< TENNIS BALL >

Kids say the Darnest things!
The other day, I was walking home, a perfect evening. There were three cute chics who are my neighbours walking behind me.

I heard a pefect SHRILL from top of the terrace adjucent to my building.
"UNKIL UNKIL..BALL BALL!"
"Sh[Beep]" - I thought.
I stopped shocked by what I was hearing.What was I hearing?
" UNKIL? "
"A bachelor guy, who looks younger, smarter..... should hear this...What did I do to deserve this Good Lord?
"Don't they know words like "Dude", "Bro" etc etc

As if that was not enough , one cute lil girly pie called out " Blue shirt Uncle, can you throw up the ball please" in her pleasing, screeching, squeeking, high pitched voice.
HUH!

Conscious:Don't wait too long..pounce on the ball and throw it up to them.Else...
Dont you think Mr Conscious that it should me made a law that KIDS SHOULD NOT PLAY ON TERRACE.
Huh! Why do they call all girls ..DEEDEEE (Hindi for sister) and guys get called UNKIL?

____________________
Today was an awesome Day!
I made perfectly new Sign Tag for me.
"CAUTION! MEAN AT WORK"
____________________

*Juggie you can use it too.

RED QUEEN: I called you mean! I want the credit for it.

I refuse to be vicitmized by notion of virtuos behaviour red queen!
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< SLIP >

This conversation happened with one of my close buddies. He confused a word with something else and...

Caller: Hey Sorcy, Are you free?

Me: Yeah! Why?

Caller: Need to go to the dentist.I can't eat anything.Its bleeding kinda from the gums.

Me:Wow! had breakfast? Ya kow what I had?

Caller:I DONT WANT TO KNOW!

Me:I see..you really dont have any issues.You can really shout.

Caller:Its damn pain dude.Just come over to my home.We go together.

Me:Wow! Would like to see them torture you.How can I miss that? You are my FREEEND.

Caller:Naa..They will seduce me.I wont know any pain.Wont they?

[Gotcha!!! Yes! poor guy slip of tongue..Seduce!! WHAT? okay I mean..he intended SEDATE. ]

Me:Wow! Interesting.Yeah they would seduce you.But..lemme tell ya.Play "hard to get! " Boot Up..Soldier.

Caller:What you mean?

Me:Run around the clinic.Let them chase you.Give them those looks.

Caller:Why?I am not a kid to act like that

Me: They don't seduce kids anyway.

Caller: What? 

[ Here there be silence ]

Caller : See, I hate needles and I dont want me to make the whole world know I am in the clinic.I hope they sedate me.

[ Damn! Enlightment..too soon? ]

Me: *Sigh! Yeah I will be right there with ya in say 20 mins.

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< TUNING GUITAR >

..

..

Darthy: how does one tune a guitar?

Sent at 1:33 PM on Friday

sorcerer: Yeah.It's an art , they say..I mean the manuscripts I read about it. As per that documents  ther's this little round, usually ,thing below the guitar (depands on how you position the guitar with respect to your position) and you turn it,gently tweak it, between your fingers, screwing it in clock wise or anti clock wise position...random I mean slowly...Make sure you don't apply too much pressure on it and then the.....  guitar......gently weeps.

Darthy: rotfl!!!

sorcerer: Perv...Oi  Va'avoi Li! (Oh My God), when will people take everything in the right sense!

huh!

sorcerer: I mean..I read about it in ... that for "How to Play Guitar for DUMMIES".

Never got hands on a guitar as yet. You can also google it up.

Darthy: :'D

sorcerer: should I put that in blog?

Darthy: yes yes!!!!!!

YES

..

..

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< FABULOUS OFFER >

_______________

FABULOUS OFFER!!!!

Tired of all horoscope mismatches!!!

Scared of being pink-slipped by her/his parents?

Afraid of the recession hitting your marriage plans?

Dreaming of watching 20-20 Cricket new seasons with your Lady love?

Planning to cut down on your Mobile Bills?

Save on those Railway tickets, Don’t run away,

.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The CUPID is in TOWN! Just like Ol Santa

To all those couples who wish to get married please take your beloved out on a date on the>>>>>>>>14th February 2009!!!<<<<<<<<

*Pramod Muthalik and his men would gladly get u to tie the knot !!FREE!! of cost!

<>

<>

Yes!! You hear it right!! Unbelievable..Aint it?

<>

<>

Free...Free...Free..Free.. Free...Free...Free..Free...

!FREE OF COST!!!

!THAT TOO ON A VALENTINES DAY !

!NO STRINGS ATTACHED.!

Free...Free...Free..Free.. Free...Free...Free..Free...

So hurry up! Get your bride/groom and head to Bangalooru!

on February 14th 2009

! India's Marriage Capital !

