Tuesday, December 29, 2009

< A MALLU GIRL >

There are three characters in this incident.

1)Me
2)My Conscious
3)A Mallu Chick

*sigh

That day I was returning home. The Volvo, in which I was traveling, moved at an incredible speed of 9 inches an hour, standard speed in Bangalore traffic. Time moved, slooooooooooooooooowly. very sloooooooooooooooowly. I was coming after a so called "brain storming" session and my mind was completely nada, zilch, nothing, void. That means, nothing to introspect and retrospect. I had slept through most of the so called "Brain Storming" session and even sleep avoided me like, what people do to a sim card without validity.
The only entertainment was to look at chicks, through the glass paneled window, then imagine that, its a safari through the Miami Beach. Observation, that is.
..
..

The bus made an unscheduled stop, that means a "90% probability" of a girl boarding the bus.
[ Yeah! I was bad at math, but then I did a 360 on it.]
My calculation was based on this 'scientifically proven observation':

If it was a guy, who had waved at the bus, I would have reached the next traffic signal in t-30 seconds. The driver would actually, put all his skill in evasive maneuver, like a skilled pilot, negotiating the traffic, to avoid the guy from boarding the bus.

Yes, I was right. A hot chick boarded the bus. Femme Fatale..Ayyyy...Caramba.
..
..

She was standing near me. Gave me one of "those looks."

My Conscious:"Hey!! Are you kinda checkin me out?" [Dhoom Movie Ishtyle]

I gave her a smile.

She: Can ..you..

Yeah!! I can, I moved my bag from the seat next to me, freeing that seat for her.
See..I can read minds, you see

Me [Thinking]: Darn!! What was I thinking!!

Time moved slowly, like a Volvo in Bangalore traffic.

..
..

She: Excuse me, Could you tell me when we reach near the Forum Mall.

My Conscious: Don't faint now. She is talking to you.

Me: Yeah! err..I will.

[Silence]

She: I am kinda new to this place.

My Conscious: You are not gonna say to her, you know all movie theaters. Are you?


Me:Okay! No problem. I am getting down at the same place.

My Conscious: And...Don't give her a guided tour of the place. Tour De Bangalore..Like..That thing you see..is the blue bus.We have three errr..5..err..6 kinds of buses in Bangalore..

[Silence]

My Conscious: You aint gonna talk to her?Ask her name, sun sign, fave color, things and go "Wow!!Me too"?

Me:We usually have heavy traffic, in these parts, especially errr..almost at all times.

She:Hmm... Are you an IT professional?

My Conscious:See, you opened your mouth and she knows, what you are.

Me:Yeah! I am.

She: I came to Bangalore for a job and today I had an interview, never knew it could take this long.

Me:Hmm.. How was the interview?

She: Awww..It was terrible.

My Conscious: There goes your chance to say "CONGRATS!! " and shake hands.


Me:oh! Sorry to hear that.

My Conscious:Wanna hold her hands and comfort her?

[Silence]

She:I don't know, It's my first time.

My Conscious:Sorcy!!Give her a wink and say "There is always a first time. !!"

Me:Aha! So you are a fresher.

She:Yeah! I did my studies in Saudi Arabia..

My Conscious: GELF(Read: Gulf)!! Mallu?SHE COULD BE A MALLU SORC!!! They have more Mallus in Gelf than Camels. Haven't you read the McKinsey?

Me: That's nice. So you are basically from..

She: Kerala, but then again, I have never been in India for long, except for vacations. Most of my days were in Saudi.

My Conscious: Thats the way!! uh uha! uh uha!! I laiiiiik it..uh uh!! uh uha!!.
My Conscious: Tell her that "Wow!! Me too!!"

Me: Where in Kerala are you from?

She:Cochin!

My Conscious: Where in Cochin are you from? Girl: Cochin Junction.


She: And you are from..

Me:Well, I am from O********.

My Conscious:See, She is not even surprised, when you said you are a Mallu. Its written all over your face.Muaahahahahahaha.C'mon doc, EVOLVE ME!


She:Oh! the place where they shoot all films.

Me: Yeah!

She:I love that place.Amazing it is.

My Conscious: *sigh!!

[Silence]

Me: Yeah. Which company's interview did you attend today?

