< VIDEO TAPE PLAYER>

It is an incident that happened some years back. That was when we had the VCR and VCP dominating the television era. That bulky dinosaur machinery is now replaced by iPod and CD players.

Why Am I telling you this?

Because this incident revolves around that prehistoric anomaly.

Arshad was our neighbor. Good guy, extra clean attitude, extra decent, silent. He is the favorite guy for all on our block. Girls run out of adjectives when they describe him. Above all he is a God fearing guy.

When we get kicked by my best buddy’s sister, she always ends her statements saying “Look at Arshad, Such a nice guy, unlike you morons. Guys should be like that. Learn from him.”

We don’t have any regrets. We are rebels and we are shamelessly proud of it. We shout, we do all nonsense things. BEEG DEAL if the other earthlings cannot take it.

..

..

One evening, we get a call from Arshad’s sister.

“Hey! We want to watch a video. Arshad is not here. Can you help us operate this stuff?”

“Errr…yeah!!”

My friend hung up the call.

“Its is her. She wants some help with the video tape player. Thank God for too many buttons on the remote control.”

“Yeah!”

As you have guessed, we never miss an opportunity to help a human in need,contrary to the popular belief that is.

..

..

We went to Arshad’s home.

The home was fully packed with females. His cousins, his aunts, his grannies, small kids, and toddlers, also some chicks from our neighborhood everybody was there at his home. If he runs for an election, he sure will win.

We kinda felt like ‘errrrrr….’ When we entered the room.

“Arshad is not here. And this tape has the recording of our relative’s wedding ceremony. So we want to watch it.”

She handed the tape to my friend.

The technical persons,(Me and My friend) was in the spotlight.

You ever had that feeling, you are being watched. We had such a feeling then.

He pushed the tape in. It’s supposed to be ‘AUTOMATIC’ (SARCASM!! Thinking about today.)

NOTHING!!!

We with our awesome analytical skill found that the tape player is not connected to the television.

We set everything right and pushed the tape in again

Well!! All we could see was some faces with lots of out of focus pixels(Grains!! They call that in old days) accompanied by eerie music.

“Need to open it up and clean the tape head.” DECLARED my friend.

Arshad’s sister got us a screw driver. We opened it and cleaned the tape head with a piece of newspaper. (Wipe dirt with dirt and viola!!! It goes)

“Do you have any other tape? Can’t risk putting this video tape again. Just need to make sure that the tape head is clean.” That was an intelligent suggestion from my friend.

‘hmm….Let me check.” Said Arshad’s sister,

“Hey!! Arshad bro has got a tape in his cupboard” declared a sweet little voice. “I will go and get it.” This little girl said that and ran upstairs.

..

..

The little girl returned with a tape in her hand.

My friend looked at the unmarked tape. He pushed the video tape into the player. He was busy putting back the screws on to the player and those screws slipped and rolled under the television stand. Me and my buddy got to the task of pickin the dark lil screws from the dark granite floor.

..

..

We stood up after getting those screws and ta…daaaa!!! The room was empty. Everyone was gone. There was no one in that room. We looked at the TV Screen.

Ayayayay!!!! There was this naked man doing nasty (read: awesome) things to this naked woman. Ayayayay!!!

Someone was getting screwed while we were searching for the screws. Did you notice Irony surrounding that statement?

We switched off the television. Took the video tape back and switched off the video player.

“errr…. Should we tell them we are leaving?” I asked my friend.

“err…We are leaving.” We called out into the void room ()

..

..

We walked with our heads down till we were in clear. Actually we were hiding the huge grin on our face thinking about the aftermath of this situation, contrary to the onlookers belief that we hung our head for being in that embarassing situation.

“Arshad is gonna get screwed today. Aint it?” I asked my friend

We both nodded our head.

“Did you hear that CRASH after we left?” My friend asked me.

“That could be the tape getting floored.” I replied.

..

..

Rebels scored another point!!

__________________________+

< CONVERSATION >

Another conversation post to end the month with

..

..

Sorcerer:Go ahead, I am listening.

DocChick:We were given a frog,for the experiment.

Sorcerer:hmm..

DocChick:Then we bang it on the desk.

