Friday, December 25, 2009


Dear readers, Merry Christmas to you all!!


It's Christmas, today. There was much to do, like visits friends and bug people. Apart from that, I thought I would spend some time being a bit productive. So I watched Television. Yes local news.
Amchi Local Mallu News.

Every news channel was showing, Christmas celebration happening, in different parts of the world.
Then there was news about how much amount of money is being spent on beverages in Kerala. [ I saw a twinkle in the eyes of the news reader] On Christmas day, the Kerala Beverages Corporation made a whopping 270 000 000. INR. Proud Mallus saving the economy, that is. Spending power!!. One day corporates in US of A is gonna find this awesome statistics and will start breweries everywhere. Then I think we will have the state logo changed to
In case you missed the drift all together...Yeah !! Baby!! We Mallu's are sooo hwat!!!
As I was watching this, It reminded me of an incident I read in news paper some time back.

It was the 1st of a month. [ aaj Pehli tareek haey]. The 'thing' about Mallu's in Kerala [ unlike those living in Bangalore like me; yeah I know, you have noticed how effortlessly I have put that I am in Bangalore.] is that 1st of every month, all the beverages outlets in kerala, shuts down. It's a revolutionary method, of stopping the 'wanna-be drunk' people from getting drunk on the first day of the month, as it is the salary day for many.
See, how my Government cares about family. They know that by doing so, the 'Wanna-be' drunk will go to their home without getting drunk, with full salary in their hand, singing a happy song, laugh and play with the kids and make love to his wife all night.
[ #include "happysong.mp3 "]

Now those who are wondering, No, such a move was not get the woman votes.Okay!! ,though we know that woman population in Kerala is more.Not like Boston (United States) though where, every guy can have his own woman basketball team.[Ref: DOCTORS: by Erich Segal]

Next day, well, he gets drunk and does Kung-fu on his family.

Drunkards, [ as they call these high spenders: Thanks for noticing the irony], like, many other highly evolved species has adapted to such days. This is the day when many of these habitual drinkers, migrate to ethyl lakes.
It's been recorded that many habitual drinkers travel miles on foot, to get to such ethyl spring spots, and return back back on four feet, partly because of tiredness of walking to the ethyl water hole and partly because of metabolism of ethyl in their digestive system [Their hands evolve and adapt as forelimbs;Thanks to evolution]. Some of them make noises, as a strange worship to those prehistoric ancestors.

I will now dramatize the news paper article for you, here. I read this in a news paper and then I thought I would visualize/verbalize(your call) that for you.

One such aaj pehli tareek hai[ Its 1st day of month] days, a group of 'wanna-be drunk people', was moving around in different tangents, to find a Ethyl watering hole. It was twilight.

One guy, whose name is still unknown, calls them and asks "Hey you want alcohol?".
The faces of the 'wanna-be drunk people', lights up as that of a rat which saw cheese[ Ref:Tom and Jerry Cartoon show]. The 'wanna-be drunk' people, thank their stars and sings an hymn to worship the god send messiah, who is going to give them alcohol on a dry day.
The guy takes the bottle out of a plastic cover and gives it to 'wanna-be drunk people'. He negotiate the price, gets it and run off into the darkness. The wanna-be drunk people' also slips into darkness, with the bottle, happy. Only their teeth showing in the dark , shining as a half moon, whispering to each other on how they are gonna kung fu today.

Why do these people run? Well in Kerala, we have a department called Excise department, they control the illegal sale of liquor.[ Well!!I know this sentence is twisted, but do take it in right sense].

The 'wanna-be drunk people' goes into an isolated spot and opens the bottle. Smells it.
"Ay caramba!!! Ze liquaaarrr" they shout. They dance around the bottle singing

Eh Oh A Ba De Oh
A Be De Oh Na Na Na Na Na Na
osonguyn Oroygoor Toosrood
bumba bumba humba le..
ale..ola...bah bah mooo.
Eh Oh A Ba De Oh
A Be De Oh Na Na Na Na Na Na

[ I know this is not a mallu song, but, well when people get excited they just create some strange sound]

They, kiss the bottle and take a sip.
"Chooooooooooooooo.....Chooooooooooooooo....". #$&(#$*(&#$(#&$(@#&$ mon. ##@$*(& (#&(#(*@# mon, Fooled us" .
[ "mon" means baby boy].
Please understand that In kerala, the swear words have the tenderness of a tender coconut.]

Yes the 'God send, alcohol seller had fooled them by giving, black tea with a bit of spirit in it for smell, capped tightly.

'The wanna-be drinkers' cursed the guy, and warned fellow drinkers by SMS/ Texting that one #$&(#$*(&#$(#&$(@#&$ mon is out there prying on unsuspecting 'Wanna- be drinkers' and making use of the emotional sentiments for them on alcohol to cheat them and make money.

I think they even made this incident available to the media, so that, such things won't be repeated on a national scale.

These poor 'Wanna-get drunk and do kung-fu', can't even tell this to the cops, as everyone will laugh at them and make fun of them, like this in the blogs and by text.