She: A[CENSORED]

Me: oh! cool!

She:The server failed to record some thing, I did retake it. Still it conked.

Me: That must be the final rounds, there's chance they could get back to you, if the other rounds were fine.


My Conscious:Zandu balm Zandu balm pida-hari balm.. Sardi Sardard Peeda ko pal me duur kare....Zandu Balm...Zandu Balm.

She: I don't know, the questions were quiet, good.

Me:aha!!

She: like..They asked me about laws in India and how do I feel about it.

Me:and...

She:I said, rules should be more stricter like in Saudi. Ya know like cutting off hands of people, who steal etc.

Me:You said that..

She:Yeah!

My Conscious:Did you hear that?She believes in VIVA LE CHOP CHOP, ABORT MISSION!!! HOSTILE CHICK!! ABORT!! ABORT!!

Me:Cool!

My Conscious:*gulp.
..
..

Then, we talked about, lots of things, including, global warming and rising oil prices, games people play.
Charming situation, is it not?

..
..

Me:Another 10 minutes and we would reach near the Forum Mall.

She:okay

Me:
So, *Rakhi, I will keep you in the loop, regarding any job opening in our place.

*Name Changed?

We exchanged phone numbers!! Ay...Carambaa!!!!

My Conscious:Gracias, Senorita Mi Amor! Adios! Hasta la vista! YEE-HEE!!!
..
..

We were 2 stops away from where we had to get down.

She: All the roads are pretty much confusing with stages and crosses.

Me:Hmm.. You will get used to it.

She: My boy friend said, he will wait for me.

My Conscious:
Muaaahahahahahahahahah!Shes Taken!!

Me:Okay! So "he" will be waiting for you.

My Conscious:
Muaaahahahahahahahahah!Ouch.

She:Yeah. Actually, he's the reason why, I am at Bangalore.

Me:Aha!

My Conscious:Oops!! Crashed and burned.

..
..
I (There is no WE,anymore), reached the Forum Mall. I and the committed, hot hostile chick, got down.

She: Hey! Thanks a lot. It was so nice talking to you.

Me:Nice talking to you too

My Conscious:*sigh*sigh*sigh*sigh..Show me the meaning of being lonely.....

Her boy friend pokes his head through.

She: Hey!! Meet my boy friend.

Me: Hi

My Conscious:Adios you chicken-pluckin' little stinker.

..
..

After talking for a while, I got on my bearing towards my home.


My Conscious:Theres pleeenty of feesh in ze ocean

Me:
Zere are plenty of fish in ze ocean... if you like fish. Personally, I prefer girls. Hmmmm, call it a weakness.

Yeah!! No Happy endings, for a change!
__________________________+

53 comments:

susie said...

roflmao.... awesome stuff ..;D

oh btw thr r no awesomes in the post..:P

Sorcerer said...

@susie
google told me Awesome is not a keyword!DORKS

wait..I am gonna trick google for blog with "AWESOME BLOG" keyword

thanks for the comment..
you love happy endings..DONT YA!!!

tristarfivestar said...

LOL.. i kinda agree with her in the law of chopping hands.. cuz over here you could get food for like nothing yet people try to steal and stuff... very bad though.....
a very entertaining blog.. do you have a journal .. can i read it? :P

Sorcerer said...

@tristarfivestar

thanks for the comment
Nope.I dont have a journal, I am sorry..
Hmm..The whole concept of chopping gives me creeps.

Ouch!!
AWWW>.nooo
*faints

Ashley said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ashley said...

Rofl! This was awesomely funny!
Plus we came to knw, that you are not that bad to talk to in person... ;)..LOL

Ramit said...

I adore the way you write. This has to be the best post ever.

And just shake hands? Dude, you're slow.
Make hay while the sun shines. Never know when PMS kicks in!

Sorcerer said...

@Ramit
yeah
thank you for the comment.
I would prefer to make the Hay, while the sun sets. hope you got my drift.


@ashley
yeah.contrary to the popular belief..I dont bite.

:)

Ramit said...

Yeah it's safer that time too!

Yemiledu said...

Hahaha...Loved it :~P
How was her bf?? Was he from saudi too??

Ha anyways,matters not he is committed too...Lol

Ria said...

the conversation...especially ur comments were hilarious. :P :D Cant stop laughing.

