.:: GIRL POWER ::.

I can drop you off at your place" called out the stranger.

He was a stranger to me, though we both share the same Eco system and watering hole. In the rain forest called office, he lives on the other side of the forest.There is only one waterhole where all endangered animals come to have bits and bytes of idli's and vada's.

It was an offer I can't refuse that day, cuz of some personal schedules I had to keep up with.

"I don't call this my car..." he said
"Yeah!! I can see that" I replied, cuz technically it should be a cross between municipal truck and shopping cart.
"I call this my magic carpet" he beamed it up, very proudly.
"Sure, the carpet could do with some vacuuming" Well, I really wanted to say that..but..I didn't , cuz, he is the one who is driving the flying contraption.
"Sit in the navigator's seat, back seat is my bedroom when she kicks me out." my friend said.
So, my friend is in the endangered species red list.Poor thing, only thing that differentiate him from a blue whale is that he isn't blue.
I climbed into the 'navigators' seat with a cross between smile and frown on my face :-s
..
..

Well,thanks for the olfactory adaptation. My nose is very well adapted to the smell of beer+cigarette+ freshener and other smells which could leave a tiny mark on machine. Still, there was something in the smell that was bothering me.The incense sticks on the dashboard answered that query.
..
..

My friend, who flies the magic carpet, pushed the gear into drive and off we go honking into the awesome Bangalore traffic.He looked at his watch and was dodging his way through the traffic. I was happy cuz, I could reach home early .
But...

"Dude, I need to pick my friend. Let us wait near that..." He said

Okay! I said.
He sure knows how to find a descent parking space. We parked the car near a famous college.

Conscious: You gonna be late.

Me: I know. I got a reason.

Conscious: Yes, You expect some hot chick to be his friend .

Me:I said, I got a reason to tell to the personal schedule.

Conscious:Do you expect any girl to climb into this car that smell like an African Warthog.

Me:oh! I don't have personal experience with Warthogs.

Conscious: But..I do.

I was getting impatient, waiting for "his friend".

[ roll eyes]
"Errr...." I said. [ Lions say Grrrrrrr... Sorcerer says Errrrrr]
[/roll eyes]

"We will wait a few more minutes and then go..." . My friend replied to my err.
After waiting for another 10 minutes, the magic carpet was back bouncing on the road dodging traffice like a belly dancer dodging beer bottles on the stage.
..
..

A few more kilometers and ...
"Dude, I think we can get a parking spot there...." He said pointing to a place near another awesome college.
The advantage of having this kind of magic carpet is that, you can squeeze it into any space. This place was much better than the previous place with much much better view.
"Cool!! " That was the only word that came out of my mouth. The word 'Cool' is like 'Fcuk'. It could mean everything and anything.

Conscious: *sigh

Me: I am 'in' the 'situation.'

Conscious:Do you really think, he is waiting for his friend.

Me: I don't know. But the view is good.You are witnessing the great migration of pink flamingos.

Conscious:Huh!

The Bangalore minutes ticked by.

..
..
After an hour and half I reached my home. I had to cancel the personal schedule giving one of those fables.
____________________


I used to meet him at the water hole almost every day and we used to crack jokes about everything bare under the sun with sunscreen.

Later one day, he confessed to me that, 'some people unwind by driving on the curves, he unwinds by staring on the curves'.

Conscious:So, I was right, he was not waiting for his friend the other day.

Me: Apparently.You thought he was trying to rhyme?

Months went by, the color of building changed from off white to blue, the trees shed their leaves, freshers came out of their cocoon and started showing their real colors in the rain forest. The H.R colored her hair bling bling brown.

..
..
One day at the wate hole, we found a new chick.
'Solitary Chick inbound, 3 O Clock. non hostile.' called out one sentry.

Her dress reflected the economy during the great recession.She was like a major corporate during the recession, too much assets and too little to cover it with.

It was 'every man for himself' situation.[ For single guys, this is always the situation, *sigh]. People with technical skills relied on that, others were left with the highly pressurized promise from Axe Deo Spray.

My magic carpet friend was not really interested in the n00b chick at the water hole. I could read 'disgust' on his face. He was giving all other guys who was looking at her 'that' look.
I having awesome communication skill decided to 'reason' with the magic carpet friend about his 'insensitive' behavior towards the n00b chick and us, before we came to our senses.

Me:Hey!! So, we got a n00b. No?

Magic Carpet Friend: Huh!! Why you guyz behaving this way?She is a girl.
He gets up and walks out. Stopping the communication abruptly like someone knocking on your door in the middle of your "me time."