I don't know, if they got down graded from professional drinker grid, by fellow drinkers for falling pray for a twilight moment.

Nobody noticed the innocence of these, poor habitual drinkers. They say, in a state like Kerala, they don't even have a union.

*My state has coconuts and communists.

*The above statement is subjected to change.


I know, this would give a wrong impression about my state,God's own country to you people, for those, who have not been to this place. This blog is just a personal view, and should not be taken into consideration for your personal statistics/research on Kerala. I just highlighted one stupid incident related to 'alcoholism'.
Do Google about this awesome state before jumping into confusion or asking stupid questions or yeah, generalizing. Gee!



SindhuBhairavi said...

:) loved it.. good sense of humour! :) those tender coconut mons.. :) enthoru varga sneham ..!

SindhuBhairavi said...

varga sneham .. pls dont misunderstand.. that is in context of how they spread the incident via different media so that others wont be tricked the same way.. :)

Sorcerer said...

ayyoo njan aa type alleee..
njan..pacha vellam polum chavache kudikku.

ende kavilamme...oru nimishm njan endokkyo..angadu nireechu tto.

Njan sherikkum endu pava..

"tender coconut mons".. aa bhasha prayogam angdu ishtayi tto.

thanks for the comment :)

Chocolate Lover said...

nice one
loved it :)

Sorcerer said...


Njan 2nd sentence pinnya sherikkum vayichathu tto.Appozhe oru samshyam.(adu arkkum varalo)

"Different Media"
adenikku oru thangu (kick) alle?

Blogum oru media alle.

Pinne..aa "tender coconut mon"... aa coconut vechu enne erinju lle..


Vethyasthanam oru blogspot bloggere
Sathyathilarum thiricharinjilla

Vattadi kkunnorkku Parayam blogger

Verumoru blogger ivan oru kalan

Janathozhan nammude blogger blogger blogger

SindhuBhairavi said...

entamme.. vakkukalkku ithrayum arthangal kandupidikkalle.. njaan appo vaayil vannathu ezhuthi enneyullu.. :) paattu nannayirikkunnu.. blog nannayittundu.. oronnu vaayikkukayaanu :)

Sorcerer said...

haha!! ey angine onnum illa.. just kickin around.

thanks for the comment :)

Shravan | ശ്രവണ്‍ said...

hmm.. odukkam ithu adivaavuo? SB around this place.. err.. hmm :)
got a comment for the so called song :D eh oh a ba de oh.. :D :d guess it and guess it wild :)

Shravan | ശ്രവണ്‍ said...

*@^!&%#!(* mon aano atho dash mon aano :D :D

Saadi said...

'Next day, well, he gets drunk and does Kung-fu on his family.'


Hahahahaha.....I thought of something else!! Refer to P!NK's 'So What' Music Video! ;)

sm said...


KrystalKitty. said...

Kerala sounds like Reykjavik when I lived there.The only liquor that could be sold was in 2 state run stores and they wwere only open on business hours,you should have seen the lines on any given Friday afternoon there and it was expesive with all the tax added to it.Brennivin wasn't too dear,but boy does it burn like Brandi going down.The bars in hotels and nightspots sold alcohol but you can well imagine how much that cost.And then there were the taxi drivers,they were like drug dealers,with a call and no ride just sitting in the car at an isolated spot maybe which is all but impossible in crowded asphalt jungle Reykjavik where everyone knows each other business.

In those days we had no problem with drugs but plenty with alcohol and I was one of them.What about in your country?And what about insanity?

Ramit said...

Hello! Wonderful post yet again Sorcerer! You're the best! Merry Christmas!

Chocolate Lover said...

you won an award :)

Anonymous said...

You probably changed some opinions about Kerala...:)
Dont worry..Istill think its a wonderful place..
Nice writeup...

Sorcerer said...

muaahahaha (evil laugh)
thanks for the comment

ey..we were discussing some miss understandings

yeah...poor things do kungfu on poorer things

poor things...what else to say

thank you for the comment

@krystal kitty
now seeing the potential..Govt started many many shops..
but the lines are still longer

thank you comrade ji.

@chocolate lover
thank you for the award
and the comment
and coming here everyday :)

yeah..iam trying to change more opinions you see.
thank you for the comment yu see.

Nipun said...

Hats Off Mr. Sorcerer..
Just loved it..
Was away due to illness for a while.
Cheers Mate..


Sorcerer said...

good to have you back
welcome back... nipun..welcome back


Dhanya said...

Not only for christmas, for every celebration our Keralites celebrate by drinking truckloads of liquor :P

Nice post... belated xmas wishes and have a blessed new year!

Sorcerer said...

thank you for the comment.
yeah... theres no celebration 'without'

Ashley said...

Aww Gee...I laughed my head off while reading this....Completely utterly hilarious!!! :D :D

Hope you had a lovely dry Christmas urself. ;)

Anonymous said...

Merry Christmas! :)

Sorcere said...

thank you for the comment :)

thanks, and belated xmas wishes