_______________

____________________

* Cost of transportation from the spot of pick-up , to the temple, to registrar office will be born by that party.

* Laddus will be given depending on availability.

__________________________+

< COP RAP >

Sometimes, during our gtalk conversations things can go pretty, well, weired!

I got this buddy of mine, call sign, Darthy and he pinged me on gtalk.

I thought I would talk to him like a COP!

And the whole conversation rapped and wrapped.

__________________________

Sorcerer: 

*Switches on the Siren and chases Darthy's Maseratti.

*Speaks into the microphone.

errr!! CenterI got a 10-39 in progress at M19, I am on 10-88.

Need a 10-14 on A Red maserati Seven, One, Seven, Three, O,Lima, Niner

Request 10-85, Over

*Pull over sir, Pull over yer car!! 

Sorcerer:

Where ya heading over speeding, in red maserati

Breaking rules, and dodging traffic like a snippy

Ya broke outta zoo or ya going to loo?

Don't gimme that snub dork, I am talkin to you.

Darthy:

Yo buster, u put ur mouth in da holster

step aside quick or ya pants will fester

ma mama can beat ur godamm sista

aint no good blocking ma tv yo blister"

Sorcerer:

Oh! I see that, you got Tee Vee

Ya watching D.V.D of Pammy and Lee?

I saw ya talking - laughin, over de phone.

Whome ya calling, while driving, watching the porn?

Darthy:

I saw yo stoppin me wheels, miles away

gotta head for the crib and porn u say?

I talk to me lawyer while yo stopped my way

and stop tightenin yo belt, dats so gay"

Sorcerer:

You have the right to remain, silent snigger,

dig yer I.D and make it double quicker,

Hey Look at ya, you wearing too much metal

Peace Pendent, rings, and hippie penchant.

Darthy:

Yo what are u bub,a police or a snobber

this hippy pendants is my lucky clover

now let me know the charges u shower

or git lost and go play cops and robber"

Sorcerer:

You jumped two traffic signals when it was read.

Took and U turn in front of "FREDS"

Hit a mail box on the 16th Cross.

You know these chargers are ofcourse so very Gross.

Darthy:

In thing homie, in thing top rated

ya sure,I did it an never retaliated

road killed a man, hez now belated

poor buster,his dumps never been dated

Sorcerer:

Step out of the car sir, walk the line,

I wanna try and see, if you, behave sane.

Lemme see sir, if you can, touch your nose.

and Spell A, B, to Zee without verbose.

Darthy:

This fool, aint gonna let me lose

unless rich green paper I now produce

an he gets me, busted, for drug abuse

da hood member, aint never to confuse

Sorcerer:

Hey Don't do that, don't step on the gas.

Turn off the engine and move out yer ass.

Don't make me use my loaded baretta

You will ruin the virgins and holy Valhalla

__________________________

Sorcerer: Haha!! lol dude..that rapped!

Darthy: yo homie fan! ya ya its good shit dawg

sorcerer: Ya  this conversation gonna be blawged.

__________________________+

< BIRTHDAY GIFT >

My friend Jaycee, ( I call her Dolphin as she loves beaches) is gonna celebrate her birthday next month and my buddies (E.C.F Comrades) were having a discussion about what to send her as a gift. Finally!!!

This is an excerpt from the gtalk conversation I had with my friend regarding this

..

..

lavanya: :D sooo...what you diding?

sorcerer: nothing diding.Bugged jaycee and now she aint talking to me as always. Giving her rebooting time!

lavanya: *sigh. poor you

lavanya: juggie and me were talking

oh

sorcerer: juggie.was online.I know.

seems like he logged off now

lavanya: yea...on the phone..

sorcerer: okies..anything special :)

lavanya: and he goes like..."let's shipment sorci and send him as a buday gift to jaycee..."

*okay... l said that

sorcerer: errrrrrrrr

sorcerer: does her bday falls on the same date as halloween?

lavanya: :-|

its in march!!!

coming

:P

sorcerer: ooouch

what are we supposed to send her?

lavanya: you

sorcerer: err..yeah..how about a ball..dolphin loves ball

Me?You poeple gonna send me?

lavanya: yea you!!

sorcerer: I am not fat..I dont have too much flesh for the Cannibal Dolphin.

lavanya: we'll give you food and all...

sorcerer: whats the deal

lavanya: all you got to do is sit in the box

sorcerer: how much will i get?

lavanya: don't make a sound

sorcerer: fill my mouth with food and I promise I wont make a sound.

lavanya: oh come on!!!! what's money between friends eh?

