILE CHICK!! ABORT!! ABORT!!

Me:Cool!

My Conscious:*gulp.
..
..

Then, we talked about, lots of things, including, global warming and rising oil prices, games people play.
Charming situation, is it not?

..
..

Me:Another 10 minutes and we would reach near the Forum Mall.

She:okay

Me:So, *Rakhi, I will keep you in the loop, regarding any job opening in our place.

*Name Changed?

We exchanged phone numbers!! Ay...Carambaa!!!!

My Conscious:Gracias, Senorita Mi Amor! Adios! Hasta la vista! YEE-HEE!!!
..
..

We were 2 stops away from where we had to get down.

She: All the roads are pretty much confusing with stages and crosses.

Me:Hmm.. You will get used to it.

She: My boy friend said, he will wait for me.

My Conscious:Muaaahahahahahahahahah!Shes Taken!!

Me:Okay! So "he" will be waiting for you.

My Conscious:Muaaahahahahahahahahah!Ouch.

She:Yeah. Actually, he's the reason why, I am at Bangalore.

Me:Aha!

My Conscious:Oops!! Crashed and burned.

..
..
I (There is no WE,anymore), reached the Forum Mall. I and the committed, hot hostile chick, got down.

She: Hey! Thanks a lot. It was so nice talking to you.

Me:Nice talking to you too

My Conscious:*sigh*sigh*sigh*sigh..Show me the meaning of being lonely.....

Her boy friend pokes his head through.

She: Hey!! Meet my boy friend.

Me: Hi

My Conscious:Adios you chicken-pluckin' little stinker.

..
..

After talking for a while, I got on my bearing towards my home.


My Conscious:Theres pleeenty of feesh in ze ocean

Me:Zere are plenty of fish in ze ocean... if you like fish. Personally, I prefer girls. Hmmmm, call it a weakness.

Yeah!! No Happy endings, for a change!
__________________________+

< QUOTES >

The year is coming to an end, I thought I would share with you words of awesome wisdom.

1
I don't even get paid for being good to people- Sorcerer to nice nice people.

2
Scandals and Sandals - Its the new way of politics - Sorcerer on shoe throwing trend in politics.

3
This election and its result is an eye opener for many asshole politicians; with all due respect to the vital organ of body - Sorcerer on election results.

4
when in doubt, do de bunk! - DD

5
Gone are those days of stand-up comedy..Now its comedy when it doesn't stand up- Sorcerer on Sex.

6
"Human mind is a terrible thing with or without the fuse"-Sorcerer

7
Saving the world from self destruction is soo much tough without Hollywood backing me up- Sorcerer on Saving the world

8
You, are an Idiot,pure, 100% natural, and bottled at the source- Sorcerer to Idiot

9
Wear helmet.Reflection of your bald head could start fire- Sorcerer to baldy

10
Girls!!, never tell a geek, you need "dual boot" for your system. It could be misunderstood in a whole "another" level.- Sorcerer on Dual Boot

11
Are contraceptives called the life guards of the pool called gene pool?- Sorcerer wondering on gene pool.

__________________________+

.:: CONVERSATIONS'::.

Blogspot doesn't allow me to name this blog post as CONVERSATIONS, that is the reason why I added an extra character (') to it in the title. I told this, just in case you have a wandering..errr..wondering mind like me.

____________________

Sorcerer: Hey! You aint gonna tell Susie the meaning of "Nada".

Sanjog: Is that a question?

Sorcerer:NOPE!! A THREAT

____________________

Wiseguy: Gotta buy my girl friend something for her birthday.

Sorcerer: Ooohh!!!..love is in the air.

Wiseguy: Love makes the world go round.. and round..

Sorcerer: Nope, It makes the world go up and down, depending on the whose on top.

____________________

We got invited to a luncheon, at the residence of our mentor. His wife, cooks awesome dishes.
The curry looked tempting with all those, nuts and things in it. It even had raisins in it (Atleast that's what I thought it was.), which I 'collected' from my share.
I bit on those camouflaged raisins and was all like a fire breathing dragon, except that I could not even make a noise or shout or run around screaming. It was some state of art chillies. Nano chilies, may be. Thanks to the corporate training, I was 'at calm'.

I wanted to warn my wing man, who was sitting at a far corner from, me about the hostiles in the curry. I messaged him on his cell-phone :" Those, lil round things are not actually raisins.Its chillies, stay clear of that." My friend, took his cell-phone, looked at the screen and kept it back.
..
..

I met the wing man, near the wash after we had our lunch.

Wingman: What was the message you send. Couldn't read it, my eyes were all teary.
Me: Oh! Just, delete the message.

