Saturday, October 3, 2009

< SAMPLE HUNT >


A visit to my 'School Community' in ORKUT(A social networking site); brought up this 'Old Event' from the piling cabinet called brain.

Location :The Biology Lab

That day, unlike any other day, every one was sitting silently in the lab, not even talking to their lab partner; but busy staring at the 'Experiment of the day' page. The lab was experiencing an 'Uncomfortable silence'.

I was sitting with my lab partner[ Refered in this post, as Wing Man ],ofcourse at the last row, discussing with our heads down, hiding our face away from the hawk eyes of biology sir, the evasive maneuver, for the day.

Me: Don't even breathe heavily.If he ask something, be busy turning pages, till he pick another one of his interest.

Wing Man: hmmm.

Me: Don't even twitch a muscle.We are in the last row, easy vicims.Don't even look at him.

Wing Man: hmmmm.
..
..

The time moved very slowly, like an ant in a marathon run.
[The above statement is a metaphor, according to me]

..
..

Our Biology sir, came out of his cabin. Nobody in the class, dared to put his head up and look at him.We were trackin his movement across the lab, like a 'Sonar Operator' bearing on the sound sgnal, his shoes made on the floor.

"Whats the experiment for today?" He asked the class.

[ Here there be eternal silence ]

"Okay,you people came to the lab for vacation or what?"

Dear readers, I call this 'AGGRESSIVE STANCE' -with the best of my analysis, based on the 'Art of War'.

"Albumin Test." answered a feable voice from the first row.

"Okay, Albumin Test is performed to figure out if a person is pregnant or not , also to find out certain other abnormalities, if any. Hope you had read, the objectives of today's lab session. The test is conducted on the urine sample. The sample is treated with the agent and if the solution, turns pink; then that person is likely to be pregnant.

He paused.

" Have you brought the sample?"

[ It is the standard procedure, to bring our own sample/frog/cockroach/worm what the lab can't sponsor.]

Everyone, moved their head from left to right, visually acknowledging that "We have not brought the sample(s)."
..
..

"Okay , you, sitting at the last row, read aloud the procedures of experiment." He gave the order pointing at my wing man- I guessed that.
The rule of the game is, not to look up, even when he say "LAST ROW"; which my lab partner, failed to learn in 12 years of his school life.

I wanted to LOL, cuz I knew, he could be the 'chosen one' to, bring the sample and I would be spared; though I felt bad for my partner.Poor thing(Dripping in sarcasm. Aint it?)
Did my Biology sir, see the grin flash across my face? I was not sure.

My lab partner, stood up and began reading the procedure of experiment for the day.

I made my stance to 'Aggressive mode' and decided to level it with Biology sir.[ Mind Game ].
I was looking at his face and giving - 'I am innocent, leave me out of this mess and I promise I will submit my record works on time' look.

My friend finished reading the procedures.

"Okay, hope you people understood what to do now, when you have the samples.Since you haven't brought the samples some one has to volunteer."

Everyones eyes were on us. Natural, because my lab partner was still standing, after reading the procedure,[ poor guy would be in a state of shock, thinking about the things to come] and the rest of the class knew that they could manipulate the situation by a major 'eye-ball' vote, nominating us as the volunteers.

Darn Brain wave.

"You both, go and bring the samples." another order from our Biology Sir.
"WHAT? US BOTH?"- I didn't say it, but I could have won an Oscar with the expression I made with my face and body, when I heard that order.

"Take the test tube and bring the samples.Don't try to fool me, by bringing water in it and be back in 5 mins, max."
As we went to take the test tubes, there was a high decibel, isolated laugh from the middle row.
wow! A proud winner for DUMBNESS. Some one had claimed a test tube for another sample. Easy!!
..
..

Location: The corridor outside the Lab

Me: SMART!! Now what do we do?

Wing Man:You wanna take a leak in this 'awesome test tube'?

