< CONVERSATION >

Wiseone: SOrcy!! You didn't complete the diagram.Right?

Sorcy: Wow!!! You can see into the future.
____________________


Wiseone: The project manager screwed up.

Genius: So! You think you could do better.

Wiseone:Yes..

Wiseone:No.. Which side are you on?

____________________

Genius:Such things happen.. When life gives you lemon..

Sorcy: Bring out the vodka..

Wiseone: Lemon is on me.

____________________

Sh****: Wanna know something awesome........................

Sorcerer: Yeah

Sh****: ........................................................


Sorcerer: Suspense?

Sent at 4:16 PM on Monday


Sh****: ........................................................

Sorcerer:Temme quick or I am gonna call the Pcman.



____________________

Sorcerer: Where you goin dude?

Wiseone: Treasure hunt..

Sorcerer: Hmmmm?

Wiseone: A fuckin ATM which has cash.

Sorcerer: Let thy be our guiding light!

____________________

санжог: thank you only na (with a blond's enthu) they call it enthu around here for enthusiasm
and they say shoot emails

Sorcerer: Like....his enthu is low he needs viagra..

санжог/: and "for the same"

Sorcerer: lol

санжог: like... i am "shooting" this email "for the same"

__________________________+

< CRICKET >

The first ball I bowled to him was ruthlessly hit to a boundary. Second ball was no different.

"What's your tactic SORCY!!!!" shouted my captain, who thinks he owned me or something.
"Well!!! I am trying to make him hit the ball to the pond" I reasoned.

Now, that would be a news for you.

In our part of the world, which is situated near a pond, separated by a low compound wall, any batsman who hit the ball to the pond will be declared "out" and also unceremoniously asked to fetch the ball.

So my ingenious tactic was to make the batsman over confident by giving loose balls and then making him hit the ball .."pluck" into the pond, and then shout "HOWZAAAAATTTTT".

No worries on that appeal. All you gonna get back is stares from your teammates and a deep sigh.

"Hey!! They just need 4 runs to win this game", Harish, a fielder shouted.

4 runs to win and 4 balls remaining. The game is at stake. Somewhere deep inside me, I felt like superman playing cricket to save the world from taking 4 runs.[ metaphor or simile..your call]

"Concentrate..Sorcy!!! Concentrate... " said my inner self.

..
..

I took my pace and I bowled the 3rd ball.

OUCH!!!

"Aaaawwwwwwwwwwww....."

The batsman twitched his body like a question mark (?)
..
..

"I didn't do that on purpose." I..I... Sorry buddy! The ball slipped out of my hands"
"Yeah! We know you didn't do that on purpose. We never seen you do a full length ball in our life, before." said the wise one.
"Sorcy, you really aimed for the middle stump." said another teammate to comfort the wounded or pounded by soothing words.

Let me tell you people, incidents like this are always hilarious, for the observer(s)
..
..

Now all the geniuses were brainstorming on "what must be done" to the patient.

"When we used to get hit on groin, we used to run around the ground and later it subsides."
testimonial by one genius.

We all looked at the genius. We are well aware that he being an engineering student, his tactics at his campus will entitle him for kicks/hits in the groins and he will have to run. That's completely different from this situation.

"Can you run?" asked genius.
All he got in response was 'puppy eyes'.
..
..

We called off the match and was taking our fallen comrade home.

Harish: Should we take him to the doc?

Genius: Yes!! We will know what they will do to him.

Batsman:NOOO!!! You all are going to leave me at my home, and not a word of it to my cousins.

Genius: oh!! So your cousin chicks are at your home? So what we gonna say if they ask.

Sorcy: We tell them its Tennis elbow syndrome. Its common in cricket and Sachin Tendulkar had that.

Harish: Sorcy! Batsman walk like a duck, and do you think they will believe it. Why not tell them the truth.

Batsman:Don't. Noone is going to tell them, I got hit on the balls. I will never hear the end of it.

[ Here there be silence ]

Harish: Sorcy!! Why you smiling at yourself. Did you do that on purpose?

Sorcy: No..I was..just thinking of something.

Genius:Like... Some stupid time when you got hit on the balls..wow!! those wonderful memories.

Sorcy: What does Santa and batsman now have in common?

Batsman:You people are really making me soo comfortable. I am so happy to have you people as my friends. Cut it short and tell the stupid answer Sorcy.

Sorcy: Red sack.

[ Let here be awesome laugh]
..
..