____________________

CSR with Pretty voice: Good morning, I am calling from _____ insurance.

Me: What? Morning.So soon.

CSR with Pretty voice: Good morning, I am calling from _____ insurance. I would like to

Me: You working on such a beautiful Saturday? Oh God!!

The phone line drops.

__________________________+

.:: AWARD & TAG ::.

Yes, I got an award also got tagged. This award is from a Chocolate Lover, who calls herself chocolate lover, who has a blog writes very beautiful poems.
There are 2 tag thingies.

One is where I got to write 7 things which are unknown to other bloggers, about me.
So here are the 7 thingies, one for each day of ze week.

1) I am kinda good with pencil drawing.

2) I have trekked in almost all South Indian Forests.

3) I don't bite.

4) I cook not only pranks but prawns too. Cooking is kinda like a passion.

5) I mess up the spelling of many common words.

6) I prefer animation movies to real human ones.

7) I love sea food.

Now that the first part is over, I have to tag, my fellow inmates.

(Hey Bozos, Update your blogs!!)

1:Sanju

2:D

3:Susie

4:Sharky

5:Sam

____________________

Tag 2

1. What is your current obsession?
Google. I even dream Google

2. What are you wearing today?
Oops!! That question made me realize something.

3. What’s for dinner?
HBO.

4. What’s the last thing you bought?
Vodafone Recharge Coupon

5. What are you listening to right now?
Various sound coming from Traffic+ Mia Culpa from Enigma

6. What do you think about the person who tagged you?
The person writes beautiful poems.

7. If you could have a house totally paid for, fully furnished anywhere in the world, where would you like it to be?

God's own country, Kerala, in ze middle of ze commies.

8. What are your must-have pieces for summer?
A girl wearing 2 Piece bikini+ sun lotion+ Swimming pool and red Ferrari.

9. If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go?
Loo! Waiting for this tag to finish to get the much needed break

10. Which language do you want to learn?
Spanish! Cuz, I love Mexican food.
Eg:Gracias, Senorita Mi Amor! Adios!

11. What’s your favorite quote?
"Make love Not war, Set the bed on fire, not the huts and paddy fields"- Sorcerer

12. Who do you want to meet right now?
Mom! So that I can ask her to make me a cup of coffee.

13. What is your favorite color?
Black in all its shades

14. Give us 3 styling tips that works for you
1)Walk shirtless.
2)Never make your hair.
3)Do not brush your teeth.

15. What is your dream job?
Job!!..oh That! The one where I get to visit all exotic private beaches, sip on champagne, watching senoritas in g-string playing beach volleyball, while my underpaid corporate slaves work and make me filthy rich.
(I am already filthy, waiting to turn rich)

16. What’s your favorite magazine?
Chacha Chaudhary Comics. This guy's brain works faster than a kompooter.
Well! I read a range of magazines actually to add to my existing awesome knowledge database

17. If you had $100 now, what would you spend it on?
Google shares are up.So $ 100 won't do.
*sigh
Upgrade RAM of my computer.

18. What do you consider a fashion faux pas?
doing bling bling bling blingicide with your dress.

19. Who according to you is the most over-rated style icon?
Michael Jackson

20. What kind of haircut do you prefer?
Those that doesn't mess when you sneeze.

21. What are you going to do after this?
Refer Question 9

22. What are your favorite movies?
Animation movies. Animatrix leading the chart.

23. What inspires you?
Conscious and insane buddies of mine.

24. What does your friends call you most commonly?
Sorcy, Sorc, Sock, Socky, Geniass,Saucer

25. Would you prefer coffee or tea?
Coffee

26. What do you do when you are feeling low or terribly depressed?
I try to see that I don't feel that way, most of the time. Still if depression gnaws at my heal, Kick it by playing first person shooter games.

27. What makes you go wild?
1)Mosquitoes and freaking flies that make buzzzzzzzzzzz...sound while I am introspecting and retrospecting.

28. Which other blogs do you love visiting?
All those which has original work.

29. Are you a vegetarian?
Nope! I indulge.

30.How many tabs are turned on in ur browser right now?
8 Tabs

31. Favorite Season? .
Foggy winter

32. If I come to your house now, what would u cook for me?
Mostly anything. It's all a matter of trying. Noodles, that's something readily available at home.

33. What is the right way to avoid people who purposefully hurt you?
Middle Finger Salute

34. What are you afraid of the most?
Those kinda dreams, where you talk and scream.

35. What's the first you do once you have booted the system?
Curse windows to load faster. Connect to the internet, check comments on blogs,check mail accounts and orkut.

