< COMMUNICATION >

I was reading this cool book on communication. It is a thick book. My friend who brought it was using it as a pillow. May be he is trying one of those 'Osmosis' concept, he learned in school days . Who knows, humans are so complex.

Let me give you some 'Awesome' communication tips.(FOR FREE)

Let me make it professional.

Communication is an amazing tool. Blessed are the human animals, who has found multitude of ways, for communication.
Ofcourse human animals would be, because human animals with their highly evolved brain( in some cases), has managed to 'chew' all the way up the food chain. That itself is a proof that , human animals indeed, are superior animals.

[ From here onwards, Human animals would be refered as "Humans" or "us" and other animals as "animals" unless otherwise explicitly stated. ]

PASSIVE COMMUNICATION:

No, if you are thinking about, those communication we do under our breath or in our mind like "Suit you a[beep] hole." or " F[beep] off" etc to those who have superior strength or influence than us in the corporate chain or emotional chain, you are totally wrong.
That's not passive communication. That's simply BURRRP!! in silence.

Lets see. Imagine you have this thick book with you. You have kept it on your table, so that everyone who comes into your room can see that.
Now, Imagine, if your girl friend or a would be girl friend happens to see that; She will think.

"Wow!!! this guy reads. I don't have to teach him anything. He knows everything.How Lucky me!!!"

See, anything thicker has its effect on girls.

*reading between the lines is another 'smart way' of deciphering communication.

Here, you have communicated, some things about you to her without any words. It's perceived.

I know what you are thinking now on thicker books.
Let me warn you guys, don't try to impress her by keeping thicker books like a dictionary or something. It would bring a negative effect , like

DARN!!!, THIS GUY USING DICTIONARY?, VERY 1980's. I SHOULD RUN AWAY!!"
So be careful what you are communicating even passively.

MAKING YOUR POINT CLEAR:

Animals, they use different ways to make their point clear. All the animals, care about is, food and mate. They don't have 'Marker Pen' or 'Sticky Labels' to mark their belongings, so animals u use a chemical concoction called 'Pheromones' .They mark their territory with it.

Humans also claim their territory with some chemical concoction called 'FARTOMONES'.[ I hope this word some day, will make it into Webster's dictionary]. FARTOMONES are otherwise known as 'Laughing Gas' in layman's terms.

When the human who, release this chemical concoction into the air, is telling others that : "HEY!! GET OUTTA MY TERRITORY.THIS IS MINE". Only those humans with thick skull will stand around. Others will just move away looking for greener pastures.
Some humans who release this 'chemical concoction', bellows a 'SORRY', in off-key harmony with the release below.

THE SIGN LANGUAGE:

Sign language is using the body and its appendages for communication, without the voice.
This technique is employed by animals too; Let's just concentrate on the humans.

In this humanosphere [ Another word by me for, Websters, meaning:Sphere, that is earth that is habitat-able by the humans], Sign language differs from place to place.

Let's take an example:

Giving "thumbs up" sign in Brazil means
"You wanna get laid?" [ Translation for dummies: Want to have Sex?]

in US of A the same sign means
"Done!! Deal!! " [ Eg: Yeah!! We got laid]

in India,it means
"Good Luck" [ Eg: Hope you get laid..Good luck]

Varied and improvised forms of 'Visual Communication' can be best observed in exam halls.

From my personal experience, visual communication has aided me in shopping at local stores without knowing the local language; especially name of things; when I was in Bangalore for the first time.
Thank God!! I come from the land of 'KATHAKALI'. It was a walk in the park for me.

RECESSION HIT COMMUNICATION:

This is the most prominent form of communication, that is on the rage these days.
If you want to communicate, we give 'missed call' or 'blank call' on mobile. These calls, follow a predefined standard procedure. Let us get into detail on this with a small example.
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EXAMPLE M_1:

Mr. A to Mr B (In person):If you reach near my house.Give me a 'Missed Call/Blank Call'.I will come down.
Mr.B to Mr A(In person):Yes I will.
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Here, Mr A is expecting a 'Missed Call/Blank Call' on his mobile when Mr B reaches near his home. They have agreed on a standard communication format, which yields them a result and also they are saving on economy.

This form of communication is used in more complex ways like "If you are in an emergency, give 3 missed calls in a row.I will call you back."

Here the actors or humans are trying to communicate without causing much damage to his/her economy. It is a recommended form of communication during this recession hit times.

