Monday, March 22, 2010

.::COLLEGE::.

"College...Yeah I know that place..Dude you should check out the pool club near that building..Awesome"-Cousin on college.

"A small step for man, a giant leap in financial debt"-Parent of College_n00b.
____________________

I know dear readers, some of you people must be in this awesome social setting called college and some of you must be missing that luxurious 'day care center sponsored by various banks and financial institutions.' This post is about those awesome place called college.

When a n00b set foot inside the gates of the place_for_awesome_knowledge; he is filled with new hope, a new energy to be successful in life [Har har har *snort *snort]. There is a positive vibe around him and a stupid grin on his face thinking about him pwning the world later.[The kind of grin Bill Gates had when he gave Windows 98 to the world.].Luckily such positive thinking will fade away in the coming days, due to environmental factors.

The n00b shows his attitude by flaunting his 'pods' and 'phones' [which he will ofcourse keep as collateral for weed in the coming years], in front of the seniors[Read:Demi Gods]. Some smart n00bs use the 'effective time' to make new friends and use 'contacts' in college to create an 'illusion' of security like Windows Firewall- an illusion which is an urban college myth .The 'Designer n00bs', try to find n00bs of the same species wearing black nail polish and pink colored phone.

What these n00bs fail to understand is they are being 'closely monitored' by their seniors and is being cataloged based on parameters.[I am under the Oath that the parameters should not be disclosed.]. Background checks are done on 'prospective n00bs' and are checked and cross checked to ensure 0 error in the approach pattern.
After making sure that their college kid[n00b] is inside the college the parents run off. They walk across a stream of water to put the college kid off their scent.

For the first few weeks the n00bs find themselves having a hard time, cuz of 'Attitude' by the seniors. N00bs who are athletic survive these weeks, mostly by outrunning a beer bellied senior who is in need of some entertainment. 'Smart n00bs' who have a larger-than-normal hippocampus(The area of brain that deal with memory and navigation) thingy, is quick to find places where fences are low and cracks in compound walls manage to surprise the senior by disappearing from view and is soon given 'elite n00b' status.
'Designer n00bs' are the ones who say 'NOT FAIR!!' the most in the campus. They always manage to somehow come between a rock and a hard place [Senior with a hardon] and end up dancing, singing and performing various traditional campus cultural items. Time moves on and soon a senior get caught in the web of 'Arrear Exams', campus fest and projects and has no time for pwning n00bs. Karma at large!!
*sigh


N00b soon learns everything about life, mostly in the first 6 months.But some who are not quick learners take at-least a year. Most of them get the enlightenment pretty soon.They learn that their professors know nothing of the subject they are teaching. The use of Google will help them to get the exact reference material their teachers are 'referring'. They also learn rather 'painfully' that the 'humorous dialogues' their funny professor says is exactly the same thing he has been saying every year, (y)ear after (y)ear.College student attend classes just for 'entertainment' and being with their 'loved' ones. Most of the professors have 'low visibility range' and back-benchers as they lovingly call them is way below the visible spectrum.

Back benchers are the elite of the elite.It takes pain to be a back-bencher. To adorn that place,you should have the guts to bunk exams and drop grades. Once you are a back-bencher, he is in the process to attain 'Nirvana'.The attaining of thick skin is the proof that you indeed is on the path towards Nirvana.

"Nature's Principle' does apply in the campus.Survival of the toughest. The geeks or nerds or 'intellectuals' known for their highly evolved brain and fragile bones[ cuz of lack of ability of their body to process protein and calcium in their diet] is 'leased' by back-benchers to complete their assignments and projects. In return the geek is provided 'freedom' and 'Right of self expression'. These geeks are later hired by the 'Back benchers' to run their company or FBI/NSA to secure their information backbone.

A geek is extremely grateful, if they are given food coupon or life's luxuries such as a micro tip pen or copy of pirated movies.

A Geek:Hey Dude!!

Harmless Senior:WTF? [ Seniors always use the 3 word approach.] Where you comin from?

A Geek:Guess what? I went for a movie, All alone. Ya know it got 'A' rating.

Harmless Senior:Wow! Good.

Some geeks show slight signs of improvement.

A geek can be found in Library reading thick books through thick spectacle glasses or can be found in the computer lab programming vector graphics for FUN!!.

The College campus is a place where people learn a lot about life. They get everything a shopping mall can't offer. A college campus has 'Self styled banks', that provides money for the needy to buy weed and booze. Text books are not accepted as collateral in most of the places.C'mon these days even canteen guy don't accept text book as collateral.
*sigh

College is a place where you will never be one man short for sharing a booze and playing caroms.
Only place where you can still see the barter system is a college campus. In some cases geeks are kept as collateral.A geek gets love of all the woman in the campus, but they don't see any geek 'that way'.

This place equips us to be self sufficient. Girls like the chameleon uses their tongue to capture 'pray' which is usually the campus equivalent of world bank for their small luxuries.Guys has to resort to various 'fund raising events' to make ends meet in campus.[When they 'roll' (use up) the money for exam fees on food,film,weed and booze].Such events actually equip a person to understand 'Life' in its broadest spectrum.

If you don't get enough exercise, the same thing that your parents were complaining of? A college provides facility for that too. College gym is the place that ranks 2nd in the list, first being the loo for high amount of 'Pungent smell' in per cubic air in that area.There is something better than gym.A college goer can join a self styled Campus Student Government, to get some much needed exercise. The agenda for most of the Student Government is 'Reasonable Parking Space for all vehicles.','Making it mandatory to wear dress to the campus.' etc.

