.::CON VER SA TIONS ::.

Genius:So you ain't going to your girl's home or whut?

Wiseguy: Naa..She's got pest control people or something over there.

Genius:Well..that explains and..keep your distance till the guys with the pest gun leave.

..

..
 

Genius:Next time you shut down the lid of my laptop with that 'thud' sound..I am gonna kick you into orbit.

Sorcerer:can I have an autograph..errr...Mr.Chuck Norris?
..

..

Wiseguy:Dude!! I get motion sickness out of reading in the main chatroom.
..

..

IceCold:Dude! She was soo hot and I was kinda nervous when I was talking to her..ya know.I think I made a total ass out of myself.

Sorcerer:Yeah we saw that..your whole body was shaking like an ass with Parkinson's.

..

..

IceCold:Huh!! The machine says "The package is corrupt."

Sorcerer:Never..ever think of donating "some" and making money!!

..

..

WiseGuy:Fruit you!!
Sorcerer:Now, if you are making it sound less perverted..it's not..it reminds everyone of the pineapple Joke.well which is.pretty hilarious.

__________________________+

.::CONVERSATIONS::.

Sorcerer : u haf to do exactly as i say

Timone : r u crazzzzy?

Timone : do wat u say :O

Sorcerer : its to bug someone ....royally

Timone: Wow! sounds lyk a perfect suicide plot.

Sorcerer : DO IT.

Timone : orderin lil me around?

Timone : heard of amnesty international ...........???

Sorcerer : For you it would be P.E.T.A

..
..

Shawty: Hey, Do I look good in this white outfit?

Sorcerer:Wow! You look like a star,,err...white dwarf actually.

..
..

Wiseguy: Beautiful Sunday today and I am gonna do something really good today for the world.

Sorcerer:Err..Like sterlizing yourself?

..
..
Siji:So, it was doing it, just like the humans do.

Sorcerer:Well!we Humans do that.

Siji:Sorc! we are still trying to establish the fact that you are a human.

..
..

 

Genius:So, he won't be coming for the party.

 

Wiseguy:Yeah, he is accompanying his Girl friend for shopping.

 

Genius:Classic hostage situation.

 

__________________________+

.::TRAIN JOURNEY::.

There was a time in my life where, I used to commute quiet a lot in trains.Traveling in General Compartment which, always defied physics, because each passenger will be sticking on to dear life by something called as 'surface tension' between the human bodies.A passenger can assume various Yoga postures while traveling in one of those crowded,awesome General Compartments.Sure thing, nothing can beat the Sauna bath a traveler gets in one of those crowded compartments.Thanks to our Railways, who strategically place the General Compartments like Thenga(coconut) in puttu(Err..an eating thing, I don't prefer much]

..
..

Then there are days, when you find the compartments deserted,with only a few souls.It was one of those days, and yes, my day was about to get much better.

"Even days don't come without strings attached."-Sorcerer on Days.

I searched for the novel, which I had stolen taken claimed from my cousin, a day before, inside my backpack.But, zilch, my cousin had stolen it back,shamelessly. I made a mental note to booby-trap my back-pack when  I leave it unattended next time.I remember seeing him with 'Gee_I_Peed_in_My_Pants smile' [Also called Sheepish Smile] on the breakfast table that morning.

I decided to spend the time productively and took out my mobile phone to play some 'awesome' games on it.There was not a single chick in the compartment and made me wonder if that was the reason why this compartment was deserted.It's like this situation where you have whole lots of bread and you don't have that cute ketchup to start eating it with.
Fellow passengers didn't fit my orientation, which was as straight as the railway tracks and *sigh..Gaming on the mobile was my only option, then.

..
..

A few harmless minutes passed by and then there was this smell of 'Royal Mirage' in the air.Being a mallu, I knew what was coming.Then soon there is a buffet of various perfumes, colognes, rosewater in the air. Your nostrils feel dizzy and ask for mercy.This is when your nose stops working and you can't even smell the aroma of coffee you are drinking.

The next shock comes as sound waves.The high pitch shrieks of kids fill the air around you.These little monsters open their mouth only for 2 reasons, 

1)Eat.

2)Shriek at a higher frequency than any opera singer.

Soon..these kids will be everywhere inside the compartment, even eyeing your biscuit packet, hanging from a fan on the ceiling.