TELEPATHIC COMMUNICATION:

This is still a mystery to science like UFO's and Burmuda Triangle Telepathic communication happens, without much knowledge between the two persons.Usually its described as "I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE UPTO. MOVE AWAY AND SIT ON THE OTHER BENCH.MY DAD IS IN THE ARMY."

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Let us use a scenario here.

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It's those vibes which happened to manifest in us, without our knowledge; those vibes picked up by the sensory organs of the recipient, which are then compared and analysed with the data stored, providing a physical /verbal response from the recipient.

Its also a better way to 'put forward' your pathetic intentions on your squirming target, never giving up and hoping for a response.

As I understood, that this is a very vast topic and I am cutting short my lecture, as I value your time.
Start communicating.Let's make those telecom companies rich.

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< SELF INTRODUCTION >

Dear Reader,

This blog post is about my 'SELF INTRODUCTION'; which I gave in a bloggers community, I joined, called 'Indiblogger.net' a networking community for bloggers from India and abroad.

This is what I posted in there.I found it soo dumb, sooo like me.You know, I like to share it with like minded people.So I am sharing it with you.(*phew)

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Arshad,Thank you, comrade, for giving me this wonderful opportunity for "Self Introduction".

[You will soon find out, why most of them, deny me this 'awesome' chance.]

Myself Sorcerer , A Mallu (Keralite) by default, another Gladiator(Slave is prehistoric term) chained in the 'CORPORATE COLOSSEUM", my graycells wired to the bowels of an enormous monster, feedin itself on data chewed by the process cycles, and fattening itself on my calorie, shamelessly of course.

For those who didn't get it(Read:Humans with Low IQ..err like me...Happy?), I am another IT professional, who has successfully survived 2 'Core dump' by the economy, now in Bangalore,Karnataka ,waging war against digital creatures.

Apart from me doing, the retrospection and introspection on anything that comes into my 'innocent mind', surviving the daily high-speed travel at 1.8 times the speed of light(Thats what the people said lookin through telescope), on this tiny speck of dot called earth, through the universe -

-I read...Yeah I read books and God Father is the bible; The Alchemist is my 'Feel Good Book'. I do pencil drawin-leeel bit, listen to music, watch TV-animated movies being my faveeeee thing.(yeah!! some made me cry too!), Surf the internet, Bug people with weird stories, and yeah I cook(See how effortlessly, I have put that I am 'single').I love carbon-based forms, especially those who call themselves humans.Cuz-

Its fun observing them,

Blogging about them,

sitting a great deal away from them.

(It kinda rhymed/rapped!!)

I took into blogging as a, self initiated rehab program, to spout, the inner feelings to the deep and dark void of the internet; thus saving my fellow mates from being beaten up with toilet-seat(Sanju..If you are here & reading this,excuse my expression) and the society from ,vicious attack of the 'weird kind/mind' or both which ever is higher on the 'scale of insanity'.

Mostly my blog posts are about , incidents that happened in my life, conversations that are memorable. I cherish conversations, cuz I believe in its power.

Someone said "A single conversation across the table with a wise person/Sorcerer is worth a month's study of books/Playboy mag."

Lemme end my self propulsion here with this speech

For My complete speech on 'Blogging- Dreams'. -

"I have a dream that one day the bloggers will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed.

I have a dream that bloggers will one day live in a world where they will not be judged by the color of their skin or the layout of their blogs but by the content of their blog.

I have a dream that every individual in the world gets to spout his insanity at the darkness and the void of this internet world .

I have a dream, every nutcase in the world gets to spout his nonsense,

I have a dream, every weirdo gets to blubber incoherence into the chaos,

I have a dream, every psycho gets to shower his insanity on squirming targets,

I have a dream, no body stops dirty minds from working coz they might be the only ones working,

I have a dream,all us crazies make our own homepages away from oppresion and tyranny..."

Thank you... Thank you to one and all..

<--- EXIT STAGE LEFT

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< VINI,VIDI, I FOLLOWED >

I was surprised, as one of the humor-blogger mentioned 'me' in 'her' blog. Only thing I did was, I followed her blog. I was her 100th blog follower.

It's my routine, to check the blogs I follow, almost everyday, when I am online and "YAY!!".

I got a special mention in her blog- Quiet surprised- I am.