;)

sorcerer: yeah. you read my mind!.I prefer BONDS and Stock Options.

shares of Google, Arcelor Mittal etc

lavanya: yea... sure! loads of food....

oh sorci!

such materialistic thoughts!

think of all the personal satisfaction!!!

sorcerer: I mean..what am I supposed to say..when she opens the box

"Merry Christmas?"

"personal satisfaction" is there a catch in it?

lavanya: what catch can you see eh!?

say "tadaaaan! surprise!!!"

sorcerer: "satisfaction"

lavanya: and then give her a hug and say "happy birthday!!!"

sorcerer: errrrrrrrr..... should I brush my teeth before I say that

HUG! wow! I love hugging dolphins

Though never done before :(

lavanya: yea well... there's always a first time to things...

even things like...

you know...

sorcerer: what if she hugs my neck too tight?

Ii dont know... but " first times" sounds like intersting topic.. temme more!

lavanya: no no...

what hugging necks?

nothing!

all right!

we shift you

:D

smuggling a person across...

woaa...

this ought to be fun!!!!

sorcerer: yeah..they do that in coffin with hidden chamber..read in Robert Lodlum Novel

lavanya: er... woa...

sorcerer: How will I get back here after the hugging episode?

lavanya: er... don't you wanna stay with her?

beaches

sorcerer: Err..With a cannibal Dolphin? I mean.... will I get a return ticket? Well..excuse me out of National Carrier (Airlines)..I prefer to swim in that case.

lavanya: ohkie...

:D

done@

get your papers ready

sorcerer: what papers!

lavanya: we need you off and boarded

sorcerer: whats the box made off?

wood with cushion on the inside fitted with an XBox and posters of Salma Hayek, Eva Mendes etc

Need Wifi Internet connection

an AC

and a laptop and mobile charging ports

lavanya: :-|

why don't we lift your house and put in the ship?

sorcerer: and I need Calvin and Hobbes comics+ refrigerator with Vodka and Beer

errrrrrr!! is that a tall order..i mean..you know this is one of those "special missions"

and I need my script of what I should say and I should do when she opens the box

every word I say would attract 50$s and words repeated at a 10% discount

lavanya: all right... forget it!

we are gonna send Hrithik

sheesh!

sorcerer: okay I can cut down on posters. I can always google them anyway.

Deal?

lavanya: what?!

with 50$

and interest?!?!

you are getting a chick!

what more?!

sorcerer: Chic? shes a dolphin..Alright?

and should I punch her like that in " surprise boxes" ?

lavanya: no... its her buday....

you should try be good..

for one day

sorcerer: okay.okay, Just for oneday. Its a sacrifice! *sighs

lavanya: and then you could do as you please

sorcerer: No evil thoughts..no evils thoughts

[Quote]  and then you could do as you please [Unquote]

* i need that statement explained.

lavanya: er... just what l said

sorcerer: I deliver the "HAPPEEE BIRTHDAY" and then sink back into the box slowly ?

or....is there anything else I should do to make it SPECIAL?

lavanya: make it special!

she your friend no?

make it nice!!!

sorcerer: yeah! hmmm..yeah we would play Need For Speed together

or Kungfu Fighting video game

then I can buy her lemonade

sing her a song(ba ba black sheep)

lavanya: yea!

sure

perfect!

she's gonna love it!

sorcerer: Cool! okay ..now after that..how will I get back to Bangalore?

lavanya: why would you want to?!

its like paradise there on Philippines.

sorcerer: so its like what they call "suicide mission" in paradise? wow! will I get angels?

lavanya: you got jaycee

sorcerer: will they tell me bedtime stories?

geee! yeah..I forgot about the Birthday Girl.

lavanya: she will

l guess

want me to ask her?

sorcerer: yeah..go ahead ask her..Jaycee is  online..and I bugged her to the core 1 hour ago

if she explodes at you.."Its not covered under the insurance , provided you are warned before hand" and  I will categorically deny any damge physical or mental there by arising upon.

lavanya: oh..

Sent at 3:03 PM on Monday

lavanya: l don't think she likes the idea much...

sorcerer: why? She aint liking the idea of sendin me across? My sacrifice for a her...my friend?

lavanya: erm....

you don't wanna know...

sorcerer: I wanna know

__________________________

-- Lavanya gives me the conversation between her and Jaycee --

__________________________

lavanya:hey jay...important quechen

Jaycee: shoot

lavanya: If we deport sorci... and send him to your country as a buday gift would you read him bedtime stories?

Jaycee: is this a gift to him or a punishment to me?

I mean, what have I done???

lavanya: well...

er...

we don't want him

so we thought you would like that

Jaycee:I appreciate the thought but I  would move my brithday if that was my bday gift

lavanya:oh...

erm...

hold on to the thought please...

l have to contact my head office

__________________________

sorcerer: ROFLMAO!!!!

This is going to the blog

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