Now there is a small train of people who is moving through the narrow passage way inside the train trying to locate a place to keep their various Cargo,including the noisy cargo also called kids.
Those luggages resemble miniature golf carts.These luggage bags are kept around the place where they sit and they "fortify" themselves in the middle of it.
Any mallu would soon conclude that, this small contingent of people have just landed from gelf and onto a summer vacation some place or heading home after Dufai Shopping Festival.

The Alpha Male of such a gang can be identified by his physical characteristics.He kinda resembles a beached Beluga Whale.He would bellow at high pitched growl to silence the kids[A futile effort,though] and at times taking head counts,just to be sure that none of the kids are thrown out or locked inside the toilet,by some one whose nerves the kids have managed do a tap dance on.The alpha male would, usually be wearing a white shirt and would be having a white hand kerchief and a bit of white hair on the sides of his head.I said Beluga Whale..Didn't I?

The females in that gang, was wearing all bling bling stuff that would blind you momentarily and footwear with pointed heels-a self defence mechanism in crowded trains for ladies.They are dressed to kill or at least blind you, practically. A lady in that gang was cradling an infant who managed to be the centre of attraction by high pitched shrieks in off key harmony.The rest of the female gang swung into action trying to stop the baby from crying by making all weird noises and name calling.I think that scared the baby even more.
The guy sitting next to me gave a audible sigh.I think he was on the verge of crying, seeing all this.

I looked at the alpha male,giving him a pathetic look for his lack of knowledge in contraceptives or spending too much time here in homeland.I think, half the people in the compartment was having the same thought.They were all looking at him.

A few of us guy's attention was captured by an older chick of that gang,hopefully single.She kinda resembled Britney Spears in her prime.The moment I saw her I knew that she is an artist and she likes to paint on her own face.Well! that's nice when the weather holds good and is not raining.I do not think the make-up paint thing has weather shield like Asian Paints.For me she was an interesting specimen for research[Educational Purpose Only]. If I say, she overdid the make-up thing, that would be an understatement.I have seen it on Discovery channel that, certain species of animals use color to attract mates,like certain primates who turn their butts deep red color when they are sexually aroused!! Here it was not the butts,but,cheeks.[Noo..Not Butt-cheeks.] 
In my case, I don't do clowns.That's a terrible mental image.Scaaaaaaaarry!!!

The other kiddos in the gang, were not really bothered by anything..They were high on candy and chocolates. They would effortlessly make their way between the legs of the persons who are wearing pants and is standing in the compartment.The kiddos had brand new Nokia handset with them which made me hide my good old NOKIA 6020 in panic from their visual range.Another kid had a video game in his hands and his face showed the eagerness to take it apart, piece by piece and make that electronic gadget into a jigsaw puzzle.

The girl kiddos in the gang,looked like miniature Barbie Dolls, off the shelf. I assumed that the outfit they wore would bling bling in the dark.I even had doubts, if those dresses had small L.E.D lights and beeper tones in it .These lil queen bees actually controlled the male kids in the gang.At times these Barbie kids would order the male kid to get them water, packaged fruit juice,chocolates, biscuits etc from inside the 'fort'; and male kids would oblige even without a questioning look.
Yeah! It's like that since our caveman days...aint it?

I tried to take a nap, but every few minutes, I was awaken by the ill timed alarm clock also called the shrieking kid.
A few hours later, I got down at my station, leaving the fanfare behind.
__________________________+

.::CONVERSATIONS::.

Sorcerer:So...you eat chicken and then you make fun of me who eats sea creatures.

Siz:See.Sorc..I eat chicken...Butttttttttttt.... [Melodramatic Pause]
 

Sorcerer:Oh..Okay!! So you eat chicken Butt and then you make fun of me who eats sea creatures!!!
..

..

Genius:Ya know..this guy, he is soo smart!!
 

Sorcerer:Oh Really? Is he single?
 

Genius:Nope!! He is married...
 

Sorcerer:And you call that smart?
..

..

Genius trying to walk on the railing on the terrace!!

Genius:Hey! If I fall down, do call and ambulance that has awesome ring tone!! Okay?

That statement made by him, really made me wonder that, the scintists should be looking at our terrace to find the 'missing link', not dig up bones of prehistoric men.
..

..

Pirate:Dude, these days, I feel so lonely.

Sorcerer:I can understand, your beer belly explains it all.
..

..

Genius:Sitting close to the TV is bad for your eyes.