Here's her blog link. This is where the action is today for me.So I thought, I would share my excitement with you, other than DELLA (My DELL P.C) and the half empty coffee cup.

Yeah!! I mean, whats more exciting, than a girl sayin, in her own words "pssst... Sorcerer... your prize actually is cool, but don't tell anyone"

Did I say she is cute and charming? Yeah she is.

[Hold your reigns boys!! shes got a Boy Friend and she calls him serial killer or kisser; I think Killer.]

To make the occasion more special, she gave us all, I mean her blog followers, a SPECIAL OFFER; like we can ask her to write a blog on "ANY TOPIC".

You know, how our brain works when a girl say "Pick any topic". My brain, was actually, being more cynical than usual on this task. It was giving me, all those ideas, which can be classified as 'NAUGHTY' or by Webster's as 'PERVERTED'.

Unlike U.S of A, Its mid afternoon here in India when I read her blog and I was scratchin my head,(No I don't have dandruff), for some weired topic to ask her to blog on.Brain Fatigue-I would like to call it.Some people, who know me, will disagree for sure on the 'BRAIN' part.

I went for a coffee.

..

..

Fellow comrades, in the Corporate Colosseum thought, I was deeply in conversation with my inner self. At least they were glad, that somebody or something had managed, to break through the fire wall, deep into my mind, that I am not bothering them at all today. In plain English, bugging them today.

Even someone commented "Silence is Golden." and I didn't even twitch, a muscle for that sarcastic comment on me.

..

..

Finally after much thought, (Read:Introspection and Retrospection), I came up with a topic for the welfare of human kind, which I would ask her to blog on.

For the faction of human kind, who want to share their gene to the gene pool, but is not in a position to do so because of certain 'psycho-gramattical' (It's a new word which I think would make it to the Webster's Dictionary some day) errors, we call it 'BIT-FLIP'. I dedicate this topic to you

Topic was :Dating for HOPELESS DUMMIES

Still not convinced was my inner-self, which soon was asking me all those 'Random questions' which looked like Microsoft Windows error messages.

I needed more Specific Topic..

Topic was :Dating Manual For Geeks

That is much a better topic.

Geeks, the most hyped creation of god, with the best configuration ever, always falls short of finding a mate to reproduce and fail to pass on the superior genes to the human gene pool while those 6 packs and 8 packs with twisted spinal cord wins over all those HOT chics and reproduce, proving the theory of "Survival of the Most Idiotic- Reverse Darwinism".

So the Topic "DATING MANUAL FOR GEEKS"

Yes!! This is a beginning to save the human gene pool.A mammoth effort, for which I am glad to have laid the foundation stone.

A manual, written by a cute chic ( I know some will disagee on that statement, But ALLIE, if you are reading this, consider those who disagree, to be evolved the wrong way. Happy?), for the GEEKS.

Those Geeks, who really want to check the credibility can check the credentials on her blog.

I think my faction of fellow human beings (Read:GEEKS), the manual for you, is in safe hands.

Lets keep our fingers crossed, till the Manual is out.

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Moral of the Story is : If you find a good blog, comment on the blog posts and "Follow" it.

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25th September 2009

STOP PRESS!! : Dating for HOPELESS DUMMIES Released

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< CLAN MEET & SUSIE >

The minutes of the CLAN meet happened on 21st September 2009

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LOCATION: HDFC ATM COUNTER-FORUM MALL

..

..

Juggie:Hey Lav, Take lots of cash from the counter.You are giving us the treat.

Lava:Aha?

Sorc:Yeah! Don't disappoint him, he even brushed his teeth today.

[Laugh Track here]

[Laugh track of the cute chic who happened to overhear this conversation and started lol]

She had a pretty smile.Don't you think Lav?

..

..

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LOCATION:Transit-Forum Mall

We were sippin on cola and was seriously talkin about 'Mallu Politics" when we recieved a message from DD[Devious Dee].

SMS from DD:Guess what you guys! I met a celebrity on my flight.You know K.J Yesudas, the Singer.I dropped my handbag and he took it and gave it to me..I was like..(1)Baaahaawaaa..Speechless..My mom came over and rescued me from the 'Situation'

Me and Juggie though happy, that she met the celebrity; wanted to play down the situation.

So,

We replied.

SMS Reply: Yawn!!

SMS from DD: Dude..He is a well known Celebrity and..God..It was awesome..OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG..