Sorcerer:Poor frog, You BANG it?You said "WE" and is it an orgy kinda thingy?Frog Orgy! You got a video of it or something?

DocChick:Huh!!Its to shock it. Kinda like that.

Sorcerer:Is that what you are taught to do, whe

n you run out of local anasthesia?

DocChick:I would be glad to do that to you.

Sorcerer:Bang me, Bang me Bang me Bang me..*Droool

DocChick:I will never talk to you again.

..

..

____________________

..

..

Sorcerer:Hey! Nice pic. Whose that guy standing next to you?

M**i*a: errr..thats my boyfriend.

Sorcerer: *Sighs

M**i*a:Why?

Sorcerer:You have 8 cousins+1 Fighter Pilot dad, I was plotting to abduct you.I need to redraw my plans.

M**i*a:I forgot to tell you, my boy friend is a boxer¹.

Sorcerer: I will take care of that with biscuits.

M**i*a: What?

Sorcerer:*Tries hard to not to laugh.

M**i*a:What?

Sorcerer:Ha ha ha ha

M**i*a:What?

_____

For those who is still wondering "WHAT?"

*^{1::Boxer according to me}

____________________

Sorcerer:I got laid!!

Sanju:From who?

Sorcerer:My client. Ya know G******.

Sanju:Congrats.You will, You are earning in doooolars now.

Sorcerer: Yes!!She transfered it to my account.

Sanju:What?

Sorcerer:Oops!! PAID..not LAID!!

____________________

Girl;I am a bi

Sorcerer:hmm...So How will someone know in which mode you are, like in you change color?

Girl:Mostly on weekends I am a lesbian.

Sorcerer:So you are like a part time lesbian. Wow!! Its Sunday today.

Girl:Its Saturday over here.

Sorcerer:* Oops!!Crashed and burned.

Girl:lol

__________________________+

< TAGWARD >

The Omen came true. I got tagged again. When I switched on the TV today morning, I saw lion and a gazelle playing tag. Yes, the universe conspired in my favor, alchemizing the moments for this wonderful award tag brought to me by an Angel from Heaven. Let us discuss in detail how this tag works. This award comes with a beautiful icons and of course with colorful strings attached.

When any unsuspecting victim accepts this award, the award winner should write a post bragging about it, not to forget to mention the name of the 'offender' who thinks you deserve such an acclaim[really! sinners should be punished]. To force de majeure your claim, you should link back to the person who snitched on you. Next thing the victim should do is to select a minimum of 7 (S.E.V.E.N) blogs, that you could read and understand, benchmarking them on its awesomely incredible blaharoeical content or design.

If you don’t have 7 friends online who don’t have a blog, select 7 strangers (including sex offenders) and give them this awesome award. Once you have zeroed in on your 7 victims like a mosquito, leave a threat, informing them that they are the lucky winners of a cool Icon from Honest Weblog.

[ NOTE: We are NOT giving away millions of dollars from Bank of Africa.]

Now you may be wondering why I got this award and why I am giving those offenders this award. The aim is to write 10 honest thing about yourself [ I know it is hard. I meant writing 'honest' things is 'hard'.huh!!].Then pass it on to those who you want to punish.

So following this unbroken tradition passed on from time immemorial, I give thy 10 honest thingy. Before that I got to brag about the person who gave me this award. First things first.

I never believed angels could blog until I saw an angel blog. She is an awesome blogger from U.K who keys in (to) those wonderful human emotions, in its raw form.[Pst..Pst: She is an ophthalmologist.] Appreciate that even in her fast paced schedules she finds time to blog on.

Back to the hard part.

____________________

1) I never changed the wall paper, ringtone or any alert on my mobile. Once I had kept a wallpaper or ringtone, It remains like whatever forever.

2) I have programmed two web portals all by myself and it is still online.

[If you are one of those in the 'inner circle' you would know those web portals. No!! It doesn’t have naked chicks. ]

3) I believe in communication. One reason why I am still prepaid customer of Vodafone. I can talk to everything, including pressure cooker.

4) I pull up pranks on my unsuspecting friends. I am shamelessly proud about it and blog about it too.