Really Harmless Guy:Talking to me while watching T.V is bad for your ass.
..

..

"My internet is putting me on a diet..It won't let me have more than a few bytes"-Sorcerer on Internet Connection.
..

..

Siz:You are a narcist.

Sorcerer:Nope..I am straight.

..

..

Sorcerer:Hey!! heard your best buddy is moving back to the hostel?

Timon:Yeah..such hard times approaching.*sigh
..

..

Loco_Poco: what does soda mean?

Sorcerer : Bottled fart in layman's terms
..

..

Lost_Chick:Bye.

Sorcerer:Hey!! Wait till the internet stops before you step off..Okay..Take care..bye.

__________________________+

.::KITCHEN N00B::.

On my way back to Bangalore this time, I was bestowed with the honor of being accompanied by a n00b, fresh from campus looking for 'Opportunities' in Bangalore.
A n00b , packaged at source just like stupidity and mineral water- Thank you God for reminding me that the teasing times are not over...YET!!!

The n00b was totally excited about coming to Bangalore and harvest few dollars from the IT farms here.Just like Homer Simpson's knowledge of American Geography, my friend,n00b, has awesome trust in his programming knowledge.I really don't want to explain to him and ruin the surprises various H.R Managers has in store for him when he goes for the interview with his 3 inch knowledge.I am not that bad guy who would ruin someone's surprise..Am I?

THe n00b was silent for a while, may be deeply thinking about what he had not formatted on his computer back home or all the p0rn that he had failed to back up and had deleted mercilessly- A situation like mercy killing a teddy bear which your lover had given you.

I thought I would engage the n00b in a conversation and try to give him a little orientation to the I.T scenario.
I like talking to kids whose IQ is pretty much below the numeric scale and  that you would need a shovel to dig to find their IQ's. [Not that I am pretty good with IQ, but as THIS is my blog, I like to maintain my awesome standards, atleast..here.]

 
Trust me..trying to initiate a conversation with a hyperactive n00b was big mistake.I was trying hard to find the center of gravity in the conversation..something similiar to a chick with with huge silicon implants trying to walk on the sandy beach without toppling over.
My karma was behaving like and A.T.M without cash.

The n00b was yapping..yapping..yapping at 70 KmPH, a notch higher than the official highway speed.
Time moved on..my head began nodding which the n00b thought , I was agreeing to his conversation bits.Actually, I was nodding myself to sleep.

If the n00b had not fallen asleep  and had planned to continue with his hyperactive excitement about his upcoming life in Bangalore, I had a few plans with the window curtain that was fluttering around.Well, the window curtain was Plan -B.

After the rattle of the n00b subsided, I thought I would take a nap,which wasn't no biggie since I dose off the instant I get into a moving thing (even see-saws). Again....karma was sticking to me like bubble gum under the shoes.As soon as I was about to take my first step into my dream pool,I was harshly pulled back by a high pitched voice from the back seat. An otherwise cute looking chick has turned herself into a digital-dolby monster, talking on her phone.She must be from Cochin as she ended her every sentence with "What Rubbisssss".[With all due respect..fello kochin Mallu people..hope you got my drift].My dear readers, these "what rubbisssss" was flying around my head like tweety bird around Sylvester the cat.."Suffering...Succotasshhh...."

 

Next day..I would get down the bus as a zombie..with bloodshot eyes and all.The all luxury travel is such a myth these days.Sigh]
..
..

I think I wiill continue the 'musings of the n00b in Bangalore' in the upcoming posts.This post will concentrate on the n00b in the kitchen .
..
..

N00b had 2 options, either to go on a 'diet' till the 't' fades out or learn to cook. Being so awesome myself in cooking; I thought I would give this n00b a few lesson in making edible food.
"Hey Kid,cooking is not exactly rocket science, but if you are not really careful with the cooking gas, you could attain the escape velocity, just like a rocket"-I explained in simple Engiish. [The kid just blinked his eyes in response.[What else do ya expect out of a n00b?]

N00b Instance 1)

I asked the n00b to cut the tomatos.The n00b was totally excited.May be the color of the vegetable attracted him. Even I was taken back by the enthu this kid showed to cut the vegetables.
"Call me when you are done with it." Giving him a nod, I moved out of the kitchen, with an evil grin on my face.Who won't be happy to get a slave, that too absolutely FREE!!!!