Conscious:Was that his Halloween costume?

Me:I think this is what sleeping in the backseat of a car can do to you.EEEEWWW!!! Very Scary..Very Scary!!!

Somewhere in my mind my friend's behavior left a mark like ketchup stain on white t-shirt. I just didn't understand about this change; off all , his. My mind was left with too many questions.

1) Is the judgment day near? If so , did they move it back a few years?
2)Does hell really exist and is it a no party zone?
3)Did something happen to the backseat on his magic carpet?
4)Did he unwind at a lady cop in civilian clothes?
5)Is he turning into a lesbian?
..
..

After much deep and profound brain thinking inside my head, I made this theory long back that "Rumors are like fart, you just need to be at the right wind direction to get its stink".

All the while I was standing up the wind and I had missed the information. Now I was down the wind like the standards on Chinese Toys.
Next day, I got the answer I was looking for. "The magic carpet buddie's wife had given birth to a girl kid a few days back."

__________________________+

.::GIFT IDEAS::.

This is another blog post from the "How To" series.
We will see how to,solve the 'gift' issue. Buying a gift for our loved one is very confusing most of the time. I personally prefer to give hand crafted awesomeness other than off the shelf gifts. [ Show off?.. *sigh]. These hand crafted awesomeness can also be called as 'personalized gifts'.

The question that lingers in our mind like the aftertaste of garlic pickle, is "what to" give as a gift. We head into the gift shop and we feel confused like a teenager watching wet Tshirt contest. Too many choices and options..too many choices and options.

To solve this deadly deadlock of gift ideas in the mind, we have to understand, what that person likes the most or would like to have the most. If the gift could speak something awesome about the relationship..its cool.

You can buy wonderful antique book from the flea market, if you happened to find your lady love in a flea market for the first time,like two Arabian desert slaves of the olden days. Book is a good gift idea.
You may wonder, if people 'haf time to read' in this click based world. Apart from buying a book just for reading, a book should have many uses.Buying a dictionary solves that issue. Dictionary can be substituted as dumb-bells. If your girl friend is 5 ft 2 inch or less, she can use dictionary to get stuffs from the top row of the shelf. It's a wonderful gift for the 'feeling unsecured ones'. Those 'feeling unsecured ones' can have a peaceful sleep if they have a loaded dictionary near their bedside.
[Personal Recommendation:JAVA BIBLE is also good substitute for dictionary. My right hand got real work out when I used to learn JAVA. Not because Java makes me oohh la la, but its very thick, and you may need both hands..I meant those about the book.]

Gifting old UNIX user manual can be considered to nocturnal friends, who find it hard to sleep.

You can scribble in your awesome handwriting heart felt words... "Have 2 chapters after dinner for a wonderful sleep." on the front page.

Are you feeling insecure about your girl friend wearing skimpy clothes?[ Cuz she works out and has no beer belly to match you?]. Gift her a bed sheet. This is a way of saying.."Baby..I like to see you in this.". If she mistook your bed sheet message and say .."Would u like to see how it look on my bed?"..errr, I call this WIN WIN situation.
You can also gift her a T shirt that says "403-Forbidden"to announce to other alpha males that she is taken.

Is your cousin turning 18? Gift him some awesome coloring book or game console. Don't forget to write "An idle hand is a devil's workshop." on top of the box.A gift with something scribbled on it is cool thing.No?

Teddy bear or Deddy bear(as I call it), is the most ridiculous gift thingy I have ever seen. Imagine a fluffy bear without nails taking over the whole male population with its stupid grin. Gwad..and some teddy comes in 'pink' color. What good does a teddy bear do rather than getting to cuddle up ..*sigh
Some even name their Deddy bears. One of the person I know, who happens to be my cousin's classmate, names her teddy bear 'TINKU.'
But we guys, always turns....things to our advantage..Right?
Next time she complaints of B.O[ Short for Body Odor, which brings down the enthu, which is short for enthusiasm.], tell her that you smell better than stupid teddy bear.[The word 'stupid' is silent like the last s in piss.]. This is the only way we can get back at the stupid teddy bear.

So I was saying always make it a point to gift something useful to your girl friend. A screwdriver is a wonderful gift idea. If she gives you 'those' look when she sees the screwdriver wrapped in pink blink blink paper; tell her that, she can do a whole range of things with it like clean nails, open tin cans etc etc.A certain friend of mine is planning to gift his lady love, a screwdriver for her birthday; it's not because she gifted him aftershave lotion on his birthday. His reason.."Gift Something Useful".

