Thursday, April 8, 2010


This post is categorized under the "Sorcy's HOW TO" Series of blog posts. This is where we discuss in detail about 'How to ' Screw the Screw-up royally.

This post is about 'Art of Creative Writing'. Creative writing is an awesome thing to do. According to the blogger, that is me off-course,Egyptians are the most coolish[Cool+Ish] writers.
I think you (who are my regular visitors)must have read this older post.

If you are one of those person, who has lots of ideas inside your head and doesn't know how to put it on paper, to put the same sentence creatively," do you get that feeling like that of a constipated kid, but constipation on the literary side, only?" Then..You have it in you to be a great creative writer.

The first thing you need to do is to believe that you can write shit.[Always have that creative touch in every sentence] For that you need to follow a few steps randomly like watching chicks on nude beach.

You need to have a good vocabulary, like Eminem's Dictionary for School Children.For that you need to read a lot.Start by becoming a compulsive T-Shirt reader.Then slowly graduate into more advanced books like Playboy magazine and Gray's Anatomy.A true writer, uses awesome words when writing. Words play magic in the mind of the reader. It creates the movie in the mind of the reader.
Words like "Flying Fuck","Noodle Head","Tohubohu","OMFG","NUFF","Stupidazfuck", should be placed to add more color to the sentence.
Make a change, creatively, like this blog writer. He had awesomely coined the term 'Center-fresh ' to define Virgins.See how much a single word can convey to the reader.

Usage: He unwrapped the center-fresh

Not everyone will like your 'honest' way of writing.[Communists Read:Rebellious].There would be kids, and preteens who would be reading what you wrote.So Use the BEEP.
Every Tom Beep and Harry knows that trick shown on T.V
See, how efficiently the BEEP is used to make the sentence kid friendly like the plastic cover in a kid's hand.

Know your audience:
You should be aware of your audience.Have the end reader in mind when you frame your concept. If you are writing for kids, you should write about, Nuclear Physics, Quantum mechanics or fluid dynamics.Make it interesting by adding diagrams and equations.Kids love diagrams.
Adults like to read anything and everything unlike being like a kids in a candy shop.

Captivate the reader:
The opening paragraph of your story should capture the reader like 400 Watt Electric Shock. You should be able to grab the attention of the reader like a 36 D chick on the shopping floor.This will make them look forward for more of 36D's in the coming sentence,[Har har har *snort *snort] which you will strategically avoid like sex between a married couple.
Once you got them engrossed in the thing you have written like a teen to porn, success is your middle finger, higher than the rest.
To engross the reader further, randomly use the word 'bed', 'Lingerie',' Shower', etc.This will fire up the imagination of the reader making him read it further.

Creating Characters:
Your story should have characters or actors in it, if you are writing a novel.A writer is an awesome guy, who can murder anyone[characters]. Out of 360 characters you are having, one character should play the lead role. He /she should have the ability to talk to himself/herself. The lead character should actually have relationship with rest of the characters.[NO! Not incest]
Making the lead character wear a spandex and a red underwear on top of it will make quiet a good read for some.
The lead character, who naturally would be a male should, be the proud winner of 'Wrong Place at the Wrong Time' award.He should poke his nose at all stinky places and get a cataclysmic splurge.
Make sure that you bring the lead characters together after every few pages giving the reader a false feeling of 'Something HOT will happen.' [Stupid Teens *sigh]

Story Line:

Your writing should have a flow like cow pissing on a flat rock.The words should take the reader in all possible directions.You should start and begin at different places, creating an atmosphere of suspense.Your readers should suffocate in the smoke of the atmosphere you have created and you have switched off the exhaust fan.You should not switch on the exhaust fan like pulling the plug of the bath tub, till the last paragraph of your awesome creative writing thingy.[I know you must have noticed how richly creative the above sentences are]

Fill your writing with suspense.

She was the dawn in his life, as was with her name, Dawn Johnson.He used to wake up everyday to the crack of dawn, but this day he woke up in
'Black Charlie's Opening'.[A place in Australia].

Now, you have the user guessing, "What is he doing in Black Charlie's opening?".This my friend is called the suspense.

Remember, always use suspense and have a flow.Make people disappear and appear randomly.

"Mr Krodpkin,You are supposed to be dead."
"Oh yeah!! I took the last train from Hell, Mr.Paulo" replied Krodpkin and scratched his crotch.

This is how you can bring back dead characters straight from the hell.

Dialogues gives more character to the people. It forms the action sequence in the mind of the reader.