I thought I would just concentrate on some deeper issues and logged on to the internet to chat with a few fellow inmates.
The kid was whistling away to the tune of some Rubbissss music.
Even after 20 Minutes, I didn't get any response from the kitchen.There was not even a smoke signal.So, I decided to check on the apprentice n00b.
The scene at the kitchen shocked me!!
 

The n00b has managed to cut the tomato into 4 equal pieces.He has also managed to scoop up the flesh from inside the tomato and had thrown it as vegetable waste.With the tip of the knife he was painstalkingly removing every seed out of the tomato.

WTF?
"Hey what the fluffy duck thing are you doing?" I asked the n00b in astonishment and despair.
"What?I am just taking the seeds out of the tomato." came an innocent reply.

Next thing, I  took out my mobile phone, took a snap of the situation. The n00b tried to cover up the evidence with his hands while I took the pic.But, anyway,you know what happened.

 

..
..

N00b Instance 2)
"Do you know how to speak Good Hindi?" I asked the n00b.
He gave me a pathetic look in response, which said so many things.
"Do you know the vegetable names,  in Hindi?" I asked again
"yeah!!"
Okay.here is the list in English, just go buy these.
The n00b gave another 'super pathetic' look to me, pitying me on my lack of knowledge in Hindi.[It's another Urban Myth, just ask a few of my friends how apun speaks so much awesomer Hindi]

The actual part was, I  don't want to drag myself out of the warmth of my home and hit the street, cross the road and then buy the vegetables.

I really don't want him to get enlighted too soon. Yeah! I can manage a few more weeks with that You_don't_know_Hindi_I_know_Hindi look with a stupid twisted smile from the n00b.
..
..


N00b Instance 3)
 

I gave the n00b another dangerous mission.slicing chillies.Well, he was extraordinarily brave that day and had sliced the chilli in various geomatrical shapes.
"I gave him a thumbs up sign" encouraging him to come up with more innovations like that. Serioulsy, who is not going to feel happy when you bite on a pyramid shaped chilli piece in the food?
After cutting the chillies, I relieved the kid of his duties for that day.

The kid happily went into the loo.Never knew cutting chilli had put that much pressure on his bowels

After some time the n00b came out with a stupid smile[ Smile resembling an achievement of sort].

"Oooooooooooohhh...It's burning!!!!!" the N00b said.His face resemlbed the color of the tomato I was cooking.
"What happened?" I asked innocently.[Well..who wouldn't have guessed?]
"I went to take a leak" he said.
"Awwww.Alright!!!Hope your aim was better" I taught him  to look at a positive side, even in those burning times.

Remember..always encourage n00bs.They are tomorrows village idiots!

..
..
Well,there are many funny instances.This  n00b was jumping up and down when he had done with cutting the onions.;which was particularly very intersting from my vantage point, anyway.

..
..
It's really fun to have a n00b around your kitchen.More entertaining than television these days.Hope that the n00b doesn't disappoint me.

__________________________+

.:: CONVERSATIONS::.

Lost_Chick:Too many checking, as if I am gonna blow the whole campus.

Harmless_Guy:Wow!! I wish I was in that campus.
 

Lost_Chick:Pervert!!
 

Harmless_Guy:Huh! Can't a guy maintain a positive world view?

..

..

Dew_Girl:So..now I got a cute roommate.
 

Harmless_Guy:Oooohh..Wickid!!
 

Dew_Girl:err...Iam straight...as straight as a straight line can get so is my new roommate.
 

Harmless_Guy:Alright..When you both gonna overlap?

..

..

Lost_Chick: i am in love...
 

sorcerer: in love with whom ?
 

Lost_Chick: he is superb..cool..and stylish
 

sorcerer : me?
 

Lost_Chick: and he lets me do anything i want..
 

sorcerer: Hey chick!! Are you talking about me? B-) ?
 

Lost_Chick: no stupid!
 

sorcerer: Its about your new phone..Right?
 

Lost_Chick: didnt let me finish.
 

Lost_Chick: i was going to say i have him in my fingertips!
 

sorcerer : i know...he vibrates too..right?Gwad... is the mankind losing another girl to the gadgets?
 

Lost_Chick: Pervert!!
 

..

..

Lost_Chick: you've heard of pumice stone.?
 

Genius: yeah
 

Genius:It's something from Harry Potter Story.Right?
 

..

..

Sorcerer:Dude!!So..We gonna come down to your place and..do the jingalala dance at your marriage function.
 