Me:Hell No!! I emptied my tank and yeah whatever was left, just evaporated in there.You do it, may be you can tell your grand children(If at all) you got the one of a kind opportunity.

Wing Man: Hey be serious; Let's take water.

Me:No way!! there could be some test to prove it too.We don't know, cuz we don't read textbooks.

Wing Man:Like what?

Me:Err..how can I know..I have this intuition.There could be something.

Wing Man: Got any idea?

Me:I think I got something back in my mind.
..
..

We were walking down the corridor when we heard
"Hi, wanna share the sample?"
The proud winner of dumbness, wants 'our sample' after laughing at us, back in the lab.
Our look was enough to make him come 'down' with the sample. We ignored him and walked forward.

We walked in silence, the corridor was not so silent anyway.

Wing Man: What do we do?If Princi(read;Principal) sees us 'wanderin around'(technical term used by Princi), we will have the samples easy.

Me:Let's go to Primary School section.

Wing Man:WHAT?

Me:All we need is sample...right?

We continued our long walk, down the stairs to the 'Primary School wing'.We waited near a stair case, to pounce on the first 'unsuspecting victim'.
When we really, really, really need a junior, they are no where to be found.At that time, I didnt know Murphy and his rules, to blame it on his laws or to base this situation on.

We waited.

There........ one boy kid, our would be saviour, was coming up the stairs.
We 'confronted' him with the test tube.
The kid was terrified.

Me:Let me handle this 'delicate situation' Mr.wing man.

Me to the kid: Hey you going to loo?

The Kid: Yyyyyesssss (he said it in a feable voice, as if going to loo was a sin or something.)

Me to the kid: See, we people are doing an experiment.We need something.Can you help us?

The Kid:errr..

Me to the kid:One day you too will get to hold this test tube and wear lab coat and do experiments.
I showed him the test tube.The kid was impressed.I knew it from the paculiar way the facial muscles twitched. All I was trying to tell him was, 'dude, one day, you will be like us- Seniors, standing at the same stairs, for a junior to pop up, for a sample. So better give it. What goes around comes around.Its the Karma thingy.'

The Kid: errrr...

Me to the Kid:Can you pee in this test tube.We are going to conduct an experiment and we need it.

The Kid :YES YES YES YES...

Even I was taken aback by his enthusiasm. He really liked, doing that act in a 'School Property'(Test Tube).

Me to the kid: One day, the day not too far, History books will write about you .Thank you Mr.Einstein.

I gave the champ kid the test tube.He went into the loo, happier than he came up the stairs.
Kodak moment it is.

YES!! We are going to have O.R.I.G.I.N.A.L sample.
I still remember that kids face. He was soo excited to pee in the test tube.We too were happy, like the kid, cuz we got the samples for the experiment.

As we were walking back to the biology lab, with the sample, My Wing Man was retrospecting and introspecting the situation.

Wing Man: What if he tells his parents?

Me: Hmm..We didnt torture him.We come out clean.I dont think this comes under, the violation of any IPeeC sections.

Location :The Biology Lab

We walked proudly into the lab.We have accomplished the mission. We got welcoming giggles+grins.[ Morons]

Biology sir: Bring that sample here. Is it water?

*Gee..is he going to taste it to confirm it?

Us: NOOOO!! Its not water.

Biology sir: Whose sample is it?

We looked at each other. We don't want to point finger at each other, after all we endured together.

Biology sir:okay.Its not your samples.then it could be water.

How can he say that, after all the mental calculations we did and the 'smart negotiation' we did with the kid,the mind game with a smart kid; How can he say that its water!!

Me:err..We took the sample from a....kid.

Biology Sir:What?

Us:Yes,

[ High decibel laugh here]

Biology sir: Now that you have the sample. start the experiment. Remember to wash the test tubes well.Any chemical deposit which is already inside the test tube can give you a false result.