36. What brings you smile on your face instantly?
Stupid things


(Hey Bozos, Update your blogs, do the tags!!)

1:Sanju

2:D

3:Susie

4:Sharky

5:Sam

__________________________+

.::CHRISTMAS & INCIDENT ::.

Dear readers, Merry Christmas to you all!!

____________________

It's Christmas, today. There was much to do, like visits friends and bug people. Apart from that, I thought I would spend some time being a bit productive. So I watched Television. Yes local news.
Amchi Local Mallu News.

Every news channel was showing, Christmas celebration happening, in different parts of the world.
Then there was news about how much amount of money is being spent on beverages in Kerala. [ I saw a twinkle in the eyes of the news reader] On Christmas day, the Kerala Beverages Corporation made a whopping 270 000 000. INR. Proud Mallus saving the economy, that is. Spending power!!. One day corporates in US of A is gonna find this awesome statistics and will start breweries everywhere. Then I think we will have the state logo changed to
In case you missed the drift all together...Yeah !! Baby!! We Mallu's are sooo hwat!!!
As I was watching this, It reminded me of an incident I read in news paper some time back.
____________________


It was the 1st of a month. [ aaj Pehli tareek haey]. The 'thing' about Mallu's in Kerala [ unlike those living in Bangalore like me; yeah I know, you have noticed how effortlessly I have put that I am in Bangalore.] is that 1st of every month, all the beverages outlets in kerala, shuts down. It's a revolutionary method, of stopping the 'wanna-be drunk' people from getting drunk on the first day of the month, as it is the salary day for many.
See, how my Government cares about family. They know that by doing so, the 'Wanna-be' drunk will go to their home without getting drunk, with full salary in their hand, singing a happy song, laugh and play with the kids and make love to his wife all night.
[ #include "happysong.mp3 "]

Now those who are wondering, No, such a move was not get the woman votes.Okay!! ,though we know that woman population in Kerala is more.Not like Boston (United States) though where, every guy can have his own woman basketball team.[Ref: DOCTORS: by Erich Segal]

Next day, well, he gets drunk and does Kung-fu on his family.

Drunkards, [ as they call these high spenders: Thanks for noticing the irony], like, many other highly evolved species has adapted to such days. This is the day when many of these habitual drinkers, migrate to ethyl lakes.
It's been recorded that many habitual drinkers travel miles on foot, to get to such ethyl spring spots, and return back back on four feet, partly because of tiredness of walking to the ethyl water hole and partly because of metabolism of ethyl in their digestive system [Their hands evolve and adapt as forelimbs;Thanks to evolution]. Some of them make noises, as a strange worship to those prehistoric ancestors.
____________________

I will now dramatize the news paper article for you, here. I read this in a news paper and then I thought I would visualize/verbalize(your call) that for you.

One such aaj pehli tareek hai[ Its 1st day of month] days, a group of 'wanna-be drunk people', was moving around in different tangents, to find a Ethyl watering hole. It was twilight.

One guy, whose name is still unknown, calls them and asks "Hey you want alcohol?".
The faces of the 'wanna-be drunk people', lights up as that of a rat which saw cheese[ Ref:Tom and Jerry Cartoon show]. The 'wanna-be drunk' people, thank their stars and sings an hymn to worship the god send messiah, who is going to give them alcohol on a dry day.
The guy takes the bottle out of a plastic cover and gives it to 'wanna-be drunk people'. He negotiate the price, gets it and run off into the darkness. The wanna-be drunk people' also slips into darkness, with the bottle, happy. Only their teeth showing in the dark , shining as a half moon, whispering to each other on how they are gonna kung fu today.

Why do these people run? Well in Kerala, we have a department called Excise department, they control the illegal sale of liquor.[ Well!!I know this sentence is twisted, but do take it in right sense].

The 'wanna-be drunk people' goes into an isolated spot and opens the bottle. Smells it.
"Ay caramba!!! Ze liquaaarrr" they shout. They dance around the bottle singing

Eh Oh A Ba De Oh
A Be De Oh Na Na Na Na Na Na
osonguyn Oroygoor Toosrood
bumba bumba humba le..
ale..ola...bah bah mooo.
Eh Oh A Ba De Oh
A Be De Oh Na Na Na Na Na Na

[ I know this is not a mallu song, but, well when people get excited they just create some strange sound]

They, kiss the bottle and take a sip.
"Chooooooooooooooo.....Chooooooooooooooo....". #$&(#$*(&#$(#&$(@#&$ mon. ##@$*(& (#&(#(*@# mon, Fooled us" .
[ "mon" means baby boy]. Please understand that In kerala, the swear words have the tenderness of a tender coconut.]