Sh_Guy:hmm...I don't think the court will appreciate you dancing in their premises.

 

__________________________+

.::WALLPAPERS::.

Some Linux Wall papers I made for www.gnome-look.org.
____________________

 

 ____________________

Thank you Hassasin for the eye pic of D.

Thank you D for staying awake in the class. [D!!.....Do notice the sarcasm surrounding the statement].

Thanks Timon for posing for the last wallpaper!

 ____________________

 

 ADOPT A PENGUIN

__________________________+

.::AWESOME PHOTO::.

 

I thought I would start a new series "Awesome Photo" series on my blog featuring awesoming photos which is plucked and packaged at the source and 100% natural just like the boogers.

____________________

____________________

I was gazin out at the sky through my bedroom window, and I this awesome cloud formation which was shaped like a shoes! [Thanks Sanju for giving me clues on how it looks like.]

But I think its shaped kinda like a heart as seen in some movies made my Dream Works or.a floating Latino...bum bum upside down without the Latino!!.

____________________

ADOPT A PENGUIN

Linux: because a PC is a terrible thing to waste

__________________________+

.::FOR DUMMIES-7::.

Been long time I updated the 'For Dummies' . The last series was posted way back on when I don't remember. Anyway here comes another "Sorcy's Fables- Simplified for dummies" - 7-The series of 'revealing' truths about life.

____________________

For the past few days he was busy coding a software.The challenge was to make the Software 'Blonde Compatible'; that means a software which is simple to use with pink interface.Being in the profession for long, this project was demanding way too much from him.
He fed the source-code into the computer for compiling and sat back in his chair,lost in thoughts, scratched his stubbled chin, giving his balls a vacation for some time.

The whole world around him was silent,except for the melodious voice of a female singing an old romantic song, filled the air which was already half filled with smell of left over pizza, beer and body odour.

Minutes passed by and his program has managed to crash his computer announcing that, the software he is working on is now WINDOWS COMPATIBLE.
He gave a wide grin and reached down at the button to restart his computer.
..

..

He stopped.Something was bothering him at the back of his mind, like a horny guy behind the cute chick in a public transport.
Being so occupied with the work, he had almost forgotten about her.The very thought of her made him stand erect....from his chair of course.
"How could he ignore her for so long", a guilt took him over like teenager getting drunk for the first time.

He made his way towards her  virtually humping the air with the rhythm of the music.She was waiting for him.Many had come into his life and had left; but somewhere inside he had this feeling that she is gonna stay.
He gave her a big grin.She knew how that smile's gonna end!!

He was hungry,hungry for what she had in store for him..all he could think of was her and all those moments when he had tasted her awesomness.He never had enough of her,not even the last night when he over did her to a point of break down.He loved her and he couldn't stop himself yet again this morning,like he couldn't ever since she came into his life two months back.She was to him, what a 16 year old boys first porn magazine is to him.

He went up to her slowly,that's probably the only thing that he does to her, 'slowly'!!...and held her gently.
He just knew perfectly how to turn her on.He felt her smooth body ...too late she could never say no to him..She was turned on by his touch.
..
..

He made his way between her curves,and slowly reached the place he was looking for he could feel her anticipation..she was kinda warm,and she was yearning for him,he saw that she was ready.He slowly pushed it in.
..
..
He felt a shock pass through him.
She was franctically maoning....then he could smell something not very pleasant and to his shock realised she was on fire...
She was not in her senses and he didn't realise it....but then he noticed it..he saw the spark of fire literally...or the word literally was used in the wrong context.

He touched her and.... burned his fingers..
He couldn't decide...Vaseline or saliva or fire extinguisher.
But..It was too late..Thick smoke came out of her.. he coughed...and his eyes burned because of the smoke. He ran out!!
..
..

The next days news paper headlines read "House burned down by toaster".

____________________

The moral of the story is Never screw a toaster or a woman too much, as both can bring down the house.

• Previous For Dummy Series

____________________

 

ADOPT A PENGUIN

"UNIX is an operating system, OS/2 is half an operating system, Windows is a shell, and DOS is a boot partition virus."
__________________________+

.::CONVERSATIONS::.

 

Kab:..and then she wrote me a poem.

Sorcerer:wow! thats something.

Kab:and the lines goes something like this."You lift me from the sea and together we make rain.."

Sorcerer:Hmm...Wow! Freaking water cycle!!