A screw driver with a message attached on pink paper :"Baby..I screwed up" would be a wonderful belated birthday gift.No?
Gifting a toothbrush to your girl friend to preserve her killer smile..is another wow idea.
If you are the official driver of your girl friend, gift her a map of the city complete with bus time table.

Is your neighbor complaining of all the noise you make during the weekend party. Gift your neighbor's little loving cute stubborn kid a whistle as a present.Wrap it in silver paper with a note attached saying "We bring war to you." . Yes the famous quote of George Bush.

For bachelor guys, beer is the universal gift idea. No gift is better than a 6 pack beer.

Personally, I prefer to give customized gifts other than the off the shelf items,to people whom I bother to care. A cricket crazy buddy may get a cricket ball made out of 100% biodegradable news paper.(See..I even care for the environment). Paper plane is another personalized gift. You can even paint it bright yellow orange and red to make it more appealing. Gift your IT guy with scrabble game made out of keys from the keyboard.



This is a personalized gift we gave to the lonely waiter in an awesome hotel. [It's not a pyramid, it is a frog..a paper frog, and when you poke its..err...bottom..it jumps.]. Now he can play with the frog when he feels bored.

..
..

Remember...always gift personalized gifts.

__________________________+

.::CHAT CONVERSATION::.

Genius: Damn, It's too hot outside.

Sorcerer: Yes! we gonna get color coded.
____________________

Genius: No. I have plans this Saturday.

4:51 PM

Sorcerer: Okay.So we are counting you out from this weekend plans

Genius: hmm.

Sorcerer: What you planning to do?

Genius: My girl friend is going to teach me how to cock a chicken.

Sorcerer:WOW!! That's something..

Genius:COOK..COOK..I am changing my neighborhood over that typo.
____________________

Wiseguy:How do you always manage to find seat in a crowded place?

Sorcerer: Free advice..Play tetris..
____________________

Ra***** Did you check that file I emailed?

Sorcerer: Yeah!! Its some cipher.

Ra***** Its called.....................................................................
12:52 PM

Sorcerer:Called?

Ra***** ................................................

Sorcerer:If you are typing in braille err...Just want to say that..I am not blind.
____________________

Wiseguy: Going to buy my girl friend a belated birthday present.Any recommendation?

Sorcerer:VOODOO DOLL!!
____________________

Sorcerer:Hey n00b welcome back.Long time no see.

n00b:Mom locked my system.

Sorcerer: Changed password?

n00b:Nope. Took away my keyboard :(
__________________________+

.::CONVERSATIONS..AGAIN::.

quirky: lol i waz zaying i gotta go
10:56 PM
zome ppl unlike u have 2 zleep ;)

Sorcerer: yeah..and some ppl unlike you have 'S" key on keyboard *whistles a tune

____________________

N00b:Windows says I have 4 days left...

Sorcerer: Return the tape to windows.
____________________

Va: What should I do to make my system run faster.

Sorcerer: Paint it Ferrari Red.
____________________

Cousin: He is like...BGuru+Her=Love..But ..

Sorcerer:So..you friends think its not love but data type miss match...

Cousin:Kinda like that..
____________________

Genius: Man invented fire...

Sorcerer: Then he invented lubricated condoms..so to prevent fire.

Genius: You got a point there..
____________________

Genius:I don't have enough talk time on my mobile phone to give you missed calls.

Sorcerer: You have money for cigarettes..right?

Genius:Yeah!! Sure...Sure..I do have..

Sorcerer:Give me smoke signal when you reach near my home.

__________________________+

.::CONVERSATIONS::.

This hot chick in our office bought her new Activa. We harmless guys were checking her out; I meant the Activa. She was a n00b on the road then who had got her driver's license only recently.

She: So..Hows it guyz?

Harmless Guy 1: Yeah!! It's cool.

She:So..

Really Harmless Guy (Read Sorcerer): Cool! Its nice.

She:Anyone wanna get on the back?

Harmless Guy1:errrr...

Really Harmless Guy: Errr.... hmmm..

She:I need to practice by taking people at the back before I take my husband.

Oh!! I forgot to tell you..she was an engaged(Read:Endangered) chick. [ I thought you must have guessed it when I said..err..hmm.]

Harmless guy 1: So you want to practice on us?

Really Harmless Guy: Us?Errr..hmmm....Us?

She stumbled for words, like a n00b stumbles on clutch; when she thought about what "offer" she had given us.

She didn't even say a word of farewell that day; she just got on her Activa and left us standing staring at the backseat.

Harmless guy 1: Sorcy, What was that...

