Thursday, June 30, 2011

.:: YAKSHI & PANA MARAM ::.

 


No!! This is not a picture of coconut tree. Of course, it doesn't have 'those huge things' hanging on top.
No..No.No..Your logic is wrong..again.This is not a male coconut tree either.


That's a picture of a palm tree or Pana (in Malayalam). These trees have sacred roles in Kerala Folk tales and toddy shops. I even have a theory that, history of roof tops restaurants can be mapped to the palm trees.

Long back, such palm trees were the hangout spots for Yakshis. 'Yakshi' is a mallu term for Witches. For some guys they resemble their wife(s), ex-Girl Friend, Girl Friend, Mother-In-Law etc. The blogger i.e me however claim that, this is purely coincidental and blame it on your bad karma.

Yakshi is a variant of human beings , in pure scientific terminology, 'Homo Erectus'.(Yes..Some Yakshi's are sooo HOT!!!! and trust me guyz..they can do that to you...or make you both..hence the term Homo Erectus)

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Unlike their western counter part, popularly referred as 'witches', Yakshi's are HOT and can resemble the HOT teachers who taught you in 8th Std and above.

'Witches' of the western world does not have any sense of fashion. They wear rags or bags. They have B.O. They always have a bad hair day. Their teeth would resemble a badly worn out picket fence. Their popular mode of transport is 'Broom Stick' and don't have to worry about rising oil prices. They can curse you. They are hardcore feminists and don't shave their legs. Some even pet their legs instead of a real cat.

Guyz..I know..It's no different from what you see almost everyday..like your 'better half' [The one who get the better of you],giving you those stares with that 'Broom Stick' in hand, while you are peacefully watching sports on T.V.

 Fact :Them witches do you,you don't.
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Witches and Yakshis are way different from bitches; in case you are confusing your vocabulary. Bitches or b!+C|-|35 are hot, with latest sense of fashion. They look clean but can give you STD's or herpes, bitch diseases etc depending on the options available with her. 

Their popular mode of transport is 'Your car'. The only thing you get blown by her, is your money. They carry a pink 'Fcuk me' purse with 'necessary' items. They have mood swings between very very 'matured' [ha ha ha ha] and being a toddler on sugar.

Yeah dude..It's a jungle out there.
*sigh

Fact: You like to do your b!+C|-| but some one else is doing it for you.

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Mallu Yakshi's are real cute things, when compared to witches of the West. To start with, Yakshi's are real hotties, with long hair and with curves that resemble the River Nile.
They are very good conversationalists. They Purrrrrr..at least in the beginning. They are hygienic and conservative , that's why they always wear white Sari. 


[A mallu woman wearing white Sari..Not a Yakshi though.]

They walk with background music. They don't actually walk, they hover, exactly the way your girl friend/wife does to you.


Yakshi's were once normal woman, living their life, minding their own business, thinking about nail polish, window curtains and matching shoes. Every night, they sleep hugging their teddy bear, thinking about butterflies , white doves and world peace. Only thing they were scared off are cookie monsters and bees.

This young woman is advised by her elders, to keep the knickers above her knees, her knees together and her hands to herself. Of-course..she lived that way..But...all of a sudden, one unattended moment..she was violated (Read:B@nged).

The young woman, now sobbing in her bed, remembers the golden advice by her momma.. "Never give him what he wants". She remembers those words, in slow  frame rate with Dolby effect and sobs uncontrollably.

To get even with him, she draws her 'Violator' a.k.a 'Then cute boy friend' with small pee-pee in Ms-paint..points and laughs at it. 
Thus she turns back into a virgin- in some cases.

Ironically,some young woman remember the 'golden advice' only after her marriage and her hubby (as lovingly called) gets screwed only 'literally'.


The time has come for revenge. The banged young woman, having lived in shame commits suicide and is turned into a HOT Yakshi . She is in search for the violator guy, not to relive those orgasmic moments but to kill him in a freak accident.
Yakshi like the commies, have well defined propaganda. They are out there to fcuk up lives.

Kalliyankattu neeli is one such credible Yakshi.In malayalam terms ..(Nalla tharavattil piranna yakshi. Translation: Yakshi born in a very good family, she even uses her family name).


Yakshi's prefer outdoors and wild. They lived on 'Pala Maram' or Pana (Palm Tree).
Most Yakshi's were solitary hunters.Their hunting ground is deserted road through the forest.
[I know what you are thinking guyz..at one time..they were confined to forest and wild].
*sigh


They come down their palm tree apartment at midnight, usually during the Fridays.They metamorph into a cute hot chick, complete with push-up bra, femme fatale for the Quick Gun Murugans.
Most yakshi's are straight. [I have not come across any Yakshi, who is a lesbian...yet].

When any unsuspecting male, ventures into the forest to take a leak or search for cannabis to get high or simply to get to the other side, the yakshi zero in on him.

Unsuspecting Male:Who are ya? Have not seen you here? [Wink]

Femme Fatale Yakshi:I am lost.I was returning after kadhakali.Lost my way [Lie..Lie..Lie]

Unsuspecting Male: Ayyooo..It's  alright. I Can drop you back at your home. Parents are still back at temple watching Kadhakali.right?

Femme Fatale Yakshi: hmmmmm....Oooohh..yeahh...they arrrrrrrrrrrrrreeee...[Purrrrr...Purrrrrrr]

Unsuspecting Male ke Dil mein laddoo phoote.

Unsuspecting Male: On the way home I will tell you some kadha [Story] and let's have some Kali[Play] after.

Femme Fatale Yakshi:Sure..

Unsuspecting Male ke Dil mein do laddoo phoote.

Unsuspecting Male:Wow!! That was easy!Kochu Galli.


Femme Fatale Yakshi: Ooooh...yeahhh [and she makes gestures on her face like she is backing up a car.]

When they reach near the palm tree, the yakshi grabs the unsuspecting male by the balls , drags him  all the way up the palm tree. There he is stripped, killed and eaten.Thus palm trees become roof top restaurants for Yakshi's. Not everything is eaten, the bones and nails are left for forensic analysis.

I know guyz..some of you would be wishing your witch did that to you...a quick death...Right?
Bad Karma..Bad bad karma.Live with it.
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Malayalam Film industry has revolutionized the way Yakshi's are dressed today. The industry has made them  colorful Yakshis.They look quiet different from their old monochromatic variants.They also dance to item numbers with skimpy clothes which can put even Rakhi Savant to shame.

Everytime I see a palm tree [Pana Maram], it reminds of various tales I have read in Aithihya Mala written by Kottarathil Sankunni.


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1 comment:

Aravind Retnakumar said...

Hilarious!! My mom used to scare me and my sister by telling us stories about the "Kalliyankattu neeli". Never knew there was a movie as well. Good Read