For Dummies 8:For a While the For Dummies Series was send for hibernation.
Anyway, Thanks to my inquisitive friends who asks me questions on relationships and want guidance on 'Approaching A Woman'.
I dedicate this blog post to those pavam souls.
This blog post is a humble attempt to give readers more awesome knowldge in reading body language ,the way you read a braille magazine[With those bums and bumbums] and finding your soul mate.This blog post is also a small attempt to save the human race from funny looking gadgets and lead poisoning resulting out of orgasmic situations.
After shedding the hair on the bumbums, monkeys evolved into prehistoric men.Tarzan was the first prehistoric man according to scientific Journals also called fictions and some p0rn movies.
Prehistoric men used clubs and stones to
Since the first woman nibbled too much on Adam's apple resulting in the 'Red apple scandal' people have used many methods/techniques/hacks/cheats to attract opposite sex.This appetite for getting laid has opened up a whole new market of products and services worth billions from lingerie to Enlargement pills [If the former doesn't have any effect..that is]
Anyway, Humans use body language/Ferrari to attract people of opposite sex .Now body language has lost it's sex appeal and used by both sexes in whatever way 'they'/'it' seem 'fit'.
Yes, You cant just walk in and read a woman.It requires meticulous planning like your 'Me-Time.'
Before you even approach an unsuspecting female, you should be wearing the right clothes.So she notices you. Wear spandex or any clothes thats skin hugging.This helps her in reading your elevated levels of testosterone, live. The bottoms line is Be Transparent in your approach. If you are a nerd wear any clothes that has ketchup stains.That explains a lot to her.
Always make a Good first impression.Many a time, you must have felt bad because your gorgeous neighbor chick, didn't notice you. That's because you aren't dressed your best.
Dress to impress.
If you are an awesome mallu, wearing your lungi/mundu at half mast exposing your awesome whoohoowoohoo sexy hairy legs is one best way to attract your gorgeous neighbor.The whole world knows that hairy legs of a male are next best thing to sliced bread.Wear happy colors like purple,lime green, dark orange or Ferrari red.Flaunt your beer belly,hairy chest and legs.Don't suck in the air to hide your 'family pack'.
Wear 2+ size Shoes.
Have a few cigarettes or smoke w33d. It gives the men the masculine smell.It makes the woman go weak on her knees. Medically, such smells bring about a reflex action on her knee nerves.Just to be safe stand sideways , away from her knees when you are talking to her.
Location..Location..Location is Everything:
Body language is more useful in 'Pub Situations'. Pub is the watering hole for many species of mammalian chicks and endangered species called 'single men'. when you become fluent in body language, you can attract anyone without AXE Deo spray or not loose your virginity to a mailbox or a lamp post.Body language also helps in saving your ass [Literally] from men with long hair , mustache , hairy-legs, who are happy and gay.
Eyeballing the 'Situation':
Woma(e)n travel in groups of 3 and above.Even if one female wants to go some place[Including powder room a.k.a toilet] she calls up a group of her close friends. These group of friends are called 'Support Group'. Every woman falls under the secret society of 'Click-Clack Clan'. The name is derived from the sound their hoofs[High-heels] make when walking on the granite/Tiled floor.
When you have found a chick that is wearing pants, which you think is enough to accommodate you, establish eye contact to make sure that it is really a female.If you are couldn't understand the above statement, find solace at your own hands and do not try and pee in the gene pool.
The best way is 'Direct' Eye Contact which woman technically call as 'Staring'. I hope that you are educated enough to understand that eyes of a female are located a few inches below her neck.When your target notices that you have noticed hers and turns to you,look at her face and give her the sexiest grin, with your eyes wide open, jaws dropping.This tells her that you have noticed her and is ready to mate.
Approaching her on the Floor:
Drink a few bottles of vodka before you make your approach. It help you get over your fear of approaching women. It loosens up your tongue muscles thus you can blabber anything to her. Alcohol revives your memory and you can talk authentically about anything under the sun. You can go all the way and call her a b*t(h lovingly trumpeting your awesomeness; and she would be like "Are you drunk?" , see..she is already falling for you.
Have a bottle of beer in your hand, before you walk up to her. It helps you keep your balance if you are tilting too much on to one side while walking.
The First words
The first word should not be "kya mummy!!!" like dat bozo in the movie Dhoom.
The first word should be a classy pickup line from my blog or any other blog.If you want to keep it original and clean, you can say "Howdy Sistah!! Are those real?"
Okay.Thats rough eh? Try this simple approach.Complement on her T-Shirt and ask her "Wow! Nice picture!Who painted those?"
If you want to prove your ingeniousness..try this new pick up line "OOps!! I am caught in the orbit by your two moons".Run around her and move closer to her chest.
It's as simple as that.Introduce yourself.Don't forget to brag. Talk about awesome topics like Inflation and world Markets.
If that makes her speechless, well..she has already fallen for you.
The Hand Job
Make sure that you care. Send powerful message with your hands and gestures.
There are a number of ways to convey that you want to get in her pants.Use your hands to caress objects, such as the rim of your glass, The curve of the beer bottle. Simply fidget a lot. For her this is a sensual act. Wink after every sentence., bite your lips as if you are having Epileptic Seizure in a very sensual way And for the brave, try picking fluff off her jacket or using the "accidental touch" when reaching for the lemon or squeeze some ketchup on her dress and help her wipe it off.
If she is resisting, buy her lots of drinks.Drinks will make you look cute then boob is your uncle.
Say The Right Thing
Give her constructive criticism from her dress to her make up. Tell her how you would like to have the neckline of her dress a bit low etc etc.Pick on anything that you feels convenient and advice her. Always make it a point to compare her with your Ex-Girl friend for everything she says or do. It makes her feel more comfortable. If you don't have an Ex-Girl friend compare her with your right hand.
Just before They lived Happily Every after:
Invite her to your place.Tell her you have a big foot at your 'basement'. Talk in metaphors. Invite her to play 'chess and find all possible mating positions'. Invite her in and promise you won't make any moves after you are done with her. She will blush at your forwardness but for whatever reason she will believe you.