Thursday, June 3, 2010

.::LOVE LETTER-HOW TO::.


Yeah! As you have guessed another this is another Sorcy's HOW TO" Series.

This series we will see learn how to write an "awesome love letter."
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Before I proceed, many thanks to D and Shirtless Guy, for your valuable inputs to make this blog post a blog post.

Thank you D for taking your valuable time off your work, like having tea, two times a day and then using the computer of your boss to log on to the g-talk and motivate me with ideas and inspiring me a lot with brain thingy thinking. Thank you...Thank you!!
*sniff *sniff

Thank you Shirtless Guy, for taking time off your work and S.O.P thingies you are working on and giving insight into the intricate workings of a complicated love letter. It's only by your guidance and indepth knowledge I could understand that, a love letter is more complicated than a Ferrari Engine. Thank you..my comrade!!

I can imagine a day without nuke thingies, but cant imagine a day without my fellow inmates! You people are like tail to a kangaroo.
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Hello there who wants to know how to write a love letter. Read on..

Your heart must be fluttering like a bra strap drying in the wind, when you think of that special person whom you want in your life.Right? You really must have wished,if you could say, how you really felt about that special person and you come short, each time like an erectile dysfunction. Welcome to the complicated world of Love! Don't worry! you are not the only one. Always remember, there are many fish in the ocean.

1)Presentation:
Use a beautiful stationary to write your love letter, like tissue paper or steal an A4 size sheet from your office printer. Handwritten love letters are best, leg written love letters are better to deny your involvement in it ,if in case , any problem arising thereof. Since you are writing it deep from your heart, your writing should resemble a printout from Electrocardiogram.

2)Ambience
Before you start writing a real romantic letter you should get into that awesome romantic mood.So grab a beer, then try and hit a secluded spot, like corner of your bedroom, Light a candle just to add an effect.
Now you are really in a romantic setting.

3)Keepsake
Always date your love letter and put a serial number.Keep a photocopy with you, so that you can keep track of all the love letters you sent across to many persons.Maintaining a good filing system enables speedy recoveries in case of disasters.

4)Greeting
Choose an attention catching salutation. Her heart should pop open like the cork of a champagne bottle, to welcome your awesomeness.
I know its a creative challenge!!
I will be happy to give you a few examples..

a)Dear Turtle Dove
If she is hard on the outside and soft on the inside[ I meant her character]..you can call her that.

b)Hello Pink Pigeon
Pigeon is for peace...Your way of saying..I come in peace..and my intention is love..i.e pink!

c)Dear Cabbage
Comparing herself to a vegetable with all the good things!! Priceless!

d)Ola Object of art!
Your way of saying..Ola..you are invaluable

e)Dear Maggi Noodle doodle coochi coochi koo!!
Your way of saying..Dear girl I see everyday and quench my hunger!

f)'Ello Dotted butterfly!
Hmm....A rare species..

g)Dummiikinss
hmm..Some kind of Chinese dish


These are some lines by which you can address your love.Always make sure that it holds a punch [Literally]

5)Beginning
This is where you start writing, why you are writing it in the first place.This part you would be explaining to her [ Which you would be doing for rest of your life, if you get hooked ] what made you write this letter.

Example:

Err...hmm....ya know..these days..I don't get much sleep..I lay awake thinking of you..and your thought makes it hard...to sleep. Every time I tried to convey you my intention, you wave for the Taxi..I know... You 'ave resisted your natural impulses and run away from me..Baby Doll!!
Do forgive my poor efforts and accept this sacrifice, i.e me,beloved!
I just wanted to say..I love you,fluffy camel, I want to be your Sheikh! We would make a lovely couple..Dont you think?

This is how a love letter should begin, telling your hard feelings for her.Don't be timid, if you are timid your attempt to convey your feelings for her would fall short

6)Body

This is the body of the letter.This part should include lots of things like, when you fell in love with her what you have in common etc..etc

Example:
I fell in love with you when I was walking along the street and failed to notice an open drain, cuz I was watching you and expecting the wind to blow when you walked down the street the other day on a particular breezy midsummer mid-noon, wearing a miniskirt!
After that incident, my life changed a lot,as I was under strict medication after the drain accident. I thank you for changing my life, as it gave me new perception about the nurses in the hospital.I miss you a lot when you are not around.I feel like a migratory bird, who has lost its compass and calendar.
Whenever I see you.I think of peaches.

Bring in some praises.Make her feel, what makes her special

Your eyes are two large oil spills in the serene ocean.You got a pretty nice ass-chin.Your nose reminds me of the skateboard, a bit uppish on the tip!I heard even Cleopatra had such a skateboard nose.I love the way you talk, like repeat things over and over again like a broken gramophone.I like the way you wave your hands left and righ.... like the wipers of a car when you talk laik dat and dis and like totally...


You should also try and list things you have in common

We have lots of things in common,hope you have noticed it,like melting polar ice and global warming. You must also have noticed the economic recession we both have in common.

You make me feel complete like ice cubes and alcohol.My feelings for you grow everyday like yeast in the dough for bread.

