Thursday, April 1, 2010

.::INTERVIEW QUESTIONS::.

This post is about how to face certain interview questions. In-depth analysis and factors are given for certain questions.
____________________

Q1)Does this make me look fat?

Analysis: This is a trick question.The answer you give should always match random parameters.
Like!!! Your car has 4 tires. Color 'blue' is made of four letters.So if the dress is of color blue say Yeah!!! I laiked it.

Probable Answers:

A)No!!! With a cherry on top, you would sweetly resemble a fancy wedding cake.

B)Marvelous thing, the skin is.Don't you think?

c)Depends on the price tag, actually!!

d)Only on the top and the bottom.

e)Nope! But I wanna see you fit in it.Would be fun! Would you let me watch?

f)Nope! It doesn't, it just makes it large.

g)Honey!! Please don't use the F Word.

____________________

Q.2)Do you love me?

If you think, this question has strategic importance..NOPE! This is just another random question asked out of sheer boredom. This question gives you a false feeling of being 'important.' These questions are just to give a work out to your brain and to distract you from the football match on T.V. If you think answering this will eventually lead you to bed and get 'lucky', do try and find a good name for your pillow.

Probable Answers:

1)There is no sports on T.V. Of course I do .

2)Do you have a headache?

3)Don't tell me you 'accidentally' erased my phone book.

4)You saw me staring at the other chick.Didn't ya?

5)Did I forget your birthday? [ Run as fast as your legs could carry you.]

6)Err...What did I do wrong?Tell me..Tell me..Tell me..

____________________

Q3)Do you love me for my brains or my body?

I know guyz, you know the answer and you are pretty sure about it. But, you know why Galelio was burned, cuz he told the truth. [ We are supposed to lie!*sigh]
Yeah! We all believe in the simple and proven theory..Seeing is believing and there is another simple and proven theory "woman scorned, like which fury Hell hath .No?"
So

Probable Answers:

1)I love those brains .[Use your gesture to point at 'those'.]

2)Wow! That's an intelligent question coming from a saexy body!

3)I love beer.

4)All of the above. [Stress the above part]
____________________

Q4)How many other women have you slept with?

Consider yourself lucky, if you are faced with such a question, atleast someone thinks you 'have it in you' to get laid. No matter what you say, who ever asked you the question has an 'odd number' in her mind .[ It is an old math equation, explained in detail in the movie 'American Pie'.]

Probable Answers:

1)The other women don't let me sleep actually. *sigh[Audible Sigh plz]

2)Grab her hands and say, "I need more fingers.."

3)errr!! hmmm....errrr...hmmm...Errr....hmmm...

4)Do I look like Tiger Woods?

____________________

Q5)Are you listening to me?


This is the toughest question ever invented by the female kind. We all know how much we care about "broken nail" and 'healthy hair'.We know we have better things to think about like..."Nuclear Deal", " Global warming" and at the same time virtually (with deep and profound thinking)undress the hot chick sitting left of you.

But, This question is powerful question and is equivalent to electric shock. Anyone can be shaken alive to the reality by this question.

"This is an art,practice, you have to"-Yoda

It is of utmost importance to see that, she does not ask you the question "Are you listening to me" in the first place.
For that

1) Always say..hmmm..okay...Uh huh!!..Oh!! hmmm... yeah...etc.

2)Nod your head.

3)Dedicate 8 bit in your memory to track the last word of every sentence she is saying. Repeat the same word for 'added' effect, so that she will continue to talk leaving you unharmed.

4)Have a constipated grimace on your face. This saves a lot of trouble.

Most of the time, these above 4 step process will bail you out of that question.
But if you still manage to get that question... Congrats!
Let us see some possible answers to get you out of that 'situation'.

1)I was listening to you, but then my train of thoughts derailed.

2)I got lost in your deep [subsitute color of her eyes] eyes. [**Does not work when over telephone]

3)Yeah! I agree, you are right! You are completely right!

4)What makes you think I was not listening to you? [A bit of threat will add more effect to it]

5)Yeah!! And I need to upgrade my machine's RAM and upgrade the processor.
____________________


Q6)What should I wear tonight?

If she really knows you, she wont ask you this question.

Gal:I got a party tonight.Was wondering..what I should be wearing

Sorcerer:Hmm... Actually...

Gal:NOOOO..Sorc..Nooo..I don't wanna know..I don't wanna know..I wont wonder any more..I swear sorc!

Sorcerer:Good!

*sigh!!

Probable Answers:

1)Something that's easy to get out of.Time is precious, ya know!

2)Wear something that matches your intelligence [ Metaphorical way of saying..NOTHING]

3)Something that doesn't require dangerous weapons to hold it up like...safety pins and later make me take a T.T injection.

4)Do you still have your pre school uniform?

5)Fire proof lingerie?