Kab:Dude! that was what crossed my mind too.

Sorcerer:Ya know..a better mental image would be..you lifting her from the sea and giving  her a C.P.R.

Kab:Yeah I know..Never date a science major!

 

..

..

Genius:After getting his new bike, your boy friend is kinda like a Duracell Bunny..H.Y.P.E.R!!!

Berry:No..He is not a Duracell Bunny.

Sorcerer:Yeah..rrrrright..."They last long...really long"..Ain't it?

..

..

n00b:What the heck!!You people banned me again?

Mod:Hey kid! Listen, spamming is like throwing plastic in the open.Got it?
..
..


"Internet taught me that BDSM is not short for Buddhism"-Sorcerer on Internet Lingo

..
..


Shirtless_Guy:Ya know, I gave my girl friend a screw driver as Birthday present.


Sorcerer:Aha! Soo symbolic.


Shirtless_Guy:I have my way of saying things.


Sorcerer:Let's hope she doesn't give you back a nut-cracker on your birthday.
..
..


Genius:Don't browse p0rn on my machine.


Wise_Guy:Was just testing the efficiency of your anti-virus software.

..

..

Wise_guy: Need to buy a man-bag.

Genius:Don't you already have one..We call em 'sack'.

____________________

 

“May the source be with you.”

__________________________+

.::DRAMA::.

"So, this would be a competition between boys and girls. Which ever team puts out the best act will get a surprise gift. Then for the final act for the big day, we will choose the actors from both the group accordingly." said our faculty for English language.
"Any questions?" He paused.

Everyone in the class gave each others a questioning look.

"We would go for a coin toss to see , which team gets to present their Drama first, on Friday." he said, taking a coin from his pocket.

"Heads for the girls and tails for the guys" [ I know..technically it would sound proper if the 'head' was given to the boys]

He flipped the coin. The coin flipped in the air as a flipped coin should.It landed face down exposing the tail, sealing our(Boys Teams)fate on its arse.

"Well! The boys will present their drama on Friday and girls team's will follow the next day".

The class came to a grinding halt, with we boys grinding our teeth at the coin.
..
..

5 days was lying ahead of us to prepare for the drama, make it perfect and win the surprise gift.Many hours which should be spent running aimlessly behind a foot ball was spend on perfecting the dialogue delivery.

The boys team lead,Mr.Blessed [This guy is blessed by God in multitude of skills, that include seeing in the dark] was having a tough time shaping up the actors to bring out the 'characters' alive in them. Most of the time the dialogue delivery resembled a bad case of enema,which could only be stopped by a rubber cork.

The 'Surprise Gift' was the 'thing' that was at the back of everybody mind, which gave them the patience to put up with the near 'suicidal tendencies' of Mr.Blessed Guy.
Ya know..how in Circus, the clowns are allowed to beat macho guys, just to make people laugh. I mean the Macho guys can really squish the clown with his thumb, but won't do it.cuz ya know.."It's all for the show"

Well..The whole practice session resembled a circus during it's recess.

"You...You..YOU ARE OVERACTING" snorted Mr.Blessed to a macho footballer in our drama group, who was playing the part of a woman who had lost her husband.
"You are supposed to SOB ..SoB NOT bellow like a mating warthog." Mr.Blessed corrected the over dramatic situation, explaining in layman's terms how it should be 'performed.'

This 'mating cry' as our beloved Drama Team Lead had put it; was the last part of drama, where the lead woman in the drama cries over something.[Naa..not over spilt milk .Anyway.I really forgot the story line.I don't really remember why the woman cries, be it over happiness or sadness.]

..
..
The macho footballer, who played the 'Woman Character' was my wing man in class.So I thought I would give him some advice on acting, just to get his acts right.

"Dude!!! Think of a sad incident, that happened in your life, when you play that part..and you will get absorbed by it and you will automatically cry with tears and all"
"Like what?" He replied, just like a dumb footballer should.
"Err...Like..remember you got hit on your pee-pee, with football and you were doing that earthworm dance lying in that mud.I mean..situation like that..which pains you the most..." I stopped to look at his face.
Gwad!! Instead of sadness in those eyes, I saw rage and anger.His cheeks had metamorphed into butt cheeks of a baboon.
I felt thirsty after a long talk and quickened my way towards the water dispenser.
..
..

