Saturday, March 20, 2010

.::TALKING TO A WOMAN::.


This post is categorized under the "Sorcy's HOW TO" Series of blog posts. This is where we discuss in detail about 'How to ' Tackle a particular problem in life awesomely.

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If you are one of those, person who find it quiet difficult to talk to a woman, this blog post is for you. Let us assume that the awesome pickup lines I mentioned in my previous posts helped you to break the ice.

Let us now see how to carry on with the conversation after breaking the ice and adding it into your drink.
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Females love complements. So shower them with praises and complements like "Wow!! that black eye match your bra-straps". This is a fantastic and honest complement. I may not be the first one to tell you that how much woman folks love honesty. You should always complement on anything and everything she has and talk about it endlessly to make her feel comfortable, till she get sooo excited and seal your lips with a kiss.

Complement her on her fashion-sense, though she is in her lab uniform or college uniform and everyone is wearing the same thing.
If she is having a bad hair day and the whole world knows it, be different, tell her how beautiful her hair looks and it make her look saexy and is giving you a hardon.This will make her think that you are the person who finds the intricate pattern of order in every mess up. Complements like this comfort her very much.

Always add "Wow" at the start of every complement.This is to warn her that you are going to give a complement.

Example:

"WOW!!so,Wrinkle cream does work magic"

"WOW!! I just love that table cloth pattern on your dress."

"WOW!! Is that window curtain you are wearing?"

"WOW!! You sure have put on weight! So you got a pay rise.eh?"


You should WOW at everything she does.It's an art if you could creatively complement her pimples comparing her smooth skin to the craters on the moon.Adding a bit or poetic words always work the magic.Now you know the reason why you hate Enrique songs and she loves Enrique.Don't ya? Use French words like 'Banshur' or something in your conversation even though you don't know French. It adds more bonus points to your character.

Make sure that you know every little changes happening in her life and complement on it...like "WOW!! 'Those'..really look large today",[Say this by pointing your finger at 'those'] another honest complement and she will be thinking "Wow!! He notices everything about me! How lucky to be with him."
Remember, always complement on anything and everything she does.
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Show that you care and respect. Woman like men who cares. If you want to be the knight in shining armor of the 21st and Half century, just like Sir, Daffy Duck, you should be a real gentleman. A real gentleman will notice that 'cleavage' which is showing through her shirt buttons and will offer her a 'safety pin'.She may be having a Skoda Octavia registered in her name on her 18th Birthday; but you 'gentleman' should buy her safety-pin. She may be confident about herself and her body, but it's a real gentleman's duty to enforce the 'divine' rules.

A real gentle man would fantasize having the most perverted way of having sex with a woman and sweat but in real world, offer the woman fur coat during the summer. Such acts of caring would bring you more closer to the woman you want to be with.
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When you are talking to a girl, always stare at her heart and right lung.Remember,when you finally get a chance to have a conversation, make maximum use of it.Tell every good thing about you and make yourself very comfortable in front of her. Bring a wide variety of topics in your conversation. Woman like intelligent guys.[Einstien was married Twice.].Talk about UNIX kernal, COM components,Charged particle oscillator etc. Don't worry if she is sitting staring at you without talking anything. She is just spellbound seeing your awesome intelligence.

When you are done proving your intelligence, you can let her speak on topics you choose.Girls like guys who have 'control'. So you can ask her about girlish things[ yeah!! Things things they are aware of, only!] like PMS, calculating safe period,maintaining a good hair, shaving creams etc.This way you are letting her talk about things she knows, and she will have confidence.You don't want her to stumble and stutter talking about 'tough' topics.Real men, really cares.

Always bring in current topics and whats happening around the world in your conversation.Let her feel that you are very 'Today'. Talk about the email you received from your IT friend which has pics of Britney Spears without underwear.Give a lecture on 'How people dress up these days, and spoil the younger generation'. Then get her email address and forward her the same.Do bring up the 'Britney' topic every time you meet this woman again.
I think I have mentioned in a previous post somewhere that girls like guys who hold traditional values, a man who reflects a bit of real traditional culture, so talk to her about Paris Hilton and Kamasutra.
When you are talking about body parts, be sure to beat around the bush and make it more creative and make her guess which body part you are talking about by giving clues via words and actions.