SMS Reply:Gee...So many OMG's , reading your message is like reading an Erotica.

SMS from DD:Eff You.

(1)Baaahaawaaa: I didnt' get D.D online to clarify what was the meaning of 'Baaahaawaaa'.But according to the analysis report churned out by my braincells;I think it is a state of ya know Baaahaawaaa or speechlessness when you are very surprised, where you open your mouth and your tongue behaves in a totally strange way,where you feel like you are talkin but nothing comes out other than some strange prehistoric syllables and strange noises.

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Soon our conversation took a turn for GOOD and we were talking about Computers and stuffs.

..

..

Athreya:Err..Lav..Whats the configuration?

LAV:I don't know,I mean..girls are not supposed to know the configurations.

Sorcerer:Or May be lav..Girls should say ...36-26-38?

..

..

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SLEEPING SUSIE?

It happened on a peaceful sunny Sunday afternoon.I called up Susie,a.k.a Nidhi and guess what, she was about to take her afternoon nap.God!!while we were sitting soo bored nothing to do, sleep not on our radar... ,our friend taking a Nap?

Sorcerer:So you going to sleep?

Susie:Yeah..just feeling sleepy,so going to take good nap.

Sorcerer:Gee..Alright..Sleep well

..

..

Sorcerer:Hmmm...What should we do?

Conscious:Sleeping in the afternoon is not a good habit.Don't you think.

Sorcerer:Errr..That would be a good explanation later.Do you have scientific evidence to prove that fact?

Conscious:Scientific evidence?Do you believe that?huh! First they say..Pluto is a planet..Then they sa, it is not.I mean..You still want 'Scientific evidence' to save your skin?

Sorcerer:Skin?err..that hold me in one piece.But guess what..lets line up some calls for susie.

Conscious:SMART BOY!!

..

..

I dialed Juggie

Sorcerer:Hey Juggie!!Ya know..Susie aint soundin good.Shes sounds soo..out of tune(Sure would be, when you feeling soo sleepy,I didn't tell Juggie that.Left it for his imagination).

Juggie:What happened?Anything..Shes a bubbly gurl always..What happened?

Sorcerer:Don't know.You know her better than me.You both been friends long before me.

Juggie:Yeah,I will call her now.

Sorcerer:Good!!

..

..

Conscious:HAHA!!(Evil laugh)Good one.

Sorcerer:Thank you comrade.Aint you proud o me?

Conscious:Very much.The aura around you is now orange.

..

..

Juggie messages me after his call to Susie : "NICE ONE..NICE TACTIC"

They say success is like narcotic.

Sure is, in my case

..

..

I dialed TOM CAT A.k.a KYATO

He didnt pick the call, but after some time he calls back

KYATO:Hey dude.What happened?

Sorcerer:Susie, shes sounds not okay.

KYATO:Okay.I will call her up.

He cuts the call before, I could say anything more.

..

..

Sorcerer:That was easy!!Isnt that what we wanted Mr.Conscious?

Conscious:Yeah!! sure.Now lets take a nap peacefully.

Sorcerer:Yes ofcourse.I am feeling soo fulfilled.

Conscious:I know..I know...

..

..

After 5 hours.

Sorcerer:Hope you had a good sleep.

SUSIE:GWAD!!!! YOU ARE SOOO DEAD!!

Sorcerer:What?Woke up on the wrong side of bed?

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< CODE BOOK-SORCERER >

<< "Hello World" ;

My teachers, always found the graph of my learning curve on language vocabulary, impressive when held upside down.

I hereby disclose the Code Book for the welfare of the humankind. I appreciate the warm support provided by the members of the 'CLAN' for their valuable contibutions in updating the CODE BOOK.

This book contains Words/Phrases which are used by my comrades, churned out by the billions of idle gray cells, burning calories, keeping them all HOT and OOHH LA LA.

My appreciation goes to MISS DD for her endless patience and assistance in preparing this manuscript.

[ When I text her with my 'awesome' thought on bringing up such a dictionary; she was busy tattooing her ankles in her so called 'Law Classes'.

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* In No Particular Order! Beeg deal!!

CENTER FRESH:

Origin: Flu infected brain of sorcerer

Meaning: A Virgin.

Description:Err... hmmm... ?:-)

Picture:

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POLO:

Origin: Flu infected brain of sorcerer

Meaning: Not A Virgin.