Finally, the world woke up to Friday.I tried to remember the 'script' which my character has to play,as I chomped on my breakfast.The breaksfast table was unusually silent.Mom actually asked me if I was feeling alright, healthwise.

"Ahem... ahem." That was my dialogue.
I enter the stage..Bow in another character..then I Exit the stage, closing the door behind.That was my character's role
Gwad!! Too much thing to execute with precision in too little time.I had to make use of the single dialogue I have to say and make a dent in the aura of the audience.
"Ahem ahem..Here I cahem"
..
..

I met the 'Footballer guy' [Who plays woman character], as I neared our school gate.He had an unusual grin on his face.Confidence was written all over his white and navy blue uniform.
He was having that evil grin on his face, when we were practicing it one last time, before the original act.

"BRACE... BRACE... BRACE" shouted the naval commander inside me.
..
..

The drama started in front of a full audience.Most of the scenes went without a hitch.Personally, I felt the "ahem ahem" was delivered to the full impact of EUREKA EUREKA!

It was the closing scene,where the footballer has to cry and capture the audience inside the tissue paper.Everyone was busy watching the verbal debate between two other characters on the stage.The Foot baller was nearing the 'P.O.C'[Point of Crying].The hands of the footballer was busy fumbling with something behind his back.NOPE!! It's not a severe case of worms..even though to any person in the audience would feel so.

Suddenly a small vial  of vicks-vaporub, fell on to the stage and started  rolling towards the audience.
Well!! Well!! Well!! To make the scene more authentic, the footballer was trying to apply vicks vaporub in his eyes-for the tears..for the tears...

 

Unfortunately while pulling the cap open the vial slipped out of his hands!!

Rest, my dear readers..you can imagine.It took quiet a while for the classroom to become silent.

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..

The boys team did manage to make otherwise a sad ending to a really hilarious ending.
Who wouldn't love happy endings!!

..
..

The next day..It was the girls team. to perform the Drama We all sat with a sigh, praying to the Gods inside the Volcano.

The closing Scene:
Two characters having a verbal debate on the stage.
The Girl who was playing the 'Lead Woman character' in the drama was cying..laughing...crying...laughing..
She was not opening her eyes!!She had to bade good bye to another character who was leaving the stage.
NOOOO!! She was not even looking at that character.She was standing with her eyes cupped with her hands, producing  a constant weeping sound as that of an U.P.S unit during power failure[U.P.S=Uninterupted Power Supply]

Well..like the foot ball guy, she was trying to apply something more 'wickid' to make the scene more authentic with tears and all.

Later our investigation revealed that:She chose 'tiger balm' because, it has a cap which is 'twist open'  type.So no slipping out of hands.'

Their drama ended on the lines of Mahabharatha [ Her acting reminded me of the character Kunthi, in Ramayana]

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..

Anyway, both the teams screwed up the most touching part and turning it into the
height of awesomeness.

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An adventure with my wingman

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.::CONJUNCTIVITIS::.

If only the chairs we were sitting on was modelled as bucket seats, thought me, sitting in the back bench, trying to find a better butt position to go back to the deep meditation also called as an afternoon nap.

The Hindi class was at full swing.Some guy had managed to write a poem and our class was trying hard to find out all possible meaning for every word , featuring all emo points in that poem.

It was not interesting as it was not really rhyming. According to my unwritten rule which I believed those days.. "A poem has to rhyme else it becomes a fat chick on prom night."

The lack of rhyme factor in the poem was seriously interrupting my sleeping pattern.The occasional high pitched shrieks of excited geniuses doing autopsy on the helpless poem was tickling my sleep nerve.

The guy was sitting near me was at his creative best that afternoon and was drawing stick figures getting abducted by stick figures from outer space.

Being a backbencher has its occupational challenges. I was fighting gravity to keep my eyelids up. The eye lids were falling down at a rate more than the 'g' rate I was taught in class.Its a biological challenge to keep the mouth closed and eyes open in such classes

A backbencher is the usual suspect if a paper plane makes an unauthorised landing at the 'erogenous zone'of the class.[The zone where females sit together in the class].

The whole of the last bench was silent like a baby on a pacifier.Heavy lunch to blame.

..

..

That was when I fell of the dinosaur!!!.

It was a beautiful dream.*sigh

The unusual silence emitting out of the last bench, had aroused the suspicion of the teacher.She must have thought that we were actually listening to her lecture and was ready to answer some random questions about the gang banged poem..Since I was busy riding a dinosaur with a hot dumb blonde whom even blind person could see, I did't get the chance to perform an evasive manoeuvre from the question.