Let us see an example

Guy:Ya know those round things...

Girl:hmm...Tyres?

Guy:No...Hmm..Soft thingy that are meant for kids but grown ups play with it more..

Girl:Hmm..Toy Train.

Guy:No..Hmmm.Those..pomp pomps.*Try and do it with action like honking a horn.[Invent your own code-words to make it more simple and appealing.]

Girl:Oh!!!That thing?

Guy:Yeah!!

Girl:I thought you were talking about boobs.

Guy:*Act totally shocked but try and change it back into a beeg smile in 3.5 micro seconds![Wow! You finally heard a woman say 'boobs'.Hmm...Yeah..Shes talking 'dirty'..that means she likes 'Sex'.]

Yeah!! You noticed it? How fast things are turning out for you when you are following the Standard Operation Procedures for 'Talking To a Girl'.
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Making body contact is another good way for a healthy conversation.Stand really close to her, let her aura meet your aura.Let her breathe your muskish smell.It is scientifically proven that musk smell turns on a woman. By standing close to her, she will intake with her breathe the smell of seducing Axe Deo spray+The smell of Lunch+Smell of Beer/Any alcoholic beverage+Natural Body Odor, the sum of which is the musk odor of a male.

While talking to her, let your hands do the walking over her body while you are talking. Start by holding her hands.Move it up as you speak and hmm.shoulders..hm..hair..hmm..[Do follow a random movement pattern! Make it unpredictable for her where your hands would be next!The Game begins.]

Squeezing her bottoms is a real turn on for woman.So while she is busy talking to you, give her a good squeeze.This will really warm up the bottom and the conversation, exponentially.
If you can't get your hands around her waist[Horizontally a challenge] to squeeze the bottom,hold her hands,[If she doesnt' let you do that, try and grab it] while you are talking to her. Squeeze it hard and show her how strong you are.You know why Olive loves Popeye, right?..
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Give her a positive body language. Experts says[What else they do..huh!] that our body talks about us more than the actual conversation via voice. One best example is porn movies.The chick in those movies do 'converse' a lot with her facial and body language and try to convince us that she had the Big 'O' of her life.

Clean your nails with the car keys or take wax out of your ear with the car keys while you are talking to her.This shows that you give a high priority for personal hygiene.Remember,personal hygiene is one of the girl's top priority other than chocolate.You can also alternatively switch between biting nails and spitting and picking your nose.
Do these to make first impression memorable. Rose[Kate Winslet] and Jack[Leonardo Di Caprio] played 'Spitting' competition on the deck of Titanic[Titanic-The Movie].Such classic movies teach us a lot.We all know they had sex within the next 45 minutes.See, Spitting improves your face-value among girls and gives you better chance for a 'relationship'.

Playing games on your mobile and texting your friend while in conversation with a woman shows that you have multitasking capabilities.
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You should be a person who would understand humor and is a 'fun' guy. Always make it a point to make fun of/on her.She would love it and laugh. If it's in the middle of a group of persons, she would love that more cuz you gave her the limelight.

If you can't get any witty topics to speak about, go for the classics 'Hair Dresser and Old Man ' Joke.[ I know its old joke and every one knows it; but so is Romeo and Juliet.]
You may be a vegetarian, but be sure to be the one who knows all the non-veg jokes. Oh yeah!! She would love them and she would be inviting you to her home when her parents are away,soon.
Make sure that you repeat the same jokes over and over again, whenever you meet her.This is called 'Cherishing the Moment'.

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Such are the methods for succesful communication, says the Sorcerer.

Pointer to the previous : How To Series
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21 comments:

Chanz said...

Do u really try to woo your girls with these...?? Really..??

Nightwing said...

DUDE!!!!

Anya said...

Wow!!

:)

Ghost Script Writer said...

Your not fit to talk with girls man!!! Want Training!!!Just contact me dude I will Give a gud classs for Free!!!!!!!!!

HaRi NaNdAkUmAr

Sid said...