Really Harmless Guy:errr...Hmm...An offer we just can't refuse if it was said on the backseat of a car.

..

..

n00b: What is buffer overflow?

Sorcerer:Wet dreams for computers.

..

..

Sorcerer: What you doing with the laptop?

Cousin:Looking for access point..

Sorcerer: Ooooh!! We simply say..GIRLS..

..

..

Sorcerer: only time when someone comes to my room..or take over in a way is when my cousin is at home ...

he breathes..games

Rashmi: hmmm

12:39 PM

but tht can be tolerated considering u two share the same interest

Sorcerer: and only one keyboard

Rashmi: here we only share one thing.....thts our DNA

base

..

..

Genius:You watched 3 idiots?

Sorcerer:Yeah!!

Genius:Ya know..I can relate to it.I wanted to be a firefighter when I was a kid.

Sorcerer: Hmm...

Genius:And guess..what I ended up with softwares..

Sorcerer:You still want to hose down...but your priorities changed.You are still a fire man..

__________________________+

.::MAKING AN IMPRESSION ::.

I think you are aware that, I took an initiative to provide you with life saving information through my blog. Yeah, the one called Sorcipedia.

This blog post has to do with "How to make a good impression." in front of a hot chick.

..

..

As a single guy, we are often lost in thoughts about, how to impress the hot neighbor chick or the girl in the next cubicle or any random unsuspecting girl on our radar.

Art of hitting as it is called in layman's terms begins with making a impressive impression. [n00bs without proper guidance i.e without reading my awesome blog ends up getting impressions all over them.]

They say that first impression is the best impression. If you screw up the first time,then you would end up one ball short.[Literally?...Yeah in extreme cases]so next time you meet the same girl, she would always fall short of your hand's length and you would spend the rest of your life at the end of your hand's length thinking about her.

Well!! as I was saying..first impression is the best impression.

You should be visually impressive.You must have heard about the mythical urban saying; "Well!!! I don't go for looks." Guys, don't fall for it. We all know how Windows Operating System and Paris Hilton captured the market.Don't we? It was the looks and it speaks english and not English in Spanish.So, you should look impressive.

To look impressive, you need 2 things to begin with.

1)Red underwear with huge bandwidth. It should have JOCKEY written on it in "BLIND USER MODE.". Floral designs are not advised.

2)Low waist jeans, that stays up on the non existant rear, defying gravity. A physics marvel on your waist.The rest of the accessories are, optional.

If you are one of those awesome person who prefers to make your jeans the second skin, make sure you have ants in your pants so that you have something else to think about when a hot chick crosses your path. This way you won't be standing pointing at the chick.

You must be wearing metals, if you want to come in the periodic table of girls chemistry.You should wear metal chains and metal rings, enough to serioulsy create a spike in the earth's magnetic field.Wearing metals is like an insurance to those who love and care for you. They can sell you as scrap metal and world remembers you as that great guy who went to the junk yard instead of the graveyard-May the soul rust in peace.

You should always talk in asthmatic English. Eminem songs can increase your vocab and make you a guy with good enthu. The way you talk should be well over audible background noise.The girls should say..yo r mah man!! when they hear you talk, just for kicks.There is no issues on using this lingo.fer yer information, this lingo is rare and is found in the wild only.

You should show your creativity on your beard. Your beard should resemble, landing strips for alien space craft, arabic lettering or crop circle.

There is nothing like "overdoing" the hair. You can use as much as strong gel to hold your hair together. You can make miniature models of mobile towers and relay stations on your head with the creative use of hair gel.

The way you walk says a lot of thing about you. Are you that kinda guy who walks, as if you are on pee 911? Then.it's time you take a more relaxed approach to your walking posture.You should walk, inclined at Tan Pi angle and imagine you are riding a bicycle with your shoulders. Yo!! Perfect yo!!

If you are in a group and your beshtest buddy said something awesome and funny at your cost.You can show your machoness by beating the him up for "FUN" and the chicks will go.."ooohhh!! he knows kungfu..bet he is good with fukung too.

..

..

This is how you can make a good impression with chick and live life with your loved one till "...pran...ghatak."

____________________

Innerwear companies are seeing a drop in their profit as more and more people are becoming aware of their right for freedom of movement.

Sorcerer with his ingenius,one of a kind awesomeness has come up with revolutionary ideas for innovative underwear designs.

1) Underwear with replaceable strap.

This particular clothing innerwear range will allow you to change the color of the strap according to your mood. It's an innovative idea to reflect you inner feelings by your innerwear.