A student who is in such movement gets ample opportunity for exercise like sitting cozily near a female and protesting on issues no one gives a damn about,climbing trees to tie banners, walking aimlessly under the hot sun etc.You would be really lucky if you are in Kerala campus, cuz you really get good chance to throw stones at cops, burn buses and cars[Mallu students are more sensible and they don't try and burn themsleves!They don't want their younger siblings buy cars and bike with their insurance amount!!Har har har ] and really enjoy yourself in all its awesomeness, simply because a crow pooped on a student's head.Only students can understand the plight of another student and being a student is a fight from the very beginning itself.No?

A campus is a place where many learn that there is more to life than FTv midnight hot ,E.S.P.N and I.P.L. This is the place where people understand in detail about opposite sex. Some people are surprised to learn new things about their own 'orientation'. Though doing engineering, a college student is more interested in 'anatomy.'. [This is what happens when a kid is forced to take engineering by his parents.]. He is so in love with anatomy that he paste posters of Monica Belluci[ Melena,posters especially], Lindsay Lohan etc on the walls of his hostel room.

This is where you get a chance to 'Hook-up' with the opposite sex. When a person from campus is 'paired'[ A term derived from Information Technology], he and she outcasts themselves from the 'group', and is found spending quality time,together, in the restaurant, deserted lab,far corner of the football ground, insde the car ,showing PDA or simply called as 'Mating Behavior'. When you interview such campus 'paired' couples, many of them give a vivid description of their 'so called future' together for ever.

Some even get paid[Ooops!! Typo.? . Go figure]. Such is the effect of weed on humans. Most of these 'paired' couples 'unpair' after transferring the data. E.O.F
"Curiosity killed the cat". This quote has a whole new meaning here.Don't you think..Guyzzzz? ;-)

Such unpaired couples can be seen sitting ,alone under mango tree reading some thick book or listening to sad songs.The guy can be mostly spotted by his scraggly beard.[Such Devdas behaviour is soon becoming extinct. *sigh..It's soo fun to watch them sit that way!.].

Columbus discovered America. There are some people in college, who is greatly influenced by the story of great explorers. These 'eXXplorers ' have the talent to form MoU[ Memorandum of 'Understanding] with individual of opposite sex.Then they will be 'Searching' and 'Exploring' that female's body sitting at the last bench in class or under the great Banyan Tree. This cultural item in the campus is called 'Thappal'[ A term defined by a Mallu], or in English simbly called as 'Searching' or G(.)(.)gling.These guys are often seen as 'Vathsyana' and is envied by the rest of the population. They do this to bust 'boredom' of boring topics in the booring class.Nothing else ..okay!!

Party poopers such as exams and assignments are conducted routinely to check how many students are there in each class by the University.This event is purely for statistical reasons. Many students are confident that writing 'national anthem' or 'lyrics of Enrique Iglesias' songs in the answer papers will get them the pass mark in that subject. Many of them gracefully clear the exam.

A campus these days doubles up as internet cafe. This is where students can login to various social networking sites and upload their awesome weekend party pics of them sleeping, cuddling a toilet bowl, onto their Face Book or Orkut Albums. To enable free access to the information age, many campuses give students FREE laptop [When you are on a Bank loan, everything is FREE!] which can be used to watch porn movies[on Mute], play game, chat etc while you are bored, [which is 90% of the time] in class.

A campus canteen is a fragile economy where the business is mostly done as a 'service.' This is a place where you can 'eyeball' on Extra Terrestrials [Chicks other than from your class] and sip on lame juice[ No!! I am not making fun of Mallu pronounciation. Most campus menu items are lame and is like the grades of a back bencher- below average.]

Finally, when they are send out of college declaring them as 'awesomeness' of knowledge. These people, equipped with the knowledge for money laundering, financing and managerial skills, find their natural talent and start up companies and get their geek friends to run them. College equips us to be masters in the art of deception. This skill is used to confuse the HOT H.R executives during the interview and get a call center job and start an awesome career life.

____________________

"The more we learn, we kinda loose the ability to take risk.Is it because, we are educated to be always right,never make mistake and our EGO doesn't allow us to be wrong or fail?" Sorcerer pondering over a cup of coffee.
__________________________+



12 comments:

Santa Claus said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
siji said...

too true!
marvelously pondered over d cup of coffee btw!:)

Aditya said...

hehehe thats perfectly put! The whole college life so truely explained :D You have awesome imagination ;)

Anya said...

:)
:)
True !!

buzzzzzzzzz... said...

Party poopers such as exams and assignments are conducted routinely to check how many students are there in each class by the University...
.......LOLz..hw do ya cum up wid such stuff..??

Barbie Jones said...

Money Laundering!Is that to hide money from the tax man?Does the person then have to start a shell company?And could it be a church that hosts conferences?

Uncommon Sense said...

nice read... education is a just forward in making us slaves...

Sumi said...

and thats how sorcy graduated :)

Sorcerer said...

@sumi
muaahahahahahahaa
thanks for the comment

@uncommonsense
right!
thanks for the comment

@barbie jones
it could be anything..
thanks for the comment

@buzzz
gee..truth no?
thanks for the comment

@anya
:) thank you for the comment

@aditya
thank you for the comment

@siji
thank you for the comment

supriya said...

what a description..!! applauses...

Sorcerer said...

@supriya
thanks for the comment

SindhuBhairavi said...

hmm.. cool one! :)