"Life has a way of teaching us some valuable arse saving lessons, though its a Sunday with chances of some heavy rain."
..
..
Yesterday, harmless me, was having my lunch peacefully. I was grazing on the green things cooked organically, to preserve the awesome yucky taste. I was busy racially discriminating green chillies from the rest of the green things in the 'All-Green' recipe dish in-order to avoid a political unrest in my stomach,later; that's when the phone starts winking at me ,nagging like a 3 year old on cold-beer-'Pick me up..Pick me up..pick me up".
*sigh
I picked up the call.
"Hello.Are you free this afternoon?" asked the cold familiar voice on the other end.
Well,with half the world in total disorder,and the world screwing itself own its own axis, I think theres nothing much I could do to help with that.So...
"Yeah..I could be free.What is it that you want of me?" I beamed back.
"hmmmmmm...Need your expert advice, on something.I will come by your home, pick you up and then we go to Calicut." he said and disconnected the call.
Now..This is the problem with having an awesome brain and watching National Geographic Channel too much everyday. People...People Need EXPERT ADVICE."
Price one has to pray for being so..intellinent.Good God..Why me?
He is one of my best friends, whom I have known since childhood. In our friends circle, he used to be our crash dummy for various velocity related tests. Though his roles varied from time to time-from crash dummy to equipment for buoyancy test, he managed to be humble enough and kept his IQ level at 0.
..
..
With in half an hour we were on the road, dodging traffic en-route, Calicut.
Me:So...Whats it that you need advice on?
Buddy:Well, ya know I need to gift something for my Girl Friend on Onam.
Me:Awwww.The Onam got over this Saturday and Today is Sunday.I mean..Are you alright?..... Well..disregard that question. You are doing well enough for a retard anyway.
Buddy:Its a gift alright..I mean anyone can gift anything for anyone at anyone.
Me:You lost me with your grammar.So..what do you have in mind?
Buddy:Something useful.
Me:Wow! thats really cool.Something USEFUL...like Screwdriver, Can-Opener, Samurai Sword.
Buddy:Nope..Something cool like.. a ..a book.
Me:Man...your wisdom exceeds your ears...just a bit.What kind of book.A Cook Book..Gift her a Cook Book.
Buddy:Nope.She cooks well.
Me:When you say that next time..add some confidence in your voice.Alright?
Buddy:How about Gifting her a DRESS?
Me:DRESS?What do you mean DRESS?
Buddy:Clothes, ya know the thing they wear.
Me:GWAD!!! Thats suicidal?You are dragging me all the way to HUNT for Clothes, in the WOMAN'S section in some awesome mall .Do ya have ANY IDEA! I mean..dude, ya know its complicated. Theres a lot of equation and complex mathematics, that goes into the selection of a womans clothes.Those secrets a woman will never reveal.Alright? and....
Before I could complete, my mouth went dry,I needed water.
Buddy:Okay.You just need to come with me to the mall.I will look around.We grab the first thing we find.Rush to the counter.Pay out and Exit.The whole thing will take just less than 5 mins.Even before the sales people knew what happens, we will be out of the mall, on the way home.
Me:You sure?I mean, I will be in some other section like outside.
Buddy:.Nope.You are gonna come with me inside the mall.You gonna help me with my quest.C'mon who else can I trust such missions with?
I was in a Classic hostage situation .The odds were stacked against me.The situation felt like , me standing in front of the empire state building of Odds and staring at its dirty windows.
AAAAAAAARRRGGGHh..who invented the Central Locking System in the CAR!!!!
*sigh
We entered the city limits, swearing at a truck driver.Shortsighted Bozo with large tires stuck down his ass.
The city was still waking up from the hangover of Saturday night Party and Onam festivals.People swarmed the buses like ants swarming on a lazy grasshopper. Last day of holiday week.Such things are expected. We ditched the car under the fly over at Mavoor Road.
Now..Only a few minutes for the moment.
..
..
Yesterday, harmless me, was having my lunch peacefully. I was grazing on the green things cooked organically, to preserve the awesome yucky taste. I was busy racially discriminating green chillies from the rest of the green things in the 'All-Green' recipe dish in-order to avoid a political unrest in my stomach,later; that's when the phone starts winking at me ,nagging like a 3 year old on cold-beer-'Pick me up..Pick me up..pick me up".
