Friday, March 19, 2010

.::TEENAGERS::.

They are every where, just like bacteria in your mouth when you wake up from your sleep every morning. They are classified as humans in the transition phase. They do 'behave' [ A term which a teenager never understands!] like our ancestors[ Yeah! I should have called them Monkeys, But with all due respect to those harmless animals when you compare them to the teen-aged humans, I wont glorify 'teenagers' with the term 'Monkeys'.]just before loosing their tail and entering the awesome era of 'bachelorhood'.

Teenagers ARE the 'missing link' which the scientists has been looking for all these years. The only highly evolved organ in their body is the opposable thumbs, which is used to send text messages on phone and fiddle with the controls on ipods, iphones,imac and gaming controls..oh..also hold Pepsi Tin Can.

A teenager can be identified by the look or the smell, which ever gets to you first.Some prefer to call themselves a trend by blindly copying the way 'Brittany spears' or 'Ricky Martin' dress like. WOW!! Seriously, the choices they make in copying people is by the album cover and available options in their wardrobe,C'mon!! Who in their senses want to look even '.1% similar to these celebrities.
I think most of the coronary shocks happen when their parents see their kids in 'Paris Hilton' mode or 'E.T' mode.Since such cases are not properly documented, teenagers escape the statistical figures for coronary strokes.

"Is wanna-be a Halloween costume?"- Dewdrops on Wanna-be's.


C'mon who wouldn't be shocked when you open up the door at 2:00 AM in the morning expecting to see your 'lovely,cuddely buddely teenager' walk in, instead see a 'creature' with hair that resembles a porcupine, blood shot eyes,wearing either some animal skin or feather and smells like piss of buffalo.
Whenever I read in the newspaper about the sighting of 'strange creature' I always doubt that some one must have seen a teenager returning from a joint.

They can always be found in groups.No! they are not solitary animals unless during their 'me time'. If you are a girl, you can spot them easily by the way they stare at your *cough *cough bs. If you are a guy, you can spot a teenager by the pimples.

Their main hobbies are 'hanging out'. As I said, they hang out in groups. When they are in groups you can see their true color.[There is nothing as natural hair color!So don't be surprised]. They think they own the world, like a n00b in a chat room.They talk really really loud and you would wonder if you are in the midst of retards.Oh!! Okay!! Wait a minute; everyone of em is listening to their 'ipods', that explains their loudness.
They want everything loud, their music, their instructions and even their food.

"OMG!!,OMG!!,OMG!!!" if you hear those shouts, RUN..... You are in the audible range of crazy teenagers.

A typical teenager never sleeps, they hibernate.Most of them are nocturnal. They sleep during the day waking up just to have their breakfast, lunch and dinner [The main purposes of life other than going to loo].They are on phone during the night. If they are not on phone, they are in some chat-rooms, begging to so called 'cam-chicks' to accept their request for cam show.Their parents are 'cornered' to believe that their 'tech wizard' teenage kid is studying on the internet downloading model question papers.But in reality we all know what a teenager does online.
These 'kids' are lucky cuz of the advancement in technology.In your days,it would be the movie posters on the walls.C'mon!

They download porn [Yes! Teenager likes to see humans mate.], pictures and load them on to their mobile phone; the next day they would be infecting the blood lines of teenage hood with these downloaded awesomeness.Teenagers are also called 'homo erectus' cuz of such behavior.

Yeah they are spoiled by the technology, pot, booze and other designer drugs, and gadgets their parents buy to keep these alleged teenager quiet, cuz law prevents them from putting the teenager in a cage.

In case you are wondering what a teenager is talking about! Well! most of the time a guy would be talking about girls, sex,Girls,their hot teachers,sex,classmate chicks,[Yeah!Teenagers go to school,At least they are supposed to],cars,sex,football,porn,FB,Sports,sex,cheer leaders,IPL,sex. Most of the time their conversation is a mix of these topics;with girls and related stuffs clocking a healthy 99% of the conversation.

My research with the girl teenage population revealed that a teenage girl apart from bitching about someone who is better looking than her, typically talk about GOD [OMG!!OMG!!! HE IS SOO HWAAATTT!!!], Guy Gods,guy celebrities who is about to declare their unending love for the 'pizza delivery guy', Math professor,Garnier Product range,Sunsilk Gang of Girls thingy etc. They also discuss 'It's a girl thing' things and enrich themselves with awesome knowledge and get pregnant.