This can also be used to identify person from behind. Most of the guys are able to identify a girl by looking at her behind. Now, as a good citizen isn't it our duty to help a chick identify us from behind. Customized innerwear straps will have your name written on it.This will help chicks identify you from behind.

Political parties can make use of this awesome facility to unify their supporters from the lower levels.(Pun intended).

Underwears with Replaceable Straps can have a caption "Unity in divarseity."

[UNDERWEAR WITH CHANGEABLE ELASTIC]

..

..

2)Underwear with Wifi Connectivity.

This range will have stock information,world news, weather information etc scrolling on its broad strap. Imagine the information advantage you provide with your innerwear. It can also be used as public broadcasting system.

I am providing a picture for those companies, who wants a blue print of this innovative idea to manufacture such wears and market it.

A script for an appropriate advertisement for such an innerwear.

Girl 1:Chee!! you shamelessly staring at that hunk?

Girl 2:Nope.I am reading news headlines on his straps.

Girl 1:Hows the weather?

Girl 2:Its hot and humid.

[WIFI UNDERWEAR]

__________________________+

.::CONVERSATIONS::.

D: Sorcy!! I found a dead lizard near my shoe-box. Had to take its dead carcass out. While doing so it fell down on the stairs with an icky thud.

Sorcerer: Poor Lizard. Wash your socks.

____________________

n00b:What is HTF?

Sorcerer:Cousin of WTF.

____________________

Genius:I am sorry, I didn't mean to delete it.

Sorcerer: May all your downloads drop at 99%.

____________________

R****: i need to learn official communication

writing letters to professors

and other stuff

Sorcerer: Use as many swear words as you can pack in a single sentence in all dramatically possible ways.

____________________

onlinecreep; Where you goin?

Sorcerer:Follow me if you wanna take bath in fountain of youth.

____________________

Genius:You seem to be busy these days.

Sorcerer:Yeah coding a software project for my cousin..

*sigh

Genius:Wow!!That's good.Lucky him.

Sorcerer: Yeah!! wait till a furry lil 'violet monkey' crawls across the screen and wave at him when he is giving the software presentation to his class.

____________________

Nameless:Reach that place and ask any kid for the way to my home.

Sorcerer:Kid? Errrr.. I think I am busy this weekend.

____________________

санжог: but coz I am Karmic Koala i dont have to look around for apache !!

aweshome!! Karmic Koala rocks!! windows SUCKS

Sorcerer: for FREE

санжог: open source honeY!!

Sent at 8:43 PM on Friday

Sorcerer: oooh..that could classify as a good pickup line ."Open Source..honey".

____________________

Edd:WTF..There is some disturbance in the line..

Sorcerer:I think FBI is recording our conversation.Tell em..Tell em the truth.

Edd:What?

Sorcerer:Dear FBI..If in case you are listening to this. The bush we meant was something entirely different. It's not spelled with capital B and we said bonsai not Bosnia.

____________________

There's a lot of mallu conversations I have published, for the world to read. This incident happened during my stint in some place where I was supposed to learn technology.

It had one of my classmate who was having..same issue.."pronoun trouble."

That was a Java Class and I was in need of a hot cup of it to keep my eyes open. I was suspended in between the standby mode and hibernation mode. The chick who was sitting near me was playing solitaire and she had nails on her finger which enabled her to keep me away from the mouse.

*sigh (Beurocrat chick)

The 'classmate' was sitting behind me, and was 'actually learning' to code in Java [ I say to get his money's worth] decided to ask some stupid question.

[I had this gut feeling that my sleep is gonna get disturbed. You can't sleep peacefully when, the whole class is stirring up.]

The 'Classmate' asked something soo dumb like "what is the sex of a semicolon and what is it doing near the other hanging thing in front of it".

The question was ignored by our awesome instructor like an expired cookie file.

He said "Poda". Which translated to English would be "Fuck Off" but in not that hard way.

Its a mellowed version of "Fuck Off." [ Yeah guys XX version]

My classmate who was soo sensitive felt so bad by that "Poda.".

After the class, I who had that fighter attitude in life, was the first one from the backseat to be near the door. Thank God I overheard this conversation.

Class Mate: Sir,

Instructor: Yes

Class Mate: Sirrrr..when you said "poda" I very well fielded.

..

..

A Mallu is taught three tenses during his English Class.

Tense tenses like Like Liked Lik"ed"

So Feel Feeled Fielded

__________________________+

.:JIJU MON:.

People name things that fancies their imagination in very different ways. My friend Biju decided to name his bike and out of the world name, he calls his bike "Jiju Mon". I know its very today and very mallu for a mallu. Usually the word "Mon" is used by mallu at the business end of any swear words and in positive terms which it refers as a very 'lovable " person.