*sigh
I picked up the call.
"Hello.Are you free this afternoon?" asked the cold familiar voice on the other end.
Well,with half the world in total disorder,and the world screwing itself own its own axis, I think theres nothing much I could do to help with that.So...
"Yeah..I could be free.What is it that you want of me?" I beamed back.
"hmmmmmm...Need your expert advice, on something.I will come by your home, pick you up and then we go to Calicut." he said and disconnected the call.
Now..This is the problem with having an awesome brain and watching National Geographic Channel too much everyday. People...People Need EXPERT ADVICE."
Price one has to pray for being so..intellinent.Good God..Why me?
He is one of my best friends, whom I have known since childhood. In our friends circle, he used to be our crash dummy for various velocity related tests. Though his roles varied from time to time-from crash dummy to equipment for buoyancy test, he managed to be humble enough and kept his IQ level at 0.
..
..
With in half an hour we were on the road, dodging traffic en-route, Calicut.
Me:So...Whats it that you need advice on?
Buddy:Well, ya know I need to gift something for my Girl Friend on Onam.
Me:Awwww.The Onam got over this Saturday and Today is Sunday.I mean..Are you alright?..... Well..disregard that question. You are doing well enough for a retard anyway.
Buddy:Its a gift alright..I mean anyone can gift anything for anyone at anyone.
Me:You lost me with your grammar.So..what do you have in mind?
Buddy:Something useful.
Me:Wow! thats really cool.Something USEFUL...like Screwdriver, Can-Opener, Samurai Sword.
Buddy:Nope..Something cool like.. a ..a book.
Me:Man...your wisdom exceeds your ears...just a bit.What kind of book.A Cook Book..Gift her a Cook Book.
Buddy:Nope.She cooks well.
Me:When you say that next time..add some confidence in your voice.Alright?
Buddy:How about Gifting her a DRESS?
Me:DRESS?What do you mean DRESS?
Buddy:Clothes, ya know the thing they wear.
Me:GWAD!!! Thats suicidal?You are dragging me all the way to HUNT for Clothes, in the WOMAN'S section in some awesome mall .Do ya have ANY IDEA! I mean..dude, ya know its complicated. Theres a lot of equation and complex mathematics, that goes into the selection of a womans clothes.Those secrets a woman will never reveal.Alright? and....
Before I could complete, my mouth went dry,I needed water.
Buddy:Okay.You just need to come with me to the mall.I will look around.We grab the first thing we find.Rush to the counter.Pay out and Exit.The whole thing will take just less than 5 mins.Even before the sales people knew what happens, we will be out of the mall, on the way home.
Me:You sure?I mean, I will be in some other section like outside.
Buddy:.Nope.You are gonna come with me inside the mall.You gonna help me with my quest.C'mon who else can I trust such missions with?
I was in a Classic hostage situation .The odds were stacked against me.The situation felt like , me standing in front of the empire state building of Odds and staring at its dirty windows.
AAAAAAAARRRGGGHh..who invented the Central Locking System in the CAR!!!!
*sigh
We entered the city limits, swearing at a truck driver.Shortsighted Bozo with large tires stuck down his ass.
The city was still waking up from the hangover of Saturday night Party and Onam festivals.People swarmed the buses like ants swarming on a lazy grasshopper. Last day of holiday week.Such things are expected. We ditched the car under the fly over at Mavoor Road.
Now..Only a few minutes for the moment.
*gulp
..
..
Me:Any idea what we are gonna look at?
Buddy:Hmmm...Nope.We 'improvise.'
Me:On what?
That became a rhetorical question. I know he is under a lot of pressure and people do use random words, to sound smart in such situations. Thank you Freudian for that book on mental thing.
Me:Hey, Just Stop.STOP. Do you know her size?I mean dress size.We should have something to work with.Alright?
Buddy.Hmmm..I remember her telling me, her dress size is 36 C.
Me:36 C?What the Heck! I mean is that like that for woman?I mean for us guys its M,XL,L XXL etc etc.Are you sure?