6)I would look saexy on you.

____________________

Basically!! Don't fumble when answering questions. This shows your lack of confidence.
Good luck!! You would need it a lot!
__________________________+


24 comments:

Sammok said...

hahahaha.. wear something that matches your intelligence.. XD

Nipun said...

LOLZ..
Some very witty answers sorcy..
Everything was just so perfectly said..:)
The answers were really astounding. I don't think any man can give them anyway..

Cheers

Nuts

p.s. Where r u mate? Didn't saw u around?

Uncommon Sense said...

keep asking all these questions to the girl.. instead of girl asking u

Sorcerer said...

@uncommonsense
hmm...and we expect an answer?

@nipun
been busy with some projects.
thank you for the comment

@sammok
hey sam! thanks buddy!

Smitzy said...

ROFL :D :D :D AWESOME!!!!

You are giving me a run for money in terms if expanses in evilness :) I hope you put this in the guide for human survival too (the one you commented on my post :P)

keep the awesomeness going!

william said...

very good tips here, brilliant :)

Insignia said...

Errrr...a lady reading your posts :-S

I liked the options for the questions :-) All the best!! you might need them :-P

Megha said...

lol...you are getting better at sarcasm :)

Anonymous said...

Tintu MOn Rocking

Firebolt said...

I am in SPLITS here!

Wonderfully witty answers.. hehehehe
Great entertaining post.. keep em coming..

Loved the 'are you even listening to me' one most :D

- Sugar Cube - said...

OMG! Sexy and witty answers! Although some of them are going to result in getting the girl's palm printed over the guy's face..but yeah otherwise seriously fantastic :D :D

And most importantly..original!

The analysis you've done are so funny specially this one -
"This question gives you a false feeling of being 'important.' These questions are just to give a work out to your brain and to distract you from the football match on T.V"
LOL =)

Great write up!

Readers Dais said...

Hi!
The other woman dont let me sleep Ha! Ha! cool yaar,
and the lost in ur deep blue eyes...cud be used usefully nah...thanks

M@ria said...

Oh! man ur know women 2 much! we women ask each of these questions like so many times...without any rhyme or reason or warning :)
but since u hav issued a disclaimer earlier about ur posts...im hoping u wont get into trouble with any bashed up guy (courtesy u)

But, seriously, what do u do dude? like write funny stuff the whole day? Is that how u make money? I would love that :)

[[[ x Smiley x ]]] said...

LOL!
some good answers here.
I liked answer #3 to the question 'Are you listening to me?' ;]
Dont all guys say that?

buzzzzzzzzz... said...

hurraaahhh!!! u r bak..
i missd ma daily ROFLs......
wear sumthn to match ur intelligence!! geeksome!

Aditya said...

Wear something to match your intelligence! // rofl! I actually laughed out loud! awesome man!

Jaunty anima said...

Hey there you go again...Cmn to ur blog after a long time...N the sarcasm has only grown exponentially~!!
"Do I look like Tiger woods?"
ROFL!!!!!

Rachna said...

It is such a humor-filled post. I think by now most women who have interacted with the male species know not to ask these questions :). But your answers are really hilarious!

sorcerer said...

@rachna
thanks for the comment

@Jaunty Anima
hey...nice to see you back on my blog
where you been
thank you for the comment

@Aditya
true.No?
thank you for thecomment

@buzzz
thanks for the buzzzzzzzz..

@smiley
thanks for the comment

@Maria
haha.thanks.btw..blogging is just a hobby..
thanks for the comment

@ReadersDias
thanks for the comment

@sugar cube
thanksfor the comment

@firebolt
thanks for the comment

@anonymous
hahahaha...Tintu Mon?

@Megha
thanks

@Insignia
thanks...errr..Do I need em?
thanks anyway
@William
thank you for visiting my blog sir.Thank you for the comment

@smitzy
thank youfor the comment

SindhuBhairavi said...

:) valare nannayittundu ..

the post was also a learning experience to know the working of a male brain... like what men do when they are not listening to the woman.. etc etc etc!!!

not commenting on certain instances.. Mounam female(Vidhvaanu) Bhooshanam.. :)

ur posts are really fun to read!!

Sorcerer said...

@sindhuBhairavi
Mounam Vidhvanu Bhooshanam
Females nu Abhooshnam ennalle... Pazhamakkar paranjathu

hmm...Deep and dark working of human minds..
:)

Sunshine said...

Well let me tell u all the Qs mentioned have to come up with good ans in case of goof up...(are u listening to me ?) this one has to wise in order to divert the gals mind...lols

Sorcerer said...

@sunshine
Nope.they are real good answers.
i zthink people should try these answers

Geethu said...

@Sorcerer:
ha ha ha!!!! very hilarious!
i better by-heart those answers, so i know wht my guy has in mind whn he gives me those lines!
:D