Warning:This is another of the HOW TO series programs.i.e "Sorcy's HOW TO" Series
Many of my awesome blog readers, has
warned advised me that all the advises (Read:Awesome knowledge) that I give through this blog should be accompanied by a warning like the warning tag on toxic Chinese toys.
This series we will
see learn how to be "Extremely Romantic."
In the previous HOW TO Series we have had different Gyan on How to
corner court a girl etc etc.
So you think, you are romantic.Ain't ya?
Before you nod your head like the Hula Doll on the dashboard of your car..Try this simple "Are you romantic Exercise"
You probably remember doing this as a kid. Lie on your back and lift your legs up into air. Place your hands on your lower back for support, resting your elbows and lower arms on the ground. Make sure your weight is on your shoulders and mid to upper back -- not your neck. Breathe deeeeeeeeeeeeeeply and hold for at the posture for at least 5-10 seconds..
Can you smell it? [That stinky smell ,might be your feet or you must have over excited your intestines in the process, which naturally will result in the release of a natural colorless gas, which is not much appreciated by your nose/any nose.]
That is because there is no Romance in the air around you.
Since time immemorial, romance has been linked with throwing your Armani,Poplin Sport Shirt over a puddle to keep your wife/girl friend from ruining their pink shoes in the water. But is it all to get the title of "Romantic Fellow Eh?"
If you want to be romantic, you should have a role model. I think each of you must be having a role model in your mind varying from Greek God Of Romance Jennifer Lopez to Titanic Hero, simbly called Jack. [ Who names their Kid Jack these days!! huh!]
If you don't have a role model and is totally n00b to the whole process of romance. I present to you...
"Permit me to introduce myself. I am Pepe Le Pew, your lover."-Pepe Le Pew
Being a romantic person is difficult as attaining the alcoholic status.but lucky you, here you are drinking ze potion of ze love.No?
Dress up in romantic colors like pink, electric pink, pinkish pink, etc.Open a few buttons to bare your
ribbed tropical dry chest. Yes, This symbolizes that your heart is open source like Gnome and is like Floppy Disk without write protection.
Try to speak in French! A Few words would do like "Bone?-Sure" or something.
Have a rose in your hand.[Provided her name is Rose too] . Rose-The flower, symbolizes your
disease thing to the world. You have an easy chance that way!
Wear revealing clothes like Speedos, yeah she would go weak in the knees and kick it loose.
This is the hardest part. You should be multi talented like TINTIN in his adventures. You should be able to speak in different dialects. Have an opinion about almost everything though the opinion about you by the world is not always ..Naaaaish [As my knowledgeable friend would pronounce]
You should be able to spell the names of French Romantic Literature classics. Why French?
French are always Romantic No? Look at zat Romantic Look in ze eyes of ze Mr.Sarkozy.
He must be thinking "Come to me, ze melon baby collie"
The First Move
"Romance is like Chess, You always try to find a mating position." Sorcerer on Romance
Always hold her,I meant her hands or things which she finds difficult to carry. This will make her feel "aaaaahh..My hero." No wonder firemen are always called as Heroes.
Hugs work like medicine for those unfortunate teenagers that watch you hug your girl.Hug her tight and make her breathless.Try not to make her motionless.
Don't be an MCP [SCSA Is more valued in the industry]. Open all doors
of for her, as she is blinded by your love.You don't want her running into anything but you.No?
Give her flowers, if she is allergic to pollens, if you could steal it off the neighbors garden..You are amazing and a role model for the rest of the romantics else, don't feel much proud about it.
Do cute things like picking nose, biting nails etc when you are with her.Awww.... you courageous one.!!
The Second Move:
Even from the olden days, people write songs about their loved ones. This thing hasn't changed much like the theories of communists and the socialists. Write songs about her and sing it aloud to her.
Its a must that it should rhyme thats the important thing.
You are warmer
Than the toast in the tray
You are cooler
Than Mysore Bangalore highway.
You are sweater
Than sweets on ebay.
You are refreshing
Than room freshener spray.
You are perfect
Than my daily pay.
Yeah! Please do feel free to plagiarize and remix it at your convenience, but just make sure that the creativity juice still holds up in it like the Tetra packing.
Once you are satisfied with the song you composed, take your guitar, wait till its past midnight, go stand in front of her home and sing it out loud. Wear camouflage make up and be dressed in black to avoid getting shot by her dad having a High B.P. [Just to be on the safe side. There were always people with mindset of Genghis Khan]
There are some common things that you have to follow to be extremely romantic.
1)Always listen to her. If you are watching T.V and she starts telling you about the awesome thing she did, grab your chair and move it closer to the Television and increase the volume. To make sure that you are listening to her, ask simple questions like "Is it over?" or "Are you done with making all those noise?"
Ps: Rolling up the pants make a good pillow.
2)Do the unexpected. If she is complaining about you always watching Sports on ESPN, surprise her by watching FTv.
3) Make breakfast for her. For that you have to wake up early and for that we have late night movies which keeps us awake till morning.
Make her breakfast, like Kellogs Corn Flakes +milk. If you are a cleanliness freak like me, you should be able to make the kitchen resemble a swimming pool when you are done with anything inside that kitchen.
Stick a Stick-it note on her forehead, while she is asleep. "Break Fast on the table. I am off jogging.Ps:Wear Scuba gear before entering the kitchen."
4)Plan weekends with your friends to play golf. Phone your pink pigeon and tell her how many holes you played.
5)Make sacrifices for her. Buy chicken on Sundays.
6)Let her sit on your lap, though lap top weighs less.If you manage to make her sit sideways facing east, you can keep laptop on her lap. Its called the Middle east position in the books of "love making thingies". I haven't tried it though.
7) Call her every five minutes, not because she is extremely cute and the neighbor guy is walking around like walking on a topless beach. This is just to
check make sure she you love her.
8)Put the toilet seat down. This is the first sign she will notice about how romantic you are.
These are some fine examples for being romantic.
How To Identify A Romantic Person:
A romantic person can be identified, by the location. Romantic person would always occupy the corner seat.They attain the behavioral psychology of a cockroach and stay away from bright light. They prefer the dim-lit corners and places.They turn nocturnal, as telecom and DSL companies will let them have "Happy Hours" only at night.
When a romantic person is talking over the phone, they loose the touch with real life, literally in some cases.
Eenie, meenie, miney mo, catch a lover by ze toe, if she 'oller, 'old her closer; eenie, meenie, miney mosa.-Pepe Le Pew