Buddy:They use a different metric system.Involving Trigonometry.May be for them its like that.As I said..We 'improvise'
Seriously, my buddy is under a looooot of pressure.Trying to crack a joke with random smart sounding word.Gwad..This is seriously getting out of hand.
..
..
..
..
Me:Any idea what we are gonna look at?
Buddy:Hmmm...Nope.We 'improvise.'
Me:On what?
That became a rhetorical question. I know he is under a lot of pressure and people do use random words, to sound smart in such situations. Thank you Freudian for that book on mental thing.
Me:Hey, Just Stop.STOP. Do you know her size?I mean dress size.We should have something to work with.Alright?
Buddy.Hmmm..I remember her telling me, her dress size is 36 C.
Me:36 C?What the Heck! I mean is that like that for woman?I mean for us guys its M,XL,L XXL etc etc.Are you sure?
Buddy:They use a different metric system.Involving Trigonometry.May be for them its like that.As I said..We 'improvise'
Seriously, my buddy is under a looooot of pressure.Trying to crack a joke with random smart sounding word.Gwad..This is seriously getting out of hand.
..
..
We entered a premium mall .I felt a choke, a chill and something fired along my spinal column, on the inside.Gwad..I am doing this?
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! The woman's section welcomed us in FULL Glory!Thank fully apart from a few chicks, probably from NIT-Calicut and a few couples and a few sales staff and a few kids running around like misguided missiles, the shopping floor was empty.
Me:Dude..Just as planned, we go in ..grab the first thing.....
My voice trailed off seeing the variety of options available on each category of dresses.
Me:Okay..Alright..go in, close your eyes, grab something and we bounce out..after paying.
My friend had his eys fixated on a T-Shirt , A blue one.
Me:Grab it..Grab it..go go go go...Move it move it..Move it Soldier..
I played the Iraq invasion on him.He pretended to play the part of the dumb camel in the Iraq desert.
He moved as if levitating towards the blue T-Shirt.I followed him closer.
Buddy:Hey.This will look okay on her.
Me:Hmmm...I like the color Blue.As you said, just look at the TAG on the T-Shirt to see if its 36C and if it is..we take it and bounce.
Saying that I looked back, to see if some one is over hearing our confusion.The College CHICKS were looking at us and giggling.
C'mon girls..ya know you should not be so mean to us guys.See, I have a goatee and I havent shaved, which clearly says I am NOT a cross dresser. I dont have painted nails and lip gloss.So..Well..Ya know seriously..it's not for me. Well, I am pretty good with figures but not on the math side.Alright?
Buddy:It doesnt say 36C.It says 28/L.
Me:Now what is 28 divided By L.Whats the value of L. L stands for what?
Buddy pulls the T-Shirt inside out to see if there is any more clues left on it to decipher the code.
Me:Hey..Wait..I will flag down a sales staff and ask for help.
Buddy:Hey find a sales girl who is almost as big as my girl.
Me:Yeah so that we can just ask her, "Does it suit you?".Problemo Solved.Man..That was some ingenious thinking.
After hunting around the mall for sales staff, found a lonley sales staff chick.Contraty to what was expected, this sales staff chick was a feet short.
Me:Excuse me..Errr...I Want..I mean he wants some help over there.
The sales chick came with the Standard Format Smile.
Buddy:Err..What exactly is the size of this.
Sales Staff:Hmmm..28/L
Me:Hmmmmmmm...Alright.
Sales Staff:What size are you looking at?
Buddy:36 C
Sales Staff opens her mouth wide..jaw dropping..trying to control her laughter.I sensed that, there is something awesomely wrong, in the answer which my buddy gave.So to make the better of the situation.I thought I would 'improvise.'Anyway 36 as a number suits well for jeans..
Me:Errr..that ..that is the size of her jeans.Aint it?
Buddy:yeah yeah..36....C
He prefered to stick on to the 'C'. This is what happens when your nerves are embarassed and are popping signals like popcorn in the oven.The tongue moves in Hebrew.
Sales Staff: 36....C is her Jeans?Okay
Me:It Could be.I mean without the C..probably.I mean..
Sales Staff:What exactly are we looking at?
Me:We are looking at a blue T-Shirt.
I said that pointing to the T-Shirt in her hands.
Sales Staff:Nope.I asked her measurement.
Buddy:Ohh..okay..she is 14 inches shoulder to shoulder.