5) I love potato chips. I have this theory that potato chips could be a solution for world hunger.

6) I prefer non veg food and non veg jokes.

7) Vampy says I am the reason why God made decafe. That pretty much sums me up.

8) I live with people who should be institutionalized for their awesome intellectual outbreak like creating backup of backk up of their porn folder.

9) I love kicking noobs in social networking site communities and discussion forums. Creating new world order that is.

10) I do pencil drawing.

I hereby declare that the above statements are true to my best knowledge and belief.

Now the moment for passing this awesome award to other bloggers. There are few in the ECF who don’t update their blog at all. I take this opportunity to tag them trying to help them to get their blog moving.

1: Vampy

2:Sanju

3:D

4:Susie

5:Sharky

6:Sam

7:Spectrum

__________________________+

< WOMEN EMPOWERMENT >

A technical topic on woman empowerment. My cousin wrote this dumb article for some college related blahject work. With some changes I am publishing it for my blog readers.

____________________

(I hate Feminism)

Women have always been considered as the inferior part of the society. This may be because of their phisycal weaknesses .Their denial to common rights has been supported by many cultures and popular beliefs. A lot this seems to reflect in our literary works

Language

I like to call English a hybrid language. Its effectiveness lie in its simplicity and the space it offers for new words and phrases. Inevitably more and more words have been added to the English vocabulary over the years. We seldom seem to notice words, phrases and idioms that inferiorise women

EXAMPLES

•The word “Mankind” is used to represent humans. The word itself is a proof of masculine domination and feminine submission in the early days of literature.

•Vehicles are feminine. Anything that can be controlled or used is female in English literature. Its definitely not coincidence.

It’s not just the English culture, all cultures stick to this tendency as if it were a standard. Greek, Roman and Hindu mythologies have evidences of that.

All female gods in Greek mythology are of peace, fortune or any other docile thing. We may account it as a remnant of a woman’s maternal characteristics until get a look at the dudes

Thunder, War, The Overlord (Zeus), Poseidon (if u have read the odyssey)…..All are dominant over their female counterparts. The Roman myths are closely related to the Greek ones (they are still Greek to us)

Hindu religion also seem to get its wind. Wisdom, beauty etc are typical examples of what a she-god could give you

Let me ask you something……….who’s your favorite superhero?

Spiderman, Superman, Batman or any other ones?

Any superhero you might have thought of has a 97.67% of being a guy.

So….arent there any femme fatales???

Well….

• Bat girl is busy keeping Bruce Wayne’s files in order
• Wonder Woman is more of a sex symbol (American sex symbol that is.)
• The Invisible girl is virtually invisible (oh!! she’s supposed to be that way?)
• The original TMNT didn’t have any girls (it’s a guy thing)
• Lois lane can’t fly (She’s not a superhero anyway)
• Cat woman always gets caught.

We grew up with these cartoons and comics. Children’s minds are easier to mould. It hardens as we grow up but the impressions stay. We have to face the fact that females are always damsels in distress waiting for some hunk to come up and rescue them (Later have awesome sex). What it means is that they are dependent on males (us). More importantly, we should be aware of the fact that we made it that way and we are passing it to the next generation. Give this thing some serious thought!!!!!!

Not just comics, novels………….from Victorians to Sydney Sheldon…All are male centered

Aquelius was a dude…………so was Phobeus, Dr.Faustus, Quasimodo, Sherlock Holmes, The hardy boys, Don Clericuzio, James Bond

Some of the women who have a place equal to male popularity are

Cleopatra, Calypso, Portia, Lara Croft, Charlie’s Angels

I’m highlighting media because it’s the most popular mode of conveying anything to people. A community so addicted to media has a high chance of believing what it says. [ Young generation that is.]

__________________________+

< RING TONE >

It was Sunday. I was bored sitting at home, reading the news paper, again and again and again. I was even reading even those obituaries; what do you say..'Extracting the awesome knowledge' in the news paper.

I debated with my conscious, who never shuts up and decided to visit my friend who lives 4 and half cart wheels away.

I was on my foot, walking to a home which was 4 and half cart wheels away.

..

..

I was given a warm reception by my friend Raneesh, who was wearing a towel,misdiagonised as GYM Buff Guy,worshipping beer and McDonald.

