Sunday, July 18, 2010

.::ONE SMALL DOUBT::.

The campus became monochromatic as the months passed by. The cute chicks in campus shed their colorful feathers. The heart and soul of the many alpha males, who found solace in the wild life reserve, also called college campus, the 'Open Season' had hit it's all time peak and now showed signs of withdrawal like hyperactive dandruff getting cured.

During the previous weeks, many 'Proud Single' guys had found their 'Campus Partner' and sat together for melodrama under the mango trees, jack fruit trees and banyan trees which stood tall like some men wished they too could.

The classes were empty as it should be but the canteen showed full attendance, just like in any other campus across the world. The profit of the canteen was reflected in the frown of the canteen manager. Like that frown, the graph of the canteen was on a negative curve. The 'DEBT BOOK' was opened more times those days than the cash box by the canteen manager as the 'Guys' tried to please their 'Campus Partner' with awesome food like, idli, dosa, vada, tea, biscuits. The fundamental theory in commerce "Debit is what comes in" At Large!!!

As Mr.Time hitched the ride with the phase of the sun, the awesoming [Ofcourse it's correct English] star in our solar system, the "campus foreplay" became numb and everyone was feeling the fatigue.
..
..

Like the sunshine on a rainy day, a cute girl, ISO 9001:2000, organically synthesized with the natures best proteins  and aerodynamically crafted walks down the knowledge trodden campus walk way. If I were an aero engineerm I would have given her 10 on 10 for wind tunnel test.
Her strides resembled programming in old BASIC. Short and progressive. 
The heads of many techno saints, techno monks, techno preachers and techno peasants[ Those so below the food chain] turned their heads like SAM[Surface to Air Missile] tracking an aircraft,guided by radar.
In simple words of mine-"She became the campus equivalent of the English word  HUSH!!!!!"

With the limited knowledge of my Biology, I came to the conclusion that she could even give a pacemaker a heart attack.
She would measure a moderate earthquake if her height is measured on Richter scale-A standard 5-5.For all us guys in the campus, when she moved, she moved at a slow frame rate.

She touched my more creative side and came up with these outbreak of poetic words to describe her...
"....If only the river Nile was blessed with so many curves, the Egyptian monkeys would jump and  drown in it with lust..."
[Thank you..Thank you!!!]
..
..
Being a Lab-Coordinator has lots of potential. Lab-Coordinators are licensed to technically flirt with chicks.Apart from social services, I do like downloading "Cool Stuff", I sharpen my skills by screwing up the network.
Please don't take me wrong when I said "Cool Stuff". These "Cool Stuffs" I have downloaded had saved many Hardcore Unix lovers from slipping into the state of impotency. I myself looooooooooooooove UNIX a lot because the commands in Unix match my perverted vocabulary.[ Date,Unzip,Touch, Finger,Strip,Mount,Head,Clean,Sleep..Such are commands in Unix!]

Let's call the new awesoming chick in the campus as "Dips". I was so happy that she was to be  "mentored" by me, during her lab session. I felt like a boot sector infected by a virus.

..
..
"One Small Doubt!!" she said raising her hands. I thanked the kernel for flashing the error message, thus arousing the "doubt butterfly" in her. 
I grabbed a chair, pulled it closer.I metamorphed into a rocket surgeon."Yeah...Tell me!" I replied in smooth voice,which never came out.
Soon..... Very soon, I realised that she was hungry.....hungry for knowledge and her technical knowledge was just in the single cell state, like an amoeba.But!! If you ask me to draw her, I would draw her like a "Question Mark" with A.K 47 in its hand.She was asking questions after questions, raping the Unix Kernel and in the process raping the gray cells, lasagna, and neurons inside my head.

"Cease Fire!!! Cease Fire!!!" cried my inner conscious, reminding me that the door to my freedom is just a chair throw away.
To scare her, I sizzled my answers in high technical fat content, but she seemed to take no notice of the calories.
*sigh.No?
The A.C in the room was on full swing, making noise like a rebelling colon of an old man.But...
I was sweating, my mouth felt dry after so much talking...I was.in slow frame rate....experiencing those..Near..dea..I could see angels..The Golden wheat farm...over the hills...the ribbons of sunlight, shining gold.. slanting low from the left....over to the right, I could see the high wall, with green climber plants on it..the wooden door in the middle...I walk passing my hands over the wheat crop, feeling its tenderness..I push the door which is carved artistically in wood and adorned with awesome things and wood work..I step inside..There I see my Unix Screen, blinking at me..prompting for my password......

..
..
"One Small Doubt"  I feared that tone, which reminds me of a fire alarm. "Well!! What is it?" I asked her that question from a 100 feet away.
Lucky Me! The faculty waked in.I passed the pink pigeon to his mercy or the other way round on the mercy part.

2 hours later, the faculty was experiencing neural break down.A complete disarray of hope and dejection of all good things in life reflected on his face. His eyebrows pleaded..."Freedom...Freedom..."
With Dips in the lab, the lab virtually turned into a Nazi Camp.
..
..
A week later Deepak, my wing man and another usual suspect in network screw ups came back after his "Break" from mumbai.
Dips passed us with a semi colon smile on her face, [Somehow reminded me of calmness before the tempest] on her way to the library.As we looked on gasping for breathe, she disappear down the corridor.
"WOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!Whhoooooooos Dat man?" 
"Lot's happen when I aint here."
"Is she taken?"
"Which batch  Dude?"
As expected an enema of questions flowed from him.
I should have warned, but..I believe in the theory that "Gold is tested in four ways by rubbing, cutting, heating and beating -- so a man should be tested by these four things and Small doubts"

He became Duracell bunny defying the rules of reality, commonsense and physics.
"Dude!! you people should learn from me on how to hit on a girl." He said that and walked towards the library.
I said a small prayer for him.
..
..
I was having my lunch and Deepak came in, his shoulders drooping, hair in a mess [because of trying to activate gray cells by pulling on hair] and dropped on the chair near me. He looked like a soda bottle left open for long with  no gas.
I promptly poured a glass of cold water for him.He went bottoms up on that.