He said that like a ROBOT.
Sales staff went to get a measuring tape.
Well..The rest of the shopping was done, in almost silence.Moving from section to section, my friend took out dresses which he thinks is okay. Passes it on to the Sales staff. She dutifully measures it ..and keeps it back on the shelf or nod her head..saying its indeed 14 inches shoulder to shoulder.
Then the sales staff, joined us in the 'Top-Hunting' contest and suggested us what ever things in color blue and shades of it which is 14 inch S-S.
After spending almost "2 hours" inside the mall, and 2 different sales staff coming to help us, my friend chose a blue top for his girl.
Aaaarrrghhh..I think we were the joke of the day, between the sales staff, as I could see them laughing in groups staring at us.
Must be the 36 C. Gwad!!
..
..
Sales Staff:So finally, you got it.
Buddy:hmmm
Me:Now I know why girls spend too much time.Ya know there is more parameteres and variables to check than a pre-flight check on an Airbus.
..
..
After coming out of the mall we got into the car.
Buddy:Hey.ya know we chose this cloth on just 1 parameter.I mean..is that okay?What if it is too tight?
Me:Hmmm..Ya know..send her a text message saying "Either the dress fits or you better shape in." .The best part is you are actually motivating her to stay in shape.
Buddy:Hmmmm....We 'improvise'..Right?
Me:There is always a scope.
Me:It Could be.I mean without the C..probably.I mean..
Sales Staff:What exactly are we looking at?
Me:We are looking at a blue T-Shirt.
I said that pointing to the T-Shirt in her hands.
Sales Staff:Nope.I asked her measurement.
Buddy:Ohh..okay..she is 14 inches shoulder to shoulder.
He said that like a ROBOT.
Sales staff went to get a measuring tape.
Well..The rest of the shopping was done, in almost silence.Moving from section to section, my friend took out dresses which he thinks is okay. Passes it on to the Sales staff. She dutifully measures it ..and keeps it back on the shelf or nod her head..saying its indeed 14 inches shoulder to shoulder.
Then the sales staff, joined us in the 'Top-Hunting' contest and suggested us what ever things in color blue and shades of it which is 14 inch S-S.
After spending almost "2 hours" inside the mall, and 2 different sales staff coming to help us, my friend chose a blue top for his girl.
Aaaarrrghhh..I think we were the joke of the day, between the sales staff, as I could see them laughing in groups staring at us.
Must be the 36 C. Gwad!!
..
..
Sales Staff:So finally, you got it.
Buddy:hmmm
Me:Now I know why girls spend too much time.Ya know there is more parameteres and variables to check than a pre-flight check on an Airbus.
..
..
After coming out of the mall we got into the car.
Buddy:Hey.ya know we chose this cloth on just 1 parameter.I mean..is that okay?What if it is too tight?
Me:Hmmm..Ya know..send her a text message saying "Either the dress fits or you better shape in." .The best part is you are actually motivating her to stay in shape.
Buddy:Hmmmm....We 'improvise'..Right?
Me:There is always a scope.
Buddy:We could have brought her a sari!!
Me:Yes,Aaarrgh..Why didn't we think of it then.A sari is like one size fits all pajama.
56 comments:
36 C jeans size ?? Can't blame your friend ... with his IQ level, he might have applied combinations and realised certain similarities in the body parts they are meant for.
36 C T shirt size .. wow ! wow ! wow !
wish i could have seen the scene !!
ROFL
Awesome post.Awesome.
I read your blog to kick start my day, everyday.
I simply love your works.
really! I mean!
LOL!Totally!
You are back...I was wondering where you vanished?
"Buddy:It doesnt say 36C.It says 28/L.
Me:Now what is 28 divided By L.Whats the value of L. L stands for what?"
he he he he he .....ROFL.....
"Me:Now I know why girls spend too much time.Ya know there is more parameteres and variables to check than a pre-flight check on an Airbus."
hehehehehehe..Exxxxaaaaactly... You said it dear.
Loled all the way..
You are a genius writer with spark of madness.
totally ROTFLOL!
Saree would have been perfect, or asking one of your female friends to accompany you, perhaps??? :P
Heck, cash works best! ;)
hopped on to your blog after a bit... enjoyed it as usual!
