< ASK THE EXPERT >

Dr.Sorcerer answers some common queries about life from my worried patients on "issues".

____________________

Dear Doc,
I don't know how " to heat up a girl."

A 31 Year Old
..
..

Dear 31 Year Old

First you need a cauldron,Add water in it.Unpack what you want to heat.Put the Unpacked material in it.Stir gently while on flames.
____________________

Dear Doctor
I don't know if this is true,but I heard that woman fake orgasm? Is there any truth in it?Why do they do that?

Worried Young Gun
..
..

Dear Worried Young Gun

Yeah! They Do.They too need their sleep.Don't you think?

____________________


Dear Doctor

My life is slippin into chaos and uncertainty. Everytime I go near my wife, she says she has a headache.

Hopless
..
..

Dear Hopless

Don't worry, next time even before she says she has a headache, ask her if she needs aspirin.
Element of surprise-It's technically called so.

____________________

Dear Doctor

I am worried about this. My wife always catches me staring at other woman. My life is becoming unbearable. How can I stop this habit.

Dumb Starer
..
..

Dear Dumb Starer
Next time she catches you staring at a woman's ass or whatever, present your wife with the exact copy of dress the woman whom you stared at was wearing.
This way, you plead innocence and soon after you will never stare at anyone.

____________________

Dear Doctor

I cannot lie to my wife.My conscious hurts me when I lie to her for months.

Honestly yours
..
..

Dear Honestly Yours

Don't worry about lieing to her.She fakes, you lie.

____________________

Dear Doctor
Iam really worried about my this. My girl friend is planning to cook my favourite food this weekend and she has invited me to her home this weekend.Help me how to handle the 'situation'.
..
..

Dear Patient

Don't anticipate anything more. Probably she is planning to drag you along for shopping. Don't disappoint her.Carry your credit card with you, you WILL need it.

____________________

Dear Doctor

I am going to marry a teacher. I am always worried of teachers all my life.They always scolded me and beat me. My parents are forcing me to marry a teacher, as my mom said I am still to be 'deciplined'.
..
..

Dear Concerned

Consider yourself to be the luckiest guy,you will never go to sleep without doing your 'home-work' now.

____________________

Dear Doctor

I hate my wife when she does the "BACK SEAT DRIVING". It's the most irritating thing for me.What should I do to stop her from doing that.

Driver

Dear Driver

I think you should try your hand on 'BACK SEAT COOKING" when she is in kitchen. I am very optimistic that there is an 85% chance of success by this psychological treatement.

____________________

Dear Doctor

My girl friend thinks that I am not funny.
..
..

Dear Patient

Wear Happy colors

____________________

Dear Doctor

I am a director of a very well known group of companies.I have almost 2000 persons working under me.I solve almost all the problems arising in all my companies.Doctor, I need your real help.What will I do if I forgets my girl friends birthday.How can I say to her that I am not her "Digital Organiser" to remember her and her family members birthdays and other important days.
..
..

Dear Patient
I can understand your plight. There is nothing much you can do when you forget her birthday, I meant she will do all the things to you. For the second part of the question..Stay Calm, Real Calm,don't even twitch a muscle and tell her that it's woman who should be more concerned with the 'dates' and men are not 'naturally' fit to remember "dates" as their brain is tuned to ignore dates as men never has a date.

____________________

Dear Doctor

My girl friend wants me to stop smoking what should I do?
..
..

Dear Patient

Interesting question. I know how hard it is to quit smoking. Try blaming it on all the smoke she makes while cooking.Ask her "is that not smoke?"
On second thought.

On second thought. Dont tell her anything about her cooking and all the smoke. I remember a case which happened to an innocent soul in my family. A few years back my mom asked my dad to quit smoking. In response he told about the smoke while cooking and in the end he ended up buyin a complete state-Of-Art exhaust system for kitchen. So the solution of this problem would be, Stay calm, composed,not a faint twitch of muscle on face and focus your eye on distant horizon,hum a tune and walk out of the situation.
____________________

Dear Doctor

I am worried about all the hospital bills.My wife is admitted in the hospital for delivery of our first child.Is there any way I can get the money out of insurance, as most insurance products does not cover medical expenses for pregnancy.
..
..

Dear Worried

Yeah! Its people like you why insurance companies are not covering medical expenses for pregnancy. Any way, I think you can try suing the contraceptive company for this pregnancy to cover the medical bills.
____________________

Dear Doctor

How can I know if my wife loves me or my money. I Know she loves me cuz she calls me to see if I have reached office safe etc etc.
..
..

Dear Patient
Why don't you opt for an insurance with a large sum assured on you! If she stops calling you to see if you have reached office safe. I think you have the sense to understand.

____________________

Dear Doctor How can I last long?
..
..

Dear Patient

Have a healthy diet and lifestyle. Don't drink and drive. I am still surprised you want to live in this polluted world for more days.Huh! Read Newspaper everyday.

__________________________+