We should be give a good description of actions to make it more enjoyable.A good dialogue is like a girl in micro-bikini.Interesting and it helps reveal the plot [no pun intended] more easily to the reader.

He came out of the elevator. His eye balls started giving her a whole body massage.
"Hello there, Is your name Angel?" he asked her that in his Manly voice which was in C Minor.

It was an old pickup line he memorized from his preschool days, which he used to pickup his hot teacher.

" name is Fred, Fred Simpson, and you are giving me a hard-on with that voice of yours."Shehe replied

As you have guessed the she is not actually she, but a "he" in a "she" clothing like DJ Samantha for Lindsay Lohan.

See, this is what, now it has revealed in complete detail everything the reader wants to know through the dialogue.

Descriptive Sentences:
Sentences should be descriptive.You must have noticed how rich the sentences are in this blog post.
Compare things with things in real life which the reader can relate to.

  • He was sitting on a huge problem, like sitting on a Beta Saturn rocket about to be fired to oblivion, which was 2.5 Km away from horizon.
  • The sun went down fast like Titanic in Atlantic
  • The drink left a bad taste in his mouth like his fashion sense.
Always use situations and references to say about situations which could have been easily done with a few words other wise.
Complexity gives the WOW factor


End gracefully, like a porn movie.Its your choice to leave it with a happy ending or a sad ending. If you are confused, toss a coin.That usually solves it.The key is to piss off the reader and come to a totally different ending.
If the story is about love, turn the lead character impotent by ramming an earth mover between him and the hard place, in the end
Innovate dramatic and dynamic twist from the real plot to surprise the reader.
If you are still confused, you should leave it open ended like a mini skirt.

She Unbuttoned her shirt.

The Butler Killed who?


The cop winked at him romantically.

It was the same black lingerie from the 1980s.

Leave the rest to the readers imagination. These are fine examples of ending.

Follow these tips to write your first novel or creative thingy. Soon there would be a Nobel for blog literature.


Anonymous said...

fabulous ideas!!OMG you just inspired me to write my beep-fiction..this could be the advent of a whole new genre like beep literature..thanks! :D

Sorcerer said...

thank you!

Sam said...

What an interpretation of modern pop literature. You rock dude.

Lincoln said...

centre fresh :) kya idea sir jee!!

Sorcerer said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Sorcerer said...

thank you Thank you
thank you thank you

thank you thank you

Surreal said...

hehe..that was hilarious! False feeling of something HOT will happen..that was good one too. :D

Rachna said...

Excellent! "Your writing should flow like a cow pissing on a flat rock." Hilarious :)

санжог said...

Mad scientist at work.... dude i thought you were crazy but now i see u'r nuts. ( although I closed my eyes)

keep it up dude..

buckingfastard said...

hehehaha!!! cant wait to try my hand on a new fiction based on ur ideas.... thnks fr da radical idea **evil grin**

P. Venugopal said...

I am waiting for you to write a book. I won't bet on it winning the Nobel, but it sure is going to be a best seller. Nobels are for the type of writers who go deep into the sordid side and do not care a damn what the readers' feel. You are definitely not that sort.

Sorcerer said...

I was really thinking about writing a book.I think I should give it a shot.
Your comments always inspire me.Thank you sir, Thanks a lot

@bucking fastard
thank you thank you.
Good luck mate

Iam nuts ofcourse..I am.
har har har

good no? It should flow and spread in all directions

yeah..I used to fall for that same trick by Sydney Sheldon

Vinodhini said...

Haha, that was certainly richly creative! It was really good.

Sorcerer said...

thank you so much

Garima said...

I wonder where you get all the ideas from.... i think you should write a post on that too..and I am looking forward to this not to get some tips (of course)...but to your creativity in writing...and of course thinking ;) have been tagged here -

Anonymous said...

haha... how.. just HOW do you come up with so much nonsense day after day??
you are the king of insane metaphors!
i LOVE this blog :)


Rishi said...

laughing my freakin ass out... 36D err i meant :D

Sankoobaba said...

great idea...very vast..
but seriously good..

Sorcerer said...

thank you for the comment

thanks for he comment

Thanks for the comment

yeah I will post a post on how to post insane things.
Thanks for the tag and the comment


Saurabh Panshikar said...

HAHA! Was loling all the way...

At loss of words for comments...
So I'l just copy paste your stuff...

"eminem's Dictionary for School Children"
"crack of dawn"
"giving her a whole body massage."


Sorcerer said...

thanks buddy