Thinking of those wonderful moments which we shared together..hmm.. remember the day!! when I lost control over my bike and came running towards you on the footpath and you was all screaming and fleeing..wow!! that moment is so still fresh in my memory!

You know what makes you so special,,cuz..you have lovely eyes and your laugh reminds me of my chirping door bell at home.

Always close the letter with a positive note

Hey bling bling!! I will always keep you close like the last beer bottle at a bachelors party.I wont let you go,not without a fight anyway!!

7)Valediction
Give it a romantic ending.
Example:
With Undying love like the ketchup stain on my t-shirt
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Be expressive
These are some common words, you can use in your letter

Angel, aNgel, aNgEl, angelic, alluring, caressing, kissing, b(l)ossoms,rose,pizza, KFC, memorable,sleepless,sleeping pill,stars, your dad, pistol, aim,elope, your sister, temptation, sex, job, spider

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21 comments:

Uncommon Sense said...

having recession and global warming in comming is just too cool

Sam said...

Hey Sorcy, next time please put a BIG RED BANNER saying "Statutory Warning: implementing HOW TO series is injurious to Health" :D

Great job as always !!!

Sorcerer said...

@uncommonsense
Thank you for the comment.honest thingies.no?


@sam
haha..yeah..many recomended that..hmm..I think i should do that

siji said...

lolzzie.....u soo promote lovee!!:D
totally loved d following:
the greetings...turtle dove...ola object of art...really?!!! :D
the praises...cleopatra n skateboard n car wipers...soo go together!
the things in common...recession...takes d top slot! n growing like yeast in d dough! lolz
n d 'common' words one can use in a 'love letter'!!!
:D

Barbie Jones said...

*You got a pretty nice ass-chin."* Hmmmm, so chins are important to you?Very interesting.How long you like'em?Jay Leno,Celine Dion or Ed Sullivan long?And what about the width?What about bridges?You must like 'em broad if you like'em shaped like a skateboard.Right?And by the by I have a question about what my nose and chin look like?It's important that couples are equally attractive,don't you think?In closing I do have an advice for
all of us:Never ever compare yourself with another person,God made us look like we do for a reason,we are all good looking just the way we are,but the real truth is that Jesus is the only One that's beautiful.If you are a wallflower,that is that you blend in,it is because God made you to spy for Him.God gave me this Revelation to free slaves.These folks got the most exciting job there is,they are the ones that are truly blessed,not the other way around.

~*. D E E P A .* ~ said...

You people are like tail to a kangaroo :

MAke a tamil song out of it right here right now ! Come on ....

Btw, if I were the recipient of this letter, I might probably accept that the writer loves me crazy deep & mad .. :D :D :P :P

Rachna said...

Seriously funny and God help those who follow your advice LOL

sulagna ™ said...

you wanna tell her "i love you fat camel and i wanna be your sheikh"

damn sorci!!!

you are very good abt things that hump..i mean camels have humps right??

Sorcerer said...

@sulagna.
haha..its richly creative no? just like horlicks!
yeah..they do have humps.

@Rachna
yeah..my advices comes with a disclaimer by default

@Deepa
aww... I don't know Tamil..only leel bit!!..Iam 100% mallu..
See..thats what..thank you for appreciating...the awesomness..

@barbie jones
yeah..you really got a point there.
thanks for the comment

@siji
Thank you for the comment..
:)

Queenmatrai said...

Love it.
But from today onward, you are going to be my Pumpkin LOL

The Bald Guy said...

Request permission to copy ts love letter as it is and give it to my sweetheart!

Heh.

Sorcerer said...

@TBG

please go ahead!! Feel freee..

Issued in public interest:

Do stand sideways...and at a knees length away

Sorcerer said...

@Queen
Oh!! pumpkin?
First I was the royal wizard...got demoted to Dungeon Guard for my rebellious ways in your queendom..
Now I get called Pumpkin?

I think we need to start a revolution in your queendom!!

Viva la revlutiono!

Queenmatrai said...

Name changed to "Karela"

:P

Shas said...

Lolzz...i can't stop laughing.

Did u give this letter to your girl or is this tutorial for others only?

Barbie Jones said...

Wha're you mean I've got a pointy nose?I have full knowledge of my pointy chin,but my nose?

Maryum said...

too cool man.... way too cool =D

Sorcerer said...

@Maryum
thank you..thank you

@Baribe Jones
haha..that was not for you. that was said in general!

@Shas
i wish I could give this to some girl.
*sigh
For timebeing..this is just a tutorial..try it yourself..thingy

@Queenmatrai
Hmm..i would be the only one in your queendom with so many names

P. Venugopal said...

the chirping doorbell was the pick. i had written many a love letter in my time. i wish someone like you had put me on to the technique those days. it would have made all the difference (sigh...deep sigh).
you are in true form!

Sorcerer said...

@P.venugopal
:)
Thank you for the comment

Aparna said...

sorcerer...man i think u r a love guru

lemme follow these golden rules and i'll construct a love letter in the same format


i can finally see my love being successful after he reads the love letter in the way you adviced


thank you in advance