Too much FTV could harm you! This is a living proof.

"Hey!! GYM Boy, you aint solved your beer belly issue yet?" I responded to the warm welcome. Yes! I was trying my best to be hostile.

In response, he sucked his stomach in.

HA HA HA HA HA!! said my conscious.

"Where is Mr.Airtel?" I asked Raneesh.

"Can't you hear him?" Another question was the answer, just like Windows Help File.

He walked into his bathroom.

Like those new Nokia mobile phones which could nullify the background noise, my ears nullified the background noise and zeroed on Mr.Airtel's frequency.

It sounded like someone cutting wood with a woodsaw. Krrrrrrrrr..krrrrrrrrrrr..krrrrrrr.

Mr.Airtel was sleeping, snoring loud. Like all snorers and rapists, he denies him snoring.

..

..

I switched on the T.V and as usual there was nothing interesting like some great leader staring at the ass of cute chick captured by news crews, or some high profile sex scandals.Nobody gives a FUCk these days.World is becoming more gray.

Huh! said my conscious.

..

..

I took out my classic Nokia mobile phone and started playing, 'Nature Park' on it.

Conscious: You walked 4 and half cartwheels, in the hot sun, to play game on YOUR mobile phone?

Me: Any better idea?

Conscious: I can give you a clue.Mr.Airtel has got new games on his mobile.

Me:aaha?....... Aha!!

..

..

I went into Mr.Airtel's room.

"Hey! I am taking your mobile." I said because I have read somewhere that it is not proper to take someones mobile without permission.

"Snoooooooooooorrr...Snoooooooooorrrrr" was the reply.

"Okay! Thank you!!"

..

..

I went back, sat on the awesome couch and started playing game on my buddies mobile.

..

..

Conscious:I had high hopes on you.

Me:HEY!!!Do not disturb me while I am playing games.

Conscious:"Chance favors the prepared mind!!" Isn't that your tagline?

Me:Awww..you are getting more philosophical and yeah when you are talking to me try and talk in a female voice.

Conscious:Your friend is snoring and you have his mobile phone.Can't you record it?

Me:WOW!! You are a GENIUS!!!

Conscious:Yawn!!

..

..

I was back in my friend's room, recording his snoring. After that, I made his snore as his ringtone. Kept the phone back near him.

..

..

I felt so good after doing that. Now, even the old ads were interesting to watch.

Funny! human mind is.

..

..

After an hour, Mr.Airtel, drag himself out of his sleep and his bedroom. I had to part with a part on this awesome couch for his puny butt.

We were watching a movie and his phone starts snoring.

Mr.Airtel:Ha ha ha ha..Whose making that stupid noise?

Me:Phone.

Mr.Airtel:What a horrible sound.What ?Is it some sound clip from Jurrasic Park?

Me:What do you think?

Mr.Airtel:Answer the phone.Its horrible.

Me:You answer it.It's your phone.

Mr.Airtel:Nope! My phone don't have such a ringtone.

Me:It has now.

I showed him my mobile phone, which was not ringing and was low on battery. [ I hate those chinese replacement batteries, but I love the noodles.]

Mr.Airtel runs into his bedroom to get his phone.

..

..

"So I snore and its so loud" Mr.Airtel acknowledges.

"Yeah! loud enough to be a ringtone." I replied.

__________________________+

< AIR GUN MURUGAN >

This incidend happend a few days back.

I was standing in the balcony of my home, enjoying the drizzle of the rain and the cool wind.

It was almost 12:30 at night.The cool and awesome weather kept me awake. The Bangalore minutes ticked by.

There on the road, The Black Cat of our street, THE BLACK DOG, walked, scheming in his doggy mind to do some dirty doggy things near the gate to my home. The dog walked up and down the street like the needle of a speedo meter(Metaphor).

This Black Dog is a new addition to our street. He is hypder,(Highly Yintelligent Perverted Dog eveR).After a coup, he took over the street from the Amchi Local Dog and the small kids who play cricket in our street. He chooses the time, after we all go to sleep, to practice his vocalaroheoa with his team mates

Like every true story, my story also has a hero. Its not the super man who wears the undies over his pants. Its my neighbour.