We reach batsman's home. His cousins were playing badminton. They stopped the game as they saw us.
Cousin 1: What happened?

Harish: Nothing, He slipped and fell. Nothing broken.

Genius:Hope so.

Batsman:See you people.Will catch up with you at Anil's place tonight.

The batsman moves limping, helped by his cousin.

Cousin 2:Tell me, What really happened?

Genius: Nothing..okay .. Just..Just give him a chair with hole in the middle to sit.

Cousin 2: Piles?

We was trying really hard not to laugh at my friend's sudden ingenious outbreak.

..
..

"What made you say that chair thing?" I asked the genius.
"It just occurred to me that, it would make him more comfortable.. to sit." replied genius in complete innocence.
__________________________+

< SOCIAL NOT WORKING >

Social networking, the new buzz word over the connected world. This service provided by many .coms are used to help users meet new friends and maintain existing relationships.
That's enough intro technically.
I don't use many social networking sites. Only place I am active is over Orkut which is owned and operated by Google.
This is where we pwn noobs in communities.

Social networking site allow us to create a profile where we can yap about anything in the 'About Me:' section. This is where we advertise ourselves shamelessly to the world. Some dumbness or awesomeness [ stupidity lies in the eyes of beholder].


Ps: Some of these profiles are found by my inmates in TeaCeeEsh!
____________________

1)

About Me: Hi ! I m totally moody & foody .I live to eat.I njoy my life to the fullest . i love making freinds . open at ur own risk

and you ask..
"Open" What?
No thank you , I want to avoid communicative diseases.
____________________

2)

Downloading Data from ORKUT SERVER.
..... Please wait........
5%
10%
15%
20%
30%
40%
50%
75%
90%
95%
98%

Error...........The Name Entered Not Found In Human Data Base..
Suggested Search : Try "dude" in The Search Space For Better Result.....

and
This guy doesn't know that

DUDE means..HAIR ON ELEPHANTS BUTT
To give you an idea refer the image below





You still don't believe me right? read it here

____________________

3) This image is the contribution of 'ScarFace'. Thank you 'Scar Face'. [ Hope your scars get better]




1) "I am a kid, so Just don't argue!! Let the small kid win!!!

Shameless!! He is f[beepin] 17!! calls himself a small kid!! you should be illegally having beer by now.

2).at the end.. just the cute little next door kid!!Secret(If you want to know what cute really means..meet my dad's bf)

Cute lil KID!!! next door KID!!!..
Meeting your Dad's BF to know about your meaning of CUTE!.. EEYAA EEEYA NOOO!!!
Now we can guess about the Cute lil Kid Next door!

No!! Thank you! I have my own definition for cute.

3)Ps:Girls dont show my pic to your mom, She might have a crush on me.

Let's rephrase it.
Ps: Girls don't show my pic to your mom, she might crush me.
There ..that way it makes sense.

____________________

4)



Brilliance. That's all I can say, sheer unadulterated brilliance.Genius!!

____________________

There's a lot out there with ascii and stuffs in it. well!! I will post more of it as it comes. World is a beeeg space, so like some people's craniums.

__________________________+

< SEXY UNIX >

There are some things which could really make you think in one of 'those' tangents, like if you hear a guy ask on phone..

"Is it up?"

well naturally, he is given a weird look or surprised look, depending on your orientation.

But

He could be a Computer Server administrator, asking his team member if the 'mail sever'( Mail Server not the Male Server) is up.

Also one of my friend got 'that' look from a person who over heard this conversation when he asked over phone, if it can be 'unzipped'.

Some of the unix commands are well, quiet 'those kind'.

Lets see

____________________

-Date-

Geek:Did you execute the date?

Geek[Thinking]: He must have fucked up the system dates.No wonder its all out of sync.

Observer[Thinking]: OOh!!! Hes asking someone about his 'sexucation' with his date? How Shameless!! Okay so, someone is on date.

____________________

-Unzip-

Geek: Can you unzip it?

Geek[Thinking] Hope the software is without error and unzippable.

Observer[Thinking]: WTF..Unzip?Now? in public? How Shameless!! Unzip on First Date?

____________________

-Touch-

Geek:Touch them.

Geek[Thinking]: No!!! The time stamp thing is messed up.The magic TOUCH can make the files alright.

Observer [Thinking]:Touch THEM? huh!! Touch What? Dont ever come near me with your dirty hands you evil person. Touching and clutching!!..On First Date!!

____________________

-Strip-

Geek:Strip it

Geek [Thinking]: Stripping will discard symbols from object files.

