Thursday, August 16, 2012

.:: SORC SUTRA-PICKUP LINES ::.

Let me tell you the moral of the incident: "Never underestimate the power of PICKUP lines."

Sorry Co-Authors, I had to start off with my first chapter on SorcSutra.

..
..

Aneesh walked into the lab. There was this W  I   D    E  grin on his face. Usually his face features a 'hartal in Kerala ' look. A very vacant one.

Well, that did worry the rest of us in the lab.
"What the Fcuk did you delete this time ?" asked the Coder_chick raising her head from behind the computer screen. We consider her , one among us males, but with balls a little uppish on her body. She calls them breasts. Very Funny!

"C'mon, don't start..I just walked in" said Aneesh but still widening his ever widening grin. 

Aneesh: Good Morning People!!!

Praveen:Good Morning..Is it your birthday?
Aneesh:No

CoderChick:You peed in your pants?
Aneesh:Cheee..No

HarmlessGuy:Aha!! Your periods are back.
Aneesh:Huh!.

The 3 other females in the lab giggled, hearing this conversation. They raised their head from behind the computer screen, looked at each other, and then hid behind the monitors...just like the meerkats.

"There is this, .......awesome ........thing, NOW in the office-lounge" Aneesh said that with a gentle smile that of Buddha and pointed towards the lab door.
"And..she gave me a ride...."
Before he could complete, we guys, including the Coder_chick was rushing towards and through the door.
"in the elevator"- He must have completed that sentence, staring at one of the Blue Screen of Death in an almost empty lab.
..
..

There she was, the HOT_CHICK, sitting elegantly on the soft leather couch. Her legs beautifully kept slanting, at 70 degree angle, like the 2 forward slashes in http://. Her hair was 'Power Cut' personified. Her Eyes was serene, like the weather which the pilots prefer to fly and her lips , organic, hopefully.

For the Harmless_Guy the world was moving at a slow frame rate.

She was reading the sports page in the news paper. She looked at the direction of movement and smiled. The movement was us..little did she know, at that time, that we, minus the Coder_chick, were going to gain momentum on her.
Her smile was the next best thing , to sliced bread.

..
..


Back in the lab, there was silence.

Coder_Chick: *chuckle* So you guys are gonna hit on her?

Harmless_Guy: Are you?

Coder_Chick: Yeah Sure *chuckle*

One of the 3 females: Hey....Who is she?

Coder_Chick: Aaaawwww..Don't bother...Ya know what...her dress doesn't match the color of the couch.

The  other 3 females in the lab giggled in response. They either giggled or bitched or did both..not in any particular order though.

Coder_Chick:You guys want me to do some RECON on her?

Praveen: No Thank you.we guys hunt in packs.

Aneesh: And...as we reach near the kill, it's every man for himself.

..
..

The morning caught up with the afternoon and we were trying to catch up with the loose ends of the source code. The HOT_Chick hung in the air, like the smell of Tuna Fish. She was intense. If us guys could sleep, with the eyes open, our pupils will display Hot_Chick as the screen saver.

Apart from the occasional blabbering of Coder_Chick, the whole room was silent.

The day was almost going to get over with a nail biting finish.That is when the Project Manager walks in with OOOOOOH LAAA LAAAAAAA...The HOT_Chick. The Coder_Chick gave a chuckle and smartly converted that into a Hic and a cough.

Project Manager: Hello Everyone...Meet Miss (Real Name) Hot_Chick, a new addition to our R&D family.
"Aha!! The Project Manager is turning us into the incest thingy." Harmless_Guy whispers into the ears of the person sitting next to him.
Praveen: I don't think she is infected.She looks healthy.Dude...you are thinking too much.
The Harmless_Guy *sighed.

Then Hot_chick gave us a brief outline of herself. Just like her, her resume was voluptuous.

We guys gave a breathe of relief- OOOh ooh oooh...She is in our team and now we gotta out-wit every other guy in the lab to get near her.

..
..

The next day, everybody was in the lab -ON TIME. Unfortunately, there was a frown on the face of the Project Manager. Huh!! Thanks for the motivation...Moron.

Every guy turned on their radar and was tracking the HOT_Chick. She seemed to be quiet occupied with the work and worse of it, she knew what she was doing and was not asking any of us that 5 golden words - "How do I do this?". Most guys fall for that pickup line. Pavam Guys.*Sigh.
We guys are ever ready to teach everything we know.
..
..

Soon, HOT_Chick was filling the conversations during sutta breaks and everyone was strategizing to get in her pants bed good side. Make Fraaaaaaaaaaandship.

[NOTE: I know fraaaandsheep is easy today. This incident happened long before the invention of the Facebook and 'Poking' happened in bed and not by clicking on an icon.]

Every guy had their version of How to hit on her and win her heart.

Praveen: Dude..Just wait and watch...I am gonna try an awesome pickup line.
Aneesh: Like what? Gurl..my hands are tired cuz you been running through my mind all night?
Coder_Chick: oooohhhh..I fell for it. *chuckle* God I am going crazy..Somebody stop me.

Praveen gave the Coder_Chick a very confused look. The Coder_chick gave him a thumbs up sign also a big smile.

Aneesh was of the opinion that, we should approach the 'Subject' at a psychological level. He was referring to an evergreen theory in the 'Guys Survival Guide-Foreplay PART 1'. He says Quoting it "If you want a girl, treat her like shit. She will come back for more."

Aneesh: May be making her feel, all 'not so important' may work.
Harmless_Guy: It will work..it will work.You should try it
Praveen: Try it..this will work..this will work.Try it.
 
We encouraged him to commit
Seppuku.

[Note: This theory will work only on girls with brains below the neck. Effective with Doooomb girls and natural blonds and EMO chicks. These brains can be enlarged by artificial means.]

Praveen: See..she is an open book..She is so simple.so..that means...
Harmless_Guy: Like spread the book on a table and read..Right?
Coder_Chick: Haaaa.Seriously, not all guys are into that. 
Harmless_Guy: *chuckle
..
..

Guys began stalking her in the office space. Their eyes followed her everywhere and anywhere. She got ambushed near the water-hole, the printer, the copier machine. One smart guy even started cleaning up his cluttered desk to attract her. 

..
..

On that awesome day, Harmless_Guy and Aneesh were returning to the office after having a cup of tea.  On the way back , the conversation was about the HOT_Chick .They were sharing the INTEL on her.
As they reached near the stairs, they saw HOT_Chick coming down the stairs. She was dressed in a golden colored dress.

Suddenly the Harmless_Guy, climbs a few steps...goes down on his knees..raises both his hands in the air, gave her a tranquil gaze and asked the HOT_Chick: "Is this the stairway to heaven..cuz I see an angel coming down!!!"

HOT_Chick, was speechless. May be she didn't know how to react. She started laughing hysterically.

Well...Well...Well.. That worked.

..
..

They were spotted having coffee together and sharing park benches in and around Bangalore, Kormanagala to be precise. 


____________________

"You have to bent a little to sweep the woman off her feet" So says SorcSutra.
__________________________+

No comments: