Friday, November 19, 2010


There was a time in my life where, I used to commute quiet a lot in trains.Traveling in General Compartment which, always defied physics, because each passenger will be sticking on to dear life by something called as 'surface tension' between the human bodies.A passenger can assume various Yoga postures while traveling in one of those crowded,awesome General Compartments.Sure thing, nothing can beat the Sauna bath a traveler gets in one of those crowded compartments.Thanks to our Railways, who strategically place the General Compartments like Thenga(coconut) in puttu( eating thing, I don't prefer much]


Then there are days, when you find the compartments deserted,with only a few souls.It was one of those days, and yes, my day was about to get much better.

"Even days don't come without strings attached."-Sorcerer on Days.

I searched for the novel, which I had stolen taken claimed from my cousin, a day before, inside my backpack.But, zilch, my cousin had stolen it back,shamelessly. I made a mental note to booby-trap my back-pack when  I leave it unattended next time.I remember seeing him with 'Gee_I_Peed_in_My_Pants smile' [Also called Sheepish Smile] on the breakfast table that morning.

I decided to spend the time productively and took out my mobile phone to play some 'awesome' games on it.There was not a single chick in the compartment and made me wonder if that was the reason why this compartment was deserted.It's like this situation where you have whole lots of bread and you don't have that cute ketchup to start eating it with.
Fellow passengers didn't fit my orientation, which was as straight as the railway tracks and *sigh..Gaming on the mobile was my only option, then.


A few harmless minutes passed by and then there was this smell of 'Royal Mirage' in the air.Being a mallu, I knew what was coming.Then soon there is a buffet of various perfumes, colognes, rosewater in the air. Your nostrils feel dizzy and ask for mercy.This is when your nose stops working and you can't even smell the aroma of coffee you are drinking.

The next shock comes as sound waves.The high pitch shrieks of kids fill the air around you.These little monsters open their mouth only for 2 reasons, 
2)Shriek at a higher frequency than any opera singer.
Soon..these kids will be everywhere inside the compartment, even eyeing your biscuit packet, hanging from a fan on the ceiling.

Now there is a small train of people who is moving through the narrow passage way inside the train trying to locate a place to keep their various Cargo,including the noisy cargo also called kids.
Those luggages resemble miniature golf carts.These luggage bags are kept around the place where they sit and they "fortify" themselves in the middle of it.
Any mallu would soon conclude that, this small contingent of people have just landed from gelf and onto a summer vacation some place or heading home after Dufai Shopping Festival.

The Alpha Male of such a gang can be identified by his physical characteristics.He kinda resembles a beached Beluga Whale.He would bellow at high pitched growl to silence the kids[A futile effort,though] and at times taking head counts,just to be sure that none of the kids are thrown out or locked inside the toilet,by some one whose nerves the kids have managed do a tap dance on.The alpha male would, usually be wearing a white shirt and would be having a white hand kerchief and a bit of white hair on the sides of his head.I said Beluga Whale..Didn't I?

The females in that gang, was wearing all bling bling stuff that would blind you momentarily and footwear with pointed heels-a self defence mechanism in crowded trains for ladies.They are dressed to kill or at least blind you, practically. A lady in that gang was cradling an infant who managed to be the centre of attraction by high pitched shrieks in off key harmony.The rest of the female gang swung into action trying to stop the baby from crying by making all weird noises and name calling.I think that scared the baby even more.
The guy sitting next to me gave a audible sigh.I think he was on the verge of crying, seeing all this.

I looked at the alpha male,giving him a pathetic look for his lack of knowledge in contraceptives or spending too much time here in homeland.I think, half the people in the compartment was having the same thought.They were all looking at him.

A few of us guy's attention was captured by an older chick of that gang,hopefully single.She kinda resembled Britney Spears in her prime.The moment I saw her I knew that she is an artist and she likes to paint on her own face.Well! that's nice when the weather holds good and is not raining.I do not think the make-up paint thing has weather shield like Asian Paints.For me she was an interesting specimen for research[Educational Purpose Only]. If I say, she overdid the make-up thing, that would be an understatement.I have seen it on Discovery channel that, certain species of animals use color to attract mates,like certain primates who turn their butts deep red color when they are sexually aroused!! Here it was not the butts,but,cheeks.[Noo..Not Butt-cheeks.] 
In my case, I don't do clowns.That's a terrible mental image.Scaaaaaaaarry!!!

The other kiddos in the gang, were not really bothered by anything..They were high on candy and chocolates. They would effortlessly make their way between the legs of the persons who are wearing pants and is standing in the compartment.The kiddos had brand new Nokia handset with them which made me hide my good old NOKIA 6020 in panic from their visual range.Another kid had a video game in his hands and his face showed the eagerness to take it apart, piece by piece and make that electronic gadget into a jigsaw puzzle.

The girl kiddos in the gang,looked like miniature Barbie Dolls, off the shelf. I assumed that the outfit they wore would bling bling in the dark.I even had doubts, if those dresses had small L.E.D lights and beeper tones in it .These lil queen bees actually controlled the male kids in the gang.At times these Barbie kids would order the male kid to get them water, packaged fruit juice,chocolates, biscuits etc from inside the 'fort'; and male kids would oblige even without a questioning look.
Yeah! It's like that since our caveman days...aint it?

I tried to take a nap, but every few minutes, I was awaken by the ill timed alarm clock also called the shrieking kid.
A few hours later, I got down at my station, leaving the fanfare behind.

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