Observer[Thinking]:Is he gonna strip and God!! I gonna die laughing. God..please don't test me this way. Think about that poor girl on date. This is gonna be a memorable date for her.

____________________

-init-

Geek: check on init?

Geek[Thinking]: Lets kill those processes.

Observer[Thinking]: Haha.. They need someone to check if its 'in it'? I gonna present him with a tweezers and hand-lens on his next birthday.

____________________

-Uncompress-

Geek:Time to uncompress.

Geek[Thinking]: Uncompress the porn folder.wowwiee!!

Observer[Thinking]: Is he gonna fart? Is it some geek term for fart?Is that his surprise for the date.

____________________

-Finger-

Geek: Finger it will you?

Geek[Thinking]:That will get him the result of the login details.

Observer[Thinking]:Finger!! Did I hear FINGER?.They are moving too fast on a first date. huh!! Perverts.

____________________

-expand-

Geek:expand it dude.

Geek [Thinking]: That will convert tab to spaces.

Observer[Thinking]: First the Finger..Now the Expand "it". What is that guy, a freelance gynecologist?

____________________

-Mount-

Geek:Mount it now

Geek [Thinking] Mounting the CD drive is a heck of a job at times.

Observer[Thinking]: "Mounting it" now. Okay. So they are really 'doing' it. Sex?The way they are headed, there's gonna be lots of smoke and fire.

____________________

-fsck-

Geek:fsck it

Geek [Thinking] Fsck..I need to fuck repair the file system.

Observer[Thinking]: Illiterate retard. He don't know even the spelling of fuck.Still he has a date and he is getting laid. Why did I waste my time doing, MBA?

____________________

-unmount-

Geek:Unmount it, lets try it on something else.

Geek [Thinking]: Let us unmount the drive and mount it in some other system.

Observer[Thinking]: What are you, some kind of guru or something? You teaching him those Positions or something?

____________________

-Head-

Geek:Give it a Head?

Geek[ Thinking]: Lets put some server requests.

Observer[Thinking]: Give "it" a head, what is "it"? bloody perverts.

____________________

-Clean-

Geek: Better Clean it

Geek[ Thinking]: Need to make some space on my disk.

Observer[ Thinking]: Thank God!! Its over.. Geeks!! Do they even care to clean?

____________________

-Sleep-

Geek: try Sleep

Geek [ Thinking]: OKies Unix console. Bye bye see you tomorrow

Observer[ Thinking]: Okay Pervert!! Sleep and live your f[beep]in life in wet dreams.

____________________

Unix is a very interesting thing to learn. Don't you think?

__________________________+

< CONVERSATION CRUMBS >

Guy1: wow! doood..look at that bus.I just feel like touching it.

*moves near the computer screen.

Sorcerer: Okay! did you hear the news that somebody like you was arrested for having sex with

a car or mailbox or something like that.

____________________

..

..

Sorcerer: Do you know that inverse of boob is poop?

Victim:huh!

Sorcerer: I may be bad with numbers, but I my friend is good with alphabets. b inverse is p.

Victim: does not work with capital letters.

Sorcerer: Go back to your stupid news paper.

..

..

____________________

Sorcerer: Hey!! What you think of this idea of levitation using human exhaust.

Mr Poo:Yeah, the idea of rocket humans using own biogas I had in mind too. But I have to disapoint you, this guy Chris Angel is using some tricks, its not real. I have seen a documentary about using fart as propellant ( I think the show is called Jackass and the scientist Steve O).The result was just burning Ass hair. No levitation.

Sorcerer: If this is possible..Game Over Airline Companies.. Muaahahahahaha!!

____________________

Darr***: I am a small talker.

Sent at 3:13 PM on Tuesday

Sorcerer: So you talk with font size 2?

____________________

Microphobia: Your fear, Her Frustration." - Sorcerer

__________________________+

< CHIN CHIN >

You know those bad days, when there is nothing good on telivision. Ofcourse there are movies, but funny fact is that you could even remember the movie dialogues.

*sigh

The next entertainment is internet, the thing with limited bandwidth and unlimited entertainment. But since my buddy is busy torrenting some awesome movies, I am not allowed anywhere near it, a 10 feet square area in approximate terms.

*sigh

Why am I at this place?

Two simple reasons.

My buddy Sri, has his own theory on armegeddon and has kept packets and packets of potatoe chips and gallons and gallons of sprite.His home is an awesome place to chomp on potatoe chips and glug on sprite.

second reason is very simple, weekend is the only time when we people can get together.