This incident happened (when I say "incident" its always very thought provoking) a long time ago.I was riding on a bike driven by the Stunter/rider and all round Biker GURU "Mr.B".It was a new Yamaha FZ that was goin smooth as MS paint running on a dual processor.It was then that Maha Biker Mr.B confined an honour upon me

Mr.B: Hey!!! Wanna ride it?

Me : WTF????

Mr.B: DO U want to ride my bike???????....(And sighs)

Me : Sure ....cool!!!

I felt elated upon being honoured in the middle of the highway by none other than Mr.B himself and in person.

Me :Look ,B ,,I havent had a crack at bikes 4 a loooong time so.......

Mr.B:(givin me an anger/sympathetic look....I wonder how he does that!!!)

This is the 150cc blah blah blah FZ 16 anyone can ride it

He said it in a way that he meant"But only I can do tricks with it"

Me :Ok.....here we go!!!!

The next minute,the bike was doing Hrithik Roshan's "Ek pal ka jeena" step. It's always good to try something awesome in the middle of the road with some one else's bike.

Mr.B:WTF r u doin??????

Me :U said anyone can do it......

Mr.B:Dont play with the clutch.....i'm not your backriding bitch(clutch...bitch....wow Mr.B)

release the clutch slooooowly while u accelerate sloooowly!!!!

Me :Like dis?

And what do u know!!!

I was goin.....I have to admit, It was a smooth ride...A bit too smooth 4 me though

The bike was cruising at 50 and gaining momentum.. then suddenly!!!!

Me :B!!!! Big bad container truck at 12'o'clock

Mr.B :Dont panic!!(Thats our B ...always focused...always in control til he gets married!!!)

give it some gas

Me :vroom vroom...

Mr.B:Now honk the horn

Me :Honk honk

Mr.B:keep on honkin it,down a gear ang zip past it

woooooWeiiiiii!!!!!!!

That created some major adrenalin!!!

The Haryanvi truck driver happened to chant some mantra at me and(most probably) guru B too.

I don't know how the chanting started but it sure ended with typical North Indian "...uud"

"Wow Mr.B has folowers everywhere" I thought!!!!

The rest of the journey was smooth.Not many chicks on the road as one would expect in the movies; but only electric posts and telephone polls watching us zip past em in skirt raisin speed.(That's one thing we guys can try and do easy on a bike)

Then suddenly I saw THE KSRTC BUS.The KSRTC(Kerala State Tansport Corporation) bus is the ultimate weapon against the unsuspecting pedestrian........or anything that gets in it's way

I remembered Mr.B's words.....honk-accelerate-down-honk&accelerate.I did just that but suddenly

Mr.B:WTF are u doin?.........WTF are u doin?

Me :Don't worry B I got it covered

Mr.B:OMFG!!!!!

OMFG!!!!!

Me :Why are you screamin?

Mr.B:HALT....STOP.....BRAKE.....AEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

Me :Alright.....dont bellow whats the matter?

Mr.B:That is the KSRTC(big scary music).......its suicide to try and play with it

Like many of the legendary bikers,Mr.B has also had a share of the KSRTC "paint trade"(go play NFS MW)

The sinister bus pulled up on a stop and almost over one bystander

Me :WOw ......I guess we would have been sandwiched!!!

Mr.B:More like chappathis .( A true Desi;he prefer to stick to Indian foods, even in such extreme cases)

Me :So how do u deal with a KSRTC while its running?(We overtook it when it stopped)

Mr.B:The Kerala biker rulebok says to turn on your headlights,indicators and everything that shines,put the bike in low gear, pray and chant very very hard.

Soon that event got out of my mind and B started to explain about his new monster, which actually is his bike.To me, it sounded like blah blah blah..

Mr.B:look at it's shiny red paint

Me :Black is the trend

Mr.B:It's got a headlamp that is directly linked to the battery

Me :I like that but its much better to use a UPS in between

Mr.B:It's got mono suspension

Me :It better be good B..........kerala's roads can devour anything

Mr.B:It's got Midship

Me :Does it float?

Mr.B:It's got the widest tyre on Indian roads

Me :Bigger than tractor tyres?

Mr.B:c'mon sway the bike from side to side and see what I mean

Me :wow that is cool....its got good control

Mr.B:It;s got a front disc brake.........

Me :Really!!!.....

(nasty screeching/screaming sound)

__________________________+

.::CONVERSATIONS::.

Yes!! lots of conversation posts are coming your way this month.

