Monday, March 15, 2010

.::ALCOHOL::.

Alcohol also refereed in literature as 'Holywater' is the staple diet for human beings. Certain segment of human population(which of course is the major segment)believes that consumption of spirit will help them achieve higher levels of intelligence and help them contact holy spirits. This fascination or illusion comes out of blurry vision and echoing of own voice inside the ears after the consumption of alcohol.

Alcohol or the holy water is served at places called 'pubs' by the priests who are well versed in juggling bottles, a ritual to satisfy the spirits. Human beings, go to the pub to worship the spirits every weekend and achieve Nirvana or a state of trance.

Alcohol was like the open source till man invented the technology to make awesome bottles. [ I must confess that the curves of vodka bottle always make me go ooooooooohhhh].

The advantages of having alcohol is endless

Alcohol makes you look saexy in the mirror. You can see yourself in the mirror and smile at your awesome incredibly hoombaboomba oohsa la la eyes which are sexily half opened like shutters of shops on a harthal day called by a not so strong political party. If you have not tried this, you should try looking into the mirror when you are totally drunk.Trust me you would look so saxy,spacially dose eyezzz..While you are at it hold your fetish for twins.

[Make sure that you are alone while you are at it. You don't want to end up on YOUTUBE videos,having sex with a mirror.]

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Alcohol gives you good confidence. Remember the story about ugly duckling?[ Har har har on you!!you still remember such pansy stories? Huh!]. People may call you by different names, depending up on your geographical features.Alcohol is the only one substance invented, to dissolve all such 'fancy names'. Alcohol has unique property of making everyone sexy and give lots of confidence.

Case A) It gives you awesome confidence in driving any vehicle. Though you would be surprised at the driving controls which is very different from arrow keys on your keyboard.

Case B)It brings out the real you. Alcohol has lubricating properties. It can make those stiff joints of your hands and legs move saxeily like that of belly of Shakira.This way you metamorph into a blond pole dancer. You have the confidence to come out of your cocoon, exposing your hairy limbs(moths are hairy!) and make awsome moves on the top of table.Alcohol makes even 'pappu' dance.['Pappu' can't dance?..Rubbissss].

Those moves you make will beat even that moves made by butterfly on a sandy beach.I call this the real 'Butterfly Effect'. "A hurricane is formed by the round round random movements made by the butts/hips of a dancing alcoholic on a pub table". It makes you possible to dance in all amazing Kamasutra positions.

Case C) It gives you the confidence to sing.The molecules of alcohol actually slows down the frequency you hear, making it more awesome like listening to music when inside a tunnel. The sober and not so drunk people will disregard your singing talent as the sound made by a female rhino when giving birth.

Alcohol makes you emotional and caring towards fellow humans.This is the reason why people after getting drunk has the urge to phone their ex and talk to them in 'ultra' romantic voice and tell them that life sucked more than she actually did.[Literally!].

When you are under de influenshe of alcohol, you haf de divine giffft to effortlessly shpeak any language.You are able to shpeak diffaran dialectsh of English and the 'shhh' factor comesh in which eesh believed to be de trademark uff 'Foren Accent'. Even a Mallu can talk Amchi Local Hindi when under the influence of vodka.

The girl sitting on your right looks sexy. Even though she is wearing one of those thick fur coat, you with the alcohol edge is able to see through it. You will feel like George of the Jungle, though she is with a mutant boyfriend who resembles a Godzilla. Yes, Alcohol makes you brave.

Alcohol makes you proclaim your love towards totally inanimate objects like your pillow, to which you have been dying to say those words. In extreme cases it would make you name your pillow something like 'Jane' or 'Amanda' and make love to it...passionately.

Alcohol makes you invisible.This is the reason why we have many 'ass grabbing' at party pics on the internet.It's a known fact that people talk aloud when they are invisible.

Sex change can happen when some people consume alcohol.They would hug and kiss the guy next to him. Some Cry and weep uncontrollably over some issues like Global warming and broken toe nail.If the drinks are strong enough, they would end up going home with one of the bouncers.

Some people become quadrupeds and graze on the floor on all the fours.
You will have the creativity juice flowing inside your profound brain thing. This will make you SMS your best friend about how you feel about 'Copenhagen Summit' and they would suggest you wear a straight jacket while you are intoxicated.