..

..

"When you do good things in life, God gives you someone to bug when you are bored."- Sorcerer

Enter Raghu

..

..

Raghu:So Hows my new look?

Me & Sri: *Yawn

Raghu: I shaved off my beard and I kinda look.....

Sri:Weird

Me:Hey!! your chin ass is now exposed.[ Ref: Pic Below]

<--[This is Pic Below]

Raghu: WHAT?

Me: Chin ass or ass chin.I dont know how its called, but there is an ass on your face now and its showing.

Raghu: It is not chin ass. It is technically not called that way.It is called double chin.

Sri:NO!! Double chin is one behind the other.

Me:You mean a Gay chin?

Raghu:Its not double chin then.It is called something else.

Me: Lets google it up

Sri: You are not going anywhere near the computer SORCY!!

Me:Alright! You people want to live in ignorance, then let it be.

Raghu: My girl friend said its kinda cute .

Me: Now she has a reason when she calls you an "You ASS", cuz its on your face. One thing I liked about her is honesty.

Sri: May be its not chin ass, May be its chin valley

Me:Or Chin clevege. But..My friends I would go with the 'Chin Ass' word cuz that word suits it more.

Raghu:Weirdos.

__________________________+

< MY FIRST TIME >

I don't know why I am writing this. I mean, it was a weird day. Woke up with a f[beep]ed up dream. Too many Hollywood late nights on TV.

You know at times, we get these flashbacks, like those seen in movies, with color and muted sound. Everything had started out as black and white. Somewhere it went blurry, the colors started to run, got smudged and gray. Faces and you start remembering them!

Certain incidents in life, good or bad, leave a scar on your soul. It's something like this, we try hard to get climb out of the hole and at an instant we just fall back. What do they call this? Genius of a hole!

____________________

I am going to tell you about my First Time.(Real incident) Yeah! most of the time you end up being f[beep]ed up. The pain comes after, if it was in a bus, like mine. [wink]. You never know what happens in a travel. Aint ya?

The bus had offloaded almost all passengers at the previous stop. Me and a "few" passengers have punched our ticket to the final leg.

We started our journey, for another 40 Kms to the final disembarkment point.

..

..

It happens so fast, technical term will be "a quickie?"

I was enjoyin the "ride”. It was real, Real good. We were almost there. It was awesome with fun music in the background.

Two Barrel rolls and then I hear scream and gasps..

Get out..Get out..NOW!!!!!

It's ..it's gonna...!!

Alright!! I have to move out!

Then...I moved out..and jumped outta the broken window.

That’s my first experience in a Bus accident.

..

..

Whenever they show such crashes in movies, the movie goes into a slow motion mode. I used to wonder why.

Yes! its something like that when you are in such situations from the first person perspective.

Time is relative to the observer. When you're in mess-ups like this, the time around you kinda freezes, you could see the glass pieces flying around, the sound of it breaking and the smell of gasoline in the air. Its as if your senses has attained a new clarity.

You wont feel pain. Your cuts would bleed but you would feel no pain. You get this sudden adrenalin rush to save your skin, which is holding you together. You suddenly become more powerful than you really are. You could lift anything off your feet to let it free and kicking.

..

..

When you are in the clear, you look back at the wreck. You are glad, you smile at it, which could well, have been your coffin.

..

..

Incidents like this in our life, brings a new vantage point into your life. Deep inside you, you feel more powerful. It teach you a bit more about life, which you forgot or never cared to learn.

..

..

I got out of my bed remembering these words "What doesn’t kill you, Make you strong."

__________________________+

< PWNED BY JAVA >

A few days back I was surfing the folders on my cousins computer. All it takes is to store a file with sensible file names like 123.doc or sadf.doc in some unknown location and then conviniently forget the file name to get into the 'trendy'IT fashion thingy called 'Folder Browsing'.

My drill down on his computer turned up lots of things like acres and acres of mp3's and Dlls.

Yes..Almost 20 Gb of .dll files alone.I never knew windows operating had 20 GB of .dll files in it unless viruses call themselves .dlls.

or

This could be a ingenius way to cover up PORN files, like scientists always saying that the UFO is just a weather balloon zzzingin and blinging high up in the sky .

Guess what!! my analysis is never wrong. It was PORN movie files renamed to a .dll files to hide it from ”MY” prying eyes.

Poor fellow, he don't know this incident.

..

..