____________________

*We were actually looking at an error in the source code of a computer program

Genius:Can't really put my finger on it.

Sorcerer:Hmm.Yeah.It's kinda hard to find .

Genius:It is a small one.

Sorcerer: Most of the time it is small.

Genius:That tiny thing is making such a ruckus.

Sorcerer:hmmm..

Genius:.....Are...we...Are we still talking about the error.

Sorcerer:Errr... Hmm..Yeah...I too felt weird.

..
..

n00b:Yeah..I changed my email address from Anwarbabu to a new one.

Sorcerer:Cool! Why?

n00b:Actually Babu is my nick name. I can't put it on official things like resume etc.Right?

Sorcerer:Showing some sense.Good.

n00b: I changed it to 'DigitaldollAnwar' and this will be my official email from today.

Sorcerer:err..Okay.. Errr...I gotta go now.Bye.

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Genius:Fuck!! I got Kernel panic.

Sorcerer:Check status of your fly.

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n00b:Its a rainy and stormy nigh. Then the black thing comes... flapping its wings in the dark.

Sorcerer:Hmm...a black bra flying in the wind?

n00b:A Bat!! I think I should rewrite the ghost story.It's not scary enough.

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..

*watching the Pirates of Caribbean.

Genius:We should have a compass like in the movie, that points at hot chicks.

Sorcerer:Well,we have it and it's not actually called compass.
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Wiseguy:Food escapes me.

Sorcerer:Shoot it.

Wiseguy:They don't appreciate any kind of gun inside the office space.

..
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n00b:I am eating french fries but can't taste it.

Sorcerer:Try eating it with mouth

n00b:I was saying... I am having a flu and can't feel the taste.

____________________

Check this link for more aw3someness.


__________________________+

.::THE CULT::.

I am going to write about the most undocumented, fragmented and fermented religion on this planet. It's a cult that has been on earth since man learned to ferment things.

The Beer Cult, La religion de la bière.!!

I call it the Beerigion.[ If there is no such name, I claim that name in the name of Beerigion]

Beer is the most trusted and wildly and widely accepted religion in the world.[ According to unpublished survey reports made by 3 geniuses ] . Like the real Gods [ I know you would not fail to notice the irony] beer is also called and named and found in different flavors and colors and names around the world.Everyone agrees "It's all the same, you call it by different name."[ Did you notice, I tried to rhyme!]
Some Fine examples are, in India we call it K.F. Australians call it Fosters, Americans call it Budweiser. But after all its beer.
The temple of worship or the Holy place where the beer-cult people get together is called the PUB.

You will have many questions to God. Right? Like... Oh God!!! Where did I keep my mobile phone? or "oh God!!! What should I wear on Saturday!!". Some hard core believers shouts "Oh God!!!" "Oh God" in bed; and there is nothing much God could do in such situations.Anyway...

Beer is your solution(literally) to all your problems.
Put your trust in beer and it will help you forget the questions that bother you. Why look for answers when you don't know the question?

"Beer cult " has its roots deep into the history. That's called Root Beer. They are historical beers.
For many, they practice this beer cult in secrecy. This cult is "prohibited" in many college hostels and campuses across the world. Every hostel celebrate the 'ceremony' of BrotherhoOd fOr BeerS[BOOBS; Well!! That's more tempting that way and one 'O" is silent.]

Most MEN, enters their beer-hood by a ceremony chaired by a beer priest. A beer priest is that guy who could drink lots and lots of beer, still say Federal Express without making hishing shound.The beer priest also knows all holy beer chantings.The beer is bought, shamelessly by using the various 'fund raising' ceremonies done in campus and also include,voluntary contribution by "Fuchas". [ The organisms found in the lowest level of the Campus Food Chain].

The n00bs, who are freshers into beer cult, sits around the beer priest, listening to the adventure stories of the priest like "how he saved the whole case of beer from the hostel warden.". With every story, the priest gains reputation points in the middle of the n00bs. The Priest gives each n00b a bottle of beer. It is fun to see some n00bs looking at the bottle like 'examining an ancient artifact'. You know what makes me happy? when I see that stupid grin on the n00bs face, like "I am gonna EAT YOU BEER! ALIVE" look on their face, them holding the beer..How touching..How touching..
*bliss

Then the priest teaches them how to drink the beer.The n00bs follow his action and GO GREEN after gulping down a mouth full. They make faces as if being kicked on the nuts. Then they grab the nuts(The cashew nuts) kept in the plate generally referred in Mallu terms as 'touchings'.