"Duddeee..She...ra.."
"You want food?" I interrupted him
"No.....I don't feel hungry any more.It all died in there."

His gaze was fixed on the many samosa, laddu, vadas kept in the glass shelf..
I know what he was thinking....He was thinking about the golden wheat farm....the wall...the door...
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24 comments:

Aparna said...

This is so sickeningly hilarious!!!!

I pity deepak and you left to the mercy of this chick exploding with bubbles of curiosity bombarding small yet head ramming doubts


"....If only the river Nile was blessed with so many curves, the Egyptian monkeys would jump and drown in it with lust..."

!!!!!!!!!!!!

I died laughing....

Aparna said...

BTW 'one small doubt'...

why are you this crazily funny?

my stomach side is in splits...ouch! I should stay away from your posts

Sorcerer said...

@Aparna.
See..ya know..Good laughing gives flat abs..For FREE!!!!
So do visit again!!
Thank you so much for the comment.
Thought I would post a series of my write-ups for a few days!

Akhila said...

I have read your other posts too...sexy unix and first campus love

they are all funny

seems like you have very strong ties with unix

I am waiting for those series of your funny posts...

good laughs plus falt abs for FREE!Cool advantages of your posts then

pallavi said...

That was a hilarious post!!! Loooooved it :-) May God bless you and your friends with more such smart girls around in campus :-)

Sorcerer said...

@Akhila
Social service.. Everyone is so health conscious these days.
Yeah..2more writeups on the burner.
Thank you for the comment.
Yeah..Unix rwaks.

@Pallavi
Hmm...Campus days are loooooooong over.Those were days of complete nincompoopness and how we felt so proud of beingstupid ourself.Anyway. that.
part hasn't changed much.
Yeah..because of that girl, we had to do an autopsy on unix.
In a way, We thank Dips for her questions

cHiRaiNdA BlOgGeR said...

came to ur blog for the 1st time thru indiblogger..really liked it..ll keep coming back..until then keep rocking..
Read this exclusive Rakhi Sawant interview about her views on anti-rape condoms:
http://hellisnext.blogspot.com/2010/07/anti-rape-condom.html

Sam said...

What a chik.. would definitely love to meet her.

Rishi said...

hmmm... what's her no... I'll solve all her doubts

Barbie Jones said...

Beautifully written,I must say.You've got quite a bit of imagination and a great vocabulary.

Hey,have you and Marvin been communicating?Has he been leaking stuff to you about me?Wha' you 2 dudes been up to?

Sorcerer said...

@Barbie Jones
"Thanks" for the first part of the comment.Atleast that made some sense related to the blog post.

In response to the second part of the comment..
"Do try and keep the delusions to yourself."
Thank you

@Rishi
hahaha...Even I don't have her number.These incidents happened looooooong back!!

@Sam
me too...
:)
Thanks for the comment buddy

@Chirainda Blogger.
Thank you buddy for the comment.
Sure thing.I will check back on the link you posted!

Rishi said...

well next time u find such ... lemme have it... ;)

Tara said...

haha .. one small doubt ! how can u be so funny in writing ??

siji said...

lol...sorcy...lol...:D

Barbie Jones said...

Thnk you for the good word "Delusional" I used it today at:
http://friendfeed.com/krystalbell/

You are an amazing teacher Sorci,your posts are so well written and you are so very well versed in this subject you have written here,if I could just understand all the computer lingo it would be easier for me to understand your teaching but young guys can understand it with ease,I'm sure of that,you speak their language so to speak.

Barbie Jones said...

I'm sorry I forgot the 1 behind krystalbell/

P. Venugopal said...

Hilarious post, Sorcy, yet again. Some real nuggets too... Knowledge trodden campus walk way...There is an echoing dimension to the expression.

cHiRaiNdA BlOgGeR said...

Had no idea abt Unix uptil now.. but I guess ..looking at the words involved, it begs atleast learning it once ;)
http://hellisnext.blogspot.com/2010/05/open-letter-to-shahid-afridi.html

Sorcerer said...

@Chirainda Blogger
:O
Unix...Its soo wonderful thing..Thanks for the comment

@P.Venugopal
Thank you for the comment.Yeah..It just came up as I wrote it.
Thank you for the comment

@Siji
Thanks for the comment

@Tara
Hmm..Errr..hmmm
*ponders over the meaning of life

@Rishi
Naa na na na naaa naa...You didnt use the magic word!!!

DI said...

Oh a funny from you after a long long array of sketches! Not that I don't think they are awesome, but a girl wants her dose of humor too :D!

Been laughing at my screen , thank you thank you, the thursday got better :D

Sorcerer said...

@Di
Been a long time, I have written a humor post..Thought I would give the sketches a break!

Sunshine said...

Glad to see humor back in ur blog...ROFL!

Sunshine said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sorcerer said...

@Sunshine
Thank you for the comment
:)