Let me introduce the Hero Of Our Story. The 60 or so year old, retired uncle, who lives opposite to my home. Every night, when the streets are empty, he comes down from the second floor of his home, armed with a cigarette. He sits near the general store now closed after business for the day, enjoying his cigarette

Tonight he came and sat on the small cement platform near the shop. He started smoking his cigarette.

The black dog who rules the street after dark, comes and stands near our hero- the old uncle. The uncle used to pay tribute to the dog every evening, like chappathis, Biscuits etc for guarding our street from evil hands.

The dog, cuddled up near the lap of the seemingly harmless uncle.

I was watching the whole action from my balcony. They always say, dog is a man's best friend.I had my doubts with this dog.

Then It happened. "pppppppppppppppprrrrrrrrrffffffffaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrttttttt." The uncle bellowed loudly,like the mating call of an African warthog, breaking the silence of a peaceful night.The loud sound echoed in the street, reverborated in such a way that, it could put a jet figter on afterburn to shame.

If the dog could talk

Dog: WTF? Dude!!! Its me...your blacky.How can you do this to me man?Yo man!! How can ya smoke it on my face man?

The dog, was so confused from the unpredictable and invisible backstab from a 60 year old man.

As I was lookin, I saw the dog jump on all its fours and it ran like the wind, breaking the sound barrior and everything in front of it. Virtually, the dog was flying?

It never even cared to look for the traffic.I leaned over the balcony, only to see the dog galloping and crossing into the next street, and to the adjacent street to it. There the street ended with a compound wall. The dog slowed down and it turned to look back for the first time after this enocunter with the invisible stink.

Thanks uncle, the dog, never bothered us that night. We all had a good sleep.

Dear uncle, we the proud citizen of the street, honour you by the title, "Air gun Murgan". Thank you, for your humble, 'down to earth' performance the other night,we all had a good night sleep.

__________________________+

< CONVERSATIONS >

Sanjog: i think I have 6% over the pass

I think some questions were really irrevant

me: okay, for me all questins are irrelevant

2:36 PM

Sanjog: what do u mean?

me: they should not question us .:(

санжог/Sanjog: lol

____________________

Genius:whats a feed reader?

Geniass:A third generation netizen who is addicted to reading blogs.

____________________

Gwen: hehehehe tc...MUAAAAAAAAAH

3:59 PM

your day got better!

4:00 PM

me: *changes color

*faints

4:01 PM

Gwen: no cpr for you...(walks away)

4:02 PM

me: *thinks:Darn..you read my mind

Gwen: oh shutup!

4:03 PM

me: make me....noo..not with the fire extinguisher

____________________

Gal:How long you gonna be online?

Guy:err..Another hour.

Gal:Cool. I will come after an hour.

____________________

gwen: nice...so wat you upto?

me: hmm..just random nonsense stuff

____________________

Gwen: he see a woman...the most beautiful one hes ever laid eyes on...

6:18 PM

me: ever laid?

Gwen: nope..laid eyes on!

Me:Okay..Go ahead

____________________

Gal:Yeah! My fave color is blue.

Guy:Really? Mine too.See,we got many things in common between us, including the global warming.

____________________

Girl:Hey!You missed me?

Guy:Yeah,Missed you like the fire in the belly of a dragon?

Girl:What?

____________________

me: hmm...UNIX was my love ya know

Sanjog: really

me:after she crapped up my final year project and committed suicide on the day of presentation.we brokeup

still I love my unix more than anything

I still have that feeling for her

Sanjog: how did it crash?

6:39 PM

me: dont know mate. the day of the presentation..she didnt boot

Sanjog: ha ha ha ha

u need to learn lots of nook and cranny of linux

6:40 PM

me: but unix was cool

i loved her VI editor when everyone hated it

Sanjog: u must have messed up the bootloader grub

me: i loved those commands..esspecially the "finger" command

Sanjog: lol, now its different

its more like windows

6:41 PM

idiot friendly

next next next ok thats all you have to do

rest is automatic

me: yeah..i know. LInux is like the blonde on the bloke

6:42 PM

and Ubantu is size zero

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