@Rach
Nice to know that you liked the post.
Saree would have been perfect..but...ya know..such awesome ideas pop up only later..very later.after the damage has been done.
Asking one of the female friends..aaarrrghh..I mean that could have worked out.
But then it wouldnt be a surprise gift..I mean..dont know how much cash to give to really surprise right..A economical anomaly actually.
Thanks for coming.:)
@Pavithra
Thank you for the comment. :)
Madness..Spark..Yeah.almost burned down the house one day.
Thanks for the comment..again.
@Sakshi
Nice to see you after a long time
Hope you are doing good.
Glad that you liked the post
@Gayathri Thambi
Thanks for the comment.
:)
@Deepa
36C sounds like some equations in algebra.
*wickid laugh
and Iam pretty bad with it..
These things should have more idiot friendly terminologies like 'Size-Kenwood Speakers' or size Kiwi etc etc
yeah..rrrrrrrright.you should have been there.
*sigh
Sadistic world.
*shakes head
u r bad with 36C ? oh oh ..i get it ... Lona Misa was what 38E? that figures !
@Deepa
*poof
YOu dont remember anything...Alright?
:-)
No way is Lona Misa 38E,she looks about 36B.
Hey aliyaa...
i second Dee...u r bad with figures...that sales chicks must have had a day...
;-)
nice....naice....
:P
thanksssssssss Eon !!!
Sorc made the sales chicks' day .. what say boss ???
*pooof
and my memory is back. So is Lona Misa !!
@Deepa
hehe,yeah, they must have been ROFL once our sorcy left the store..."36C" Jeans!!!
hahahahhaha....
Lol! Hope the shirt works out. I guess as long as you kept the receipt, she can always go back and exchange.
@Eon
You just wait..you just wait.
Just you wait...One day you too will be in worst situation..like in lingerie shop shopping something for "your girl."
Alteast..This incident made me google up certain educational things which is not taught by National Geographic Channel.
@Deepa
*shakes head
See they dont teach these things in math class.ANd I dont speaketh matheth.
@Hari
Enda oru punchiri mathram?
Mounam mandanu abhooshanam alle?
Good Good..
@Angela
Yeah, Ya know..as they say everything in life is an experience.
Looking back and loling at it.
Yes, that she can.
:)
thanks for the visit and the comment
@Sorcy
Aliyaa....i learnt these basics in school... :P
n i luv to go lingerie shopping...
;-)
though she didnt prefer taking me.. :-/
Ok, one tip for you...if u r not certain abt the size, do try telling the sales chick that its alomost as much as hers...
;-)
*he he he*
Eon .... you want Sorc beaten up ??!! u want him to go around staring at the sales chicks' assets ????
hmmmm ... Cant say ... it might work out in his favour too !!!!
Eon .. boss ... you learnt these at school ? errr .... which school ??
@Eon
in school?
tell me where is it..where is it tell me..I dont mind getting a lil bite more educmaaction
Yeah..riggggggght..Thanks...I mean..that would entitle me with a battery of cases under Section 376(1) of the Indian Penal Code
No Thank you
@Deepa
Hahahaha.
Yeah..turn everything mess into your advantage and bask in its glow
@Aliyaa, Dee
its general knowledge class.. :P u just need to keep ur ears open, and have a few gooood girl friends....
;-)
the rest, life teaches... :P
Well ... i did say Eon's suggestion might .. might ... just might bring you goodies and not the IPC ... you never know till u try !
@Eon
Yeah...Right..Gk Class .The GK class i was into was more about chicks in high heels without strings attached (got my drift)
Lingerie..its just the wrapping..C'mon dont tell me you are just interested in the wrapping.
and When I am with the girls
I keep my eyes open..wide open that is
@Deepa
What kinda beating are we talking about?ya know ya kinda lost me on it.
well aliyaa, i prefer unwrappin gn then doing away with teh strings aatached..
;-)
the whole ritual in fun...jus going abt it directly aint that fun...
okk ... now i am lost ... alright ... am gonna sit back and watch !
Aliyaa, Deepa does not seen to know the strings attached..