The initial hype about the sample and our adventure settled down and every one was busy doing the experiment.
Some got pink color, as the result, declaring that the 'male kid' was pregnant and others declined that finding by declaring that they did the experiment the right way and the kid was not pregnant.
Finally we all noted down the observation and the 'dreaded lab experiment' chapter was closed.

..
..
Yes, the proud winner for 'dumbness' was also declared 'pregnant'. He brought his own sample and declared it proudly as his own when asked to testify on the sample.

____________________


Foot note:

I don't know if that kid would end up in the history book or in the play boy magazine with the chicks; but he sure did end up in my blog.

Hey kid,(now you would be a grown up), if you are reading this and if you remember that day when we made you pee in a test tube, do drop a comment in my blog.I would be happy to get back to you, talk about that old days in school and share a coffee with you.I promise, I wont make you pee..Oops pay for the coffee.You saved us.You are our hero.

__________________________+

19 comments:

anurag said...

hehe..I liked the last quotes very much....beedi, haldiram, etc...ones!!

Sorcerer said...

@anurag.
thanks.

hey!! the comment on my blogs come at the last of each post.
I hope this comment was for Quotes we made.

mk said...

hey...lot of mind work just to bring the sample...hope u could have carried out well..those tests!!

nice read..!!! that kid must be happy if he read this blog........

Sorcerer said...

@mk
yeah!! i mean..it is fun now thinking about it..
we did sweat..

Yemiledu said...

I was laughing so much all the while reading this that I had tears in my eyes and I was actually worried that my mom would be worried to look at me laughing aloud facing the monitor! Lol

Reminded me of the days in my college where we were in search of scape goats/demi gods for the day to provide us samples with :~)

Sorcerer said...

@yemiledu
Thanks for the comment. and inspirational words.
Yes,those were the best days. The color will never fade.

susie said...

lol lol lol..:P

Sorcerer said...

@susie
geeee... I told ya I am gonna blog about it.

angel from heaven said...

lolz really goos congrats on the pregnancy whenis the babby due? I think you have made history postitive male sample.lolz!!!!

Sorcerer said...

@angel
haha..
geniuses we are!

CRD said...

hehe. Preggy boys?? like they say..it happens only in india!! :P

Cheers
CRD

Vinayak said...

cool post
and the contest is still open in my blog

Karthik said...

ha ha ha ha.... lol... :D
The very first sentence of the post is damn funny. ...ORKUT (A social networking site).. as if nobody knows... :D
If I have to give a proper comment, I may have to do so on every line.. so lemme cut it short and say it was fabulous.. This post will keep me smiling for the rest of the day.. :)
Your sense of humour is terrific, dude.. Keep them coming... :)

Sorcerer said...

@karthik
thanks for the comments dude..
they keep me going.

Saurabh Panshikar said...

Hilarious stuff dude... reminds me of my pranky school days when destroying school property was the primary goal of life!
We tried some matrix moves on freshly painted school walls with our muddy shoes and that too without being aware of the prici watching us!

those were the worst 100 situps of my life! (holdin the ears and all)
and wat more..... we had to promise we wouldn't do it again! lol

anyways gr8 stuff man..... you are addictive! keep going

Sorcerer said...

@saurabh
geee...check if you have 6 packs now
thanks for the comment mate!

buzzzzzzzzz... said...

ROFL>>>>>>phew!!!
i missd on loads ,,,,u all vela??? ,posts in such quik succession...

Sorcerer said...

@buzz.
yeah..I am getting good traffic on blog these days..dont want to disappoint people who come in here.

Shruti Mukundan said...

err.. i remb having commented on this one. guess sum bug, well this one reminded me of my school bio lab days.. same experiment n our bio m'am asked us all to get samples n like a typical good class, none of us got such 'embarrassing' stuff to school ;) but then we were fortunate enuf that m'am caught hold of the lab assistant, gave him an empty bottle n said "go n fill it up".. that was such a loud statement by our teachers that we all were rolling on ground unable to control the laughter. that was hilarious!!