Yes the 'God send, alcohol seller had fooled them by giving, black tea with a bit of spirit in it for smell, capped tightly.

'The wanna-be drinkers' cursed the guy, and warned fellow drinkers by SMS/ Texting that one #$&(#$*(&#$(#&$(@#&$ mon is out there prying on unsuspecting 'Wanna- be drinkers' and making use of the emotional sentiments for them on alcohol to cheat them and make money.

I think they even made this incident available to the media, so that, such things won't be repeated on a national scale.

These poor 'Wanna-get drunk and do kung-fu', can't even tell this to the cops, as everyone will laugh at them and make fun of them, like this in the blogs and by text.

I don't know, if they got down graded from professional drinker grid, by fellow drinkers for falling pray for a twilight moment.

Nobody noticed the innocence of these, poor habitual drinkers. They say, in a state like Kerala, they don't even have a union.

*My state has coconuts and communists.

*The above statement is subjected to change.

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I know, this would give a wrong impression about my state,God's own country to you people, for those, who have not been to this place. This blog is just a personal view, and should not be taken into consideration for your personal statistics/research on Kerala. I just highlighted one stupid incident related to 'alcoholism'.
Do Google about this awesome state before jumping into confusion or asking stupid questions or yeah, generalizing. Gee!
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.:: COME BACK LINES ::.

I thought, I would publish my first past of research on 'awesome come back lines.' This is kinda like a rough draft.
There are times, when you would be cornered psychologically by some people with good vocabulary. Just probe your cranium and come up with the best punch back, of course with words. Comeback lines are diplomatic solution to chain the hyperactive.

In modern world, Fcuk is the most widely used, understood and accepted word. It's a magic word in English which means everything.It means the same thing in every language.

Eg 1: Darn!! my car got fcuked.
Meaning, The car broke down.

Eg 2: I fcuked up my exam.
Meaning, another failed exam.

Eg 3: I fcuked it up with my girl friend.
Meaning, the relationship is on rocks and he aint gonna get that F.

Fcuk is the silver bullet-The universal mantra.

Some of these are tested on humans and has yielded the desired and amazing results Many of those who know me, know that I do my research on humans, in the high security lab at the premises of Chat Rooms. It is of course legal, and there is absolutely no shortage for n00bs.

Many think that chat rooms are place to dig chicks. Absolutely not. They are the place where we can get all types of humans to do research on. I learned a lot many things, cuz in there everyone knows everything. The awesome knowledge base.[ Don't forget to notice the sarcasm surrounding that statement]

I remember that evening, when a n00b chick came in when we were extremely bored. See!! When you do good things in life GOD gives you n00bs to pwn.
The conversation took a wickid turn when this n00b decided to satisfy us orally.

n00b: F[beep] You.
Sork: Without foreplay?

As you must have guessed the n00b dissolved into dark and void of the internet. Of course we had a good laugh on it.

Now, if you are a guy or a girl and another person of the same sex shouts at you the F word, you can make the "Mission Impossible" theme song in response.

One of my knowledgeable friend decided to play it a little low, when he got such an offer, online.

Stranger:F[beep] you.
Knowledgeable friend: Well!! I would pass that mating call.I don't want my kids to look like that anyway.

Various such instances of "hostile situation" has been nullified in smart ways and dumb ways. During my research on this "particular case F situation", I read in a manuscript where the guy replies to a Japanese chick " I would rather be raped by the monster of nostredame".

There is also this common, come back lines , like "Your place or mine?","After you take a bath... may be", " Hmm...Just when I was looking for a virgin to sacrifice."(Make sure that you say this to the right kinda of people depending on your ;) orientation).


"Dehumanizing the enemy is the prime strategy for victory in virtual war" -Ze(n) Sorcerer
____________________


Wiseguy:These ads on contraceptive pills on Television should be scrapped. It gives wrong message to people.

Genius: Hmm... Yeah I read somewhere that it could create issues with getting pregnant, like when a girl is ready for children she can't get pregnant.

Sorcerer:hmm.. That proves my theory that a woman runs windows. Case of Abort, Retry, Fail .

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< CONVERSATION.>

Some conversations, typo errors, and typical stuff, you come across in my blog.

Sorcerer: You there buddy?

Sent at 3:06 PM on Wednesday

Genius: F[beep] my computer is too slow.Sorry!
Sorcerer:hmmm..
Genius: Windows says I have low diks space.F[beep]!
Sorcerer:Haha!! Even your computer knows?
Genius:What! oh..typo?*disk
____________________

Genius: "Dude!!, she talks so slow, as if she has a slow baud rate"

____________________

Wiseguy: I really, kept her on her toes, with that suspense thingy.Wanna hear?
Genius: We would have listened for more,if you had told us, you kept her on her knees.
____________________

Wiseguy:
____________________

WiseArse:So you gonna have "it" on first date?
WiseCrack: What do you think? My right hand got me drunk.
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*Wise guy on Chat

Wiseguy: Whats a rain check?
Genius:Tell her about the climate.

Wiseguy: Darn!!! She just logged off.
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< CHEAP HOTEL >

He stood there, waves lapping at his feet. There was this beautiful woman, a few feet away from him, enjoying her evening with the waves. She was gorgeous, a full figure. The jeans and the white shirt she wore was wet and stuck to her body, revealing her curves. Her shirt was a bit too short , according to him. As she raised her hand to make her hair, it revealed a bit of tattoo she had on the left of her soft white tummy. He wished for a bit more sunlight, though in twilight , the whole scene was more artistic.

She was drawing too much attention. Even the joggers who jogged by slowed down when they got her in focus . She went on with her playful ways, as if she was alone at the beach.

His lips curved in a cynical smile."Femme Fatale" - He murmured to himself

..
..

He sat there on the beach, enjoying the cold, sultry and salty sea wind on his face. He was looking at the silhouette of a departing sea vessel on the horizon. Through the corner of his eyes, he was occasionally watching the girl, "bounce" around on the beach.
After sometime, she took her shoes in her hands and walked towards the road, away from the beach.

..

..

He looked at his watch. He got up and walked towards the cheap hotel, he booked for tonight. His profession, allowed and afforded on him more luxuries. He was man of perfection. Perfection is what his job, required him to have. He doesn't want to blow his cover. It was his perfection in his execution and belief in his intuitions that had helped him survive this hardcore profession, while many simply failed , ended up and washed up, dead on beaches.
..
..

He walked into the hotel lobby. He chuckled at himself, as his eyes, scanned the number plates of the parked cars. He was living, his profession. May be such habits, gave him the survivability, in profession like these. He glanced back at the gate of the hotel one last time and entered the lobby. He walked towards the desk.

..
..

It was a cheap hotel, but was well maintained. He climbed the wooden stairs with wrought iron railing, a reminiscence of Portuguese era design. He had chosen a room facing the road that approached the beach. He entered the long corridor.
..
..

At the end of the corridor, next door to his room, he saw her, the girl from the beach, in the arms of another guy, lip locked. A florescent light flickered above them.That guy had another huge packet with him, clutched in his other hand. She had a different kind of packet in her hand.They went on with their playful ways, as the guy fumbled for the keyhole to the door and the girl for his lips.

He walked past them.
"Hmm...They are hungry!!", he thought, as he opened room to his door and went in, closing the door behind him.
..
..

He drew the curtains to the windows. The iron frame on them were rusty, by the sea winds. He drew a chair close to one window and sat with his night vision binoculars, focusing it on where he expected them to show up.
..
..

After an hour he heard voices from the other room. It sounded as if they both were excited.
He couldn't but over hear the conversation. He listened on, what if...

The Guy:Remove that.
She:Wait, Let me.
The Guy:I can't wait...
She: I know.

[Silence]

The Guy::Hmmm....oh yeah!!! Its sooo good.
She:hmmm..... You want it?
The Guy::Oh yeah!!! Its soo good!!
She:Bite on it!!!

[Silence]

She:It's soo hot.This is large..oooohh!!
The Guy::It's all for you dear.shhh....
She:hmm...Yummy!!!!


[Silence]


She:Lick it!! I am feeling all sweaty, this one is real hot.
The Guy:Its sooo..goood!! Can I dip it in?
She:Yeah baby!! What you waiting for.

[Silence]

The Guy: I am ready for the juice.
She:hmmmm.yeah!!! Me want it.
The Guy:Have it all.
She:ooh!! This one is thick unlike the other day I had.

[Silence]

The Guy: Wow!! that was so good. I can't get enough of it.
She:Yeah! Move, I want to go and wash.

[Silence]

She: This is probably the best one I ever had.
The Guy: Yeah! Me too. It was hot and good.

[Silence]
..
..

He hadn't slept that night. It was not because of the excited and erotic voices from the other room.He was on a mission. He is used to life like this. He wanted a hot cup of coffee and a smoke. As he is on it he would contact the higher authorities, brief the committee on his finding last night and review the action plan for the day.

He came out of his room. The corridor smelled of spices and chicken.
Something, near the door next to him made him smile.
It was what remained of KFC HOT WINGS.

"So that was all the ooohhs and hmmms..about" he thought with a smile as he quickened his steps towards the stairs.

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