;-)
vendaa vendaa .... i aint gonna get involved ... u guys go on, and lemme watch the fun
@Deepa
Show me ze ticket missy for ze show.while eon does the rituals on his imaginary friend
@Eon
Make it a box office hit..Me gonna dial some people in bollywood.
keep the scrip running..
i aint making scripts...am jus living the Saudi dream...
:-/
n well, the strings are good too....
@Deepa
you dont have strings attached?
:O
wow! i meant WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWW
@eon
wow!! Desert Nights..thats the TITLE
sand dunes and tents.
wow!!
thats what everyone says..
nice script..go on
well aliyaa, if we get to shoot it in Qatar or Kuwait, we can get soem HOT arab chicks too...well, may be they will let u knwo wat 36C is really....it wont be their jeans size...
;-)
@eon
hmmm... SHOOT?
Chee cheee
For your information my jean size is 3,what's yours Deepa?
hhahahaha OMG I am laughing like anything :D ROFL ROFL
I totally enjoyed this one
//ike Screwdriver, Can-Opener, Samurai Sword.// LOLzz and jeans 36C ultimate :P
haaaa
My my ....Socy u rock as always.
Certainly u r d expert. )
TC.
Hahahahaha..first time on your blog..and watching this post i can just laugh on and on and on..
Glad to bump into your space :)
Btw the try was pretty good though at 36C :P :D
Your blog is prettttttyyyy cool!
:))))
-Alcina
reigningwanderer.blogspot.com
Kiddy,
I keep my size info to myself :)
@Deepa
*Wickid Smile
@Alcina
ya know...We just improvise on the situation.
Thank you for visiting the blog and the comment.
@Cupachino
:)
Thank you.
@Rajilakshmi
Long time..no see.Was wondering where you went off.
ANyway..nice to see you back.
:) thanks for the comment and coming back.
ROFL!!
Are you this crazy always?
@Sorcs
As usual...plenty of food for thought!
@Kiddy
Hey there! How are you?
sheer sorcery, sorcy!!! hats off. do you know what one of your admirers told the other day? you surpass P.G. Wodehouse. take writing seriously. go beyond the blog.
MTal great thanks,how about you?
Am doing good! :D
MTal I'm thinking about your name,who knew back in 2007 that metal was the way to go,invest in gold big time and you'd be rich now?
@Kiddy
ROFL!!! Welcome back Kiddy!!!!
I actually missed you.... :)
Ahhh thanks,it's nice to hear,but I understand,like we say in Reykjavik "eg fatta thetta alveg=I get you totally, in other words.
oh sorc, on first reading i had missed the trignometry of your piece. all i needed to remember were 42 the shirt size and 34 the trouser size (quite athletic, ain't me?). now i ask me lady here what 36C stands for and she gives me the inside information. what's yours i ask and she tells me that too, without batting an eyelid. so i have a fair idea of what 36C can be and so i got another angle of your piece. thank you for sharing this very informative piece.
Venu Maash
ur comment had me laughing. U and Sorc make a wonderful pair
do we, deeps? i was a little like sorc in my 20's. only, he is a greater improviser. also, i have become very serious at the present age of 55--grandpapapapa! (wish me happy 55 on December 13, 2011).
I might have missed the 36C hunters by a whisker as I marked my presence in almost all malls in calicut on Saturdays and sundays, thanks to my better half's "real quick" onam shopping.
As usual, an excellent piece of work !!
@Sabu.P.S
Thanks for the comment buddy.
Aha!
Exactly.You must have missed us.Mostly everyone in the mall noticed us.Now Cant go into the same mall next time.Thank God we didnt go hunting in all the malls in calicut.
@P.Venugopal
Thank you for the awesome comments.
December 13..Hmm..Will keep that in mind.
Informative piece..Yeah.This incident got me googling on all aspects..This is core mathematics..Something like rocket surgery.
@MTAI
Thank you so much for the comment..
awww..so you missed certain people.eh?
@Shwetha
Thanks for the comment.
craziness..thats part of the equation.
Venu Maash,
I'll rem the date (hopefully !) ...
improviser ? Aha !!
Well, life has become very complicated as the world advances. Very interesting gift hunt and conversation.
Best wishes,
Joseph
@Joseph
Thank you ..for the comment and visiting my blog :)
Good one...Quite hilarious indeed :-)
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