Some go BRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!! thats equivalent to OHM!!! The Universal Beer Mantra,after one or two gulps.

Then the priest sing songs to them. These songs are special. You will only be able to sing this song when you are drunk. [ Yes!Really, ask the person for the lyric when he is sober he will go errrr]
The songs will be mostly about some "Mallu Babes" where her anatomy is thematically expressed in rhythmic words. The n00bs to this cult sing along trying to 'pronounshe" words and trying hard to keep up with the tempo.

Once the beer-worshipers reach their "Escape velocity" that's when words and things escape their mouth.. They stand up and dance.[psst..pssst..It's not dance.They are trying to stand up and balance on their two feet which onlookers believe as dancing] . Mallu's wear Lungi's.[ I am yet to get reports on what other beer-cult people wear in other states] .
Picture of Chinese Mallu [ In kerala anything fake is refered as Chinese..yeah.Its called Chinese Orgasm too.]

Once the beer bearers start dancing the lungi becomes an obstacle to raise their hairy legs and do certain steps like kicking the rear of a n00b. They shed their lungis like a moth shedding its cocoon.
This is the reason why, most of them are asked to wear their 'second paper', [ Read :Undies] while coming for 'beer-cult' ceremonies.
They are also taught about this rule that "Number of beer you can consume is inversely proportional to the distance you are away from the toilet."

This is not just about beers but also about sharing awesome knowledge on swear words. You will be amazed by the wealth on knowledge on swear words an unsuspecting n00b can hold. He is encouraged to come up with all 'nice' words which will be used on him the next day in the canteen when beer-priest sober up.

Once the last of the beer is finished the beer-priest, bless the n00bs. Beer-cult people walk to their respective rooms or den dragging their lungis with floral pattern, behind. them They move like a ping-pong ball through the corridors of the hostel, bouncing from one side of the wall to the other side.
Some people prefer to roll all the way to their room.
Hence they are officially beer cult people and they pass out many times before actually passing out of college and the latter one is quiet tougher.

..
..

Everyone 'look down' upon beer people. But they are the most disciplined people.


[ Beer cult people standing in a queue]

Look how close they stand, patiently for the awesome beverage. One of my knowledgeable friend commented "I feel soo scared the way they stand too close wearing those lungi's that way". I assured him that the beer-cult people are well mannered and won't even poke a butt err...I mean fly.

There is no socio-economic difference for beer-cult.They help each other to light cigarette.They will help the needy one to reach home, even ring the door bell for him before disappearing into the dark.As I mentioned in a previous post, the beer cult people are ready to do anything for a beer. Beer is the dollar for beer-cult people. Can you find such cooperation in any other cult?

Beer-Cult people can speak in many languages after getting drunk. I have personally seen many Mallu's speak in English, when they are on beer. They are the most patriotic people I have ever met. They hug their sacred earth. Some even talk to the earth and sing lullaby to it.

Beer- The universal Language.
____________________

"You had me at beer."- Some Hot Chick
__________________________+

.::CONVERSATIONS::.

Sorcerer:Done with your resume?

Genius:Can I add Farmville as career skill.

..
..

Sorcerer:Seems like you are busy.

Genius:Yes I am.What color does maroon look like?

Sorcerer:Ohkay!! She asked you something about some dress.Heard of google?

Genius:Kinda. Heard of Movie called Maroon.

Sorcerer:oh. Code= #810541 put it inside HTML tag and see and next time ask her for color code.

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..

Wiseguy: Can I ask her if she is hot?

Sorcerer: Whats the point?If you undress her all you get is Binary.

Wiseguy:That's one point.

..
..
n00b:Where should I register to get a good response, for a job?

Sorcerer:At the end of your arm.
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Genius:Where the F[beep] you people been. I grew root standing here.

Sorcerer:That's not called root when you wait for us, standing in front of a ladies hostel.

..
..

Wiseguy: I think I have OBD. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

Genius:It's called CGED. can't get enough Disorder.

Sorcerer:Yeah..I read it somewhere too.

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MI6: ya that and lotsa stuff

Sorcerer: like?

MI6: i mean lotsa porn stuff
lol

Sorcerer: yeah..Ya know..God created porn so that Eve could go shopping.

..
..

Genius:Hey!! I got a good question.Are condoms tested on animals?

Sorcerer: In goats they thrust to test.

..
..

MI6: I'd prefer a lap dance instead

Sorcerer: i prefer pole dance on my lap

..
..

Genius:My girl friend is planning to get a piercing on her eyebrows

Sorcerer:Is she gonna hang a lil curtain on that?

__________________________+