It was some years back. I was a student having my stint with JAVA. Axeman A.k.A Mr. Anoop was lecturing on JAVA applets on a fine morning, to a group of 20 students of which 15 of them were females

.

I was in need of a hot cup of JAVA and was staring at the monitor, my mind far..far...away,away. No delimiter can stop me from moving out of scope on my day dreams.

"As you can see on your monitor, we have embedded a .jpg file onto the browser via a Java applet". Axeman was raping our gray cells with stuffs.

Saying this he browsed for a .jpg file and added code to embed it onto the browser.

Let me tell you this too, we were using an WINDOWS NT Operating System.[ It runs a bit faster than old steam engine+it has new 'network neighborhood' icon]. With lots of loaded software+ Java getting compiled on it, the hard disk was swapping files like the couples during the 60's.

Axeman stood up from his chair. Like him, we too know that 'this embedding and linking' will take looottttsss of time and generate enough heat to boil a cup of java.

..

..

"AYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!! WHOAAAA!!!!!" The browser embedded this beautiful image of a naked chick for all of us to see and then the whole window FROZE, literally embedding it on the screen.

Axeman, ran back to the system and was trying to close the browser window, which resulted in a Frozen Mouse on frozen browser. Keyboard too joined the Frozen Orgy on this naked chick.

..

..

There was some serious initial inquiry done on this 'un acceptable' behaviour of 'certain' seniors, who were using the educational resources for their private perverted use.

404!culprit not found.

but

The investigation revealed acres and acres of .jpg files with their extension changed to .dll. and stored away in system folder+some sex 'education' videos too.[ Read:Porn]

..

..

Axeman, decided to make a software that could scan the computer and find all the image files(no matter what the format is).

AXEMAN's Image Finder was born.

He upgraded that to find videos and other things which we find interesting in computers.(no matter what the format is).

The third upgrade was a punch, it had a crawler that crawls the network and reported ‘stuffs’ which we find interesting.(no matter what the format is).

..

..

He had uploaded that software on the internet, and made it available for free downloads, for those lecturer’s who wanted to avoid such embarassing situation.

If you ever find this software over the internet, you can see the 'ABOUT US' section in which these golden words will be written.[ It does bling bling too]

"Dedicated to my students, who give me creative ideas to make new softwares."

..

..

When I narrated this incident to Sanju he said “ Porn is the mother of all invention”.

Gee!! I think he is right!!

__________________________+

< CONVERSATIONS >

Lil conversation bits that made me laugh in November.

____________________

Gal: Fuck you

Geniass: :) Anytime.

____________________

*** Now talking in #cars

sorcerer: Ola!! Wassup dude

Trucky:FYI: Don't join #teens channel. Its full of 40 year old males pretending to be preteen girls. I nearly got raped by a 13 year old.

Sorcerer: LOL!!

____________________

..

..

Sorcerer: I would appreciate, if you could respond back quickly.

***ile: Shh... I am talking to a hot chick.

Sorcerer: In digital format?

****ile: Party pooper!!!

____________________

..

..

Guy 1: I have this feeling, she is fucking with my brain.

Sorcerer: Atleast someone is getting their share of fun.

Guy 1: What fun?

Sorcerer: I was not talking about you.

____________________

Dis******ed: 1

Dis******ed: 2

Dis******ed: 3

Dis******ed: 4

Dis******ed: 5

..

..

Dis******ed: 10

Sorcerer: Flooding will be fixed with Butt plugs.

____________________

Sorcerer: I wish computer monitors doubled up as webcams.Like 2 way communication I/O.

SAM:Why?

Sorcerer: If I want to give someone the finger its more easy.

SAM: that would be very innovative.we can make a monitor

that has a camera inside the screen so when you chat with somebody and look at them

they'll think you're looking at them too

Sorcerer: Yes and then we can catch them do someone embarrassing.

SAM: eh?

Sorcerer: someTHING embarrassing..

____________________

Guy[on phone]: Listen...

[His girl friend hung up on him]

: : Let here be silence : :

Sorcerer: err...

Guy1: move .. This is it..I am not going to take it any more. Either my game CD's or her. Let me mail her my ultimatum.

Sorcerer:Good Luck!!

Guy1:Nothing will stop me.not even those emotional blackmails or those looks from saying what i wanna type

: : Guy1 takes the browser and is online : :

: : t= t+3 [ t being the time] : :

Guy1: Everybody..everybody is out to get me..Even the internet hung up on me. F[beep].

__________________________+