Rishi said...

it has happened to me more than twice (i.e. thrice) ... at least u didn't loose to a gal.. although that situation leads to very imaginative situations...

gr8 post...

Smita said...

lol!!!

Did u dream a family with her, Dhoom style?? :D :D :D

Meenakshi said...

LOL.. nice to know the thought processes of a mallu guy when he meets a mallu gal in a bus outside kerala. had an amusing read. can't believe *Rakhi actually said that part about chopping hands. you lucky she committed. who knows they might have a rule of chopping of the heads of guys who flirt. How wud u hv diabolical thoughts without that head..

Loved to know there are more mallu than camels in gelf..so u from O******** . :-)

D said...

ohemgee...sorcyyyyyy

i feel so sawrry fer you.........NOT!!! duuuude! thts hilarious...Dyamn i wish i were there to give tht 'gelf'(now where have i heard THAT before?) chick MY bit abt corporal punishment...hmph...

Awwwwwww but true, there are plenty of other err, mermaids in the ocean(if u bliv in tht kind of stuff)

Chocolate Lover said...

awww...

awesome sorcy :))

Megha said...

:) well I guess your bus drags everyday, you have good chances to meet more :)

Sid said...

excellent narration dude...somehow this fairy tales about meeting hot single chicks in d bus never come true :(

Four Dinners said...

I have been requested to thank you for your visit to http://maximusspittimus.blogspot.com

Warm Regards

Four Dinners
Aide de Camp to Maximus Spittimus

Uncommon Sense said...

oh oh oh,, a nice ending for the year i guess... awesomely interesting

i have begin to wonder if girls are born with a boyfriend these days...

mia999 said...

lol! Agree with Megha you have good chances to meet more!

Me said...

oh God! what a funny post. liked it liked it.

P. Venugopal said...

sheer sorcery. who is that actor who did the hero in that english movie 'mask'? his visuals came to my mind. wonderful writing.

Prameela said...

Fab one......couldnt stop laughing.
You have a way with words man!

санжог said...

Sorcy, I'd say that (on my knees) God answered my prayers.

Atleast you tried your hands at a "real girl" for a change.

Please GOD GET him a GF, a real one that is withing 20kms range. Coz sorcy always finds some one whom he can never meet, coz they are atleast 500 KMs away.

I know God will read this post coz sorcy has got amazing page impressions. I am sure God as already subscribed to your Blog.

Let me check your followers, I might find her. I personally think God would be a woman.

Pratik Gupta said...

OMG OMG....you got a real girl, i mean a complete 3d girl other than the avataar chick...you are so freaking lucky :)
thats god new year gift for you...celebrate it because that all we have got

Anya said...

Have a very happy New Year
and a wonderful and happy 2010 :-)

(@^.^@)

SindhuBhairavi said...

:) that was hilarious!!!.. read it more than once.. thanks!! :) the sighs.. and the comments of the consious.. :) loved it...

sorcerer said...

@yemiledu
How was her bf?
he brushes his teeth I guess.
was he from Saudi
who cares...
*sigh


@ria
thank you for the comment

@rishi
hmm...keep the chin up mate.. its the great winter..you too will get migratory chicks..you see..

@smita
hahaha..
yeah!! leel leel sorcerer's runnin around..kind.. naaa.. before that it crashed and burned.

@meenakshi
yeah.!! that chick believes in Viva Le Chop chop..
Femme Fatale, u see.
yeah i am from O*********.
Are you from GELF?

@D
hey!! yeah, I thought, you would give a bit of corporal law classes to her..right on the spot..
wow! loads of blogsibilities.

@chocolate lover
thank you for the comment chocladey

@megha
thank you..I dont see any shooting star..just my mouse cursor moving on the screen.

@sid
dont worry!! you will, soon have your wish fulfilled.
Do good things in life..like..sending me $500 etc...and you will have your wildest dreams come true..like making love sandwich in Miami Beach

@Four Dinners
Thanks for the invitation for the dinner to white house.
iam honored.

@uncommon sense
dude!!! you got a point in that.
Cant believe you called that a nice ending..:(

@mia999
hmmm...more of the ones from Republica CHOP CHOP?
No thank you!!