Dude u missed another one...
Whenever u r with a girl make sure u stare at any damn chick who happens to pass by... This makes d girls jealous and she will be ready 2 do anything 2 get her man back :)

Meenakshi said...

sure shot ways of ensuring that a girl never even stops to look at your face again... and in all probabilities a trophy to remember of her five fingers inprinted on your cheeks..

sorcerer ki jai!

Meenakshi said...

*typo in my comment before.. imprinted.

Saadi said...

Will somebody PLEASE implement these and video-tape the reaction of the poor female?

I'm willing to pay top dollar!!!!

supriya said...

i strongly believe that these intellectual applications work only on some outer-planetary girl..!

Uncommon Sense said...

u know in a way this cud actually work..

Anonymous said...

Were you aiming for "what-not-to-do"?

Compliments - DON'T work at least not on me.
Honesty - Yes, we do appreciate honesty.
Respect - Yes, VALID criteria!

Bra-straps comment - Guy will get beaten up right then & there!
"If she is having a bad hair day and the whole world knows it, be different, tell her how beautiful her hair looks" - What happened to woman liking honesty?
"t's an art if you could creatively complement her pimples comparing her smooth skin to the craters on the moon." - NEVER do this!
"Poetic words" - NO! It appears like trying too hard.
"knight in shining armor" - Never!
"Girls like guys who have 'control'" - NO! NEVER!

I'm pretty much convinced you're aiming for the "what-no-to-do" because every word mentioned will result in the guy being beaten up and slapped! Haha!

-Mia

susie said...

geehee haw haw sorc.. try these out.. videotape the results and put it on youtube for the better understanding of the "GYAAN" :P

NesQuarX said...

You're a true master Sorc... And yes all ye unbelievers, they work like a charm! I always talk like that!
Except for buying a safety pin, that's a no no, since I'm a miser, I just point at her cleavage and go "BWAHAHAHAHA your cleavage is showing! It's awesome and all but I don't want others to see it so GET SOMETHING BETTER TO WEAR!" ...That works as well.

rohini said...

lol....tell me have u decided to remain a bachelor(i m assuming u r ).....

Rachna said...

LOL. That's definitely not a way to talk to a woman and make sure she has no object close to her with which she can injure you :)

Sumi said...

haha..nice laughing stuff...im sure u r definite not to follow any of these if u ever wanna eye a girl.

sulagna ™ said...

sorci...i am speechless...as always !!

Garima said...

Ahem… you forgot to mention one more thing sweetheart –

The Statutory Warning: TRY AT YOUR OWN RISK

:)

PS. I wish someone to try these and then write an experience too :P

Sorcerer said...

@garima
Haha..Yeah!I think thats 'understood.'

@Sulagna
aha!!Nice to see you here.Yeah!! spellbound..No?

@sumi
yeah!Actually errr..hmmm..okay.

@Rachna.
C'mon..dont disappoint the guyz..these will surely work.

@ROhini
I am a bachelor..What is there something wrong in these approaches?

@NesQuarx
Thanks buddy!! Thank you for the positive remark. I know..I know that would defenitely work.
It's all a matter of trying and things.No?

@Susie
yeah!!I knw..I know..I know your devious plans..

@Anonymous
these things will happen.C'mon..may be it wont work like 1 on a billion person.

@UnCommonsense
thank you for the comment and dude.tjhanks for the positive support.
world need more ppl like you..

@supriya
OKay!! you too dont believe these?
*sigh

@Saadi
Yeah!! Lets detail on the dollar part!! we can dig some n00bs from Chat rooms.

@Meenakshi
Please..dont say that and disappoint the ppl.. You know these tricks will work like maagic


@SID..
yeah that trick will work only if the girl is a girl friend or lover.These tricks are to make a girl, girl friend.

@Hari
Nee medikkum.NJan ninnodu paranjittundu..ninakku over confidence anu..over confidence anu nnu..Paranjitille? ILLE? ILLEEEE NNu?

@Anya
Seee!! it works ..

@Night wing..
Yes Sir,Dont worry.these will work.ALl you gotta do is try this..video tape it and send us the copy.

@Chanz
Yeah! It will work no?
It should.

SindhuBhairavi said...

get some guy try all these out.. and u can sit somewhere near and count the number of slaps he scores!! :)

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