Description:Err... hmmm...*wink ;-)

Picture:

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HOSTILE CHIC :

Origin: Hyperactive Temporal lobe

Meaning: A chic escorted by her dad

Usage: "Mission Abort!! Mission Abort!! Hostile Chic."

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HOSTILE SITUATION:

Origin: Ditched Sensory nerve

Meaning: A chic escorted by her whole family

Usage: "Situation Hostile... Stand down and exit"

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TOM BEEP&HARRY:

Origin: By an electrical surge in Reticular Formation

Meaning: A child's version of TOM DICK AND HARRY

Usage: "Any Tom BEEP and Harry could score such grades".

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FOXTROT UNIFORM CHARLIE KILO:

Origin: In the wild

Meaning: In ancient England a person could not have sex unless you had consent of the King (unless you were in the Royal Family). When anyone wanted to have a baby, they got consent of the King, the King gave them a placard that they hung on their door while they were having sex. The placard had F.U.C.K.(Fornication Under Consent of the King) on it.Now you know where that came from.

According to sorcerer Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo is the Military Term for the described act

Usage: "[BEEP] It".

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E Fu Yung You:

Origin: In the wild

Meaning:Same as Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo.This is the Chinese Term for the described act

Usage: "EFu Yung You Lee".

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DOCLET:

Origin: When she refused to say her name.

Meaning:A Doctor in the making or A Medical Student.Not a doctor; but will be a Doctor Scenario. Something in the lines of booklet etc.

Usage: "So..You a doclet eh?".

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POTATOE DOODAH:

Origin: When I described the cookin adventure to DD

Meaning:Any dish with potatoes that does not have a particular name, taste,category etc

Usage: "Honey!! I know you forgot my Birthday;Its alright.I have made you "Potato Doodah!"

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BLONDE MOMENTS:

Origin:By DD based on fact about the American myth that blondes are dumb.

Meaning:

1)The exact moment one exhibits dumbness.

2)A sudden, momentary onslaught of slowness or dumbness(forgive my political incorrectness).Is a variation to the old version of 'TUBE LIGHT' moment.

Usage: "Paris Hilton is the super stockist of Blonde Moments."

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BOOYA:

Origin:By hyperactive DD .

Meaning:A crude form of HELLO!

Usage: "BOOYA!!..May I know whose online?"

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PLASTERED:

Origin:By Darthy; The disputed Creator.[ He says, he created the universe]

Meaning:This is a possible word to censor the word B*****D!

Its originally a b*****d who got plastered and finally creation of PLASTARD

Usage: It can come in sentences like"U STUPID PLASTARED"

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MIZZ:

Origin:By DD in her law classes by law classes for law classes

Meaning:State of being royally pissed off.

Usage: "What 40!! Kya Chalis? Enu 4pathu?These Auto Drivers ya..They Mizz me."

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BONGONDING:

Origin:A young girl who was exhibitin first signs of rebellious behaviour by refusing to say traditional Good Morning

Meaning:An alternate greeting for 'GOOD MORNING'.(c) DD

Usage: "BONGONDING PEEPAAALLL."

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POOPSIE:

Origin:DD's school basketball team who thought it would be fun to soak tissue papers in left over Pepsi and launch it at each other.They called it POOPSI-Ball War.

Meaning:A Slang for pepsi(Used by coke lovers; who thinks Pepsi tastes like diet coke, basically YUCK!)

Usage: "Coke tastes way better than Poopsi."

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AUTO PILOT:

Origin:In the wild

Meaning:An Auto Driver with ipod/music player hooked to one year.

Usage: "The Auto Pilot nearly caused an accident."

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VODKA:

Origin:Russia

Meaning:A drink,rich in 'alcohol' , consumed to 'preserve', the vital internal organs of the body.

Usage: "VODKA RECIPE FROM Screaming Orgasm Cocktail Recipes"[ I didnt make this up!! ]

:Screaming Multiple Orgasm On The Beach:

Instructions: Fill glass 1/2 full with ice. Add all liquers and speed shake. Top with club soda.

Ingredients: 1 1/2 oz Amaretto 1/2 oz Triple sec 1 oz Midori melon liqueur 1 oz Malibu rum 1 oz Peachtree schnapps 2 oz Club soda

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Hope that you find this Dictionary helpful in adding 'awesome' knowledge to your recession hit vocabulary.Hope you readers show a positive growth curve when they map your vocabulary.Amen!

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