@me
thank you me for the comment
*Me!! kinda like thanking Meself.

@P.Venugopal
Thank you for visiting my blog sir, Thank you fot the comment.
Yeah and the actor is... errr..Whats his name... Jim..Jim Carrey.[I think its spelled with C]

@prameela
thank you for the comment.
Words..to take over the world..
*phew finally I rhymed

@sanju
Hello there,My blogonomist and Navigator.
well..well..well!! you got that secret out. Yeah! you are right..everyone is 500 nautical miles away and the flight tickets are not cheap.
yeah!! I met a real girl!( i didnt tell you that?) She was real like in those .jpg images. varry real and from republic of Chop Chop.
nyway..Thank you for the prayers.


@pratik Gupta
yeah..for a change I met a real 3D girl. (gee 3D..muaahahahaha). nyway. A femme Fatale like that MONA SAX in maxpayne.

@anya
you too have a wonderful new year.
Cheerio!!
thanks for the comment

@SindhuBhairavi
thank you for visiting my blog more often, reading and dropping comments.
these comments are the inspiration to write more.
thank you

thank you all!!

dilontherocks said...

LOL..That was hilarious...Sorry that it didnt work out..but ..keep ur eyes open for the feesh...:))
If not u, look like ur conscious already has...so I dont have to tell u..:))

sulagna said...

you are a mallu,you are intelligent,you speak awesome english,you have the fortune of meeting another hot mallu chic...too much info overdose...

Sorci...you single???difficult to believe you know !!

sulagna said...

oyeee the word verification has gone...

*smiles*

DiDo said...

lolzzz...too good socz.. aww bt lyk u said zers plenty of feesh in ze ocean :P keep phishinggg

Sorcerer said...

@dilontherocks
my both eyes are open for ze fish.
"hello..fishy fishy... come to me..." zis does not work
*sigh

@sulagna
Yeah!! i am ze single
thanks for the overdose
*tilt..*tilt

@dido
feesh..I prefer woman, you see.. take it as a weakness.
muaahahaha!

*Shreya* said...

THIS happens in reality???? errrmmmmm well I thought it was only those movies :/

Damn these boyfriends and the girfriends of these boyfriends...chop their hands off i say.

Sorcerer said...

@shreya
yeah..it happened in reality
nope..it happenes in volvo bus

*sigh

Saurabh Panshikar said...

now I get it! Its your conscious that blogs and not you! All the ossum notty thoughts come from within the inner sorcerer!

Nothingman said...

Damn, that was a good one. But dude, you have her number, right? give her a call. Should be fun. Maybe her BF doesn't love her. Maybe she is looking for some fun. If nothing else maybe she can be a good friend and get you a hotter mallu chick.

If you wanna win you gotta play the game dude ;)

N

Sorcerer said...

@nothingman

Committed chick+chop chop banana republic= suicide mission
therefore abort

yeah I have her numbah!! but you see..

@saurabh
hey dude..long time no see..
wasssaaap?
thanks for the comment
yeah my inner sorcy blogs!!

Shanu said...

I have been reading thru all ur posts..and I must say U have an awesome sense of humor..Loving it all :)

Sorcerer said...

@shanu
thank you for going through my blog
:)
thank you for the comment

Quirky said...

Lol.. had fun reading this. I'm praying u get urself in2 more such situations.. he ha ha ha

Sorcerer said...

@quirky
errr.where ever iam..i hear people saying "err..Houston..we got a situation"..
:(

thanks for the comment quirky

Destiny's child... said...

That was super funny sorcy....rofl...Too good man! :D

Shalini Surendran said...

Hey!

It was a hilarious post! ROFL...!! :)
Visiting ur blog for the first time, but from now on, will make it a habit! :) :)

Happy New Year!

Cheers! :)

anishthomas said...

LMAOF , so hilarious...hope u will fish so much fish in ze ocean like this...so that we can read more superb posts like this :)

Sorcerer said...

@destiny's child
thank you for the comment

@shalini Surendran

Thank you for visiting the blog, reading it and commenting

@anishthomas
thank you buddy for the comment

totalliemeh said...

the "conscious" conversations are really cool. listen to it sometimes.

silverine does mean it when she says "best of the week " eh? naice. will come back for more.

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