Alcohol gives you enormous strength and fighting abilities. They are not patting each other on the back and they are definitely not gay.They are actually fighting and punching each other.

An alcohol 'hangover' is the only 'hang over' some males have.[Hope you got the awesome drift.]

Teenagers are given alcohol for performing enema, when they swallow batteries which is supposed to be be inside the fire alarm system.

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For anything that has advantage has disadvantages too. No?Alcohol too has some disadvantages .Not much though.

Alcohol makes you pregnant. This is a universal phenomenon. Some opportunists call this the BIG BANG in theory.

Alcohol creates 'Cyclical Redundancy Error'. Its the human version of repeating same things over and over and over again..like you saying "Where is my pants?" over and over and over again

With the advancement in technology, what ever you do after getting intoxicated will be video recorded and hosted on You-tube by 'Jerks' and 'idiots.' of your friend's circle.
*sigh

Will make you forget the question,time, date, day of the week etc.

Make you feel the warmth of 'friendship'. [Some loser has said that.."Friendship is like peeing in pants..blah blah..blah..."]

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After much profound thinking(again), I thought I would give my awesome idea to the think tanks of economics some awesome ideas.

1) Government should supply alcohol at subsided cost on Harthal days to bring more revenue to the state through public distribution system.[Beverage Corporation..that is]

2)People who are alcoholics should wear tshirt with 'INFLAMABLE' written on it.[Blame it on 'Public Saftey'. This sells more than condoms.] Just like charging 'FINE' for not wearing helmets, offenders not wearing TSHIRTS with warning labels should be charged.For a start state police departments can be given T-Shirts for creating awareness among public.

3) People who run their vehicles and run themselves on Spirit should be given tax exemption.
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Never cry over spilt milk. It could've been whiskey. -Pappy" Maverick

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16 comments:

Uncommon Sense said...

there is only one thing better than drinking alcohol,, and tht is to watch someone who is totally drunk... and to make him do funny things...

Sorcerer said...

@uncommonsense
yes you said it..and record it and put on youtube.

Sakshi said...

Alcohol or the holy water is served at places called 'pubs' by the priests who are well versed in juggling bottles, a ritual to satisfy the spirits. Human beings, go to the pub to worship the spirits every weekend and achieve Nirvana or a state of trance.... sorcy baba ki jai....

Sorcerer said...

@sakshi
thank you thank you thank you
for the comment

Rachna said...

You have done a thesis on alcohol. I have seen some pretty normal people do stunts once they are high. Really funny post! How do you do it :)?

Smita said...

There are normal blog writers who write about how they puked after having a lot to drink and recorded while their friends made out with the most ugle chick in the room...

and then there is Sorcy, who analyses the very being of madira...

Do I need to say you're now my GURU? I'm in your sharan, guide me towards the things for greater good. All hail Sorcy the great! :D

rohini said...

Mungda mungda....wat say...after getting drunk..even if its nt, one can feel sexy dancing infrnt of the mirror...such a moral boost...gr8 post..

Saadi said...

Omg, tht hang over stuff....whhaa, i just realized how dirty minded I really am!!!

Nehow....awesome post!! U had lost track earlier sometime..but this post is totally awesome!!!

GO SORCY!!!

Nothingman said...

I used to drink. Now I don't. So it's all cool :D

N

GsW said...

Good!!!!!! Go on Till Death

HARI NANDAKUMAR

smitzy said...

oh btw, smita is smitzy :P

supriya said...

he he he..awesome..i hope this writing confidence of yours in the blogging is not just because of alcohol..lmao..!!

Sorcerer said...

@supriya
thanks for the comment..,No..the confidence is not cuz of alcohol.*hic

@smitzy
oh.okay..so you are in double role.

thanks for the comment

@hari
thank you buddy

@nothingman
good good.. Yoga can do good to life too..

@saadi
welcome to the real world
hahaha
thanks for the comment

@rohini
thanks for the comment

@rachna
yeah..thesis that was
thanks for the comment

@

anishthomas said...

lol...but what ever 'http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/8557215.stm ' this is not a good news which we can proud about :) .

Sorcerer said...

@anishthomas
yeah..I read it..
hmm.
*Sigh

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