I stood up, gave my version of understanding about the poem which was quiet entertaining["It's the dumbest thing I have ever heard"-That's what I read on my teacher's face].

Since I had managed to give a wonderful answer, the teacher passed the question to the stick figure guy.If it was an objective type question he would have said "Same as above",pointing at me.

Anyway, the class ended ,the teacher bestowing on us both backbenchers the honor of writing the 'stupid poem' 100 times.

..

..

We forgot all about the '100 times' thingy as soon as the class got over.

"In school life, its real mess when the teacher remembers what what we forgot"-Sorcerer on School Life

The interrogation began and the teacher somehow was not ready to buy the simple biological theory that "Humans tend to forget."

The teacher stood her ground biased on her theory "How can you forget?"

Well!!School teaches life and prepares a man to face life

A man hears the following lines in his life time

1)How can you forget to write it 100 times ?

2)How can you forget my Birthday?

3)How can you forget the anniversary?

4)How can you forget the kid back at the grocery store?

So, I passed her question with a pleasant smile, which was what a man is supposed to do when he hears the HOW CAN question.

Just like the court doubling the sentence for prisoners, our teacher doubled our 100 writing thing to 200.

We would have bargained if she was in her good mood; the class resembled a flea market though.

"if you are not doing it by tomorrow..You will go meet the principal."

We couldn't help but agree. We nodded our heads.

 

..

..

The next day, I was so occupied with awesome thoughts like.

1)How does gravity taste like?

2)Are space cows real?

3)What is happening to the world in which we are living in.Can't a chicken cross the road without its motives being questioned?

4)What's for dinner?

5)Will it be possible to see own arse if we run around a tree at speed of light?

and as usual..didn't quiet get my conclusions on most of the questions and forgot to write the 200 times thingy.

Such deep and profound thoughts eat me from the inside like a biscuit packet eaten by ants!

By the time it occurred to us[ about the 200 times *sigh thing], 't' as in time way past the point of no return.The lunch break was almost drawing to its conclusion. Mathematically, even if we write a word a second it was impossible to finish off the punishment on time.

..

..

Both the geniasses [Me and my fellow inmate] got together.

"Can we run off?"

"Nope..will be caught and hanged next day.

"Plead for mercy?"

"Mercy Killing would be a good option"

It was the season of Conjunctivitis and none of us managed to get infected.

*sigh

*Sigh

My friend was playing with a small bottle of Eucalyptus oil !!

TWOINNNGGGGGGGGGGG!!!..TWOINNNGGGGGGGGGGG!!!..TWOINNNGGGGGGGGGGG!!!..TWOINNNGGGGGGGGGGG!!!. [The sound of idea striking the empty cranium and echoing]

We both ran outside..Applied a small drop of eucalyptus oil in the eyes.

It really started freaking stinging..!!"

Washed the face with water..and viola!!

Red eyes a.k.a Eyes that look similar to conjunctivitis infection.

Yes!! Applied Chemistry at large! We had found an effective solution for the Fcuk up of the day!

..

..

Went back to the class.Took our seats.The seats of highest order!!!. Sat with eyes cupped. The curious onlookers were amazed at how quick the eyes can be infected.

[Poor sods]

The Teacher came in.

We were lying down with head resting on the table.

She Came near us! [She must have made up her mind on all those evil things she was gonna say to us!!!]

"You both!! What happened?"- The teacher asked

She must have expected the usual lame Kindergarten excuse "Headache Madam!!"

But..

We stood up

She gave one look at our blood shot eyes!!

Took a few steps back!!Shocked!!!

The hunter becomes the hunted.[Evil Laugh]

Teacher:"Oh!! Eye infection?"

we both nodded our heads.That nod itself would bring 2 Oscars if it was in a movie.

She must have thought, how lucky we both were to be blessed by momma nature with a timely infection to save our skin from the claws of Princi boy!

Teacher:You wanna go home?

I was prompted to ask..."Like...Forever?"

..

..

Anyway, we saved our skin that day from the predator princi.[Short for Principal for n00bs]

With that little stunt, we managed to buy ample time..to finish off the 200 writing thing in the next 2 days.

____________________

"If life gives you bull shit..dry it and sell it as solid fuel in an elegant packing" -Sorcerer on Life

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