Friday, July 6, 2012


"IQ doesn't necessarily mean a queue in front of an iPhone Store " -Sorcerer on IQ.

As you must have guessed, this blog post is about U.F.O "Intelligence".

In technical terms "Intelligence has been defined in many different ways, including the abilities, but not limited to, Google it, use askme, use Bing [hahaha *snort *snort], ending up as .3gp or .jpg extension, doing awesome stupid intelligent gooey things , asking on face-book, reasoning drunk, mooning, having emotional knowledge like finding g-spot hot spot  spot dimly lit spot ,pinky swearing, castrating oneself, and creating chaos.

Artificial intelligence is the simulation of intelligence in humans using text books.

The Beginning of Intelligence

Scientists has fcuked around with lab rats researched enough to confirm that Intelligence is a Sexually Transmitted abnormality.

Scientists who go down on their knees wearing khakis to make a profession out of it , has dug out enough evidence that, prehistoric men rock with intelligence.[literally]. Prehistoric men made intelligent tools using rocks like SFI and DYFI kuttikal [Students] in Kerala.
Cave woman were intelligent too, they invented the "Nut Cracker" and Fur Fashion. Kim kardashin still has a bit more to evolve on those lines.

During the ice age a few hardcore feminists who were comfortable with fur were able to survive the ice age with a few hairy dudes. Since INTERNET, a contraceptive device was not invented till 1960's these survivors repopulated the planet with intelligent life.

Invention of IQ.

IQ tests are tests conducted to categorize humans other than by religion, color of skin, belief, sexual orientation etc. IQ test scores are like Push-Up Bra for your Intelligence. IQ test is one way to show your Intelligence Cleavage Curve for the world to see.

Before the invention of IQ, people who wore thick glasses, who use UNIX/Linux , virgins, who speaketh physics, etc were considered to be intelligent. They were lovingly called Geeks. When serial rapists started impersonating Geeks, scientists/geeks world over invented their own type of tests to protect their identity. Hence IQ test was born our of an Intellectual Gang bang.

IQ scores are used as predictors of predators of educational achievement, special needs, job performance and income. There are many different kinds of IQ tests using a wide variety of test tasks. Some tests consist of a single type of task, others rely on a broad collection of tasks with different contents (visual-spatial, verbal, numerical) and asking for different cognitive processes (e.g., reasoning, memory, rapid decisions, visual comparisons, spatial imagery, reading, and retrieval of general knowledge).
Modern On line-IQ tests are made Blond-Friendly by including "LOL" as an option in the choice of answers.

Fact about Intelligence.

It has long been debated that a person's IQ remains fairly stable from very early in life.So....... In your Face kiddos/non Kiddos who drink Bournvit@ and Horl!cs. Many psychologists believe that, a 6 inch intelligence on IQ Scale is enough to satisfy a whole lot of human requirement; it's all about how the intelligence is used.
But like enlargement pills, scientists, and 9 out of 10 dentists say on television that Intelligence can be increased by silicon implants by as much as 20% or more with proper diet, lifestyle, mental exercises and more.[As you have noticed, the "more" is the keyword, the rest is to make you keep reading till the "more". This is sure sign of intelligence]

Whether IQ tests are an accurate measure of intelligence is debated, but so far, it can get you across the border legally.

The Brain Drain

Has IQ has any Gender Bias? This has  been a question that has been haunting many scientists world over.
Brain drain is one reason why certain females outsmart men. Men have enough blood to run only one head at any given point of time. Scientifically , Men have proved that every 52 seconds men think about woman. Hence, it is natural for a woman to look intelligent every 52 second and unintelligent for only a few days every month.

Types of Intelligence

Psychologists have long regarded intelligence as coming in two flavors: Crystallized intelligence and Fluid intelligence.

Crystallized Intelligence:It is the FROZEN state of intelligence. They say its called the how-to knowledge.This is the kind of intelligence that you can rely on to come up with awesome pickup lines when you are stuck inside an elevator with a fuming hot chick.

  • Hey baby!!You overwhelm my Base Station.
  • By looking at you I can tell you’re 36-25-36, which by the way are all perfect squares.
  • If I was sin^2 and you were cos^2 together we would be 1.
  • I less than three you..(i < 3 you).

Fluid intelligence is the broad ability to reason with a cop when caught driving drunk and solve problems using unfamiliar information or novel procedures like fixing Hoover Dam leak with a Chewing Gum.

Fluid Intelligence has long been known to peak in early adulthood, around college age, and then to decline gradually. Fluid intelligence is also called as "Libido" in layman terms.Fluid Intelligence can never be trained or revived using Ginkgo Viagra.

Identifying Intelligence.

After years of research scientist were able to isolate the Jeans that makes you intelligent which helps you achieve a good job/promotion.

(PIC: An Woman with intelligent jean.)

People exhibit intelligence in many forms. People show intelligent characteristics at a very younger age; like trying to burn window curtain, peeing on electric fence etc.

Some traits of intelligence are:

Spontaneity - It is the ability to act totally random, bringing themselves closer to self castrating.

Creativity - Asking your friend to record the video of you Ski Jump off the roof into a swimming pool in a Micky  mouse costume, and landing short of the pool.

Intuition - Ability to disregard commonsense and ending up in FUBAR.

Analysis - Ability to get lost in details and run around in circles.

Generalizing - An urge to simplify things as "Woman"/"Blond"/"Harry Potter"

Language skill - Ability to swear in many languages.

Quantitative Reasoning (Gq)- The ability to comprehend vital stats of a female.

Visual Processing (Gv): It is the ability to perceive, analyze, synthesize, and think with visual patterns; mainly exhibited by teenagers behind closed doors.


From cavemen Era to the Homer Simpson Era of today, human intelligence has evolved enough to bring an abrupt halt to evolution.

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