[If you are a teenager reading this, Go ahead Deny this!!That proves you are a teenager.Muaahahahahaha!!]

Teenagers get depressed..WOOOHOOO!!!! Yeah!!!God Giveth! Good thing no?

You can identify a depressed teenager by the way that bozo behaves. They would not show much interest even towards the last piece of pizza [Mallu's Read :'pissa'.]First symptom is the 'neglect' towards awesome food.They have a constipated grimace on their face all the time. They download 'sad..sad..' songs off the internet.They take bath.Such are the symptoms of a depressed teenager.

A teenager can get depressed because of various reasons.Most of the time they are depressed cuz 'Their Chemistry miss is getting married.' or the person who is at-least 15 years elder than them rejected their 'love' request then pointed and laughed at their maturity.

A teenage girl gets awesomely depressed when their crush(mostly a celebrity)gets married, or declares that he is a gay.A teenage guy is equipped quiet well with 'shock absorbers' to handle such news by female celebrities. Most of the time their celebrities are their 'Tuition teacher', neighbor aunt,friend's elder sister etc.

These teenagers always say that "WORLD IS NOT FAIR!! NOBODY UNDERSTAND ME..AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO CARES IN THIS WHOLE FUCKING WORLD." Well not exactly in that particular order, but kinda like that.

Yes.."World is not fair" cuz they are asked to take bath by the district judge.They are right "NOBODY can understand them" cuz people are confused by their appearance, if they are Cow,alien,mutant, or a mutant alien cow by the looks of 'it'[Read:Teenager]."Am I the only one who cares"..Sure thing! They care only for themselves.

It's hard to understand them the way they talk.Ever had the chance to read a text message sent by a teenager?

Text Message:r u ,in?
Decipher it as "Are you coming?"

Teenagers are territorial.Apart from marking their territory by scent, they go to the extend of locking themselves in their room.Inside the room, they are pretty much doing nothing, they would simply be sleeping, reading comic books, browsing porn over the internet.Some teenagers indulge in the art of cross-dressing and write to Agony aunties asking them "If cross dressing is a disease."

Teenagers can eat anything and never be sick. They are like cockroaches. They eat anything and everything.The guy teenager likes to grow big and strong like a firetruck and hose the girls down.

A girl in her teen may look undernourished..But didn't you notice that she has such beautiful nails and hair [It's ironical that hair and nails are called dead tissues].A teenage girl would do anything to look skinny and to have a belly like that of Shakira.Most of their daily diet consist of 2 almonds and 1 badam XOR any juice [Organic] that is pink in color.Their fave drink is orange juice or any fruit juice without sugar,water ice etc etc.
[I know guys!! Porm movies does misguide us guys a huge lot..*sigh]

Teenagers are dumb.They take proud in shooting their awesome stunts like 'lighting up crackers on their head',jumping off the terrace to a plastic bucket full of water, cycling on terrace blind folded, humping pets. running naked and butt sliding on the road,smashing bottles with fart.Once they video record their awesomeness they put it on you-tube for the whole world to see or send it to AXN for the 'Retard's Show'.
____________________

"NOT FAIR!!" when I write only the truth about them. I cannot be that honest.Teenagers are not that bad.Okay! They are good.Okay! A teenager is actually a good thing, when duct taped and is put in the boot of the car.They behave such a way cuz of chemical reactions arising out of curiosity.

"It's easy to understand a person younger than us, when we look back at how rebellious we were when we were their age and accepting the truth of the present."-Sorcerer

What prompted me to write this blog is when I saw a discussion on T.V about 'Mobile phone-Teenagers and Relationship.'.There is no point in blaming a technology or technologies for the teenage abortions. For the generation who can't understand the technology and is finding fault in 'all those technologies to misguide youngsters' should try and understand these teenagers,[Atleast they are of the same species.]. It is easy to decipher [Read:Understand] a human when you talk to them in "their" way. Remember they are yet to learn our language, but we already know their language.[Don't we call Ourselves 'Mature'?]

"Be a friend in all means,not a dictator, only then you will know their pulse; if else you are tapping at the wrong nerve with your eyes closed.A youngster, can put a whole show for you till they say 'FIN'.And then you wake up from your slumber into a not so good reality!"

__________________________+


20 comments:

supriya said...

every damn line was so appropriate...!! but we can't deny that we all have been through this lap of life as well..!!
thats a different case that now we just know how to blame it on the "phase"!

Sorcerer said...

@supriya
yeah.!! WE did go through the phase and the way media portrays things as if 'this is all a new happening' is very depressing.

Chanz said...

oh my fucking god.. It was hillarious... And every damn line was true..

Sorcerer said...

@chanz
thanks for the comment
:)

☆Tharangni☆ said...

>>In reply to my post<<
@Sorcerer: Well... i don't write mine regularly.. but I write it 2 days in a week or so.. :) You too try it that way! :) It helps!! :)

Nipun said...

*Bows Down*

That was awesome man!!
Each fucking line was true..
How the hell do u think so much?
Tips from sorcy...:)
Looks like u have done all these things and also that u are observing them very near to u..
I wish I become one again..:)

Cheers

Nuts

susie said...

sorc.. awesome man!!! fell off the chair laughing.. :P though the last lines of "gyaan" was a total surprise :D



PS: mom thinks ive lost it (read : im in teenage mode):P :P

Ghost Script Writer said...

Gud one you sorcy creature
Hari Nandakumar

Meenakshi said...

First half, you sounded like a well grown middle aged man.. though a hilarious man (ofcourse).

the ending notes, put those doubts aside..

now that u wrote this post..and that people vouch that these are the true symptoms of teen-hood.. am now worried and confused.. i dont remember having had such a phase in life; bu hoooo hoooo..

it sounds fun and its seems to be my personal "missing link" in life..

and thanks for the post.. later, when i have kids and if they go through this, thanks to ur post, i'd know its just a phase and nothing to loose sleep on.. and as per ur "advice" will try to be their friend.. (that really did make u sound like a teenager though) ;)

Rajlakshmi said...

Hahaha lolz that is so true. I could identify with s6me of them bt then i wasnt that rowdy either :) and the last point was bang on.

Quintessence Of Illusion said...

1st of all thanks for visiting my blog...and dropping your valuable comment........
now coming to your post......its hilarious and witty.....i loved it...and so im following your blog

Anonymous said...

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Sweta said...

Award for you at me place! :)
hilarious as always!!!!!

Uncommon Sense said...

you are showing signs of growing up

Sorcerer said...

@uncommonsense
thank you buddy.! Will try to get better at writing..

@sweta
Thank you for the award.
:)
thanks for the visit and the comment Sweta

@anonymous
Hentai!! Not my fave..but thanks for suggesting.Anyway.

@Quintessence Of Illusion
thanks for the comment and following my blog

@Meenakshi
Long time..no see..
anyway nice to see you back on blogville.
thanks for the comment.

@Hari
Hmm..Okay.Thangu.


@Susie
thanks for the comment
See..even I think you have lost it Susie..We aint surprised..I mean the whole of TCS.
hahahahaho ho ho buhu buhu

@Nipun
thanks for the comment buddy..We all miss those times..aint we

@tharangni
thank you for the comment.
and yeah dairy entry..Hmm..try to catchup with that old habit

buzzzzzzzzz... said...

LMAO>>>>>>u knw dey blockd ur page in ma collg!!!
u shud get d nobel!!!
bout dis post ----> callin ma species mutants??? awsum!!!
LOLZ!!!

Saadi said...

Hahahaha...oh God!! U crack me up sooo bad...lol...and the comment right before mine...ur something Sorcy!! :D

Jokes aside...i agree with wat u've mentioned here about ppl forgetting tht at this age...everyone is rebellious and loud-mouthed!!!

Sumi said...

nice one sorcy! u might have done a mighty research huh?

Sunshine said...

wer u the same teenager buddy...coz u've focused on every aspect

Sorcerer said...

@sunshine.
Err..hmmm...errr...Nope!! :D

@sumi
aye aye..aye aye..did research..and all you need a dumb cousin like me.

@Saadi
thanks for the comment buddy
yeah you are right..

@BUzzz

WHAT? blocked my page?Ouch!! Harmless me no?What did I Do?told ze truth.
nyway..keep visiting and drop in the buzzzzzzz